Thank goodness! While very nearly all in my life changed, some love remained consistent. Certainly not all, but this alteration in the amount of love given to me, only made me appreciate the love I receive presently, all the more. As a result of the stark juxtaposition between the aforementioned friends that have bailed vs. friends (a few) & family members/family friends (nearly all) that’ve stayed by my side, my appreciation of their love, support & kindness has grown exponentially. This is an excellent example of scarcity inciting appreciation.
To exemplify this, I’ve been extremely fortunate to welcome 2 new profound loves into my life in the last many years. They are both family members: My dad (Tese)’s wife: Emily, as well as my previously estranged sister: Zoe. They’ve both have generously come to my side consistently & have offered, undoubtedly, invaluable love of my present self. They have both offered assistance, when need be, as well as a commitment to our future together.
There were certainly quite a few years after I incurred my TBI, in which I wasn’t feeling the love at all, due to a whole host of reasons. Therefore, I didn’t feel capable of exuding love either. Of course the tremendous loss of nearly all of my capabilities, was certainly an impediment to my happiness. My offering of love was resultantly extremely hampered as well. Pre-TBI I was in love with love. The love I received previously too, was proof of the symbiotic tendency of both my close friends & I to offer others love. It is questionable, of course, which came first -> the chicken or the egg. After-all, love inspires love! So, my altered expression of love, was a dramatic change for me, as well as my friends.
It was hard for my friends to know that this change was impermanent as I was entirely incapable of explaining it to them. I was too mired in my own loss, to consider the potential reaction of loved ones, to my actions. This was a change too, as pre-TBI I was mindfully growing my self-reflection, self-awareness, and thoughtfulness towards others.
Love is the center of my universe. This has been my truth lifelong. Love provokes actions of mine like nothing else. It’d be mighty hard…near impossible, to find an individual who knows me well, that doesn’t validate this truth. I couldn’t be happier that love has returned to me now!