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–Brain Journal of Nuerosurgery

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When walking through downtown Petaluma with my friend Ray, while he was offering me assistance traversing descents, a nurse approached us knowingly & shared of her occupation. In response, I thanked her profusely for her practice. I do so for each nurse I come in contact with now, as it’s justified & deserved! Furthermore, I shared how much nurses enabled my healing amidst my residencies in the 3 hospitals which I was sent to over 9 months.

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In response to her inquiring of my disabilities’ severity, I responded earnestly that I had incurred a critical Traumatic Brain Injury. Her eyes in response articulated her disbelief. I wish I had included my Glasgow Coma Scale score: 4, to offer further validation. Critical Traumatic Brain injuries, again, range from a GCS score of 3-5 out of the Glasgow Coma Scale’s total: 15.

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As I’ve relayed previously, 100% of people with the primary score of 3 die. The vast majority of the 20% of us with a GCS score of 4 that survive, are wheel-chair bound, cane dependent or utilize other walking support devices. I don’t blame her for her disbelief in the slightest and I do understand it as a result of the aforementioned statistics.

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Now, however, I’m craving recognition of the immensity of work I’ve slogged through & my resulting accomplishments. This directly juxtaposes my dislike within the first 7years-decade (my comfortability arose slowly) of owning my critical Traumatic Brain Injury.

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\n", "excerpt": "

–Brain Journal of Nuerosurgery When walking through downtown Petaluma with my friend Ray, while he was offering me assistance traversing descents, a nurse approached us knowingly & shared of her occupation. In response, I thanked her profusely for her practice. I do so for each nurse I come in contact with now, as it’s justified […]

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For many years post hospitalization, my mental chatter was muted: my vritis (thought and tendency whirlpools within our minds) were nonexistent. I missed it so, not knowing precisely, what I was missing. I knew something was mentally lacking, well to be frank, most of my skills & attributes were absent for the first handful of recovery years, though naming each 1, specifically, alluded me. My physical inabilities were & are (to a far lesser extent presently) visibly obvious. Initially, they were much more noticeable to others than I. They still are currently, I say knowingly, but FINALLY I have regained a fair amount of self-awareness.

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I was able to identify the loss of my mental activity, specifically, after many years. Still, there’s no way, that I’m aware of, to intentionally rekindle mental dialog (perceptions, considerations, resulting ideas…). Initially, I wanted to reclaim it! I missed it so! But for the last few years, I have been able to appreciate the innate lesser mental activity alongside my disability. Unchosenly reclaiming a still mind, the aim of mindfulness and consequently, the mindfulness Sanctuary I attended the month before incurring my critical Traumatic Brain Injury, is a result. I now realize the gift inherent in automatically obtaining a still mind, as apposed to my former immense displeasure resulting from comparing my pre-TBI active mind to my post-TBI inactive one. I conjure that due to my brain’s further healing, it became active once again. Alike all else within this recovery, it’s taken ample time for my brain to find a sweet spot that I’d obtained previously, of being mentally active when implored to do so & relishing in emptiness, when not.

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Often mindful humans (myself included) intend and work hard to rid our minds of mental dialog (overwhelmingly, vritis) which often result in mental chatter. This practice is exemplified by meditation. I used to employ practices of clearing my mind consistently. Now, finally, I’m reclaiming this practice as my mental prowess improves. I will say, that a benefit of this catastrophe is how simple it is to hone in on 1 thing.

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To have an accessible calm mind, as well as the opposing mental chatter, feels to be a reclamation of options. Within my healing thus far, this loss of mental chatter & the resulting inability to choose, has felt to be a profound, widespread loss of flexibility. This was a formerly favored attribute of mine that is, once again, alongside all else, amidst reclamation.

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I realize, in retrospect, when MOST of my realizations arise presently, that not forming the various thoughts, needed to compose mental chatter, was & is a primary tool of the mind to facilitate (by minimizing superfluous mental expenditure) healing.

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Resultantly, a discounted (truly, unrealized) benefit of my absent mental dialog, is achieving the aim of meditation: clearing of the mind, which facilitates singular focus. This clean mental slate was delivered to me innately, by my inability to build thoughts of any grandeur and resultantly delve into/be distracted by them. I was freed from the inclination (or ability, truly) to become distracted.

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For the first many years (6?) of recovery, I solely was able to focus on the present moment, to fulfill whatever action (examples of which, I’ve formerly articulated) I intended to complete. Even then, distraction proliferated within the first many years – less so with time & now (after 13.5 years of healing) I can focus on 1 thing for hours. Example: I’ve been composing this blog for 6 hours, sans routine deviation (discounting quickly preparing & eating lunch & welcoming a recently arriving friend). He is now sitting silently, awaiting my completion 💚. Yes, all (including composure) takes me far longer presently but IS steadily progressing!

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As is illustrated above, delineating the timing of reclaiming any specific capability precisely, is impossible. Each capacity is simultaneously re-arising gradually, just as they came to be initially. Lifelong, recent longitudinal studies depict, reclamation of mental facilities for TBI survivors, who consistently use their brains, continues unendingly, alike all other humans.

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The documented timing for the majority of survivors of moderate, severe & the few surviving critical TBI survivors who are capable, to accomplish this 1st phase of recovery, is 10 years. This 1st phase (which for me took 4-6 years to complete ((again attests my case worker))) is solely devoted to reclaiming fundamentals, upon which all other skills are built.

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Mindfulness continues to assist me prolifically within this recovery, just as it did in my life previous to my incurrence of this critical Traumatic Brain Injury.

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\n", "excerpt": "

For many years post hospitalization, my mental chatter was muted: my vritis (thought and tendency whirlpools within our minds) were nonexistent. I missed it so, not knowing precisely, what I was missing. I knew something was mentally lacking, well to be frank, most of my skills & attributes were absent for the first handful of […]

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As I shared previously, journals of mine very loosely outline the time I have no recollection of. The 1.5 years I lived in SanFrancisco, directly proceeding my critical Traumatic Brain Injury incurrence, is the pinnacle time-frame that I lack recollection of. Amidst the first decade of my recovery, I had 0 memory of living in SanFrancisco what-so-ever. Now, uniquely, flashes arise at times when I encounter something that sparks a disclosure of times past, alike journals of mine.

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These journals rekindle memories, 2 fold: the journal’s contents as well as viewing the journal itself + my hand-writing within. These visuals very often spark memory reclamation upon initial viewing. Specifically, instances are visually evoked of me composing notes in a notebook (alike the 1 I’m referencing) atop my bed and similarly, at my desk in San Francisco.

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1 of said journals that I located within my things, was clearly composed just before my attendance of the Sanctuary mindfulness retreat. The timing of composure is made clear therein, by an outline of preparations for attendance of the Sanctuary: a check list of things to do in advance & another list of things to pack.

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Next is a description specifically outlining components of my attendance there (clearly composed upon arrival). Just after, are notes taken while in class at the Sanctuary. These notes outline yogic/mindfulness wisdom which was clearly imparted. A bit of the aforementioned contents describe the 4 schools of yoga (Karma, Gwana, Bhakti, Raja) as well as an outline of the 8 limbs of yoga.

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I was so pleased to discover this journal! The components described above add to the near total hole in my recollection of the Sanctuary. Most pinnacly for me, is the truth that it speaks to, of why I passionately chose to drive that fateful day. Indeed, just as I, as well as close friends of mine assumed, deep desire incited my choice to drive. A line (visible within the snapshot above) coneys my deep reverence for attending the Sanctuary: “I’m in love with this life”.

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Following that proclamation lay a list of months I was considering staying at the Sanctuary. Next lay the articulated question of how I’d manage my room in SanFrancisco. This articulation speaks to my aim of gaining cell-phone reception amidst running the precarious errand turned disability.

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\n", "excerpt": "

As I shared previously, journals of mine very loosely outline the time I have no recollection of. The 1.5 years I lived in SanFrancisco, directly proceeding my critical Traumatic Brain Injury incurrence, is the pinnacle time-frame that I lack recollection of. Amidst the first decade of my recovery, I had 0 memory of living in […]

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At the Sanctuary Mindfulness retreat, we acted mindfully nearly unendingly, in the previously articulated modes. This was & is excellent brain building & resulted in immense pain relief for me. In fact, I felt no pain, ever, no matter having incurred a critical traumatic brain injury, multiple removed ribs, numerous broken bones and 3 breaks to my pelvis.

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“The study found that mindfulness meditation produced significant reductions in pain intensity and pain unpleasantness ratings, and also reduced brain activity patterns associated with pain and negative emotions”

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–UC SanDiego

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There’s a multitude of mental health benefits which can arise from practicing mindfulness, which I learned of and spoke to when ghost writing blog posts for the blog associated with Dr. Lilian Cheung & Thich Nhat Hanh’s book: Savor: mindful eating, mindful life. This content was reinforced via forming the associated social media accounts. As a result of gaining knowledge of mindfulness’s immense benefits, I partook in recurrent mindfulness practices while living in SanFrancisco.

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One of the few memories of such that’s arisen thus far (some memories arising presently offer me a sneak peak into my forgotten life in SanFrancisco!) was of me meditating on the # 9 bus, amidst homeless drug addicts. I was on my way to Delfina, the fine-dining restaurant I served at. My apartment lie on 1 side of the extensive mission district, affront a public rehab clinic, while Delfina lay on the opposing end of the mission district, across from Delores park.

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I was confident of my safety living in this locaion as pre-disability I was mighty quick on my feet. Waitressing for 13 years ensured this, not to mention that I commuted everywhere on foot…hence the car accident…The immense awareness that has existed for me naturally lifelong too, was exemplified by my work at that time with Savor: mindful eating mindful life. The combined capabilities of being speedy on my feet as well as being very observant, were & are extremely valuable attributes of mine.

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Both awareness as well as swiftness are now, and have been for sometime, re-arising!!

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Inexpensive rent, in my experience involves caveats. Caveats that I can manage are well worth the savings, in my consideration! I was reminded by my Mom, that I saved prolifically (the ability to pick-up extra waitressing shifts is a fantastic opportunity to do so) before moving from Seattle, as originally I intended to solely write when residing in SanFrancisco. Supremely quickly, however, I realized that this fantasy of mine was just that & not at all practical.

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As a result, I cognitively reorganized, while still upholding my priorities. I wanted to enact waitressing as little as possible, and write for clients whose work I believed in. I solely sought the $ I needed. Sure enough, as a result of the fine-dinning waitressing job I procured, I was able to write for clients whose work I believed in, while offering them a discounted price. The lucrative serving position I procured, resulted in me only needing to serve 3 nights a week to do so (all was still done on an immensely strict budget) as my time was devoted to exploring SanFrancisco!

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My devotion to mindfulness, which was accentuated while living in SanFrancisco, incited my attendance of the Sanctuary. When recovering from my critical Traumatic Brain Injury too, mindfulness has been & continues to be my savior. This disability and the recovery it’s incited, continues to be enabled by this practice, which was the crux of the Sanctuary.

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\n", "excerpt": "

At the Sanctuary Mindfulness retreat, we acted mindfully nearly unendingly, in the previously articulated modes. This was & is excellent brain building & resulted in immense pain relief for me. In fact, I felt no pain, ever, no matter having incurred a critical traumatic brain injury, multiple removed ribs, numerous broken bones and 3 breaks […]

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Further insight into my mental state directly proceeding my car accident, the crux of which was formerly relayed to me by a friend, Zoe, her telling substantiated the testament offered by another woman, whom I similarly befriended while at the Sanctuary, Alicia. She offered me, knowingly, as she personally witnessed this encounter, the origin of my fear of venemous spiders inhabiting my yurt & the trepidation I enacted resulting. I foresaw pain to my being transpiring. My fortuitous fear propelled the evacuation of my yurt the evening before incurring my critical Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Precisely, I chose to relocate to my friend Zoe’s cabin the night proceeding my accident, as I gutturally knew that hurt of mine was impending. I clearly, mistakenly, made an erroneous presumption as to the source from which this pain would arise.

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Backstory which speaks to the confusion I held amidst my preliminary recovery:

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I’m from Seattle & have chosen to remain existing in the coastal Pacific North West my entire life. This location has weather that suits my genealogy (Irish & Northern European) perfectly. I’ve solely traveled elsewhere, though a few of these visits lasted 1-3 months.

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Creepy crawlies never have become appealing to me, but my fear of them subsided, once I became more learned. My dad, necessarily (spiders sneak up on you, scurry about uncontrollably & are gross!) has reminded me routinely of the truth he imparted when I was young: the gross majority of spiders in the Pacific North West offer wondrous natural pest-control and are of no harm to humans.

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***Unique to my traumatic brain injury healing***

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My blasé reaction to hearing of a spider inhabiting my yurt at the precipice (the 1st stage: decade) of healing, was due to solely considering spires that have inhabited my residences. I applied the absent fear that I associate with arachnids in the coastal Pacific North West, to my circumstance at the Sanctuary. Consequently, I was confused by my friends’ accounts UNTIL Alicia illuminated that the spider was, specifically, a tarantula.

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My initial lacking remembrance of the Sanctuary’s location (eastern California, bordering Nevada) as well as misplacing the learning of other arachnid species that inhabit the rest of the world (my remembrance within my first stage of recovery, was solely from being a child ((3-9 years old))). Independent travel amidst early adulthood, from the years directly before inhabiting the Sanctuary, not to mention memories of the Sanctuary itself, were non-existent initially -> only in the last couple of years, have memories begun arising from the many years directly proceeding incurring my critical TBI. These memories are still mighty minute (flashes). A detail as slight as which arachnids exist within locations I’ve never inhabited for any extended period of time, I expect will not be retrieved. Re-education is needed!

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I’m mighty careful to refrain from discounting my recovery and resultant memory reclamation, however. My recovery in total continues to supersede doctors’ expectations, in multiple veins. Only as many more years of my healing have taken place & resultantly, I’ve recovered further, has my awareness expanded to encompass more of the knowledge that I gained over the 27 years of life prior to incurring my critical TBI. Granted, there’s still a TON of my memories missing!

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***

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Alicia’s relayed memory:

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Upon arrival at the mindfulness Sanctuary, when observing the yurt that I’d reside in amidst my foreseen month, turned 28 days of attendance, I encountered a tarantula! I didn’t respond as would be expected of me: practicality propelled by fear (silently & calmly ushering it out). Instead, I did nothing to oust the tarantula & instead sought out the other attendees of my cohort who were setting up their tents. “Come see the tarantula in my yurt!” I relayed excitedly. Alongside relaying this story to me, Alicia shared how surprised she and other attendees were that I responded with excitement & intrigue, inviting others to witness the surprise tarantula in my yurt!

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My initial audacity (casually soliciting others’ viewing of the tarantula in my yurt) was executed to an extremity that I’d never before enacted. Resultantly, I was surprised to hear of this! Time alongside consistently exercising my brain (in large part, writing this blog) continue to be my predominant healing facilitators. Resultantly, further recollection reclamation of mine is now taking place!! As a result of Alicia’s sharing, I became aware of my uncommon brazenness at that time. To make sense of this, my mind flits back to the month I traveled with my French friend Yoann, directly proceeding my attendance of the Sanctuary.

