(Above is my present, adult home. Never to discount the AMAZING love that I have for my birth home of Seattle, particularly of course, my people, who have bestowed & continue to bestow grand love upon me).
I’ve certainly posted since my move to Petaluma, yet only now, am I ready to celebrate the renewal of the opportunity-filled life that I was taken from, just over 11 years ago. I can sense that goodness is on the horizon, as joyous familiarities, reminiscent of my previous 1.5 years of SF inhabitance, continue to arise. All is different & yet comfortingly, the same: The positivity my psychiatrist foresaw is now burgeoning.
Dr. Artherholt (my psychiatrist) couldn’t (& therefore didn’t) foresee the intricacies that this life would entail, but she did, knowingly, tell me that life would open for me once again. Excitedly, she conveyed that this time ‘round, would not only hold the goodness that my existence prior to incurring my critical TBI did, but that when this new life did FINALLY arise, it would be exceptional. As repeated readers of mine are aware, I tried living in Bellingham x2, Seattle redundantly & Portland for a brief stint. Through experiential knowledge, I always felt that making it back to the Bay, would be the ticket to propelling the revitalization of my beautiful life with a fervor, unlike anything or anywhere else.
This knowing is why I never deviated from my “return to California” goal that I firmly set upon my release from CPMC, which brought forth my return to Seattle. I did my time: lived in habitats within the Xmile radius from Mom’s residence, which she delineated, for 8 years. Then as SOON as I got the backing from Mom (the mile distance between our residences never changed, but gleefully, she moved to Santa Rosa, Ca to join her 2 sisters & Mom) to return to California, I joyfully did!
Sure enough, once I made it back here, the universe has in fact began to open its treasure chest and dole out prizes. I like to think it’s honoring the TREMENDOUS work (of all kinds: physical, emotional & immensely cognitive) I’ve accomplished within this decade+ of recovery, to embrace & be activate in life.
I feel alive once again. I haven’t wanted to jinx it (my trepidation is why I haven’t shared any of this before) but now it’s so overwhelming, resultantly, I can’t help it!! There’s no way I can know what the future holds (boy, have I personally learned the inherent truth of that statement) none the less, I’m so joyful to admit that life now feels open, possible & promising once again. 🤩
Previous loves of mine from the bay, have pulled away (just as Sam ((my psychiatrist)) foresaw they would). She foresaw this end result due to observations with EVERY clients she’s worked with, who has experienced a similar depth of injury to me & simultaneously took the same ill-advised action as I (visiting an old friend before I’d accomplished 5 years of heeling), lost the aforementioned friend they visited as well. We were in no way emotionally healed enough to interact with old friends of ours Specifically: My previously acquired Bay loves, now falsely believe that I’ve changed (due to an incredibly unfortunate circumstance of me being called to visit my #1 love, prior to having healed anywhere near fully). I will say though, that my draw to the Bay, as I previously described, continues to serve me, as I’m now surrounded by new love!! This IS where my people are called to be, just as I am.
I’ve redundantly (a year and half pre Severe TBI & now, freshly 11 years post) felt wholeness here-> LOVE for myself & others, openness-> self-expression & learning -> reaching new forefronts of truth.
Hooray!!
The universe is offering a superior rendition of time in the bay to me now. I adored my first time ‘round and having FINALLY made it back, I feel complete – with this segment at least 😊. 2 grand lessons I’ve taken away from this experience = NEVER underestimate yourself and/or fool yourself into believing that you know what’s to come.
I’m now enabled to begin again. Time for a new segment of my life!!