(image courtesy of industryweek.com)
This is a profound challenge & the pinnacle achievement of my life. I can’t even fathom an experience, which I could live through (I very nearly didn’t recover my life from this!) that’d be more challenging or complete.
*I have now learned that it’s incredibly helpful to be patient with myself*. The asterisks (reminders) are absolutely necessary for me to add, in order to punctuate this statement & therefore help myself remember it. Even though, damn it’s hard!
I will say, I’m beginning to appreciate the estimated lengthy timeline of recovery, as I’m guessing it’s very accurate for regaining the quality of skills, which I hold dear. The reality that my doctors foresaw this lengthy recovery, substantiates the overwhelming recovery necessitated by survivors who incurred a moderate, Severe or critical Traumatic Brain Injury.
This incredibly slow healing is the most demotivating experience I’ve ever had and I’ve welcomed trials lifelong! Trials that resulted in a consequential benefit of course…This reality makes schooling (largely schooling myself, with the expert guidance of my mom, dad, Emily & my psychiatrist, to work with my newly abbreviated skill-set) necessary. Initially, my skills were extremely limited & now, nearly 8 years later, I still have substantially lessoned abilities (albeit certainly fewer now). Adaptations were & are still necessitated. Good thing that hard work (as I’ve shared in a blog post, previously) has always been motivating for me. In this circumstance, uniquely, my motivation certainly took a few year hiatus, but now it has returned. Yay!!!
My energy is uniquely, at a premium now. Dedication to writing pieces (or truly producing quality things of any sort) requires that I expend much more energy. The majority of things take me much longer than they did in my pre-TBI life. Very little can be accomplished thoughtlessly now. As a result, ample effort of mine is called for, and far more time with which to consider each aspect of an action, is needed.
Consider: having to consciously brush your teeth and hair, not to mention, check the weather for each day, in order to dress appropriately. Memory serves us far more than I previously thought! I’ve now become used to taking these actions, so they’re no longer as frustrating, but inevitably still a bit so, as they necessitate more time & awareness than I’m used to expending.
Consider: having to consciously brush your teeth and hair, not to mention, check the weather each day, in order to dress appropriately. Memory serves us far more than I previously could‘ve fathomed! I’ve now become used to taking the aforementioned actions, so they’re no longer as frustrating, but inevitably. still a bit so, as they necessitate more time & awareness than I’m used to expending.
I stated previously, that TBIs did not = permanent/long term effects. I had lost site of the truth that the normalcy for the vast majority of moderate to severe TBI Survivors is quite different from mine. My recovery has been quite rare, in swiftness, as well as in breadth. (It feels insane to me to say swiftness, as in June of this year, I’ll reach 8 years of recovery). My statement “having no lasting effects”, was based solely on my personal recovery thus far. It’s generally not true. My blessed recovery provoked soliciting an overarching falsity to my audience. I in noway want to diminish the prolific trials that TBI recovery requires.
My recovery process, as I’ve previously shared, continues to be unbelievably challenging & astoundingly lengthy, to me. I’ve never gotten used to it (I have in large part, in order to persevere, but far from fully, largely due to my own obstinance). I’m used to (after diligent work) being able to figure out a way to surpass or demolish any hurdle I’ve encountered, unscathed. I feel my relentless annoyance (to say the least) proves that, at least, my spirit is alive & well.
Considering this wholly life altering experience positively: It’s a nonstop lesson in mindfulness!