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As has been articulated by my parents & friends, I went road-tripping alongside said visiting French friend of mine, who is quite bold & at times thoughtlessly so. This reality is proven by the many scratches and dings upon my dad’s car which we borrowed to enact our road-trip 😕. I would never blame this solely on him – I was 1/2 off the road-trip! I’m endlessly sorry Tese. I assume, that Yoann offered to drive due to my prolific inexperience and resultant disease driving.

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My excited acceptance of his offer, despite my awareness of his lack of experience driving, speaks to my norm within early adulthood: excitement overshadowing practicality. My knowledge of Yoann’s lack of experience driving, results from us meeting in Paris, where I stayed for 1 month and he lives. The vast majority of residents there don’t drive. My choice to ride with a largely inexperienced driver, depicts my aforementioned priorities at that time. During Yoann’s visit to Seattle, I was so thankful of his offer, as it enabled our road-trip & I therefore, gleefully accepted!

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All of Yoann’s visit I honestly don’t remember. Neither his time spent in Seattle nor our road trip, as both took place directly prior to my attendance of the Sanctuary. I do know (as it’s only sensible) that our shared & resultantly routinely enacted values of freedom & independence coupled with his proclivity to act daringly, during the month we were on our road-trip, had taken up residence in my mind. You know how it goes: we, as humans, become more bold when supported by another, particularly through actions of theirs that emulate those we wish to take (like driving sans experience). Emulation is the grandest propellant for me (as is true for the majority of young humans). I’m now, after MANY years (with time comes further clarity) am confident that my choice to drive that fateful day was spurred by a continuance of the values we practiced in-tandem the month directly prior to my attendance of the Sanctuary.

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That being said, finagling in order to achieve what I want, was true of me lifelong (up until I was 26, when I incurred my critical Traumatic Brain Injury). Admittedly, I assume that my practiced, ill-informed confidence came as a result of having made some mighty precarious choices formerly amidst early adulthood. These choices have nearly always resulted in me getting what I desired! Never has executing dubious endeavors been accompanied by substantial negative consequences. The only negative consequence that befell me formerly, was not in fact getting what I desired…and again, this reality transpired infrequently with the exception of this gargantuan, very nearly obliterating, one.

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The truth that Yoann & I are two fun-loving individuals who at times, as the aforementioned example attests, value enjoyment over practicality, propelled any risky decisions we made amidst our road-trip. Again, I have no recollection of our roadtrip or the decisions made, but I know Yoann & me (Self awareness of my past person, has become particularly clear now). I, obviously, parlayed the propagated value system of ours, to driving that fateful day. Theoretically, that drive would’ve enabled my further attendance of the Sanctuary mindfulness retreat, while in actuality, I incurred my critical Traumatic Brain Injury as a result.

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I didn’t previously understand, and I suppose I never will, why the fear of a tarantula inhabiting my yurt rose to consciousness the night before my accident and not sooner. I’d been inhabiting that yurt for 27 days previously, after-all. Hence my theory of foreshadow…

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Putting together the 2 witness accounts of both Zoe & Alicia has facilitated my further understanding of said foreshadow. Still shrouded & expectedly forever will be, forecasts my neurologists’ knowing prediction: long-standing inaccessibility of the time directly proceeding (the day before) incurring my critical Traumatic Brain Injury.

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My successful recovery isn’t without tremendous effort, but wondrous fortune has accompanied me within this recovery as well. Therefore, reliance upon information garnered through other survivors’ past experiences, is provenly now, unreliable.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Further insight into my mental state directly proceeding my car accident, the crux of which was formerly relayed to me by a friend, Zoe, her telling substantiated the testament offered by another woman, whom I similarly befriended while at the Sanctuary, Alicia. She offered me, knowingly, as she personally witnessed this encounter, the origin of […]

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On Veterans Day, I came upon a veteran speaker at Wickersham park in Petaluma, on my walk to the café from which I began this post. I stopped to listen to the presenter, who spoke of many topics pertaining to veterans. One subject that I found personally relevant and therefore invaluably interesting, was his sharing of the plethora of veterans who have incurred Traumatic Brain Injuries. I knew of this reality due to the sharing of a dear family friend, who is a navy seal. Hearing the speaker attest as such, brought this truth back to top of mind.

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“Military service members and Veterans are also at risk of brain injury from explosions experienced during combat or training exercises…The (DVBIC) reported nearly 414,000 TBIs among U.S. service members worldwide between 2000 and late 2019” –U.S Department of Veteran Affairs

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My awareness of the reality that some service members share not only this debilitating Injury but also the consequential hardships of a post traumatic stress disorder, as I did & do, arose. In fact, I remembered my caseworker referring to the PTSD I was experiencing many years ago and personally questioning this truth – I’ve never been to war!? as that’s the context in which I’d heard PTSD referenced.

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Once I mentally assigned the words from which the acronym arises: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I certainly began seeing it’s application to my disability as well as the incurrence there of. Inapplicable to me, is the reality that many Veteran’s trauma is layered as a result of blasts, witnessing death, severe accidents…All of these incidents & more accumulate for them experiencing layered PTSD.

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Affirmation of the knowing that service members endure immense hardships, 1 of which I know all to well personally, in order to protect citizens, makes me all the more gratuitous for their service.

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\n", "excerpt": "

On Veterans Day, I came upon a veteran speaker at Wickersham park in Petaluma, on my walk to the café from which I began this post. I stopped to listen to the presenter, who spoke of many topics pertaining to veterans. One subject that I found personally relevant and therefore invaluably interesting, was his sharing […]

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You’d think that something we do routinely – not to mention that I’ve been a predominant walker my whole life – wouldn’t be hard to pick back up. In reality, however, walking is quite complex and necessitates reliable balance, proprioception, the activation of many muscles simultaneously…Given my particularly relevant injuries: breaking my upper and lower left leg, breaking my pelvis in 3 places and having O memory of how to walk, the re-uptake of walking was particularly taxing. Relearning to walk, amid my first 3 years of recovery, felt like I was traversing a tight rope amidst a mine field! My stance was very wide & still is as a result of my primary goal not to fall! It was far less easy to tumble given that wide base of support. The gap between my legs has now lessened substantially, but it’s still wider than natural, hence my call for further physical therapy presently.

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In each of the 2 hospitals I inhabited, I was assigned a physical therapist. When in the care facility in between the 2 hospitals, I took ample walks amidst the gorgeous area it lay amid. Then, once released from all 3 medical facilities, I exercised an abundance of out patient physical therapy and independently took daily walks (propelled by my dad!) in Santa Rosa. Among the first outpatient physical therapies I took part in, was a Physical Therapist (PT) at Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital as well as a yoga therapist in Santa Rosa – Kathleen.

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Support of the serendipitous nature of my recovery, lay in the reality that Kathleen & my esteemed yoga therapist in Seattle, Robin Rothenberg, trained together. Simultaneous to me working with Kathleen, Robin heard of my accident from a teacher at her grandkid’s school, which happens to be the school that my mom formerly taught at before retirement. Resulting from Kathleen & Robin being trained by the same teacher, their practices in combination progressed well.

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While I lived with my dad Tese & his wife Emily in the house they rented on Mercer Island, Seattle (where I grew up) I took walks daily. I therefore practiced walking routinely, while knowing where I was, as memories of my early childhood were the only ones retrievable at that time. My dad illuminated retrospectively too, that he ensured all of our neighbors were aware of my circumstance, so that they could watch out for me as I walked by there homes.

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I primarily, while in Seattle, engaged in physical therapy with Anne Marie, a fantastic PT, for 2 months. This was enabled by her being a friend of my dad’s. I too worked with the organization Rehab Without Walls.

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Overarching all during this time, was my consistent work with my friend & former client, Robin Rothenberg, a renowned yoga therapist. I worked with her for 6 years. She too referred me to another yoga therapist she had trained. I worked with the referred yoga therapist: Julie, for 6 months simultaneously during the last bit I lived in Seattle. Robin continued to work with me, via video, when I lived in Bellingham as well.

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I worked with the aforementioned therapists while the wheels of the University of Washington were in motion. It took time to align me with a physical therapist there (I was en wait of all the back-end stuff that needed completion). Once all was ready, I worked with outpatient physical therapy at the UW for 6 months as well.

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From there, my physical therapy took a hiatus as I moved to Portland briefly, which demanded that I stay home all day, to protect my things from my thieving roommate. My motivation lessened monumentally, as a result of necessarily staying home the vast majority of the time. Resultantly, my physical recovery largely regressed.

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Over my 13 years of recovery thus far, I’ve employed contorted walking post conceptualizing how to get from 1 place to another. I did so in order to protect, most importantly, my brain. This also resulted in sitting with my legs far apart…After well over a decade of wacky physical alignment, this alternative stance has unfortunately become engrained.

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Thankfully, I’ve reclaimed proper torso alignment (or close to?). I’m under no false presumption & realize that just because I’ve realigned hugely, I still may have a some room to go (self-perception isn’t presently reliable). I DO see why I once leaned back hugely (I initially hinged at my waist, so much so that my head was behind my bum). Falling on my face was & is SCARY, visually and as a result too, of there being many essential muscles that could be mangled: nose, mouth, eyes…These muscles being mutilated would also hurt extremely!

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For refinement – thank goodness I’ve finally reached the refinement point! – I just began working with a Luna physical therapist: Elizabeth. I believe, via considering her facial expressions that my present physical therapist considers my physical furtherance impressive. Comparatively, it is. After-all, the doctors from my final inpatient hospital assumed I’d be wheelchair bound for the rest of my life. The vast majority of survivors that incurred critical TBIs are, in fact. Little does she know of the substantial amount of physical therapy I’ve already had. I will say though, that while therapists are ABSOLUTELY necessary and incredibly beneficial, personal perseverance while utilizing their services, is imperative.

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I have a grandiose motivator – I want to walk again, without calling attention to my vulnerability! Appearing more vulnerable than I already do has never been an option that I’m at-all comfortable with. I can only knowingly speak to how it feels to a slight woman, as that’s what I am. Appearing vulnerable as a slight woman, is unacceptable in my consideration.

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Pre-TBI I moved quite quickly & therefore felt comfortable exploring nearly all neighborhoods. If I entered an environment that wasn’t initially obviously dangerous and in need of avoidance, I’d pick up the pace, make the soonest turn, and get out of there as quickly as possible! If I later, amidst walking in that hood for a bit, realized it was sketch (which certainly happened), I’d instantly deviate (take the nearest turn).

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I want the freedom that my speed enabled back!

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Who would’ve thought it’d take 13 years (& I’m STILL not there yet!) to finalize the reclamation of my pervasive walking abilities. Not I. But, to be fair, as I’ve previously stated unendingly, this recovery in totality, takes FOREVER!

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\n", "excerpt": "

You’d think that something we do routinely – not to mention that I’ve been a predominant walker my whole life – wouldn’t be hard to pick back up. In reality, however, walking is quite complex and necessitates reliable balance, proprioception, the activation of many muscles simultaneously…Given my particularly relevant injuries: breaking my upper and lower […]

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I have retrograde amnesia. I, initially, was concerned that this truth equated to having a totality of present-day amnesia as well. Throughout recovery, I’ve noticed that this is in fact the case for some things, though not nearly all. Phew! Things that didn’t & don’t elicit a STRONG personal & emotional response, when they were initially broached, tend to drift. The time these memories were initially encoded, matters HUGELY too. For instance, if the situation/emotion/agreement or disagreement that initially took place amidst early recovery, are much more difficult, if not impossible, to remember.

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“Post-traumatic amnesia: This is amnesia you develop after an injury. It can involve multiple forms of amnesia”.

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–Headline

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NOW: Some relatively passive or entirely unemotional memories aren’t stored. It’s unfortunate for building happiness & contentment in the present, but also quite useful that negative memories stick ‘round FAR more than positive ones, as is the truth for all humans. After-all, this is how humans learn which actions to repeat vs. refrain from. This absolutely does enable future happiness, as all can relate to. The memories that have elicited a strong emotional response, in my experience, have been reclaimed quickly (relatively & if they have re-arisen to mind recently, than all the faster). Time continues to provenly be an antidote to my symptoms.

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“Our findings indicate that stress hormone effects on memory consolidation require amygdala activity. It is well established that emotional experiences that induce the release of adrenal stress hormones also activate the amygdala”.

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–National Library of Medicine

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I’ve recently shared specific instances in previous posts, describing my reclamation of pieces of memories from the 1.5 years proceeding the incurrence of my critical Traumatic Brain Injury. A fewshrouded memories from the Sanctuary too, directly proceeding my incurrence, have arisen. This is very unique for survivors of critical Traumatic Brain Injuries.

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I’m certain of the memories that have arisen being from the 1.5 years preceding my attendance of the Sanctuary, as the reclaimed memories take place in San Francisco and that is the time I lived there. Knowing this truth enables me to fill in the blanks (largely environment) of the snippets of memories that re-arise. I too am positive of the regained glimpses of memories from the Sanctuary, due to inhabitants (largely animals – dear!), my friend Zoe as well as well as glimpses of the Sanctuary’s natural setting (confirmed by picture of the retreat available online). Most of them, are activated by witnessing similar things: visualities and smells.

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The below quote depicts my remembrances activated by yoga.

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My consistent mental activation my continued composure as well as the research necessitated to A substantial factor that similarly applied to me pre-TBI and applies to other humans as well: the less a memory is repeated & resultantly engrained, inferior memory retention takes place. This truth is similar to when less emotionality is involved, equating to less memory retention taking place.

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“With retrograde amnesia, memory loss usually involves facts rather than skills. For example, someone might forget whether or not they own a car, what type it is, and when they bought it — but they will still know how to drive.”

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National Library of Medicine

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The superior healing of my symptoms, is believed to be due, in part, to my extensive education pre-injury. This education was then substantiated by the 4 years post college graduation, of practicing my craft, which necessitated research onf a variety of subjects (for varying clients who practice different crafts). Prior to composing of my personal injury, research was needed as the subjects I wrote of were all external, sans personal references. The ample & routine learning, practiced at the Sanctuary too, directly prior to incurring my TBI, most certainly has helped my recovery astronomically. Continued education, on needed subjects I address, including professional validation and extrapolation on the realities at hand, is a crucial component. My brain was therefore well exercised & strong when this injury took place. The reality that I continue to activate my brain amidst recovery, is very rare for survivors of critical Traumatic Brain Injuries & is extremely helpful for promoting my ongoing recovery.

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“Retrograde amnesia may persist for years…some individuals regaining memories over time”

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Everyday Health

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This refers to my experience!

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\n", "excerpt": "

I have retrograde amnesia. I, initially, was concerned that this truth equated to having a totality of present-day amnesia as well. Throughout recovery, I’ve noticed that this is in fact the case for some things, though not nearly all. Phew! Things that didn’t & don’t elicit a STRONG personal & emotional response, when they were […]

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Thank you Freepic for this image
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I foresee & have been warned, that my continual speak of prejudice is very likely considered unexciting or, at worst, readers may regard it to be derived from a pity-me mentality. The later is certainly not the case and I do apologize if this redundancy is in fact unexciting. Spreading awareness of the covert prejudice engrained in our society, however, is far more important to me than catering to pre-conceived preferences of my audience.

