My Dad (Tese) & my 2nd Mom (his wife, Emily, who’s cared for me diligently during my whole recovery thus far) gifted me a glorious adventure to the Yoga Forest in Guatemala, to practice yoga with other yoginis.
The yoga forest is located in the hills (as was the Sanctuary, where I incurred my severe TBI, while running an errand ((driving))). Instead of being in the hills of Northern California, as the Sanctuary was, the Yoga Forest is in the tropical, forested hills of Guatemala. It’s owned by a fellow attendee at the Sanctuary, Jaya, and his beautiful & talented wife. (I’ve never met her, but the talent & beauty of character are made clear, given the gorgeous community she’s created). The yoga forest lies on the banks of beautiful Lake Amatitlán. I was made aware of this in tandem with, at the retreat center that was recommended, by my thoughtful friend Zoe, whom I connected with, alongside Jaya, at the Yoga Sanctuary.
I regret, slightly, that I didn’t swim while there. Granted, we were busied with other completely fulfilling practices: yoga & meditation! (I didn’t even think of it until unpacking my unused swimsuit)…
Not only was the setting gorgeous, attendees were enabled to fully enjoy: the majority of us attendees were housed in cabins (like the structure pictured above, sans the extensive windows) that are situated loosely around the common eating area. And the food was delicious! They employ locals that cook scrumptious local cuisine. I’m gluten intolerant (hello painful stomach cramping & gas!) and they catered to my needs beautifully. Every morning I got fresh made (the day before, I’m guessing) and warmed on the grill, tortillas. These were not like any tortillas I’ve tasted in America – they were scrumptious, purple & far more hearty than any I’d experienced at home.
Despite being in an environment which was gorgeous, and had so many offerings that appealed, my energy to take part in them, was still nearly nill. This confirmed (what I already highly suspected to be true) that my lack of motivation has little to do with a lack of desire! Having my own room was luxurious, yet without seeing my dad & his wife Emily readying for yoga or meditation, I was unprovoked by their contagiously active energy, to get a move on.
My dad witnessed the truth of this, when I asked him 1 day (I was learning that I needed an external spur!) to stop by my cabin before the morning course to fetch me. (I wasn’t going to miss another opportunity to engage) and thank goodness he did! I had an impromptu wake-up call by a chatter of birds & sunlight streaming into my cabin, an hour before I had planned to awake. I sat in bed to enjoy the sights of a newly dawning day amidst delightful bird chatter, but then drifted off unaware, back to sleep! Thank goodness Tese was there to wake me in time to engage in a meditation class.
The Yoga Forest was so beautiful and had so many offerings but my Severe TBI equates to having an extremely small amount of energy to do much of anything. And This Was Yoga: My Love!! This trip proved that even when all of my desires are met, motivation is still severely lacking. The initial get up & go is missing at the forefront AND my back-stock of energy to engage, has simultaneously, run dry.
My specialty psychiatrist reports that this will be the case from here on out. My unique trial now is to figure how to manage my finite amount of energy. I choose to consider my lesser energy to be a puzzle (figure out how to work with it: perhaps expend less energy while doing routine things?) not a blockade.
This stance is needed in each aspect of this recovery: How to construct a fulfilling & beautiful life, alongside my new constraints.