My redundant fleeting attention & myopic awareness that I’ve become accustom to, is funny (from a 3rd person perspective) and yet, from a 1st person perspective, it’s infuriating!
Just as the professionals have unendingly advised me, I’m now thankfully witnessing my symptoms lessen. I’m advised too, that my symptoms will continue to lessen for years to come. Some may eventually even go away entirely, as many have already.
In the best of times, when I misplace something, I step back & laugh. In the worst of times, I berate myself: Wow, what I was searching for was right in front of me. After thoroughly searching my entire place, for instance, I kneeled, looked below the table that I was previously sitting at (composing content) & there it was.
Not to mention, that as a result of my Severe TBI too, my attention now is naturally called to flit, from 1 subject to another. This tendency of mine, directly contradicts my previous practice. I am a writer ( 5.5 years post graduation from Seattle University & pre TBI incurrence) that could sit for a many hours and work sans distraction, even in a co-working space, at which I was surrounded by friends.
It was uncommon that I’d routinely/consistently misplace ideas & objects of mine pre TBI vs. now -> far more so. My staying power is far better than it was (aside from the days that I forget to preemptively refill my mental clarity perscription, like today & I was therefore without the med which helps me focus). Oops! I can usually, presently, compose for multiple hours!! This is a huge improvement to the vastly diminished attention span that I held for the first decade amidst my recovery.
There’s always a positive to counteract the negative, thankfully & now I can find it! Granted now finding it neccesitates searching, whereas before, it used to arise naturally. ++ My brain is now reclaiming its capacity to catalog ideas! I’m not saying that I presently catalog anywhere near all ideas. Certainly not (as is obvious?).
Above I offered a silly example of ridiculous physical searching, that happens consistently. I’m presently working to apply my formerly described reaction to misplaced ideas too. Mentally misplaced things is far more angering, however, as retaining ideas once was my strong suit! Betterment of this mental faculty requires greatly more intentionality.
Once I find the physical object that I was searching for, I often self-consider it silly, as I exemplified formerly. Yet, re-acquiring ideas is far more frustrating because very often, there are no visual cues to spur recollection, making reigniting ideas much tougher! Pre-TBI, I lived largely in my brain. Therefore, ideas held mentally were retained far more easily (as more attention was directed toward them). Once gone, the idea presently will likely remain adrift, to be reclaimed at a future time…or never. Of course, misplacing ideas was true for me previously, as it is for most, but not anywhere NEAR to this extent!
Excitement!: Pre TBI I found enjoyment in the process of discovery – even my embedded vocabulary (discovery vs. figure out) imbues positivity. Upon discovery of what I was searching for, I’d often chuckle. I’m currently nearing reclamation (obviously, I’m not yet there yet). My natural light-hearted humor for alleviating my minor trials has re-erupted as well.
All of my doctors (whom I presently check-in with, every so often) and my mental doc (psychiatrist) who I currently check in with once a month, encourage me to remain patient. I don’t doubt the validity of their claims anymore, that my recovery will continue to unfold for years to come, as I repeatedly whiteness the validity of their claims!