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My commitment to sharing of my personal encounters (far from all) with ableism, exist in order to raise awareness of the abundance of prejudice still engrained in our society. After-all, once something is ingrained, it’s particularly hard to dispel! I am very aware that this is nothing new, and has certainly bettered substantially with time, but isn’t it time that we, as a global community, rise above prejudice in totality?! That’s over ambitious, I do realize, but further progression IS extremely reasonable and I aim to assist in catapulting it.

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“Sociological and psychological research consistently finds that prejudice is a common human phenomenon. The United Nations considers it a global concern that requires a universal effort to combat”

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Spreading awareness is the least I can do to facilitate this awareness and resulting reform. This is easily done, seeing as I’m only sharing a fraction of my personal experiences with prejudice. I’ve referred to single instances of my experience with ableism in past posts, as ableism is a prevalent subset of prejudice inherent within the communities I’ve inhabited amidst recovery. Yes, disability rights have come a LONG way, but there’s still along way to go for us (the disabled) to be shown equal respect.

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“Ableism towards individuals with severe brain injuries is a prevalent and often subtle form of prejudice, especially within educated communities

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Examples of ableism include:  

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Negative/discriminatory attitudes towards and lack of knowledge about people with disabilities” – University of New Hampshire

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I chose to feature this particular example specifically, as it describes precisely what I’ve experienced & continue to encounter.

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A personal example:

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A few days ago, I was texting with a long ago (14 years past) friend of mine from the bay about uniting, when I realized, repeatedly, that her answers to my questions were non-sensible. There was such a prevalence of this within said messages, that it became clear, her intention was to misguide me cognitively: an attempt to exemplify & take advantage of my disability. I resultantly called her out (my fire is returning!) nearly instantaneously and then deleted them, having no desire to give anymore thought or credence to her disrespect.

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She refused to even acknowledge the prejudice she routinely employed after I called her out, specifically, repeatedly! These messages of mine calling her out went unreturned. They weren’t particularly men, just honest. The reality that she chose to not even acknowledge her own enaction of this ableism, was infuriating to me for a brief time.

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Appreciation then overwhelmed this fury as now I know of yet another individual that I have no wish to reconnect with.

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\n", "excerpt": "

I foresee & have been warned, that my continual speak of prejudice is very likely considered unexciting or, at worst, readers may regard it to be derived from a pity-me mentality. The later is certainly not the case and I do apologize if this redundancy is in fact unexciting. Spreading awareness of the covert prejudice […]

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My numerous successes, albeit minute, each not deserving of a post in-and-of themselves, deserve conglomerate acknowledgement. In past posts, I’ve routinely acknowledged my successes, alongside the challenges they remedy. Now, however, I’d like to acknowledge this class as a whole.

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“In severe traumatic brain injury (TBI), recovery often follows a step-by-step path where functions gradually reappear and improve over time. This is not always a neat, linear process, and progress can fluctuate, but a sequential pattern of recovery is typical.

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This process is driven by the brain’s neuroplasticity, its ability to repair itself by rewiring and creating new neural pathways to work around damaged areas.”

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–UC Health

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My reclamation has followed a step-by-step process in general, although not always (as is identified above, to be a possibility). This makes external acknowledgement of my progression difficult. Physical, mental & emotional capacities are at play within the more advanced skillsets I’m presently regaining. In my case, all capabilities within each subset, do not progress simultaneously and I’m only now beginning my emotional stage of reclamation. I’m Just now bettering this skillset. The emotional aspect related to each reclaimed skill, is therefore often lagging, yet reclamation of this skillset remains advanced, comparatively certainly, attests professionals. Despite my reimplementation of emotionality being much quicker than the vast majority of survivors, this symptom too transpires o-so slowly.

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I’ve noticed that when people witness the progression of 1 skill, they expect similar progression of other skills of mine. This expectation is unfounded, with this particular disability, as the above quote illustrates, although I do understand that usually this correlation would be entirely sensible. The accurate rationality for this reality is, in part, due to each part of the brain & associated skillset being damaged by my diffuse (every part of brain was damaged) critical Traumatic Brain Injury. Bettering each skill demands initial acknowledgement of the present lacking & need for betterment, alternative implementation (utilizing unique neural pathways) & then an abundance of practice traversing the newly identified pathways.

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I‘ve redundantly noticed that the immense amount of practice = TIME needed prior to correct implementation, offers some people the impression that the skillset at hand, has not bettered at all. Emotionality tends to influence human’s beliefs more than most else, particularly those I’m close to. Emotionality was an advanced skillset of mine pre-TBI, as well as that of many of my close friends. We exemplify the truth inherent in the saying: “birds of a feather, flock together”. Lacking emotional int llegence, is the symptom I’m presently bettering.

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Being a Survivor of this injury is sorrowful, for many different reasons, but this is symptom, I’m now experiencing, and have been redundantly (hence the repetition) experienced, is particularly taxing. People continually leave my side (spokenly or unspokenly) which is a tremendous loss, as it hits close to home. The difference between my pre-TBI and post-TBI reality & actions are blatant. The individuals uneducated about my particular dumbfounding injury > disability (which is the vast majority) are oblivious to the reality that each TBI & consequential recovery, is entirely unique and some, alike mine, are continually bettering. At times, others think that “this is who I am now”. This is not at the case, as my case worker & psychologist, as well as well as non-specialty, albeit educated, doctors (new & old) continue to reaffirm. My recovery is still active and my person is resultantly in flux presently.

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Extreme patience is needed when witnessing & evaluating my recovery. It’s supremely unfortunate that patience has become a present anomaly in our world. Instead it’s all about how quickly & resultantly how much we accomplish. This is true for things, relationships, resolution…

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\n", "excerpt": "

My numerous successes, albeit minute, each not deserving of a post in-and-of themselves, deserve conglomerate acknowledgement. In past posts, I’ve routinely acknowledged my successes, alongside the challenges they remedy. Now, however, I’d like to acknowledge this class as a whole. “In severe traumatic brain injury (TBI), recovery often follows a step-by-step path where functions gradually reappear […]

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Damaging this part of the brain: the prefrontal cortex, is a potentiality for those who suffer a Traumatic Brain Injury of any severity (concussion: mild traumatic brain injury) included. After-all, the prefrontal cortex lies just behind the forehead. This region is in charge of our executive functions.

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My prefrontal cortex was damaged as a result of my body being thrust about, as was the cause of damaging every other part of my brain: Diffuse Traumatic Brain Injury

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I, personally, didn’t hit the dash with my head, due to the airbag & thank goodness! Had I, I’m informedly guessing, that would’ve been game over for me. Instead I damaged my prefrontal cortex as a result of my brain slamming ‘round within my skull, as is the way I damaged every part of my brain.

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“The effects of executive dysfunction on day-to-day life:

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–Headway

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And, shit, have I experienced/do I experience, each of these.

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“The Brain Injury Association of America (BIAA) is calling for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services to designate brain injury as a chronic condition, and that brain injury should be recognized, treated, and
covered as such.”

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-Brain Injury Association of America

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\n", "excerpt": "

Damaging this part of the brain: the prefrontal cortex, is a potentiality for those who suffer a Traumatic Brain Injury of any severity (concussion: mild traumatic brain injury) included. After-all, the prefrontal cortex lies just behind the forehead. This region is in charge of our executive functions. My prefrontal cortex was damaged as a result […]

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Below are the prevailing optic symptoms associated with incurring a Traumatic Brain injury of any severity, not even solely a critical TBI, as befell me.

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My parents, as a result of my lacking memory of any of the 3 hospitals I inhabited, have relayed as much, including what the doctors imparted upon us when I was discharged lastly. Among the doctors’ profuse variety of warnings, a preliminary necessitated action item was conveyed: get your eyes tested. The eyes are extensions of the brain, so it’s only sensible that if you injure your brain to any extent, and certainly to the critical extent I did, you’re eyes too could be extremely impaired.

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The following can take place for survivors of Traumatic Brain Injuries:

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I went to an optometrist to get my eyes checked in Santa Rosa, soon after my discharge from California Pacific Medical Center. This resulted from a combination of of the aforementioned doctor’s warnings & my Mom’s conveyance of the reality that reading for the year proceeding my incurring my critical TBI too, had involved plenty of squinting. The findings: I newly needed reading glasses, but nothing more severe that’d necessitate an ophthalmologist – sublime fortune, within this horrific experience too, befel me once again.

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*I’m unendingly committed to acknowledging each positive. The profuse amount of negatives inherent within this recovery, necessitates this, as positivity promotes perseverance!

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But let’s be real, I incurred my TBI when I was 26, nearly 27. Both of my parents wear reading glasses….I will happily exclaim, that alike nearly all other other potential symptoms from a critical Traumatic Brain Injury that haven’t transpired for me, this is yet another. Not to discount the grand amount of symptoms I have battled, which have necessitated a drastic change in my reality. Having lived within this altered reality for 13 years now, however, has instilled not only new norms of mine but also acceptance. FINALLY!

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\n", "excerpt": "

Below are the prevailing optic symptoms associated with incurring a Traumatic Brain injury of any severity, not even solely a critical TBI, as befell me. My parents, as a result of my lacking memory of any of the 3 hospitals I inhabited, have relayed as much, including what the doctors imparted upon us when I […]

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\"\"
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Amidst the 9 months I attended 3 hospitals, to begin recovery from my critical (GCS 4) Traumatic Brain Injury, as well as during the first year and a half post hospital, when I stayed at my childhood homes (my dad’s & my mom’s houses on Mercer Island, in Seattle) I enacted both provoked as well as spontaneous confabulation.

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“Confabulation is a neuropsychiatric disorder wherein a patient generates a false memory without the intention of deceit…The patient believes the statement to be truthful, hence the descriptive term “honest lying” & generates information as a compensatory mechanism to fill holes in one’s memories”. –National Library of Medicine

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Specifically, provoked confabulation, is just as it sounds and often results from being asked a question.

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When routinely asked how old I was, which is a consistent question when hospitalized, my answers varied as a result of not remembering the truth of my own age. My sticking point, however, was high-school…I know not why, although it certainly was consistent. Identifying with this age would explain why I thought I hadn’t yet attended college…I was 26 at the time & had finished college 4 years prior.

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Whilst in the 2nd hospital (as in the 1st hospital, I was largely asleep, amidst my 28 day coma) I didn’t understand why I was there, which is extremely common for Traumatic Brain Injury survivors, I’m told. In truth, at that point in my recovery, I was in a skilled nursing facility. I was sent to this facility, to better my skills enough, for transference to California Pacific Medical Center . There was a check list of actions I needed to be able to complete successfully to show I was ready for transference, which a representative from CPMC came to evaluate (prompted by the insistence of ((via a profuse amount of outreach)) my rock-star healing team). Within this care facility, I enacted spontaneous confabulation as well:

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“We’re at war!!”

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My in-room neighbor, who had substantial hearing loss & resultantly, had her TV turned all the WAY up. She was viewing the news, within which, the news anchors were discussing war (such a novelty). To substantiate this sound bite which had lodged its way into my brain there was the sound of power washing taking place just outside my window. The concept of war, elicited by a blaring television, meeting LOUD auditory disturbances, that my brain had decided emulated gun shots, just outside my window = war WAS at hand and HERE!!!

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Now, let’s return to further rehab, shall we?

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Finally, Id completed the check list of items needed to attend California Pacific Medical Center.

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While there for a bit, a certified Nursing Assistance was stationed outside my door, due to the reality that I’d *randomly* chosen to get out of my bed — shoot I had things to do & places to go. I wanted to leave & get to them! These thoughts existed alongside my total lack of cognitive awareness…Resultantly, I was identified to be a fall risk

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I made sense of this extraneous (seemed to me) attendant by exercising spontaneous confabulation (And this story IS a whopper!). I decided that this attendant was my baby’s personal body guard, because I was pregnant with an NBA players baby.

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Obviously.

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That figment explained both why I was in the hospital AND why there was a nurse stationed outside my door.

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My baby en-utero needed protection!

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\n", "excerpt": "

Amidst the 9 months I attended 3 hospitals, to begin recovery from my critical (GCS 4) Traumatic Brain Injury, as well as during the first year and a half post hospital, when I stayed at my childhood homes (my dad’s & my mom’s houses on Mercer Island, in Seattle) I enacted both provoked as well […]

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\"\"
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*Firstly* I accomplished further editing now, the day after posting…I have to stop posting before enacting final editing! I get SO fed up (I’m done!!) when composing that I go ahead and post….:/

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While composing the piece below, which describes my lack of reviewing PAST posts, that same truth (my lack of review) crept into the piece I was composing at the time. Well hello again, vastly diminished attention span initiated by my critical Traumatic brain Injury. We shall see if I uniquely follow my own advice this time & enact a final edit before posting…

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I must stay committed to my employment of patience.

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Great thing is, after an action or reaction is repeated numerous times, it sticks. Yep, that’s my *great thing!* presently. All in context…

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So, here’s an edited & undoubtably better version:

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Enjoy

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###

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Redundancy

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All too frequently, do I employ is this tendency of mine presently. My inherently abbreviated attention & overwhelming memory loss in combination with my lacking impulse control = redundancy.

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“Executive function involves skills such as planning, motivation, multi-tasking, flexible thinking, monitoring performance, memory, self-awareness, and detecting and correcting mistakes” – Headway

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Since the prefrontal lobe – which I damaged severely – is in charge of executive functions, such as the aforementioned, this damage is a culprit of my redundancy. This impairment, lies in tandem with the overwhelming initiator: my lacking memory. I’m bound to repeat something when I don’t remember previously addressing it!

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I do ATTEMPT to scout for repetition but fairly instantaneous dismissal ensues…long before I even finish reading 1 post! In fact, reviewing past posts of mine, is unappealing to me, with a fervor currently. Hmmm there is a name for this: Attention Deficit Disorder. My parents and I were warned upon my final hospital discharge. We weren’t warned of the potentiality that I had newly developed ADD but of the inevitability that a critical Traumatic Brain Injury survivor would newly (at least for me it was) have ADD.

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My late onset ADD lies in tandem with the knowledge that consistent reviewing/editing is always needed. My desire to compose anew vs. knowing to edit in full, lie in direct conflict. Reading numerous posts of mine, prior to composing anew, requires sustained focus. Sadly, utilizing part of my presently hugely abbreviated attention-span to review, robs me of a substantial subset of focused attention that I need to compose. I prioritize composition!

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Unwise…I acknowledge

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Damaging the prefrontal cortex is quite common resulting from accidents, as the prefrontal cortex lies at the forefront of the head, just as the name suggests.

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There certainly IS a point in re-reading past posts of mine in full prior to composing anew, but my lacking patience, motivation & focus…prohibit this.

