After spending a couple months at my aunt & uncle’s beautiful home in Santa Rosa, California, with my parent’s as well as my “2nd mom”: my dad’s wife (titled by my mom, and rightly so) we all went home to Seattle. The choices for survivors of critical Traumatic Brain Injuries is either to live with your parents for however long is necessary before you can live independently – for most survivors with critical TBIs, this is lifelong, or to be sent to a nursing home. The choice my parents made in this instance, of housing me, was necessary for retaining my spirit of independence.
Thank goodness! Thank you Mom & Tese!!
Shortly after my Mom & I returned to her home, where I grew up, my best friend from high-school surprised me with her presence. She relocated to NY after we graduated from high-school to go to an arts college, fell in love with NY and as a result has built a life there. She has the means visit me in Seattle, but regardless, her time & presence is an expense in & of itself that is highly valued. I was so glad she came!
My friend M has never been a caregiver. In fact her mom has sent me, to NY to act as a caregiver for her in the distant past. She fulfills a vastly different, wonderful role as a friend, however: She’s great fun! She has spontaneous ideas – like going to the arboretum to frolic and explore after our Mexican lunch…
Resultantly, after lunch, we did in fact go to the arboretum. The arboretum has completely uneven terrain. When attempting to cross a stream, atop a log, I fell and resultantly water engulfed me. Once I arose, we returned to her car promptly, to go back to my mom’s home.
My mom asked my friend upon our return to her home & Mom seeing that I was drenched, if I had hit my head in the fall (critical!). Since M’s answer to Mom was honestly no, my mom was put at ease. Due to the result initiated by a choice of M’s (thoughtlessly initiating walking in Seattle’s arboretum = uneven terrain), and my resulting fall, M has, since then, been very distant. M assumes (I presume) that my state hasn’t changed since that incident, when in fact it has, drastically.
That was only the first time of many, which I’ve narrated in past blogs, in which I’ve encountered a grand lack of support amidst this healing process. Just as my specialty psychologist informed me (7 years ago), survivors get to see who their true friends are, as a result of recovering from this deadly catastrophe. Tese (my lifelong caregiver) too reiterated his personal experience with this, amidst his recovery from Leukemia.