Considering the many symptoms that can result from a TBI, (especially 1 as severe as mine), including death, that haven’t befallen me, being compelled to converse needlessly, is relatively minor. That doesn’t mean that it’s particularly attractive however…especially to the like-minded friends of mine, that are used to the previous, relatively quiet, me. Naturally (when not recovering), I’m much more interested in ingesting information than disseminating it.
In the past, I was a thoughtful, minimalist conversationalist. If my opinion was unique & necessary, you best believe, I voiced it. When not, I’d wait to be compelled by the subject at hand, to take part in a conversation.
Shyness has never befallen me. My mom has shared, however, that when I was young, many parents of my playmates in class, percieved me as such. She kindly corrected them & I’m glad she did! I never want to be known as anything other than I am.
Essentially, I want to reclaim my quietude. I’m not particularly fond of others being exposed (particularly those that weren’t exposed to me previously) to the newly boisterous Olivia.
I must say, the stereotype for writers is true, at least it is for me (writers tend to be introverts). Prior to incurring my severe TBI, I was much too preoccupied with my mental considerations to be compelled to discuss many subjects aloud. I was contentedly preoccupied with reabsorbing, digesting & mentally grappling with information.
My brain likes to & is used to, being active.
Granted, in the past, my thoughts were internally provoked. Now, without my usual regularity of internal dialog, I find myself inviting much more external stimulus, via conversation.
A substantial downside, that I’ve noticed, is that my lack of implementing manners = I often now commandeer the spotlight of a conversation.
Yikes. Rude = not allowing an equal amount of others’ input to balance my own.
This supports fostering a narrow view of life, that is solely provided by me. This spurs a new characteristic of mine, that I refuse to embrace: seeming close-mindedness.
As my dad says: The first step to changing an action of ours, that we’re not fond of, is acknowledging it.
So…I’m on my way.
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I’m happy to report, that it’s been about 1 month since I composed the initial part of this post, and I am in-fact talking much less needlessly & per my past usual, enjoying thinking much more.
I’m therefore, much more comfortable “in my own skin”, as I feel I’m on my way back to my previous & beloved, by all (including me!) norm.
Just as my counselor advised me in the past, skills of mine haven’t been lost, they’re simply relocated & need to be re-found.
The seemingly-endless internal scavenger hunt continues. Much more triumph has been noted now though, which is, undoubtedly, motivating.