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“First, memory has a limited capacity, and thus attention determines what will be encoded. Division of attention during encoding prevents the formation of conscious memories.” –Science Direct

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It’s only sensible given that both my memory and attention are significantly impaired simultaneously presently. Therefore, both are necessitating betterment currently and luckily, they are bettered in tandem.

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Just now, I attempted to review past posts of mine (I’m writing of not doing so now! A bit of increased motivation…) but still, if I don’t find familiar subject matter within the initial minute subset (title & first few lines) I think: there’s no familiar content…before near completion of reading the post. My attention is then redirected…

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I MUST remember that with time & practice, my redundancy will lessen, as it has already begun to do. I can’t wait until it’s extinguished, or perhaps,n in reality, severely lessened. My healing progess, given my unexpected successes thus far, promotes hope superbly.

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Further truth which offers great encouragement -> Every aspect of the brain is interconnected. Resultantly, a huge alleviation present within my recovery, is that I better 1 aspect of my brain and indirectly better others, as is true with memory, attention & focus.

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I can now realize the truth of my attention aggrandizing with time, FINALLY! But of course, there’s substantially more to go….

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\n", "excerpt": "

*Firstly* I accomplished further editing now, the day after posting…I have to stop posting before enacting final editing! I get SO fed up (I’m done!!) when composing that I go ahead and post….:/ While composing the piece below, which describes my lack of reviewing PAST posts, that same truth (my lack of review) crept into […]

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\"\"
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Previously, I solely considered my journal entries as satisfying a personal desire (felt & feels like a need) of mine to express myself. Resultantly, I have many, many journals to source missing memories from. They allude to, or briefly reference, happenings & activities. Although, as is to be expected (it’s a journal after-all) these notebooks primarily contain specific noticings, reflections & quandaries of mine.

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Composing this blog, offers me a template for sharing personal observances of my healing experiences. In the past, I utilized my love> talent> skill of written expression to communicate client’s services &/or products in order that others could purchase or take part in them. Now, I’m utilizing this skill to share of my own present reality: my critical Traumatic Brain Injury healing journey.

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Now, past journal entries of mine are reuniting me with my 1st life. Parts of my missing memories are present in these journal entries. Even more enchanting, is the increasingly common truth, that I referenced previously: *some* entries trigger other memories to resurface. These memories are brief insights into my previous life, which is inevitably the case after all. How do you resurrect lost memories – in full or via a conglomeration of parts & pieces, which guide your mind to fill in the rest?

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\n", "excerpt": "

Previously, I solely considered my journal entries as satisfying a personal desire (felt & feels like a need) of mine to express myself. Resultantly, I have many, many journals to source missing memories from. They allude to, or briefly reference, happenings & activities. Although, as is to be expected (it’s a journal after-all) these notebooks […]

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I’m at my friend Monique’s house in Tahoe now & I adore it here; it’s picturesque. Sitting a-front Lake Tahoe, surrounded by redwoods, the lake’s freshly melted snow calls to me & so, I wade in. I submerge myself without hesitation & am enjoying lazing about, surrounded by friends doing the same. Upon a brief bit of submergence, however, I realize that the water surrounding me isn’t the only water in my existence, internal waste water too needs to be disposed of!

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This pressing need prompts me to leave our swim-hole in a timely fashion. A man within our community says that he’ll show me where the restrooms are, for which I am grateful. I view the honey buckets ahead soon after we depart, tell him I see them & am good, while waving him off (2nd nature). It definitely would’ve been extremely helpful had I noted the colors of car bumpers surrounding the entrance to our swim-hole or asked him to stay until I was ready to return, for guidance back. Due to my preset, off-hand memory, regressing to the time before I acquired my critical Traumatic Brain Injury (which I’m told by my doctor’s is the truth for all survivors). I did neither.

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The reality that we’d bushwhacked our way through the hedge from our slight beach, to reach the trail on which the restrooms lie, equated to our beach being disguised from view. Resultantly, I finished discarding of my internally held liquid & only upon exiting the honey bucket did it dawn on me: I had no idea where to return to! Upon my panic which resulted, the knowledge that our swim-spot was very near the honey buckets, fled from my consciousness, as did the direction from which we’d come. My busied brain, trying to figure out where we’d originated, became blank. Stress = a loss of problem solving strategies -> measures and, as was the case in this instance, all logic vanishes for many minutes.

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To make matters worse, I’d moved directly from Lake Tahoe to the honey bucket & resultantly, I had no phone with me. Due to panic (not visibly, but internally, certainly), the resulting lack of problem solving tactics and let us not forget my ever-present bruised brain, I quickly walked in each direction from the honey buckets in search of our beach. I did so by walking along the center of the main drag (which was asphalt!) as a result of parked cars blockading the thin strip of grass that lay afront the hedge.

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The asphalt was hot, due to being shone-upon by the baking sun of the day (it was 3pm). My feet are tough once again, due to consistently (nearly constantly) walking barefoot. Alike all-else resulting from my critical Traumatic Brain Injury and my resulting month-long coma, however, my tolerance is extremely dampened. My calluses aren’t near as thick as they once were & in this particular scenario, the practice of wearing no shoes had lasting negative effects…

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Usually, the hot asphalt would’ve warned me off nearly instantly – “ouch!!” – the souls of my feet would’ve screamed! Because I have depleted receptiveness, however, the awareness of the burning of my soles didn’t reach my brain for quite some time. Extremely luckily, my friend Monique appeared on the blacktop, calling my name & waving her arms to redirect my attention to her & her backdrop (the entrance to our swim-hole). I’d clearly missed the space we’d broken through the hedge to reach our swimming hole some time back, as she was many yards away.

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Aaaaa yes. A day at the beach…alongside a critical Traumatic Brain Injury.

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Great thing now is, with each downfall, I learn. I identify helpful practices to employ in similar future situations:

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– actively have heightened awareness of my surroundings

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– where shoes when walking on asphalt -(duh!!)

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– ALWAYS bring my phone

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Better yet – distance myself from the group & pee in the water!

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Clarity in this particular situation & ALWAYS ensues in retrospect

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\n", "excerpt": "

I’m at my friend Monique’s house in Tahoe now & I adore it here; it’s picturesque. Sitting a-front Lake Tahoe, surrounded by redwoods, the lake’s freshly melted snow calls to me & so, I wade in. I submerge myself without hesitation & am enjoying lazing about, surrounded by friends doing the same. Upon a brief […]

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"oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2025-08-03T19:08:45-07:00", "modified": "2026-04-12T18:07:45-07:00", "title": "Formerly Held & Continued Practices Promote Further Healing", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2025/08/03/formerly-held-continued-practices-promote-further-healing/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-2yr", "content": "\n
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The cognitive and physical investments I made directly prior to my critical Traumatic Brain Injury incurrence, have supported my continued physical & cognitive progression, astronomically. The actions of mine that helped & continue to help include = meditation, acting mindfully throughout the day, yoga & using my brain extensively and continually while practicing my art of writing.

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Interestingly, I was employing these practices, far more than ever before, directly prior to taking part in the Sanctuary. Hence my attendance of, and investment in, the mindfulness retreat. Although this accident -> injury -> disability is by far the worst circumstance to ever befall me, the timing of such (within my existence) was & is incredibly blessed.

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The continued reality of my progression, much of which is clear in this bog (posts gaining in complexity, quality & relevance over time) withstands. That being said, there is a HUGE caveat (as is true of many symptoms resulting from this injury>disability ((extremely little is simple & straight forward > I’m rebuilding my brain, the human hard drive, after-all!))). Specifically, the caveat I’m referring to, is the relatively recently published posts that were clearly, to readers (a dear friend of mine reflected this reality and resultantly I too became aware) composed & posted quickly. My remembrance & willingness to return & edit, is not anywhere near consistent or timely presently. My mind still strongly craves deviation in focus! Aaaaa late onset ADD – an example of just 1 of the prevailing & all-encompassing symptom of my critical Traumatic Brain Injury.

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I can attest, personally, to my continued recovery presently, after a month over 12 years of rehabilitation. In support of this observation, is validation from relevant & knowledgeable professionals, which is always hugely appreciated! Substantiating the value, personal as well as for all survivors, of the practices of mine that I referenced at the forefront of this post, are the recommendations of national Traumatic Brain Injury organizations. The Brain Injury Association of America recommends both yoga & meditation to such an extent, that free video libraries of both are offered to survivors at no cost. Activating your brain routinely & consistently, as I’m actively practicing amidst composition, is just a given for protecting & bettering the brain. As the saying goes, use it or lose it!

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The reality of this recovery being lifelong, is unendingly evident. At least I’m well on my way! It’s magical that beloved, formerly held practices of mine, are distinctly identified to facilitate recovery.

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\n", "excerpt": "

The cognitive and physical investments I made directly prior to my critical Traumatic Brain Injury incurrence, have supported my continued physical & cognitive progression, astronomically. The actions of mine that helped & continue to help include = meditation, acting mindfully throughout the day, yoga & using my brain extensively and continually while practicing my art […]

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Opportunities & possibilities felt nearly endless prior to incurring my critical Traumatic Brain Injury. Obliteration of many, many (a plethora of opportunities, I feel I hadn’t even yet conjured!) of these potential possibilities were eradicated as a result of incurring this Injury turned disability. The reoccurrence of a memory is of my time visiting Seattle, specifically Golden Gardens beach, directly prior to attending the mindfulness Sanctuary. Due to this memory re-arising repeatedly substantiates its importance/present relevance ((in my opinion))). I was thanking the universe for the profuse possibilities at my disposal. The memory is of me thanking the universe for my ideal existence at that time. I emitted this gratitude to the moon while at a celebration with friends of mine, at my aforementioned favorite beach, just before leaving Seattle for the mindfulness Sanctuary.

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I was fervently enjoying my life at that time, working my ideal amount alongside variance – perfection for me: 3/4 days a week writing at my co-working space for 4-6 hours a day & once a week, I exercised my skill of fine-dining waitressing ((to pay for living in SF))). The rest of the time, I explored the city, and surrounding areas, riding with friends of mine who drove us to adjacent cities, towns, beaches…

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previously In recovery, I longingly missed having the abundance of opportunities that were available to me then. Much of this longing, is theoretical now, due to the reality that my abilities alongside my proclivities have grandly deviated. SO fortunate that both have altered in tandem! As all have changed astronomically.

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Specifically regarding my abilities: my energy reserves have diminished hugely. The actuality of no longer enacting these former possibilities seems to matter not, on an emotional level, anymore. The loss of an immensity of possibilities, was an unavoidable source of sorrow for many, many years. I have, extremely recently, begun to overcome this sorrow however. I’m now celebrating my new existence and the new possibilities available to me, that this enormous deviation has inspired.

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It was not the diminishment of enacted actions which I used to miss, but rather the opportunity to pursue these actions. After all, ‘twas my abundance of abilities which facilitated the immense freedom I felt when residing in SanFrancisco and Freedom is of the utmost importance to me. It’s the most valued right of mine. My actions lifelong attest.

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Including driving that fateful day, when I attempted to stay at the Sanctuary and sought telephone service in order to ask my parents to transfer money from my savings to my checking, in-order to do so. Extremely fortunately – after MANY years – (nearly 13 years, post injury => disability) I feel enabled once again to identify future possibilities and resultantly pursue them! Feeling enabled facilitates feeling free once again, which, as I stated previously, means everything to me.

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Opportunities & possibilities felt nearly endless prior to incurring my critical Traumatic Brain Injury. Obliteration of many, many (a plethora of opportunities, I feel I hadn’t even yet conjured!) of these potential possibilities were eradicated as a result of incurring this Injury turned disability. The reoccurrence of a memory is of my time visiting Seattle, […]

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I engaged in a joyous conversation, briefly, about a year ago, when I rode as a passenger, with a wonderful man. He offered me a Lyft ride from the train station, as the train was how I commuted from mom’s in Santa Rosa, to my new home of Peteluma. In so doing, he learned of both my love of trees, my critical Traumatic Brain Injury assumedly…though I can’t distinctly remember (shocking!) My proclivity to share of my injury as well as his kind action of routine card delivery, does support this conjecture. He was aware too, of my fresh inhabitance of Petaluma at that time & therefore, my need & want (observing is a fervent love of mine) to explore -> discover as well as my love for trees!

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As a result, he creates these wonderful tree maps for me. They prompt exploration, my fascination with trees being the catalyst. The routine delivery is illuminated by the season, on the above card, being delineated.

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He simply places the latest tree map in my mailbox, covertly, which exists many houses away from mine, within our slight community. Resultantly, this joy inducing morsel is a total surprise to me, each time! To broach my mailbox and find this thoughtful, artful card, based upon a natural adoration of mine, sheds light upon my day. Once procured, this felt lightness, infiltrates my step & MOST INFLUENTIALLY offers me an amazing tree-centric scavenger hunt to take part in!

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Supremely valuable, is the never-ending joyfulness prompted each time I harken back to receiving these cards. I’ll rightfully admit, resulting from my drought in serotonin, dopamine, endorphins…externally provoked joyousness is needed & so incredibly appreciated 🤩

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I engaged in a joyous conversation, briefly, about a year ago, when I rode as a passenger, with a wonderful man. He offered me a Lyft ride from the train station, as the train was how I commuted from mom’s in Santa Rosa, to my new home of Peteluma. In so doing, he learned of […]

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For many, many, many years, I felt that memories of my pre-critical Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) life, had vanished entirely and that this would forever be the case. After-all, this is the case for many survivors, particularly of my severity. I simply had to accept this truth. Formerly, I felt that memories essentially made me who I am. Therefore, I’d taken on the new practice of reinventing myself, necessarily.

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I’ll admit that I was initially extremely sad resulting from my lack of retained memories. I love my former self that I’d built over the 27 years proceeding my accident! I didn’t & don’t love everything about myself, of course, to be perfect would be inhuman. After 11.5 years of healing I’ve now regained a realistic-ish (we all have uniquely altered perceptions) view of myself as well as others, which has enabled my reinvention further.

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I transferred my loss of memories & resulting sadness to the background of my mind & with time I have come to value the present opportunity at hand. My critical Traumatic Beain Injury is presenting me with a beautiful fresh beginning. I’m enabled to alter those things about myself, which I’d developed in my nearly 27 years pre-Traumatic Brain Injury, which no longer serve mei Long-time close friends of mine, whom I spoke with (yes, I’ve retained a couple-few! This is supremely unique for a critical TBI survivor) & my parents did noted the return of formerly held practices of mine ppe+TBI,, alongside major alterations, inevitably. Similar inclinations & values of mine, have now returned to me in large-part, after nearly12 years of recovery. This retention has inspired my former practices to resurface, though to such an extent that is new to my person . Not all of these altered actions are popular…

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Sanctuary. W en do healthy humans have the opportunity to begin afresh from a clean slate, sans preconceived notions, inbuilt biases etc? Again, pre-TBI, routine practices were engrained. Now, I uniquely have the opportunity to choose an alternative route to reach the same end point. I can even, is so inclined, change my desired end point entirely, which reflects my present values, inclinations & priorities.

