This Valentine’s Day, in particular, is special for me, as I’m falling in love with my life once again.
6 years of inevitable depression is a gift (says my phycologists, in comparison to others who’ve suffered my same severity of brain injury). But shucks – 6 years of being profoundly sorrowful!? This reality has been particularly jarring for me, as it’s SO very unlike my norm. You may imagine, this has caused me a load of misery.
True – no one can be in love with life every day – but my previous infatuation with life’s grandeur, only made this loss more apparent. My devotion, and cultivation of awareness, which in the past has offered me profound joy, has for the last many years, made my unhappiness quite self-apparent.
Now that the chemicals in my brain are beginning to right themselves my optimism, consequently, has been spurred to return!
I’m standing in the sun again (specifically: bright clarity, clarified by crisp coolness > personal preference). You can see evidence of this preference of mine, displayed by my choice of current residence, as well as past many residences.
My initial psychiatrist assured me that this attitude would eventually reach me, at the beginning of my recovery, which offered me great hope, when internal hope was unattainable. My impatience to reclaim my joy, however, was STRONG and therefore I was quite impatient.
My previous home, San Francisco (city of love) only accentuated this admiration of mine for life & love. I had unhappiness there, naturally, but very minimally & infrequently. This change -> from SF to all of the prolific hardships that’ve been embedded within this recovery (many of which I’ve articulated in this blog) was incredibly extreme = inexplicably tough stuff (even for a professional writer, like me!) I’m overjoyed that love is now returning to me.
Happy Valentines Day & love to you all!