How many posts must I write about the dedication to patience necessitated by my Severe TBI recovery as well as survivors natural lack there of (myself included)!? Well…the many posts dedicated to this subject, pale in comparison to the plethora of times I’ve become frustrated due to my present loss->lack of patience, coupled with my overwhelming need of it now! This makes me feel helpless – a feeling I despise (I’m guessing I’m far from alone in this sentiment). The impatience initiated by my severe traumatic brain injury (I distinguish this specific severity of my injury ((as is present on all of my medical records))) due to the reality that the specific name my injury, illuminates how it contrasts *severely* from mild or even moderate TBIs.)
After-all, I’m a freelance writer! Nothing about this career comes quickly. Drafting, editing (once every few paragraphs or, in truth, perhaps even within a paragraph ((as I’m doing now)))…the implementation of editing, which depends upon the pace of my flow, and always has (pre & post TBI). Whenever I pause for a drink of water, to go to the bathroom, to grab a coffee…). Whenever my mind is imbued a fresh perspective & I have a few minutes away from my screen, I’m enabled to edit once again, until the present piece is complete. Unit published, each piece is up for edits. I’m sure y’all may relate to this via documents that you’ve created, accept this what I spend each day doing & I love it! I do still…but impatience gets the better of me…often.
My patience, in the past was prolific (relatively: compared to others my age) & with drafting, particularly. I transferred this patience to other aspects of life, somewhat, sometimes…I’d never have claim to be any where near as patient as buddhist monks (I make this comparison, as moks do all mindfully, which, resultantly, takes much longer. Mindful walking ((should, for the vast majority of individuals)) never be practiced if you’d like to get where your going quickly).
In fact, if u review old blog posts of mine, you’ll see what I mean. The subjects too are very compact. They don’t have many supplementary commentaries/evidence which my posts do now, as well as my posts pre-TBI did before.
My mentor, Lilian Cheung, the author of Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life alongside the venerated monk Thich Nhat Hanh, has been practicing Zen Buddhism for many, many years. She’s also spent quite a bit of time with Buddhist Monks in Plum Village (Thay: Thich Nhat Han’s home), practicing mindfulness. She practices personally within many her daily tasks too. As a result, she is, in fact, able to pair speed & mindfulness. This skill is very unique, however.
Patience is a primary aspect of my job and always has been. In fact, this career appealed to me, in part, because I used to have no impediment with post/article/story construction’s necessitated longevity. I want everything I write to convey precisely what I mean. Therefore I edit, revise, & proof-read again.
How much can you say on the same subject? A surprising amount considering the grand role it’s played, is still playing and will play for years to come in my life (confirms my psychiatrist) Reclaiming abilities seems to be a never ending struggle ( & my specialty psychiatrist claims that yes, in fact, it is lifelong) and as a result, independence is re-enabled eventually, albeit painfully slowly.
As I articulated, substantiated in the post linked to above, independence has been a dedication of mine lifelong, Writing about a subject related to my-own struggle, currently, acts as therapy for me -> expression = a common understanding of my hurdle. This enables me to feel less lonely in my recovery. Otherwise, friends are as supportive as they can be but…it’s riotously hard for anyone to understand it much at all because they can’t empathize to any degree.
Presently, however, my patience has gotten much better (relative to my past recovery). It still necessitates consistent refocusing, BUT I’m once again able to compose amongst many speaking strangers. I was completely unable to do that previously (for years) amidst this recovery process. This recovery is a process undoubtedly a process that’s *incredibly* (it’s so incredibly intricate!). Specifically, when referring to the speaking strangers, I’m speaking of composing in cafes.