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Very recently I hav in fact, begun retrieving memories from soon before incurring my TBI, which is new. Not directly prior (the month I spent at the mindfulness Sanctuary, commuting from which, I incurred my critical TBI) but of my time living in San Francisco, directly before my attendance of the Sanctuary. The memories aren’t elongated, but I can now remember (through visualization) both of my roommates, 1/2 way through time proceeding my attendance of the # for the the time I resided in SF, specidally the 6 months proceeding my attendance of the Sanctuary, the #9 bus I used to take to Delfina (my restaurant job: $ maker), a friend whom I made in the choir I joined in SF…& that’s only my present recollection!

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Due to past memories arising of the time proceeding my TBI’s incurrence, after nearly 12 years of healing, hope of further memory retrieval has been inspired. Excitement & anticipation flourishes.

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\n", "excerpt": "

For many, many, many years, I felt that memories of my pre-critical Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) life, had vanished entirely and that this would forever be the case. After-all, this is the case for many survivors, particularly of my severity. I simply had to accept this truth. Formerly, I felt that memories essentially made me […]

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With time, my expression of vulnerability (aka enacting symptoms) has substantially lessened. Amidst my nearly 12 years of recovery thus far, I’ve been in the process of not only coming to accept my altered self, but also cradling the inherent vulnerability imbedded in healing from this injury turned disability. Vulnerability exists for me (much less so presently, compared to early-healing, but still) predominantly within recovery. Vulnerability is present for everyone, innately, wether we choose to accept it or not, as it’s part of being human!

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Pre-injury, I worked hard to diminish my observable vulnerability as well as mask the bit that remained, as I already appear quite vulnerable: physically small (in every sense of the word). Diminishing my apparent vulnerability was a safety mechanism of mine! This was impossible for the first 5 – 7 years of recovery. My vulnerability was obvious, hence my difficulty accepting this disability. It made me feel like an easy target! because I was…

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It’s CERTAINLY taken time to get used to my newly disabled self, but now I see the gift inherent in displaying my vulnerability: an opportunity for both I and the other I’m interacting with, to genuinely connect. Essentially, as I described in my previous post, others’ reactions to me sharing of my disability offers me deep insight into their character. I’m realizing, that I’ve obtained a new tool which elicits clarity. Certain individuals are made extremely uncomfortable – a disability of this grandeur, initiated by something (driving) that most do daily, if not multiple times a day, hits close to home. I place no fault for their resulting reactions! How the aforementioned people whom I interact with, handle this discomfort however, is where the truth of their person lies. As I’ve previously identified, some simply avoid discussing it (ignorance is bliss) while others have attempted to take advantage, mislead or take pity on me. Others reactions are very telling.

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Amidst my first phase (10 years) I never intentionally drew attention to my symptoms – theoretically, stood up with a megaphone, calling people’s awareness, but they were visibly obvious. As a result of strangers’ tremendously unfavorable reactions, I felt shame. My reaction of seclusion was not a choice, but rather an automatic response. Seclusion and the shame which provoked it, were brand new sentiments of mine. My seclusion lay in tandem with my new found, particularly within my primary recovery, lack of energy. Thank goodness both my shame & lacking energy have now lessened substantially. I’m both relieved & energized – Im beginning to recognize myself again! Neither does the feeling of shame nor does the resulting seclusion serve me anymore nor is it typical of me.

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1 & a 1/2 years ago, I finally began the process (all within this recovery takes tremendous time) of accepting my disability. This was about 10.5 years into recovery. This too was far sooner than my specialty caseworker, whom I worked with for years & therefore knows me well, relayed that this would take place for me. Experience with other survivors has instilled this awareness in her. Self-love has been a necessary catalyst for acceptance, overwhelmingly & undoubtedly, just as it has been for any & all of my grand endeavors of mine lifelong. Self love was promoted externally, necessarily, within my first 5-7 years of recovery. Resultantly, self love was imbedded internally once again. Few!

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Self love has been a crucial aspect of my perseverance (working to reclaim my life!). In order to better my symptoms, I must accept them as they are presently. This, resultantly, enables further betterment. My dad’s knowing healing advisement: identify a change you’d like to make or capability you’d like to reclaim. This will the. allow you to obtain it! Now I own my disability in full & from this place, I can & will continue to progress.

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I need now to strike a balance between not wishing to call attention to my disability at all & my deep desire presently to educate people in order that they may avoid this catastrophe. Due to knowing, they’re too enabled to assist the healing of survivors. I went from not sharing my truth at all, many years ago, to now readily & consistently sharing. This is unquestionably off putting for many. I encounter blatantly unappreciative (to put it kindly) responsive looks, which inform me of such…I always am intentional to share it jovially now, but this subject remains tremendously depressing as fuck!

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Despite my efforts, my sharing is ingested as negativity. I understand why this is & yet, it’s extremely unfortunate, not to mention extremely bothersome! It’s not at all my intent to be a downer. Talk about misunderstood…

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The negativity elicited by my account is associated with my person (she’s a downer) which is completely inaccurate. Not long ago within this recovery, this observance would’ve been right on. Presently though, I simply want to share my truth, as I always have. Promoting negativity is not intended! Regardless, people ingest my sharing as such. My truth (no matter how carefully I present it) is far less acceptable than my jovial life-experience was pre-TBI.

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Hmmmm perhaps this is what getting used to being a disabled minority feels like…yep, I think it is.

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This lack of acceptance no longer prevents divulgence of my present self, but it certainly does presently prohibit others from viewing my progress as it takes place. If we refuse to look at my present state, or that of anyone for that matter, how will we see when progress is made!? Others abstention from ingesting and truly accepting the reality that there is vastly more betterment within my recovery to come, is even more difficult for me to ingest. It’s not yet visible & this is confirmation that seeing, is in fact, believing. I would hope that the immense reclamation I’ve achieved thus far would speak to my future prospects, yet I’m not overwhelmingly finding this to be true. Not even mostly. Seldomly, in fact. My truth of continued progress is absolutely valid. I not only witness it, but my case worker too confirms. Her sharing is backed by studies and most pointedly, by personal experience of many Severe & critical TBI survivors.

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\n", "excerpt": "

With time, my expression of vulnerability (aka enacting symptoms) has substantially lessened. Amidst my nearly 12 years of recovery thus far, I’ve been in the process of not only coming to accept my altered self, but also cradling the inherent vulnerability imbedded in healing from this injury turned disability. Vulnerability exists for me (much less […]

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There certainly are potential lifelong repercussions of a critical Traumatic Brain Injury, like mine, converse to my formerly uneducated & therefore falsely articulated statement. The more severe a Traumatic Brain Injury, the increased risk of developing a neurodegenerative disease later in life, like Alzheimer’s (2-4x the general populace) or dementia. Via research, I learned too, that for the general populace, Alzheimer’s is the predominant neurodegenerative disease, according to The National Library of Medicine. Again, my Traumatic Brain Injury was critical (the worst severity) :/. The ample medical research being done presently, to treat Alzheimer’s, does give me hope of potential prospective treatment of this disease however. I’d greatly prefer not to deal with any further diseases at all though – as if I haven’t dealt & am not now currently dealing with enough already – for a lifetime!

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Initially, I refused to research further repercussions of my critical TBI as the symptoms present amidst the first 10 years of my recovery (the first stage) were more than enough to accept & battle! Now that I have become accepting (not without disdain!) & comfortable (no point in fighting reality) I’ve reclaimed my great lifelong interest in fervent self-eduction. Resultantly, I easily found the following information:

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“The best data indicate that moderate and severe TBIs increase risk of neurodegenerative disease, like dementia, between 2-and 4-fold” articulates the National Library of Medicine. What’s more, further research illuminates that suffering a TBI in early adulthood may exacerbate aging-associated cognitive changes. I was 26, nearly 27 when I incurred my TBI :/.

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The reality that I’ve avoided nearly all potential follow-up injuries within my first phase of recovery thus far, is unique for survivors & exceptional (I’m told, by professionals). I will share, that this success was in no way happen stance. I’ve been extremely careful of anything that would physically impair me, lifelong, the accident excluded OF COURSE. Safe practices were exemplified by my caregivers, whom I lived with for the 1st 1.5 years post hospitalization. I did have 3 seizures (hence, “nearly all”). For survivors who experienced any grandeur of TBI (discounting mild), seizures are not at all surprising to take place post hospitalization. Considering I incurred a critical TBI when I was 26, 2 months before I was 27, it’s no surprise to any of my doctors that I’m now epileptic. My fortune, even in this regard, has continued to prevail though. Every seizure of mine thus far, took place amongst parents whom I was with inconsistently -> seldomly (over time).

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I do hope that my supreme fortune thus far, is upheld later in life. I’ll attempt not to take this fortune for granted, as I did before. I’ll call your attention to how I said “I’ll attempt” = realism. I strongly suspect (again, my neurological injury equates to me not remembering, nor will I ever have remembrance of that day) that the choice of mine to drive from the Sanctuary that fateful day, was likely prompted by the unsubstantiated (in that vein) assuredness I felt. I had extremely minimal driving experience (traversing from home or school to work & back). Yet, my comfortability driving at that time, resulted from the fantastic fortune I’d encountered in my existence lifelong.

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There certainly are potential lifelong repercussions of a critical Traumatic Brain Injury, like mine, converse to my formerly uneducated & therefore falsely articulated statement. The more severe a Traumatic Brain Injury, the increased risk of developing a neurodegenerative disease later in life, like Alzheimer’s (2-4x the general populace) or dementia. Via research, I learned too, […]

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I’m incredibly open to speaking of my critical Traumatic Brain Injury in total now. This was definitely NOT the case previously. My comfortability with owning my disability has ever-so-slowly arisen. My hesitancy of sharing my newly disabled self, was substantiated by my knowledge that we, as a society, discount & therefore enact prolific judgment (the majority of the time, inaccurately) of anyone that doesn’t embody our societal “norms”. Embodying differences can result from being a minority of annykind. Abundant testaments, in our country alone, offer insight into how minorities have been & are mistreated.

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I am an extreme minority now – again, only .8% of critical Traumatic Brain Injury survivors, alike I, survive, let alone have recovered ANYwhere near the extent to which I have. Specifically, I am living alone, completing all in life independently, sans a caregiver, nor familial assistance & am practicing my craft once again. I have been doing so for the past 8 years. Alike everything else within this wretchedly slow recovery, my writing has evolved: my posts have elongated, become routine and are now directly addressing my injury.

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Within the last couple of years, converse to my previous reality, I’ve come to the realization that having this disability and being outspoken about it, serves me, in fact. People quickly divulge their capacity to accept diversity and correspondingly, in my opinion, this offers insight into the quality of their character. My present outspokenness is an example of my self-acceptance as well as newly learned differentiation tactic. My sharing and the resulting response, informs me wether or not I’d like to know the person I’m communicating with better. I fervently don’t wish to befriend anyone prejudice. I’ve always held this belief -> practice & now it’s grandly substantiated by personal experience.

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I very recently encountered 1 absolutely naïve, outrageously over-confident & prejudice judgement. She enabled my identification nearly instantaneously. This woman, clearly (via her outspokenness, to a survivor none the less) thought herself knowledgeable of my disability, despite presenting the opposite:

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I was on my way to a community yoga class at a studio I hadn’t yet been, when I spotted a woman walking slightly ahead with a yoga mat slung over her shoulder, adorning yoga clothes. Resultantly, I called out to her, to inquire if she was going to the community yoga class I was. She replied that yes she was. After sharing that I hadn’t yet been to the studio & as a result, was seeking direction, she gestured me to join her. As we walked up the stairs which led to the studio together, I preemptively spoke to the rationale for my self-perceived lag (needlessly, I realize in retrospect). I did so, by sharing of of the critical TBI I had incured.

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At the top of the staircase that we’d ascended, affront the studio, she joyfully exclaimed, “You’re so lucky!” contextless (as if I’d won the lottery!). I looked at her sidelong in response, as we entered the line of yogis awaiting entry into our yoga class. Her retort was wholly uncommon (I’d never heard that utterly false response before & rightly so!!) as it was entirely uninformed & communicated no sympathy. In fact, her response to me sharing of the severity of my Traumatic Brain Injury, was anything but sympathetic. Recovery has been & is hard won, not to mention utter hell, as is to be expected, by anyone truly knowledgeable.

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Her statement divulged to me the truth that she was & is unaware of the extensive work, loss, solitude and resultant deep depression inherent in recovery. Her response to my divulgence, tells me informedly, that she’s done nothing to educate herself further. She’s clearly to me, completely unaware of the tremendous work inherent in recovery. Because I feel it’s vital to instill awareness (as this is important!) I’ll repeat the truth that this extreme hardship instigates some survivors healing from TBIs of any grandeur, to commit suicide. That’s how horrific this rehabilitation is!

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She’d solely learned briefly of the generalities of TBIs in a yoga teacher training course, while discussing catering to the disabled who practice yoga. Simply because she’d become aware of the fundamentals (the extremely slight ((20%)) of critical TBI survivors that live) she thought herself knowledgeable enough on the subject, to weigh in. Her utterance conveyed that she’s anything but versed. The reality that only 20% of those that incur critical TBI survivors live, results, for those of us who do, in relearning to live IN FULL. 0 of my memories were accessible for the first many years and for most, I’ve learned from my caseworker, memories remain inaccessible lifelong. She clearly didn’t consider, or even know, of the severe depression that results from this disability either and carelessly evoked it.

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The woman who uttered this falsity, never apologized to me for stating her knowledge-less presumption as fact.

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After our yoga class was done, I waited to inquire if she’d like to exchange information, thoughtlessly (as happens now-a-days, due to my awful short term memory ((information vanishes for a time – only to reappear in retrospect, mostly – so frustrating!!))) to which she declined in a blatantly condescendingly manner (I have no doubt that this was due to the divulgence of my injury, given that that’s all she knew of me). If you don’t wish to exchange information with me thats absolutely fine, a personal right! To present it with extreme condescension, however, is not. Hadn’t she learned this, when young? Thank goodness for her reply though, as I never wish to spend time, or converse with her (or anyone who holds this sensibility), again.

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I’ve redundantly experienced the lack of external knowledge of my disability, exemplified by this interaction, in each place (4) that I’ve resided amidst recovery. It seems to be ever-present. The reality that the communicator of the aforementioned supremely inaccurate knowledge, thought herself informed, initially maddened me. Now, that a day has passed my anger has subsided, it’s replaced by feeling sorry for her & any critical TBI survivor (but since there’s so few of us living, let alone ever existing out of the house, this is unlikely – few!) that she communicates with.

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I’m incredibly open to speaking of my critical Traumatic Brain Injury in total now. This was definitely NOT the case previously. My comfortability with owning my disability has ever-so-slowly arisen. My hesitancy of sharing my newly disabled self, was substantiated by my knowledge that we, as a society, discount & therefore enact prolific judgment (the […]

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My first 4 posts on this blog (the 1st month of composition) were composed at the Sanctuary: mindfulness retreat, commuting from which, I incurred my critical TBI. This blog, at that time, was dedicated to informing friends of mine of my actions amidst the time I attended the Sanctuary. Resultantly, the initial posts are very casual and brief. Since then, this blog’s through-line has transformed to describe details of my reality amidst recovery. My healing progress is clear within my MANY posts, after the first 4. My progression from posting infrequently of random things in an incredibly simplistic manner (in order to re-hone my writing skills: practice, practice, practice) to presently addressing relevant topics to my injury directly, with heightened composure skills, represents the evolution of my art.

