I know that due to the title of this, some may be inclined to think: well ok, that’s unspectacular. This proclamation is nothing new…but for me, it is. My critical Traumatic Brain Injury has altered my personal preference & there’s a personally late-onset medical reason for this: severe depression, an inevitable side-effect that my critical Traumatic Brain Injury has inspired.
This only amplifies my want/need (it does feel imperative now) for sun. I believe that this truth is the reason for my alteration in preferences as well. I want to be happier! A fierce deterrence to unhappiness lies within me now.
A lack of light (often known as seasonal depression) is a trial for many worldwide & apparently, I’m now one of them…
Incurring a critical Traumatic Brain Injury, inevitably, vanquished any & all peace within. Where did my natural contentment go?! I once had a well of happiness at my disposal, which necessitated slight external prompting. For the last 8.7 years, I’ve been desperately seeking an external source to promote my happiness and supplement my once-held internal source. Location I can control (within reason) & so I sought my ideal residence in hopes. Moving routinely, although immensely disquieting for my parents, was my mode for enabling this quest.
As a result of my Severe TBI, a lack of light (well known as seasonal depression) which is a trial for many, is now applicable to me as well…
My psychiatrist tells me that depression is nearly universal amongst survivors with moderate – severe TBIs. Many survivors of Severe TBIs are depressed from the incurrence of their brain injury on out…for the rest of their lives.
That reality alone, in no way placates me, however. Just as overwhelming commonalities for the majority of people, never have. The reality that a vast number of moderate-severe TBI survivors, like me, live the rest of their lives depressed, is extremely sorrowful but I refuse be one of them.
New neurological pathways of mine must be built, to reach the same happiness points within my brain. (I know there’s a neurological term for these “points”…but it’s not presenting itself in my brain presently & patience is far from an exemplary attribute of mine now ((which is true for all of Severe TBI survivors))). My patience must be re-located in order to find new pathways to contentment! The old pathways that used to lead me to finding contentment, have been obliterated by my Severe TBI.
Uniquely (for a Severe TBI survivor) & joyously (for yours truly) this injury continually motivates me to take action in order to reunite myself with contentment. I have a hunch that my stubbornness (an attribute of mine lifelong. My parents can attest) in and of itself, lessens the depression that my Severe TBI has bestowed upon me. Taking action to better your circumstances, in order to re-evoke happiness, is after-all, the opposite of being depressed. Depression results in inaction.
The reality that the shroud blocking my happiness from accessibility for many, many years (8), has lifted a bit for me now, promotes me to seek more contentedness! Hooray!! This caters to my lifelong natural devotion: live life to it’s fullest