Sympathy has become mighty important to & in my existence now. Far more than ever before. Therefore, it’s presence, or lack there of, is much more evident to me now. I have encountered both those whom excel at acting sympathetically, and those who do not.
I’ve encountered only 1 friend & 2 acquaintances (yay!! This beats the norm for Traumatic Brain Injury survivors, by far) that have acted un-sympathetically to me.
Regarding the 1 friend: Perhaps our connection (& therefore mutual understanding) has weined to the point of non-recovery, due to the fact that we’ve been separated for a nearly a decade. (After I was released from the hospital, I was sent home with my parents, who live in Washington state), whereas many of my SF friends are now scattered world-wide, due to SF’s rise in prices and culturle shift (constant I assume – otherwise why would it be a constantly evolving place, which a wealth of ppl adore?)
I’ve recently realized too, that perhaps there is confusion between sympathy & empathy-> (which the ex-friend, whom I’ve previously identified, has a plethora of – confusion that is). This is the crux of our hardship. We have yet to obtain mutual-understanding (which enables sympathy) and I’m not confident that we’ll find it.
Understanding is everything. If you don’t understand, I suggest that you 1st recognize this & then, ask questions to the individual that you’re upset w/ and accept what they tell you as truth, (within reason, of course) in order to gain a more accurate perspective. To put it simply = remain open.
After all, who would know better than them, the details of WHY they did, the action that you disagree with.
Empathy means that you’re able to directly identify (you have experienced it) with the hardships (a brain injury, in this particular instance) of the person whose actions you disagree with.
Sympathy is harder to foster than empathy, as it requires intentionally remaining open to that which you couldn’t possibly understand & have no personal experience with & faith in the person your questioning’s honesty.
I do have faith (not positivity -> that would be foolish) that the missing friend in question, will understand that she has no basis, for her presumptions, and has therefore been accepting her own conjectures & cannot , therefore, rightly come to the conclusion that she has accepted as truth.
perhaps then she’ll be enabled to truly show me sympathy.
None of my friends have ever experienced a sever brain injury (thank-goodness) and therefore, they absolutely cannot relate to, and therefore understand, my symptoms. No other injury (even other head injuries) have remotely similar symptoms.
Some people, however, have tried to mistakenly relate the symptoms they’ve experienced with other head injuries, to mine. The symptoms of a concussion/concussions (for example) are not synonymous (or even similar) with those of a brain injury.
In actuality, absolutely no other injury has even remotely similar symptoms.
Similarly, some friends have attempted to understand what I’m going through (Thank you!) via the web, which I highly value, but facts that are available online, about brain injuries in general, often don’t apply to me.
All brains are unique & therefor a trauma to each individual’s brain, results in recovery symptoms that are very unique as well.
The over-arching reality that the vast majority of my friends, however, have exercised great sympathy speaks to their quality.
When considering strangers, whom act sans sympathy, (& there have been a few, but very luckily, I’ve moved back to Seattle ((which is largely very sympathetic))) I have much less patience, and none, if the strangers are also rude.
With friends, however, I have much more patience, as I feel patience is appropriate to practice with loved ones, because I know of their capability to sympathize, as well as their quality & I want to keep them close. (There’s admitedy a selfish component) but I’d hope that (considering that they clearly value me as a person -> we’re friends after-all!!) they’ll reconsider their stance.
I feel it’s important to state that my personality (priorities and attitude) have not changed. I have confirmation of this, from an external source (the counselor whom I often refer to as my expert in TBIs) & whom I share everything with. It is possible for some people’s personalities to change with TBIs, but thankfully, mine has not.
The lack of knowledgeable understanding of this injury, I presume, is due to people’s lack of comfort asking questions + there are some that refuse to listen. Each decision that I’ve made in the present, correlates fairly exactly, with my previously expressed and lived values.
It does, however, take me longer to arrive at the same conclusions, that I’ve always have & therefore patience is required on both sides of the isle (me and my friends/ those I come in contact with regularly.)
I still value independence incredibly, and so, while this experience has made me value community SO much more.