Balance can be used to describe many different things: having & maintaining physical balance, maintaining a balanced life, having balanced relationships: friendship or romantic, work/life balance…Currently I’m speaking primarily of the 1st example of balance on this list: physical balance. For those of you that are routine readers of my blog, this should not be at all surprising.
I have been advised, by my specialty yoga physical therapist in Seattle, that keeping my eyes focused on a particular spot, will help greatly to maintain my physical balance. That was a needed reminder for me (my memory of the couple years prior to attending the Sanctuary & incurring my TBI ((largely, my time living in SF, during which I practiced yoga routinely)) is absent). Visual and resultantly mental focus, only keeps my lifted leg up for a second longer, presently, before it touches down, as a result of necessity: to keep my balance. But shoot, a couple seconds is enough time before transitioning to another pose in my yoga flow. That’s enough, for now! I do look forward to my staying power lasting longer with practice, as it did a couple years ago, when I was practicing yoga every morning. For now, it’s wonderful, as its superior to my past capabilities.
Are you witnessing my hard-won acceptance of my present capabilities?! Taking a moment to acknowledge & with time accept, my current abilities, is a constructive way to promote further attainment.
My specialty psychiatrist as well as all of my doctors, from many divers fields, attest that my recovery is far advanced: beyond the vast majority of other survivors with Severe TBIs (those with the same severity as mine, is the only just comparison). I still, however, encounter frustrating trials, routinely, whenever I challenge myself. I challenge myself often, as that’s needed to reclaim my skills! In truth, it’s just me comparing myself to the my previous self. But shoot! My previous self is just the basis I wish to begin-again from and certainly not the final destination. Beginning there again, alongside the new skills that I gained throughout my recovery, will be an entirely alternative beginning to what would have been, had I not incurred my TBI.
Yes, my journey of healing/life (one & the same, as recovery from TBIs ((for survivors who continually use their brains – alike I)) has recently been attested, by research & specialty doctors, to be lifelong). This truth equates to my healing being extended (theoretically, not actually. My awareness of this truth, has simply heightened).
Resultantly, my maturation had to begin again, after incurring my Severe TBI (having to relearn & practice, in order to re-instill skills). This tremendously taxing, necessarily repetitive addition to the story of my life, has however, also offered me an opportunity to take my writing to the next level. I am composing a memoir of my recovery that will serve so many survivors. This too, is a tremendous motivator of mine: Service.
There are famous athletes, who’ve incurred TBIs while practicing their sport, who’ve increased public awareness, but I have unique support to offer – well articulated (& so accessible) empathetic emotional support & there are never too many sources of support! Especially when the population of survivors is grandiose & presently on the rise. I expect that an intimate story of how a “normal person” with middle-upper class means, who’s suffered a TBI & rehabilitated effectively, as well as how I did so, will offer survivors both emotional & practical support in order that they can recover to the best of their abilities as well.
Recovery is frustrating but that frustration is simultaneously motivating. Frustration is a powerful motivator, if the frustration is directed appropriately…no? The aforementioned challenges occur when doing things that once were commonplace for me (before incurring my Severe TBI, they were easy-peasy ((no brainers :))). Hence the immense frustration that results for me now, when encountering these trials!
I will now loop back to the particular trial being addressed in this post: balance, which necessitates mental focus, as this is needed to employ physical focus. (Hence the advice of my specialized yoga physical therapist, to focus on one particular spot ((to promote physical focus))). My frustration arises, as a result of balance being second nature previously (I’ve been a yogi for many, many years). I always needed to focus on a particular spot, and then I could keep my lifted foot raised for a while (a couple minutes at least, currently), which is long enough to complete the yoga pose at hand & then move on to the next pose in the series.
I’ve certainly noticed, that I’m disillusioned easily (due to an unfulfilled expectation of myself, founded on past abilities). Therefore, at times I don’t complete the yoga practice I began. I know better, but my immense frustration overwhelms this knowledge and convinces my body to give up. I imagine that others can relate to this – frustration overwhelming knowledge, which results in stopping 1/2 way through, or even before then. I know that this isn’t helpful in the slightest. After-all, practice makes better. But knowledge and action don’t always go hand in hand…
My mother has made an astute point: I’m not used to failure. If something didn’t come easily to me, as most skills I tried did previously, after first, or secondarily (if necessary) attempting it, I’d think: well clearly, I’m not meant to do this & resultantly stop. Since there was still an abundance on my plate, I was never left wanting.
Hence this recovery process being SO unnerving. It’s full of try, try, try again, regarding many things that I WANT to (and will) do again, that I was once fully capable of. My present inability is briefly disconcerting, but no longer lastingly discouraging as I’ve begun employing some of the aforementioned & employed practices of self-acceptance. I’m still committed to persevering, as I have been for the vast majority of my recovery, as it continues to serve me!