It’s become clear to me that the title of my injury, is misunderstood by some to be the core name of my injury (brain injury) + an attempt at aggrandizement – “severe”. When in fact, a severe brain injury is precisely the name of the deadly injury I incurred. “Severe Brain Injury” is present on all of my medical records and it’s how my many doctors, including neurosurgeons, refer to the catastrophe I incurred.
The regenesis that I’m going through now, is still in progress, as relearning to live in full takes forever (that’s not entirely accurate, of course. That’s an example of my over-exaggeration ((simultaneously, an emotional release & accurate depiction of my feelings!)) of climbing out of this sinkhole for nearly a decade).
Consider the 28 years of schooling (K-college graduation from Seattle U) as well as the work ethic I’ve developed since 15, not to mention the vast amount of learning I obtained, simply as a result of living! And I did live in full: I satisfied my desires by living where I wanted, befriending those that I throughly enjoyed & could learn from as well as developing a career that I adore: writing!
The woman that did, very recently (last week?), reveal her personal ignorance & prejudice to me, was a woman whom I was communicating with on craigslist, about subletting her home in SanLosObispo.
The uninformed assume (at least the aforementioned 1 did) that I’ve added some extra drama to my injury, to make it sound more catastrophic than it is. My injury’s name, which is present on 200+ (very likely more…again, my lack-luster memory is not to be relied upon for recalling specifics) pages of my medical records and my MANY doctors (from 3 hospitals) continue to solely use, is Severe Traumatic Brain Injury. The distinction of the severity of TBI is vastly important as the symptoms & resulting difficulties contrast hugely!! She took my utterance of this diagnosis to be me playing victim. Hell no.
I have, in an abundance over the past 9 1/2 years, necessitated substantial help but still never intentionally provoked sympathy by playing victim. I’ve thanked helpers profusely (which is only appropriate, I feel)! At the forefront I was learning basics anew. How to walk, talk, chew…I’m truly talking basics. So, ample help help was necessitated, and I was & am supremely grateful for those who informed me, assisted me & stood alongside me. The proclamation that I “am” grateful, refers to the now slight help that I’m well-aware I still need. A perfect example: 2 nights ago, I was dining with my grate friend and ally in life, Chris, who discreetly moved my wine & water glass away from the edge of the table, as a result of my depth perception still not being great, combined with the reality that until very recently (& perhaps still. It’s hard to say) I’d push things I’d ordered (unintentionally, obviously) off the table! What a mess a nearly full spilled glass of wine would make…
My stay at the sanctuary, (where this TBI took place, just before my exit, while running an errand, as a part of my work-trade, and driving to do so) certainly aggrandized my reverence for helpers & my appreciation of all that they do. After-all, the sanctuary was dedicated to cultivating mindfulness: witnessing all that is, clearly. Appreciation has certainly blossomed profusely as a result.
Though those that question my actions, are still prolific, I’m learning to push their inaccurate judgements aside. Ample experience simply strengthens my resolve to protect my happiness above all else! My contentment/happiness is MIGHTY fragile currently, so although I still deeply care for others happiness, mine takes priority, as it should for every person!