Determined independence has lifelong, been an adamant attribute of mine.
In fact, my parents have a saying, which they’ve repeated numerous times in my life: “Sandals in the snow” in reference to an action of mine, I took as a 4 year old, that was facilitated by independent determination & a lack of rationale. They now use this comparison too, in reference to the catastrophic car-accident which resulted in my critical TBI. (Once, of course, we all had gained acceptance of what life had hurled my way).
Sandals in the snow refers to me exercising my right for independent decision making, based solely upon desire, when I was 4 (because what do the vast majority of young and resultantly uninformed petite tots do? Follow their desire!). I responded, to my mom, (who’s mighty stubborn as well, ((genetic?:)) & in this case, rightly so) instructing me not to wear my sandals (which were new! I received them as a Christmas gift & therefore wanted to wear them, immediately!!) in the newly fallen snow.
My dad, Tese, was & is aware that experience offers the most valuable lessons & therefore enabled my pursuit of enacting my desire. He escorted me out of our home, to walk amongst the freshly fallen snow, in my spiffy new sandals. He knew (through observing my Mom & my many knock-down drag outs) that ordering me to do anything or to not do it, has never, lifelong, been a successful tactic for altering my decisions -> actions. Tese obviously knew that saying no to me, is precisely the way to promote me enacting the prohibited action…
Sure enough, despite to my Mom’s attempt to constrain me, I marched right out of the house, into the snow, wearing my novelty sandals. (Kids & pretty new toys…need I say more)? Tese was right behind me, ready to sweep me off of my feet, when tears began rolling down my face & my blubbering began. Dad’s are the best 😊
There has never before been (not even close!!) a Sandals in the snow incident in adulthood, that has been anywhere near life-threatening.
As I grew older, (24 years to be precise), I grew far more knowledgeable (maturing tends to have that effect), particularly of actions I wanted to pursue. (I find it righteously fun to figure the details of enacting something that brings me joy!) & so often I’d do just that. The ample research necessitated by my free-lance writing career: writing for & about different clients, on varied subjects, has equipped me with the skill of practicing quick & useful online research, which enables fact conglomeration in order to find and state a truth.
Representing clients at a discount/price that works for their business (if obviously to me, their work contributes to the greater good) whom I revere the work of, serves me greatly. Working for $ is a necessary, albeit deprioritized, to make ends meet. Consequently, money also enables the pursuit of my priorities.
My commitment to enacting personal desires never wavered as I grew older though my personal desires have differed with age. At the forefront of my current personal desires: spending time with friends, exploring the world (I love to travel!) and yoga. I really enjoy my work as well. My work combines 2 great passions of mine, which were also my major & minor in college: communication & nonprofit leadership (working for the greater good).
At the Sanctuary, I thought that running a quick errand, after not having driven much…(often getting rides to high-school from friends or neighbors that adored driving) would be a-ok?! I hadn’t driven at all for the many years pre-accident due to inhabiting a few big cities, where public transit is far more reasonable than driving & therefore parking ((nearly impossible!))) unless regular life activities necessitated a car, which mine did not. Determination prompted by desire was the motivation to take my drive, undoubtedly.
Sandals in the snow clearly reared it’s unfortunate head in this instance. Propellant motivation was given by the reality that once I reached my assigned destination, in which I was to deliver the parcel given, I’d gain cell phone service. This would facilitate my return to the Sanctuary (yoga & mindfulness retreat) for another bout of work-trade. Simultaneously, I’d experience that blissful environment (the Sanctuary) further.
Once I gained cell service, which wasn’t present at the Sanctuary and was a drive out, where the errand was located, I planned to coordinate with my roommates in SF & family to extend my work-stay. I wished to ask my SF roommates if my sub-letter wished to stay longer or if they had any individuals in mind, who may want to stay in my room for the rest of my stay at the sanctuary. Simultaneously, I wished to ask my parents too if they would transfer $ from my savings to my checking, (they have access to my accounts) in order that I could compensate the Sanctuary for my elongated stay.
My plan was, to go to the music festival that my SF friends and I had already planned to travel to, and then return to the yoga camp for a couple more months.
I was fervently done with city living & wanted to pursue living amongst nature, in a much smaller & therefore more intimate (relations amongst residents) environment. My lack of lack of consideration of the practical, closely resembles the lack of rationale I employed when my “sandals in the snow” action took place. I absolutely could have avoided this entirely life-changing and life-threatening catastrophe, by choosing not to drive that day, but accidents are titled as such, because they’re entirely unexpected & unforeseen.
Don Miguel Ruiz speaks to my rationale (irrational, in reality) for sandals in the snow in this quote:
“We rebel because we are defending our freedom”.