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Thank Goodness that you don’t have personal experience with this BS!! I say this assuredly, as there are so few survivors with critical TBIs living & the symptoms of a critical TBI, emulate no other injury. I have yet to meet another survivor with a critical TBI, despite my attendance of a support group at the University of Washington (a hospital known for their excellence in treating TBIs).

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Initially, I was entirely averse to discussing anything regarding my TBI, as it already encompassed nearly all within my life. Now, I’ve swung the other way, consistently speaking of my disability as a result of my comfortability with describing my injury & recovery aggrandizing. I know that greater knowing, which facilitates understanding, is desperately needed for caregivers as well as the general populous. This knowing will help survivors experience others’ accommodation.

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Presently, due to my lack of membership at a co-working space, I’m far less inclined to compose and therefor share this valuable understanding. My focus is already immensely difficult to retain, in large part, due to my aforementioned ADD. A co-working space largely assists by lessening external input. Our brains are so complex that no 1 symptom is due to a singular part of the brain being damaged. In combination, it’s difficult to pinpoint the origination of any particular symptom of mine, due to the reality that my TBI is diffuse (my entire brain was affected, due to the impact causing my brain to bounce ‘round in my skull).

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Attempting to work from home, is largely ineffective. Slowly, as all within recovery from my critical Traumatic Brain Injury seemingly lags, I am newly developing the habit of composing from my habitat. This ability is & has been hard-won!

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A co-working membership was amidst my minimal expenditures, when previously living joyfully in SF. I only worked in the fine-dining restaurant three times a week/4 hours per shift, and resultantly lived incredibly minimally. Everything about living in SanFrancisco was & is (I hear tell) pricy! Most importantly, I wanted to write for people & companies I believed in & explore! Money has never meant a ton to me, not because I was ever given any, but because it always was & is simply means for obtaining what it is I want, experientially mostly: what I want to do!

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None of the specialists I’ve worked with know a critical TBI survivor who has reclaimed their profession. I’m breaking new ground! My case worker does attest to knowing of them, but not knowing 1 personally, and she’s a specialist who works with 1 of the premier TBI hospitals in the nation. This lack of knowing, emulates the truth of the other specialists I work with too.

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Resulting from the pandemic, many of you can relate to the hardship of maintaining focus when working from home. You don’t, however, have the overwhelming ADD brought on by a critical Traumatic Brain Injury & thank goodness!! I wouldn’t wish this gargantuan hardship on anyone.

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Now in Petaluma, in order to adhere to my presently mighty slim social security budget (I’m offered 1/3 of what I used to make in 1 waitressing shit: 4 hours, 12 years ago, per month now, by social security). A coffee & pastry is a minimal expenditure, compared to a co-working membership & as a result, I attend a café to compose, some days, in order to leave the house, as that too is a vital action of mine now! Cafés are a former work space of mine, that I utilized for many years, previous to joining the co-working space in SanFrancisco. For the first many years of my recovery, writing this blog from a cafe, was impossible, due to the immense & varied distractions present there.

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Now, I can filter out alternative conversations, for the most part. For instance, I’m writing this post from a petite cafe now (a locally owned café ((my fave)) that is small and resultantly, everything’s closer: noisier!). My ability to write amid this noise, brings me joy, as it’s a prior (pre-TBI) norm of mine. I do still have routine variants in attention, which has always been the case, even pre TBI, as I expect nearly all can relate to. At least now, my present distraction is only momentary. I catch myself, when my attention is called away, and resultantly, bring it back to composure.

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Focusing for an elongated time (necessary when composing) must be intentionally done, alike all. This focus -> practice is in no way automatic, as it once was. Some days, this focus isn’t available to me. Investing in my mental activity makes sense, as utilizing the brain is the only way to foster betterment and in so doing, bolsters my skill of attention retention. After-all the brain is a muscle. Alike bench-pressing in-order to strengthen our arms, we must exercise our brains regularly, in order to strengthen them too.

\n", "excerpt": "

My first 4 posts on this blog (the 1st month of composition) were composed at the Sanctuary: mindfulness retreat, commuting from which, I incurred my critical TBI. This blog, at that time, was dedicated to informing friends of mine of my actions amidst the time I attended the Sanctuary. Resultantly, the initial posts are very […]

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Apathy is inherent for some Traumatic Brain Injury Survivors. Specifically, those with a low Glasgow Coma Scale score, alike I. To reiterate: The Glasgow Coma Scale is the method that neurologists use to measure the severity of an individual patient’s Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). In this article, I will delve into how apathy has displayed itself in my life, since my final hospital discharge. I too will narrate how apathy can present itself for survivors in general.

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A Glasgow Coma Scale (GCS) score of 3 is the primary number on the scale, from which 100% of people die. Traumatic Brain Injury patient’s with a GCS of 3-5 are critical, from which 80% of people perish. My GCS score was 4.

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Apathy, as is defined by Mirriam Webster as “indifference…a lack of responsiveness to something that might normally excite interest or emotion…inertness or lack of passion”.

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Apathy is expected for Severe & critical TBI survivors to exist, unendingly. As a result, nearly all Severe & critical survivors never leave their houses (as has been validated by my specialty case worker). Inevitably, I’m battling apathy & forever will be. That’s what I choose. If able to choose, a survivor can either roll over, play dead and let life do what it wants, or actively refuse. I refuse. Hard work never turned me off and although this hard work was NEVER chosen…shit, what choice do I have? Live or not live…hmmm. That’s a pretty easy choice for me.

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My Mom and Dad’s devotion to my early recovery (for the first 1.5 years I lived with them) fueled my initial progress immensely. I didn’t fight the recovery practices they proposed, as I must’ve known, deep down, that the work was necessary for me to reclaim life and the joy that has been initiated by life itself, (so 1 in the same) in my experience. That primary motivation turned progress has continued to fuel my present evolution too (once on a roll, you’ve got the momentum working for you, you just gotta keep going ((practicing!))).

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My thought: As long as practices inspired by a wonderful foundation (like the 1 initiated by my parents) are upheld, progression will result. This knowledge/belief is what retains & furthers my motivation. Due to neurologists recent (in the past 2 decades) discovery, that survivors are capable of lifelong progression, my motivation is only substantiated & fueled.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Apathy is inherent for some Traumatic Brain Injury Survivors. Specifically, those with a low Glasgow Coma Scale score, alike I. To reiterate: The Glasgow Coma Scale is the method that neurologists use to measure the severity of an individual patient’s Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). In this article, I will delve into how apathy has displayed […]

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Specifically & most recently (a few days ago) a medical representative I spoke with over the phone, asked if I was taking any psychological medications. In response, I named the two psychological medications that I’m presently prescribed (1 to fend off the seizures that my post-critical Traumatic Brain Injury epilepsy elicits, as well as 1 to assist with retaining my attention). Her audible (the elevated tone of her voice) uncertainty of my disclosed truth, was blatant & resultantly telling.

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She asked the same question while on our brief call, twice, in-order to elicit the “real” truth (assumedly – what other rationality could there be?). My 2nd answer was inevitably exactly the same as my initial answer – I’m prescribed 2 meds: 1 for my TBI induced epilepsy and 1 to assist in retaining focus. This redundancy of mine proved that (according to her “test”) my initial answer was & is entirely valid. This amount (I’ve learned, again, through unspoken reactions = a long pause, awaiting me listing more) of medications is extremely slight for the severity (critical) of TBI I incurred.

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To be living alone, completing all of my needed and desired tasks independently, as well as reclaiming my former employment, pre-TBI: writing, is nearly unheard of for a survivor with a critical TBI. Educating the greater populous of this presently all-too-common injury & my resulting uncommon recovery, is undoubtedly now my calling. My psychologist informed me that this revelation post TBI, takes place for some survivors and she foretold, 9 years ago, that I was 1 such survivor.

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Alongside the majority of other minorities, I wish for my truth to be seen & known. Firstly, however, my truth must be believed.

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Until then, such is the reality of my life presently.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Specifically & most recently (a few days ago) a medical representative I spoke with over the phone, asked if I was taking any psychological medications. In response, I named the two psychological medications that I’m presently prescribed (1 to fend off the seizures that my post-critical Traumatic Brain Injury epilepsy elicits, as well as 1 […]

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It’s extremely hard for truths of mine, within this recovery, to be believed by others. This is due to an overwhelming lack of medical knowledge, but also largely due to the reality that truths of my recovery are eve-changing. My present ability to retrieve memories, is 1 such example. What would you think if someone initially told you that they couldn’t remember something, only for them days, weeks or months later, to iterate a detail from that previously stated unremembered time?

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Mmmhmmm.

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Aspects of this recovery continue to be unbelievable.

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If uninformed of the intricacies of this disability, turned recovery, others think of my shared truth of remembrance, to be complete hogwash. Particularly when it flies in the face of my past statements of being unable to access memories, which is largely still the case. Therefore, I understand others’ misbelief, theoretically. I will, however, endlessly find it disrespectful when loved-ones don’t believe me and this continues to happen, albeit unspokenly. I’ve been a supremely honest person (about all of the important things:) my entire adulthood. Who ate the last chocolate…things of that sort, I’m less forthcoming about. 😉

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The reality of unspoken misassumptions being made by others, equates to these misassumptions being impossible to refute. Therefore, my truths being considered illegitimate, leaves us where? Where else could factual knowledge of my recovery be sourced from? Disbelief in my shared reality saddens me greatly, as that disallows both understanding & mutual respect.

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My brain’s recovery is indirect (accessing new parts of my brain consistently, albeit seemingly randomly – even to me!). As a result, both my initial claim of me having a lack of remembrance & my present sharing of related details, are true. My reclamation of memories that previously were inaccessible, are only very recently & now available to me – hooray!

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My psychologist, iterates the knowing reality of late-onset memory retrieval being a possibility for survivors. She too states the truth of this reality taking place for me presently. Newly reclaimed memories, is uncommon, but shoot, what within my recovery isn’t?! She replies as such, in response to me iterating recent detailed descriptors of recollections that have arisen from the times that memories were previously shrouded from view.

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My Mom, for 1, has validated some of my remembrances that took place when she privately tutored me, from our home in Seattle, during my early recovery. Tutoring too transpired before that, in my 3rd hospital. My dear friend Lela (who’s a teacher) alongside my mom (who too, was amidst her teaching career) began activating my brain in the hospital, as well as during my stay at my aunt & uncle’s house in Northern California.

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This was incredibly enabling and began my enormously successful recovery.

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\n", "excerpt": "

It’s extremely hard for truths of mine, within this recovery, to be believed by others. This is due to an overwhelming lack of medical knowledge, but also largely due to the reality that truths of my recovery are eve-changing. My present ability to retrieve memories, is 1 such example. What would you think if someone […]

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The night before I ran the fateful errand, in which I incurred my critical TBI, I asked my friend, whom I had made at the Sanctuary, Zoe, if I could sleep in her cabin. I was fearful & I associated this fear, at that time, with spiders taking up residence in my cabin. This truth has been relayed to me, by Zoe herself as all from my stay at the Sanctuary, is necessarily hear-say. Zoe told me too, that my fear was based upon a bad feeling I had…

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I am curious why I had not, previous to requesting sleeping in Zoe’s cabin that night, (in the month proceeding), recognized the problematic reality of spiders’ inhabitance of my cabin, and acted accordingly? Perhaps their inhabitation was new? I’m tempted to believe, however, that my fear, albeit misplaced, was fortuitous.

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I would, in fact, nearly die the following day, during which I drove in order to run an errand for the Sanctuary. I did so, as engaging in a work trade, has always been (since my attendance at Seattle University, where I was a resident assistant) my knowing way to attend & enjoy, for a slight discount, any pricy endeavor I wished to take part in. When I learned of this opportunity at the Sanctuary, I was all over it!

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Much of the 2 years proceeding my attendance of the Sanctuary, as well as amidst my early recovery, just after my hospital discharge (2 years) remains unaccounted for, for the most part…Brief snippets of the aforementioned times have recently begun returning, resulting in joyousness for me! These memories of mine, being so incredibly slight, is simultaneously a bit of a tease!

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But shoot…I’ll take what I can get!

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I’m so happy to relay the experiential truth of my rearising memories with you.

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The truth of the popularly reiterated statement “all’s clear in 20/20” is all too applicable for this situation of mine. Staying in Zoe’s cabin, propelled by a fear, the night before my accident transpired…could in fact, have been misplaced foresight of what was to come.

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A warning perhaps?

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\n", "excerpt": "

The night before I ran the fateful errand, in which I incurred my critical TBI, I asked my friend, whom I had made at the Sanctuary, Zoe, if I could sleep in her cabin. I was fearful & I associated this fear, at that time, with spiders taking up residence in my cabin. This truth […]

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Outside my Home & Composure Haven – where I wrote this post!
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When you very nearly kill your brain, I suppose this grandeur of recovery is to be expected. It’s certainly not welcome however. It’s bullocks!!

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Newly, I’m technically within the 2nd phase of my healing. I just (a year and 1/2 ago) finished, what’s considered by medical professionals, to be my first phase (10 years) of recovery. This initial phase, neurologists attest, is when the largest components of re-learning to live take place & I will second that! I finished this first phase mighty quickly, compared to the expectations of specialists & the vast majority of other survivors within my severity class: critical. I completed my first phase of heeling far more speedily even than the vast majority of survivors with severities ascending in severity: Severe & critical.

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This is still, and I’m guessing, forever will be, hard for me to believe. Recovery from this disability (the formation of new mental pathways, that’ll enable achieving the same end result), is immensely sluggish. It definitely feels as if I should’ve be done long ago! Granted, I’d be vastly disappointed if my current abilities were the extent of my healing. All things considered, I welcome the fact that new research attests recovery from a TBI to be lifelong.

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I have a front row seat to witnessing the tremendous & extensive work which has enabled my recovery thus far, but I still will continue regaining a plethora of skills as long as I continue activating my brain. I continue to learn (from my psychologist) that I’ve surpassed numerous phases, within the timeframe allocated for 1 phase. Completion of my 1st phase, in the time that did (3 years) is 1 such example.

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Now, relearning the complexities of my chosen aspects of reclamation has begun to take place.

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This truth exhausts me, but simultaneously, thank goodness! I want a life which is enabled by further capabilities again! This new life, will not at all be like my life pre-TBI, but my desires & inclinations simultaneously differ grandly, so this truth seems appropriate. I can & do love my old existence & I now foresee adoring my new existence simultaneously in time. I have reached acceptance of my current reality & do now know that in the near future, this comparing of my previous life with my present 1, will lessen grandly. The comparisons already have begun lessening substantially…so that’s a great sign!

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A few old friends have stuck with me! This includes 3 friends of mine, whom I made pre-recovery…I will say (very humbly;) that I propose, this being due to my inclination to befriend very emotionally mature individuals.

