Opportunities & possibilities felt nearly endless prior to incurring my critical Traumatic Brain Injury. Obliteration of many, many (a plethora of opportunities, I feel I hadn’t even yet conjured!) of these potential possibilities were eradicated as a result of incurring this Injury turned disability. The reoccurrence of a memory is of my time visiting Seattle, specifically Golden Gardens beach, directly prior to attending the mindfulness Sanctuary. Due to this memory re-arising repeatedly substantiates its importance/present relevance ((in my opinion))). I was thanking the universe for the profuse possibilities at my disposal. The memory is of me thanking the universe for my ideal existence at that time. I emitted this gratitude to the moon while at a celebration with friends of mine, at my aforementioned favorite beach, just before leaving Seattle for the mindfulness Sanctuary.
I was fervently enjoying my life at that time, working my ideal amount alongside variance – perfection for me: 3/4 days a week writing at my co-working space for 4-6 hours a day & once a week, I exercised my skill of fine-dining waitressing ((to pay for living in SF))). The rest of the time, I explored the city, and surrounding areas, riding with friends of mine who drove us to adjacent cities, towns, beaches…
previously In recovery, I longingly missed having the abundance of opportunities that were available to me then. Much of this longing, is theoretical now, due to the reality that my abilities alongside my proclivities have grandly deviated. SO fortunate that both have altered in tandem! As all have changed astronomically.
Specifically regarding my abilities: my energy reserves have diminished hugely. The actuality of no longer enacting these former possibilities seems to matter not, on an emotional level, anymore. The loss of an immensity of possibilities, was an unavoidable source of sorrow for many, many years. I have, extremely recently, begun to overcome this sorrow however. I’m now celebrating my new existence and the new possibilities available to me, that this enormous deviation has inspired.
It was not the diminishment of enacted actions which I used to miss, but rather the opportunity to pursue these actions. After all, ‘twas my abundance of abilities which facilitated the immense freedom I felt when residing in SanFrancisco and Freedom is of the utmost importance to me. It’s the most valued right of mine. My actions lifelong attest.
Including driving that fateful day, when I attempted to stay at the Sanctuary and sought telephone service in order to ask my parents to transfer money from my savings to my checking, in-order to do so. Extremely fortunately – after MANY years – (nearly 13 years, post injury => disability) I feel enabled once again to identify future possibilities and resultantly pursue them! Feeling enabled facilitates feeling free once again, which, as I stated previously, means everything to me.