t absolutely makes sense: a brain injury => I have much less interest in practicing mental activities (which used to make up 98% of my existence: My work-> I’m a writer. My play -> good writers love to read.) I’m much more interest in practicing physical things (yoga, taking walks…) right now.
The inherent comparison with mental things, is really disheartening. It’s much more interesting/satisfying, to call upon my physical strengths. No doubt, my muscles need strengthening, anyway, as they atrophied when I was in the coma. I was never particularly strong in the physical vein, (& my friends are well aware of this truth 🙂 so, I have a lower level of expectation & therefore, less frustration is created.
Switching from mental interests to physical activities, serves 2 needs/fundamental desires of mine: 1. This alteration in interest, supports my ego. Because I’m better @ physical stuff right now. I still have my inherent need to be strategic though -> I’m small! I generally, aside from dance, of course, (which feels much more soul inspired) have very few points of comparison in the physical realm. Reading, by drastic contrast, is SO very different. And my ego (which is in desperate need of support right now) cries. Physicality makes me feel productive. I’ve always been a work horse, & so resting, although necessary, feels lazy :/. Working just feels fulfilling/correct.
Physical actions, which call upon my physical memory, instead of my mental one (which is seriously lacking mobility @ present), are more appealing. My yoga teacher, Robin Rothenberg, explained the difference between physical & mental memory to me recently (which, for me means in the last 2 years ((Vs. a week – as I’m used to “recently” meaning.))
I inquired why I could instinctually move into a pose with ease, when I can’t remember what it’s called. And she answered, quite clearly, that my body remembered it well, and is not relying at all on cognition.
So, my fulfillment has temporarily altered. But….not that much. Notice, please, that I’m writing a blog about my change in desires 😉