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When you very nearly kill your brain, I suppose this grandeur of recovery is to be expected. It’s certainly not welcome however. It’s bullocks!! Newly, I’m technically within the 2nd phase of my healing. I just (a year and 1/2 ago) finished, what’s considered by medical professionals, to be my first phase (10 years) of […]

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This was among the slight # of photos that arose when I searched “prejudice” and I love the sentiment that this image evokes. LOVE for everyone! Pexels.com
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Because I’m now in desperate need of further negativity in my life!?! I continue to encounter prejudice in abundance, within quite a few different cities, in 3 states: Washington, Oregon & now California (I’m devoted to the west coast, clearly!) which I have lived in post TBI. A prolific number of people continue to display prejudice (hence me writing of it, repeatedly- boring!). I feel it important for readers to know of this & writing this blog, is a means of therapy for me. This routine truth continues to surprise & resultantly, sadden me.

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The reality that prejudice people exist in our society, is no surprise. Experiencing it, however, is entirely different than knowing of it, theoretically. The immensity of prejudice I’ve encountered & am still presently encountering is so very depressing & makes me angry! (As I’m sure any person of a minority, can similarly attest). Honestly, the aforementioned actions, in no way personally hurt me, as I did nothing to deserve any of them. Lifelong too, I have been a mighty tough cookie, cognitively.

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Rather, the sadness I referred to previously, is for the state of our populous. Honestly, at this point (after a decade + of recovery) I feel bad for those inflicting the prejudice. After-all, they’re all strangers to me, so there’s no personal vendetta validating their actions. Don’t they have something, anything, else better to do?!

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Frankly, since this abuse, clearly, has nothing to do with me, given to the reality that all of the abuse I’ve experienced, has been offered by strangers (I’d never befriend these assholes – pre or post TBI). These actions of theirs informs me rather, of their moral character or lack there of. The younger prejudice people, which are the overwhelming populous that do so, anger me, in a dismissive way of course. It’s certainly not worth expending any energy on these fools.

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I’m mentally drawing from a present, personal experience with 1 man in particular, who is presently mentally & verbally abusing me, whenever we see each other. Given that I now reside in the petite city of Peteluma, this is all too often. He says something nonsensical which is intended to be personally offensive to me, and then before I can think it through (the elongated time of which, he clearly expects) & reply, he quickly & abruptly has vanished. I feel it’s safe to assume this is due to the the reality that he has become aware of -> that survivors need more time (just a few minutes now – way lesser than before ((this is proof of the symptoms always being in flux – again if a survivor uses their brain regularly, as I obviously do. I must say too, that everyone’s injury is different -> different part of the brain were impaled – different modes of recovery were employed + we all begin with distinctly different brains (which matters, in this respect, hugely)!

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The abuse being inflicted on me, certainly does not have the negative personal effect that the abuser intended. The only person I consider mentally incompetent is the abuser themselves! They, obviously, enjoy attempting to make me feel foolish. This says very little of their self-esteem. If they were confident in & of themselves, they wouldn’t be called to make a disabled person (me) look inferior. Again – I don’t know these people – I’ve never done anything to them, they really ARE doing it just for fun! This boggles the mind.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Because I’m now in desperate need of further negativity in my life!?! I continue to encounter prejudice in abundance, within quite a few different cities, in 3 states: Washington, Oregon & now California (I’m devoted to the west coast, clearly!) which I have lived in post TBI. A prolific number of people continue to display […]

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"URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2024/10/21/bettering-2-of-my-disabilities-simultaneously-memory-handwriting/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-2lW", "content": "\n
\"Handwriting
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Memory & dexterity are the skills that I miss most now. Finding an opportunity to better two of my disabilities, simultaneously, brought about jubilance in me: 2 in 1! This article, of National Geographic, informed me of such, by conveying this morsel of knowledge: handwriting improves memory. Once I harkened back to school (not too long ago for me) examples of this truth arose. Taking notes in class always helped me remember the content at hand. Once I read this National Geographic post, I was enabled by this knowledge, which prompted me to heal not only 1 but 2 symptoms within this laborious healing journey simultaneously! This was tremendously motivating.

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As l described in a previous post within this blog, I’ve been avoiding handwriting, as it provokes tremendous remorse. My handwriting doesn’t look at all like mine! Each time I practiced handwriting in the past, I’d be faced with a glaring reminder of a symptom of my disability, staring me in the face. My trusty, expert case worker from Seattle, whose worked with many a Severe & Critical TBI survivor, put me at ease, by relaying that my recovery is outstanding. Specifically, when viewing my handwriting, years ago, she shared with me, that in this aspect of my recovery saga too, I was thriving. Betterment simply takes time.

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Whaaaa…This synonymous statement (regarding numerous diverse aspects of my healing) is always tremendously hard for me to believe. At that time, I did practice vigilantly, but it’s been a couple years since then and my commitment to practicing has presently waned to non-existence. I thought: I don’t actually use handwriting for most professional, just personal. I can take notes on my iPad…It’s a needless expenditure of my presently, immensely valuable time. It can wait…

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Until yesterday, when my mind was changed, beside elation, as a result of reading the aforementioned article! Now, I consider practicing handwriting to be an especially worthwhile endeavor. The information within the article was necessarily substantiated, as the writer in me, always needs to identify a 2nd source which conveys synonymous information. This article substantiated this truth & as a result, my avoidance of practicing handwriting has been abolished.

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“When students wrote the words by hand, the sensors picked up widespread connectivity across many brain regions. Typing, however, led to minimal activity, if any, in the same areas”

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–Science of America

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To be real, my practice of handwriting hasn’t yet to come to fruition, as I just yesterday, came upon these articles. Now that I’ve digested the above information, from knowing sources (always needed & expected), I’m determined to enact it. Making this decision is where the success begins, as I’m incredibly hardheaded (I knowingly reiterate). As a result of deciding to enact anything, my needed persistence proliferates.

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Since all within this healing process takes F.O.R.E.V.E.R. I’ve acquiesced to the inevitably slow speed of this aspect, alike all, of my healing journey. I can foresee eventual relief initiated by reclamation, that in time will resurface, as a result of practice. All within this healing journey has involved foreseeing future fulfillment. NOTHING about this healing is achieved even close to immediately! As a result of successfully reclaiming other skills in the past, alike walking, my confidence has been bolstered.

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Patience is, yet again, necessitated, alongside perseverance!

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\n", "excerpt": "

Memory & dexterity are the skills that I miss most now. Finding an opportunity to better two of my disabilities, simultaneously, brought about jubilance in me: 2 in 1! This article, of National Geographic, informed me of such, by conveying this morsel of knowledge: handwriting improves memory. Once I harkened back to school (not too […]

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A screen shot of 1 of the pages, comprising my extensive health records

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I can now scroll down, many a time, to view the records from all of my hospitals in full: 2 impatient, 1 care-facility, 1 outpatient hospital in California as well as 1 outpatient hospital in Seattle. I’m told by my caseworker, that this “brevity” & the # of hospitals I attended, is remarkably slight comparatively.

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I am so very appreciative of the reality that doctors are now offering 1 portal, from which to access all of my health records. I know, as a result of my redundant calls to technical support, requesting assistance, that my lack of knowledge, as to how to navigate the MyChart platform, is far from unique. Most telling of this reality, is a recoding requesting all patients’ understanding & patience, as EVERYONE is learning this platform anew, that plays each & every time I call & then wait, substantially, until a recoding informs me that a call-back is available. I jump on this opportunity!

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Honestly, I can only imagine what an ordeal constantly imputing and organizing information on this new platform, is for healthcare providers.

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The helpers of MyChart are clearly outsourced as I’ve redundantly, very unfortunately, connected with the same “assistant” when I call MyChart support. The familiar tone of his voice makes this clear to me (this is an example of my last post’s articulation of how I’ve been immensely observant lifelong) that it’s the same man. This man “assists” so minimally and impatiently -> he gets off the phone before confirming a patient’s success in attaining what it is I (we) called for! His ineptitude very often necessitates a callback to the same help line, to work with another assistant (inevitably, you get whomever you get), in order to finish what it is he & I began.

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He’s working with unwell patients!? Clearly to me, this is very likely a horrid example of the pandemic, turned recession’s, results -> people taking whatever job they can find.

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I’m aware that his ineptitude is individual, as just a couple days ago, I spoke with another assistant who conversely offered me tremendous, optimizing patience & help! She taught me how to go about conglomerating all of my health records in MyChart on top of answering my question, which initiated my call. Conglomerating my health records, is a simple action, that I heard-tell MyChart could do (hence hospital’s implementation of it). Previous to someone articulating the process of how to do so, I was entirely naive as to how to go about it.

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I have heard, from my doctors, that it’s nearly unheard of (I’m hearing allot of that!) that I’m able & interested in navigating my own health records. Predominantly, nearly solely for Critical TBI survivors, that this is the job of their caregivers. When I (pre-TBI) had a health question, which was very rarely, I’d simply call up Mom, as she diligently holds all of my health records. This was sensible, as my only doc. visits then, were my yearly (or every couple years, in reality, as there wasn’t any need) checkup as well as my yearly pap.

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wow has my life abruptly changed or what?!

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Most catalyzing, My chart enables me to take charge of my own health with recurrent experience and routine calls to the helpline (I’m learning:).

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\n", "excerpt": "

A screen shot of 1 of the pages, comprising my extensive health records I can now scroll down, many a time, to view the records from all of my hospitals in full: 2 impatient, 1 care-facility, 1 outpatient hospital in California as well as 1 outpatient hospital in Seattle. I’m told by my caseworker, that […]

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Observing is an innate tendency of mine that has served me well in all capacities of life, but most exponentially, within this recovery (relearning to live) process, in response bto my Severe TBI.

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Learning, in large part, begins with observing. Observation informs action.

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Particularly, I utilized observation, along with inquiry, to gain primary knowledge when I was little. I asked my dad a plethora of questions. My dad loved it, and still does. We have very different knowledge banks and he always answered knowingly, which was wondrous for me. I was ravenous for knowledge as a wee one. Particularly at that stage of life, when we all have a minute knowledge-base from which to draw.

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He too, adamantly stands by the reality that I taught him a plethora as I grew up as well. One example is when I earnestly asked, why some held beliefs that were totally nonsensical to me, like racism. I couldn’t understand why some people believe that others who don’t resemble them physically, are lesser and therefore treat them as such. This was entirely non-sensible & unfairto me.

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In tandem with asking my dad for answers, while my mom navigated the grocery store, I would carefully observe my surroundings. I would stare at people, in-taking strangers’ actions, from my high perch, atop the petite shelf of her shopping cart. I did so emotionless/blank faced. I was fascinated! That action of mine, however, was mighty disconcerting for the shoppers around us.

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Can you picture, going grocery shopping, and encountering a young child, who’d intently stare at you as you procured your produce/protein etc?

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The numerous questions/observations of my early childhood, took a back seat as I became involved in activities and friendships of my choosing. My attention followed accordingly, but my curiosity never vanished.

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I found a way to incorporate my love of observation & questions into the foundation of my life as I became a writer beginning a decade+ ago. To write of anything well, first observation is needed. The more detailed my observations, the more thoroughly can I depict the object, activity, or person that I’m mentally illustrating via words.

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There is much that I’m presently curious about & my love of gleaning information -> asking questions, has erupted once again. Years ago, my Severe traumatic brain injury took away much of my prior knowledge.

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My dad still receives questions from me, gladly. It’s a glorious têt a têt in which we share our knowings with each other, because I too have diverse knowledge to share.

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Life provokes curiosity.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Observing is an innate tendency of mine that has served me well in all capacities of life, but most exponentially, within this recovery (relearning to live) process, in response bto my Severe TBI. Learning, in large part, begins with observing. Observation informs action. Particularly, I utilized observation, along with inquiry, to gain primary knowledge when […]

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(Above is my present, adult home. Never to discount the AMAZING love that I have for my birth home of Seattle, particularly of course, my people, who have bestowed & continue to bestow grand love upon me).

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I’ve certainly posted since my move to Petaluma, yet only now, am I ready to celebrate the renewal of the opportunity-filled life that I was taken from, just over 11 years ago. I can sense that goodness is on the horizon, as joyous familiarities, reminiscent of my previous 1.5 years of SF inhabitance, continue to arise. All is different & yet comfortingly, the same: The positivity my psychiatrist foresaw is now burgeoning.

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Dr. Artherholt (my psychiatrist) couldn’t (& therefore didn’t) foresee the intricacies that this life would entail, but she did, knowingly, tell me that life would open for me once again. Excitedly, she conveyed that this time ‘round, would not only hold the goodness that my existence prior to incurring my critical TBI did, but that when this new life did FINALLY arise, it would be exceptional. As repeated readers of mine are aware, I tried living in Bellingham x2, Seattle redundantly & Portland for a brief stint. Through experiential knowledge, I always felt that making it back to the Bay, would be the ticket to propelling the revitalization of my beautiful life with a fervor, unlike anything or anywhere else.

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This knowing is why I never deviated from my “return to California” goal that I firmly set upon my release from CPMC, which brought forth my return to Seattle. I did my time: lived in habitats within the Xmile radius from Mom’s residence, which she delineated, for 8 years. Then as SOON as I got the backing from Mom (the mile distance between our residences never changed, but gleefully, she moved to Santa Rosa, Ca to join her 2 sisters & Mom) to return to California, I joyfully did!

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Sure enough, once I made it back here, the universe has in fact began to open its treasure chest and dole out prizes. I like to think it’s honoring the TREMENDOUS work (of all kinds: physical, emotional & immensely cognitive) I’ve accomplished within this decade+ of recovery, to embrace & be activate in life.

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I feel alive once again. I haven’t wanted to jinx it (my trepidation is why I haven’t shared any of this before) but now it’s so overwhelming, resultantly, I can’t help it!! There’s no way I can know what the future holds (boy, have I personally learned the inherent truth of that statement) none the less, I’m so joyful to admit that life now feels open, possible & promising once again. 🤩

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Previous loves of mine from the bay, have pulled away (just as Sam ((my psychiatrist)) foresaw they would). She foresaw this end result due to observations with EVERY clients she’s worked with, who has experienced a similar depth of injury to me & simultaneously took the same ill-advised action as I (visiting an old friend before I’d accomplished 5 years of heeling), lost the aforementioned friend they visited as well. We were in no way emotionally healed enough to interact with old friends of ours Specifically: My previously acquired Bay loves, now falsely believe that I’ve changed (due to an incredibly unfortunate circumstance of me being called to visit my #1 love, prior to having healed anywhere near fully). I will say though, that my draw to the Bay, as I previously described, continues to serve me, as I’m now surrounded by new love!! This IS where my people are called to be, just as I am.

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I’ve redundantly (a year and half pre Severe TBI & now, freshly 11 years post) felt wholeness here-> LOVE for myself & others, openness-> self-expression & learning -> reaching new forefronts of truth.

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Hooray!!

