When faced with seemingly insurmountable trials = do you cry or do you laugh? For many (8) years, I redundantly, instinctively, chose to laugh. It’s clear to me, considering this reaction of mine, retrospectively, that this choice of mine was overwhelmingly unconscious. After-all, I hadn’t developed much self-awareness at the time of my early recovery (during the first 4 years, in which I fell consistently, not constantly, but close to). I’d erupt with immense laughter, in response to falling. Now, however, as my trials have graduated to those that are more timely, they hit “closer to home” and resultantly, are far less easily dismissed. The choice to laugh, necessitates more intentionality now but I have learned and continue to, when I employ laughter in response to a misstep of mine, it always bodes well.
A bit into my early recovery (1.5-3 years) I had enough awareness (my awareness at that time, was nearly solely of myself) to know, that any 28-30 (that’s when the vast majority of my falling took place) year old falling, repeatedly, sans obvious rationale, looked ridiculous. I found it hilarious! It mattered not that I was the one falling. An adult has a lot farther to fall than a toddler newly learning to walk (and we, myself included, find their tumbles adorable). As a result of my age and corresponding size (I may be petite, but I’m vastly larger than a 2 year old!) my spills were far more dramatic.
My laughter made onlookers far more inclined to help. Consider, would you be more moved to assist someone who laughs in response to their failure or an obviously saddened or frustrated person? Although this wasn’t a rationale of mine at the time, (external people/things were so very far from my mind. I was quite literally putting 1 foot in front of the other) this reaction served me tremendously. It too served those around me – hooray! My reaction & resulting output of energy was joyful and contrasted largely from sorrow or frusteration.
Compared to the majority of Severe or critical traumatic brain injury survivors, who are dependent on mechanical walking devices lifelong, my psychiatrist’s sharing that my recovery is exceptional, continues to be proven undeniably valid.
Now that I’m able (through ample experience) to appeciate each hurdle that I surmount (always in retrospect) it’s necessary that I continue to acknowledge them, attests my case worker. Acknowledgement of my successes has & will continue to enable my furthered perseverance (my case worker attests).
Tank you, audience, ever so much, for choosing to traverse this seemingly unending recovery journey with me.