I went to a local play a few of nights ago entitled “Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons”. It was a satire on communication. I was compelled to attend as a result of this topic’s relevancy to my prevailing struggle currently, of clear communication.
Embracing light-hearted humor about this subject, appealed to me greatly. Humor is the most effective tool that I’ve found, for quelling my unhappiness & frustration. My unhappiness was long ago initiated by an abundance of unchosen alterations to my life and is now perpetuated by the wonky chemicals existing in my brain. What’s the opposite of crying? LAUGHING! (Another spontaneous & overtaking form of self-expression that conveys emotion).
What made the experience of intaking this play, even better, was my fantastic luck of sitting at the “Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons” show, next to a neurologist! He (and neurologists in general + specialty mental doctors: physiologists, who I’ve worked with for the last 4? ((Again my memory is severely hampered – so, that’s a guess)) years, are among the very few people in this world that understand the grandeur/complexity of my extensive struggles, as well as the seemingly endless timeline of recovery.
Shortly after making my way to my chosen seat, while simultaneously excusing myself for being uncoordinated & then asking to rest my cup of soup (I asked for my soup to be placed in a to-go cup, per usual, to ensure that it make the voyage to my seat safely) on the arm rest of the aforementioned neighbors’ chair. He then inquired about the reason for my disabilities, and shared that he was a neurologist. I openly shared, per usual (accept now I knew that it’d be accepted) with him of the reality that I received a severe brain injury. He knowingly asked me if it resulted from a car crash, (which I had learned previously, is the overwhelming cause, for the majority of survivors currently, who incur TBIs). He next asked if I was in a coma, and I answered earnestly that yes, I was & for the first 26 days amidst my 3 and 1/2 week long coma, I was on life support.
I then elaborated by adding that I experienced the coma in the 1st of the 3 hospitals that I was sent to and that my hospital stays in total = 9 months.
As a result, I’ve been granted social security for life (with routine check-ups, to ensure that I’m still unable to have an external job ((as is true of all social security recipients. It was more frequently early after being released from my final hospital, but considering the severity (((as my neighbor, the doctor, seconded))) the SS expects that it’ll be lifelong. His response was “Well of course.” This response seconded what all of my physical doctors and both of my phycologists have told me, that I am doing remarkably well and have been incredibly lucky.
I’ll modify his statement slightly. Luck certainly played a prevailing role = The car behind me witnessing my crash (on a largely uninhabited road), my rockstar immune system – from eating off of my floor & my body’s perseverance.
But my parents’ amazingly loving & consistent helpfulness, the unfailing support of my friends & my greater family & (last but certainly not least) the doctors’ ability to keep me alive. This is being surrounded by amazing people. I don’t believe it’s fair (or accurate) to attribute this entirely to luck. More accurately, I feel blessed.
Due to his receptiveness, I was compelled to elaborate on how uncomfortable this reality has been for me socially. This is currently my grandest struggle. From 1 struggle to the next, increasing in complexity, my life gets more enjoyable & familiar to me.
Feeling compelled to maintain my open self and therefore share about my life with him, I elaborated: “Sharing of my reality, makes others feel mighty uncomfortable.” The response he offered me, was explanatory “People are very fearful of this reality of yours. That is why they don’t wish to hear or talk of it.”
I realize too, that because my severe brain injury resulted from a car crash, my story hits quite close to home for most others. Driving has become common-place in developed areas worldwide. Many people drive multiple times a day. My experience’s relevancy to others’ lives, is not only why this topic is uncomfortable for many to hear of, but also is why the occurrence of brain injuries, for every demographic, is on the rise.
From the CDC:
The understanding response of my neighbor at the play, was mighty pacifying to me & in direct contrast with the judgemental looks that I receive from a few of my neighbors. They, obviously to me, consider me lazy. (If I explained more in-depth, of their looks & facial expressions that lead me to this knowledge, you’d understand why it’s obvious to me).
Because I choose not to offer their judgmental naiveté any power, as that would only add distress to my already taxing life, I won’t waste my time explaining it any further (and because I nearly instantaneously, after full consideration of the validity v. Invalidity, flush uneducated & therefore unwarranted negativity from my brain. So…I honestly don’t remember many details that I have to share with you).
This is mighty hard for me to stomach, as I’ve never been lazy, lifelong. Recovery from this debilitating injury, is absolutely the hardest that I’ve ever worked. I’ve had to work harder, than most people can even fathom.
Doctors of all types (multiple neurologists, my psychiatrists ((1 that I worked with in Seattle, as well as 1 that I currently work with here in Bellingham)) & an energy healer, unquestioningly say that the way to recoup a severely damaged brain is to keep it active. So, this blog is a means by which I’m doing so. What’s more, they’ve all attested to the need for me to stay motivated (for me, and for most, this requires positivity about the future as well as having a purpose).
This is me staying motivated. 1 blog per month seams to be my consistent rhythm now, in the best of months.
It just so happens, that it makes me very happy to write & to do so by sharing of my recovery with you all, is even more satisfying. Facilitating understanding about this trauma, with the general populous, is quite needed to enable the happiness of all survivors. As a result, this joyful exercise of mine, makes me even happier, as it offers the capability to my readers, of bettering the lives of any survivor that you may encounter in the future (even if solely through sympathizing).