My first 4 posts on this blog (the 1st month of composition) were composed at the Sanctuary: mindfulness retreat, commuting from which, I incurred my critical TBI. This blog, at that time, was dedicated to informing friends of mine of my actions amidst the time I attended the Sanctuary. Resultantly, the initial posts are very casual and brief. Since then, this blog’s through-line has transformed to describe details of my reality amidst recovery. My healing progress is clear within my MANY posts, after the first 4. My progression from posting infrequently of random things in an incredibly simplistic manner (in order to re-hone my writing skills: practice, practice, practice) to presently addressing relevant topics to my injury directly, with heightened composure skills, represents the evolution of my art.
Thank Goodness that you don’t have personal experience with this BS!! I say this assuredly, as there are so few survivors with critical TBIs living & the symptoms of a critical TBI, emulate no other injury. I have yet to meet another survivor with a critical TBI, despite my attendance of a support group at the University of Washington (a hospital known for their excellence in treating TBIs).
Initially, I was entirely averse to discussing anything regarding my TBI, as it already encompassed nearly all within my life. Now, I’ve swung the other way, consistently speaking of my disability as a result of my comfortability with describing my injury & recovery aggrandizing. I know that greater knowing, which facilitates understanding, is desperately needed for caregivers as well as the general populous. This knowing will help survivors experience others’ accommodation.
Presently, due to my lack of membership at a co-working space, I’m far less inclined to compose and therefor share this valuable understanding. My focus is already immensely difficult to retain, in large part, due to my aforementioned ADD. A co-working space largely assists by lessening external input. Our brains are so complex that no 1 symptom is due to a singular part of the brain being damaged. In combination, it’s difficult to pinpoint the origination of any particular symptom of mine, due to the reality that my TBI is diffuse (my entire brain was affected, due to the impact causing my brain to bounce ‘round in my skull).
Attempting to work from home, is largely ineffective. Slowly, as all within recovery from my critical Traumatic Brain Injury seemingly lags, I am newly developing the habit of composing from my habitat. This ability is & has been hard-won!
A co-working membership was amidst my minimal expenditures, when previously living joyfully in SF. I only worked in the fine-dining restaurant three times a week/4 hours per shift, and resultantly lived incredibly minimally. Everything about living in SanFrancisco was & is (I hear tell) pricy! Most importantly, I wanted to write for people & companies I believed in & explore! Money has never meant a ton to me, not because I was ever given any, but because it always was & is simply means for obtaining what it is I want, experientially mostly: what I want to do!
None of the specialists I’ve worked with know a critical TBI survivor who has reclaimed their profession. I’m breaking new ground! My case worker does attest to knowing of them, but not knowing 1 personally, and she’s a specialist who works with 1 of the premier TBI hospitals in the nation. This lack of knowing, emulates the truth of the other specialists I work with too.
Resulting from the pandemic, many of you can relate to the hardship of maintaining focus when working from home. You don’t, however, have the overwhelming ADD brought on by a critical Traumatic Brain Injury & thank goodness!! I wouldn’t wish this gargantuan hardship on anyone.
Now in Petaluma, in order to adhere to my presently mighty slim social security budget (I’m offered 1/3 of what I used to make in 1 waitressing shit: 4 hours, 12 years ago, per month now, by social security). A coffee & pastry is a minimal expenditure, compared to a co-working membership & as a result, I attend a café to compose, some days, in order to leave the house, as that too is a vital action of mine now! Cafés are a former work space of mine, that I utilized for many years, previous to joining the co-working space in SanFrancisco. For the first many years of my recovery, writing this blog from a cafe, was impossible, due to the immense & varied distractions present there.
Now, I can filter out alternative conversations, for the most part. For instance, I’m writing this post from a petite cafe now (a locally owned café ((my fave)) that is small and resultantly, everything’s closer: noisier!). My ability to write amid this noise, brings me joy, as it’s a prior (pre-TBI) norm of mine. I do still have routine variants in attention, which has always been the case, even pre TBI, as I expect nearly all can relate to. At least now, my present distraction is only momentary. I catch myself, when my attention is called away, and resultantly, bring it back to composure.
Focusing for an elongated time (necessary when composing) must be intentionally done, alike all. This focus -> practice is in no way automatic, as it once was. Some days, this focus isn’t available to me. Investing in my mental activity makes sense, as utilizing the brain is the only way to foster betterment and in so doing, bolsters my skill of attention retention. After-all the brain is a muscle. Alike bench-pressing in-order to strengthen our arms, we must exercise our brains regularly, in order to strengthen them too.