When I forget to be somewhere, and friends are expecting my presence, I’m perceived as selfish/flighty/forgetful when I don’t arrive. (I know this, because I’ve been told as much). The anger that they communicate, is very reasonable, under normal circumstances, (in which we both parties have entirely functioning capacities), but my current mental capabilities, are far from normal.
As I’ve identified previously, a wide variety of symptoms have befallen me, as a result of my critical traumatic brain injury. Consistent among these symptoms, is my substantial memory deficit: this inability is to be faulted for my missed engagements.
My new found & temporary (yay!) lack of follow through, is particularly upsetting for long-standing friends of mine, as it doesn’t ring true for who they knew me to be, previously = I have no history of acting in this unreliable vein.
The stark contrast between my past & present actions, is why I had hoped (apparently, naively) that it’d be clear that my “forgetfulness” is in fact a symptom of my brain injury, particularly to close friends of mine. This new ditching action, which is still inconsistent (thank goodness!) is entirely unintentional.
This hope, sadly, has not proven to be the case for all of my friends.
Very simply, my perceived flakiness is still entirely due to my inability to log memories due to my brain injury.
Ge this -> my recovery timeline has been identified as mighty speedy, ((according to my doctors!)) for recovery from a brain injury, particularly of the magnitude that mine is.
Some friends of mine are understanding, certainly, and this results in my admiration of & respect for them. Most fundamentally, their trust in the goodness of my character, despite extreme odds and MANY enacted alterations, leads me to revere them.
Pacification: I work with a licensed professional, (w/ a PHD in phycology + many years of experience counseling those who’ve endured life-threatening trials ((that’s her specialty))) whose expertise is in assessing personality. She’s confirmed that although some changes (altered capabilities, a change in priorities & preferences), are inevitable for all survivors, they needn’t be permanent, negative and certainly not all-encompassing.
I’ve become ok with the alteration of my friends. After-all, I have no choice! I will say too though, that alongside my altered interests & priorities, inevitably comes an alteration in friendships, as has been true lifelong. All individuals change with time & as a result, my friendships too change with time = c’est la vie.
To learn that most survivors, experience an entire loss of friendships, ensures that I take it much less personally.I have kept a few! (The expression of joy, from an external perspective, which tends to be where my mind goes now)…is realistic, albeit mighty depressing.
I am not ok, however, with being blamed severely (let alone, consistently) for actions of mine, that aren’t intentional or even substantial. All things considered, these slight infractions are not deserving of the aggressive chastisement that I’ve received.
An old friend of mine, recently, angrily questioned the validity of my severely impaired memory “claim”= truth, because we spoke the night before we (2 friends of mine & I) had planned to meet, and I was unable to attend, due to double booking (with work = non-negotiable).
I’m called to better understand this friend’s rash reaction and I can only speculate that the lack of others’ believability of my forgetfulness, is very likely due to the extreme difficulty that most people have, with accepting a rationality that they haven’t encountered personally, and that’s cause isn’t visually obvious.
But shoot, in my opinion, what is the most fundamental aspect of a true friendship?
Trust.
If I say I forgot, trust that I did in fact forget!