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The universe is offering a superior rendition of time in the bay to me now. I adored my first time ‘round and having FINALLY made it back, I feel complete – with this segment at least 😊. 2 grand lessons I’ve taken away from this experience = NEVER underestimate yourself and/or fool yourself into believing that you know what’s to come.

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I’m now enabled to begin again. Time for a new segment of my life!!

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\n", "excerpt": "

(Above is my present, adult home. Never to discount the AMAZING love that I have for my birth home of Seattle, particularly of course, my people, who have bestowed & continue to bestow grand love upon me). I’ve certainly posted since my move to Petaluma, yet only now, am I ready to celebrate the renewal […]

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Does the following sound familiar to you? “They are like that/always do that”. These blanketing statements, although factual in some cases, are overwhelmingly inaccurate for me, as they’re far too all encompassing! Static judgements are inaccurate for a survivor who’s actively & continually working to better themselves, particularly.

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We as humans, are largely reliant on patterns. Wether it’s certain days of the week for family dinners, movies or songs that we adore and therefore know by heart, weekly spiritual gatherings (church, temple, synagogue)…Patterns make us feel in control = we can foresee what to expect. Past experiences/observances, are indicators of what’s on the forefront. We as humans, rely largely on these indicators. They help us to feel prepared & in control.

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In my case, however, my skills better constantly (not quickly, but constantly:).Therefore, my abilities can’t always be anticipated. The friends & family I saw repeatedly in Seattle, prided me on regenerating skills, my Mom, who lives near me, in Santa Rosa does and my dad & friends I speak with over the phone do repeatedly. Currently, particularly, they all routinely praise my memory’s consistent bettering (when appropriate), as that’s my mot progressing skill presently.

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Now that I’m living in Peteluma, none of my close friends are here to offer me feedback in person! That’s OK, as I’ve learned to embrace the exercise of self-praise 🤩 amidst living in numerous places, in which, initially, I knew no one. I have made a couple friends here, but they haven’t seen any other stage of my recovery, except now! Therefore, I don’t have the same amount of consistent feedback from multiple sources w/ access to longitudinal data, as I did in Seattle.

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My symptoms gradually dissipate, so many of my symptoms have vanished to non existence presently. Now, I’ve officially finished my first stage of recovery, as is estimated by doctors (the first 10 years). My 11th year began on July 1 and again, my psychiatrist attests, as she always has, that I’m flying through this recovery process.

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Recovery from a Severe TBI is, as I’ve stated, is lifelong. The changes from here on out, however, tend to be much more subtle. My injury has become invisible to most, aside from my scars, which I’ve learned to wear proudly. I’m a survivor and therefor have been through, hell & high water: more than most people can fathom. One again, the lifelong potential for mental healing is in-fact synonymous with human’s potential for lifelong mental growth (again, if we consistently use our brain).

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1st down, more to come 😊

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Prepare to continually be surprised!

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\n", "excerpt": "

Does the following sound familiar to you? “They are like that/always do that”. These blanketing statements, although factual in some cases, are overwhelmingly inaccurate for me, as they’re far too all encompassing! Static judgements are inaccurate for a survivor who’s actively & continually working to better themselves, particularly. We as humans, are largely reliant on […]

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This title undoubtedly sounds funny, but none the less, this statement is my truth.

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I’ve lost uncountable personal abilities. The inability to cry, however, I have no control over & until addressing this with my psychiatrist, I had no understanding as to why I couldn’t cry. With every other disappeared ability > I knew that I had to work, work, work to make it better…

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This working commitment, was repeatedly instilled & reaffirmed by my dad, necessarily so, as I had 0 motivation, neurologically, for the first 3 years. It eventually re-arose…very…gradually. Resultantly, Tese (my Dad) had to boss me ‘round (which is not his forte’) but I’m so greatful you did, Tese!

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I’ve been robbed of so many capabilities, that to retrieve one, which I’d begun missing lately (in the past couple of years) felt wonderful. I’ve never cried often, even before incurring this injury, but not having cried at all amongst this horrendous recovery is PARTICULARLY unsettling. I had & have (less so now, but still) unexpressed sorrow.

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My tears had been missing for at least 11 years and 20 days (my accident happened July 1, 2013) before they reappeared – at long last. This hole in my expression of loss/remorse/sadness left me feeling entirely shuttered, which is the WORST for me. Expression is essential to the core of who I am: job, socialite, recharge time (reading)… Given the immensity of what I have (and had in the past) to grapple with and the immense loss entangled, tears were & are more than justifiable!

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But tears, I can’t summon. I’m no actress 😉

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Henceforth, I had experienced absolutely no relief.

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Until…

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I cried!!!

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I was walking along the other day & had negative phone calls with both of my parents. I called one after the other seeking advice and in response, both refused & were short with me. Henceforth, I began to cry. The initial remorse was exacerbated by all that was displeasing in my life – which u can gather, from my past posts, is a fair bit. Resulting from their disinterest in helping me, I felt even more alone than usual, which is a feat in and of itself presently!

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Although emitting tears in the above instance, was only appropriate in-that I was already sorrowful, my reaction was otherwise, pretty excessive. BUT my overwhelming emotion, once tears began to arise, was the opposite of sorrow: excitement! Tears emerging deserved joyful celebration. Overwhelming my sorrow, was elation -> I was crying! (I probably looked pretty funny to passers by – a woman full on crying with a grin on her face)?!

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My emotions are the same (they simply take longer to come to fruition) and they remain invisible to others. I fear that my inability to excrete tears, gives those close to me the impression that I don’t feel bad & am not remorseful/am not suffering, which is entirely incorrect.

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Despite the loss of nearly all – MANY loved ones , my habitat, my jobs, walking, talking (those are only the big ones, there are sooooo many more). My previous statement of losing nearly all is NO exaggeration! None of this, inspired the shedding of even a solitary tear.

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My specialized trauma & PTSD psychiatrist, who only works with the worst of the worst (TBI & cancer survivors, who very-nearly perished in the hospital), told me that this loss of the ability to cry, is actually quite common amongst her clients. So, although underlying sorrow existed (in reality my sadness was silly as I KNOW how much my parents LOVE me. This reality is unquestionable). But at that particular time, I was seeking reaffirmation of this truth + I wanted advice! There may have been some complaining on my end involved…

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All in all – this crying experience was very beneficial! The sadness that resulted from aforementioned negative interactions, was in fact a blessing. It brought me much needed relief. Tears were so welcome, I missed that ability so!

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Again, I’ve never been a big crier, but as a result of the culmination of all the displeasure I felt & FEEL tears were provoked & certainly deserved.

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\n", "excerpt": "

This title undoubtedly sounds funny, but none the less, this statement is my truth. I’ve lost uncountable personal abilities. The inability to cry, however, I have no control over & until addressing this with my psychiatrist, I had no understanding as to why I couldn’t cry. With every other disappeared ability > I knew that […]

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Encountering numerous struggles, every week, is STILL inevitably frustrating. Less so all the time, however, as a result of becoming used to consistent challenges & now FINALLY seeing them lessen. A change in perspective (moving from solely witnessing a loss of abilities to experiencing a reclamation of skills) feels magical & has encouraged me to look for the positive within each hardship.

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Wether it’s strengthening my left side, as a result of my right, dominant side, not communicating well with my brain, or forming my own writer’s voice. The possibilities continue to reveal themselves! TIME alongside using my brain routinely, has facilitated my healing and will continue to. I’ve seen authors sharing of their recovery from a TBI and never specifying the severity of their TBI, which silently affirms the reality that their TBIs are mild. Again potential possibilities as a professional writer who incurred a Severe TBI…

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After solely having composed content under client’s names, as a result of being a ghost writer, for the proceeding 5 years, I now have a personal story to tell. Very usually, I’m superiorly able (as a result of ALLOT of practice) to find the positivities within my struggles. Often this entails thinking abstractly & counterintuitively – which is also great exercise for my brain!

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One such recent example, is when I sprained my left wrist 1 evening, after just a couple days of living in Petaluma. The sprain took place, when I came home 1 evening in the dark and wasn’t yet familiar with my front porch. Admittedly, there was a slight bit of inebriation involved, propelling the misplaced memory…

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There are two levels to my front porch & at the time, I forgot this, for the aforementioned reasons. Resultantly, I unlocked my front door from the lowest level & proceeded to walk right in. Inevitably, I tripped over the second (top) step. I nearly fell right on my face! Luckily, I didn’t mar or injure my face, because my left arm flew down instinctively, to hit the floor before my face did. I’ve become so appreciative of my reflexes and instincts, as they compensate, in part, for my present lacking abilities!

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My left arm, which has become the arm of mine that instinctually reacts presently, due to my right hand’s disability: its inability to receive, and resultantly act in accordance with, the directions of my brain, in any timely manner. Therefore, my left arm and hand fell down, in front of where my face was set to lad, in protection! Inevitably, my left wrist, when slamming my left hand down quickly, on the concrete ground, took the brunt: my full body wait, largely falling upon my flexed upper arm > wrist…

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As a result of impairing my left wrist, my right hand has been forced to reclaim its capabilities. Since right is my naturally dominant hand, yet resulting from my Severe TBI, has become completely inactive -> spastic -> inaccurately able, this sprain is demanding my right regain it’s capabilities. Talk about a forcing function!

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This too is righteously frustrating (consciously reverting back to right hand dominance). But now at least I’m forced to (slowly, as has been the case with reclaiming all of my abilities) regain my natural functions.

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Comparatively, however, this stage of my healing is productive!

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I’m now able to accept just how incredibly fortunate I have been (it’s nearly impossible to be appreciative when everything in life is HARD and unfulfilling). Now, however, I’ve reached the point where I’ve recovered enough, to be very appreciative of 2 aspects: The broad community that supported me when I incurred my TBI, as well as the phenomenal uplifting I’ve received amidst my transition to living with this disability.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Encountering numerous struggles, every week, is STILL inevitably frustrating. Less so all the time, however, as a result of becoming used to consistent challenges & now FINALLY seeing them lessen. A change in perspective (moving from solely witnessing a loss of abilities to experiencing a reclamation of skills) feels magical & has encouraged me to […]

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Someone trying to take advantage of me at a bar…This wouldn’t be surprising for most of the women I know, just as it wouldn’t be jarring for me. In this particular instance, however, the “other” wasn’t a man trying to take advantage of me sexually, instead it was a woman in her late 50s/early 60s (impossible to guess an age you haven’t yet been) attempting to take advantage of me monetarily. Because she’s the age of my mom, spoke of her children…I will admit, my guard was down, and I awarded her some trust, unjustly. But soon, my trust for her was vanquished, never to be revived.

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My doctors, upon my release from the final hospitalI attended, warned my parents (who reminded me of this warning later, once my brain had healed enough to store the warning – & it did!) that it was very likely, that people would try to take advantage of me.

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I’ve already shared on this blog, SOME of the times people have tried to take advantage of me, though certainly not nearly all…This woman in Petaluma, was particularly bad, in my opinion: She played on my weakness, by offering “support” for my injury and acting enormously sympathetic as a result of her “work with survivors”.

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Firstly, she offered to counsel my mother, as parents of survivors of Severe TBIs are always recommended psychiatry, as they too undergo immense trauma. Because I have become much more savvy presently, I replied by asking of her accreditation (what her degree is in, where it’s from)…She had nothing to share in response. Instead, she skipped answering my question, by seamlessly proposing her second attempt to take advantage: offering me a room in her home.

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The attempts to take advantage of me simply continue. Even in the safest of environments! My awareness of this tendency of *some* others, has consequentially heightened: My pointed awareness of this, is continually capitalized by each experience of it, just as the story I shared above articulates.

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Alongside this awareness, comes a sadness. I’ve always known that awful people existed theoretically, though I’ve seldomly experienced it personally. Sure little things (in school for instance) have taken place. But the frequency has certainly aggrandized.

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I’ve always believed that the overwhelming amount of humans are innately good & I still believe this to be true, but presently the “bad eggs” are seemingly (as I appear even more vulnerable than before) drawn to me. Henceforth, preserving this faith in humanity’s goodness is getting harder. My caregivers CERTAINLY accentuate goodness, but presently I don’t spend much time with them & so I’m dealing with un-empathic strangers.

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By the time we were on our the second and final drink, it was undoubtedly confirmed that she was attempting to play me. The wrongful & selfish 2 attempts at obtaining my money, accentuated this.

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In response, I simply excused myself.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Someone trying to take advantage of me at a bar…This wouldn’t be surprising for most of the women I know, just as it wouldn’t be jarring for me. In this particular instance, however, the “other” wasn’t a man trying to take advantage of me sexually, instead it was a woman in her late 50s/early 60s […]

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"avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2023-12-10T15:10:38-08:00", "modified": "2025-08-10T16:51:28-07:00", "title": "Witnessing Present & Forcasting Forthcoming Joy!", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2023/12/10/witnessing-present-forthcoming-joy/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-2gp", "content": "\n
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My psychologist told me that contentedness would eventually resurface for me. Not that it reappears for all survivors, certainly not, but that it would for me. She said this once we had worked together every week for a couple years & she had learned more of me: my priorities, goals, desires for the future, fears & how I spent my time. Only then could she knowingly make this statement. Initially (for the first 6 years ((that really does = at first in this regard, as this recovery takes soooo long!!))) I had no self-generated hope of full recovery to speak of. Dr. Artherholt, amazingly & necessarily, provided this hope for me.

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Full recovery from a TBI, and particularly a Critical TBI, is determined by neurologists, to necessitate lifelong practice.

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To specify: I’ve been told by my psychologist, that full recovery does not imply that recoveries (including I) will reclaim absent faculties utilizing the same mental navigation tools. Those, once habitually utilized neural pathways, were obliterated by the TBI, never to be reclaimed. New pathways, however, to reach the same outcome, need to be & can be, identified by the brain.

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Again, my youth at the time that I incurred my Severe TBI (26, nearly 27) is identified by my doctors to be hugely helpful in my recovery. A young brain is far more pliable than an older one. (I can find new ways of mentally achieving my goals). And to specify further: what I consider “full” recovery pertains to regaining, all of the skills that I personally utilize routinely. Math, for instance, is only, in my reality, utilized regularly for calculating totals & sales when shopping! As has been my perspective since middle school. And therefore, the easy calculator on my phone suits me just fine.

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Though I’m certainly not nearly wholly content yet, I can now foresee this overwhelming contentedness manifesting itself in the relatively near future. This certainty results from having partial contentedness, even if only slightly, with my life presently. Before working with Dr. Artherholt (my psychiatrist) as well as for the first 6 years of our work together, I couldn’t even envision my joy of life resurfacing, ever.

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I’ve been working the hardest I’ve ever worked at anything as well as harder than the vast majority of people have ever worked or will ever have to work lifelong. (I was reticent to claim this, until my psychiatrist, a doctor who’s therefore studied prolifically (as is required of any doctor) as well as offered psychiatry to numerous Severe TBI survivors, reiterated the truth that TBI survivors not only work among the hardest to reclaim their lives ((let alone quality lives!)) they work harder than most others work for anything)!

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In the past, what has resulted from my prolific work has been the achievement of the aim that work was designed to accomplish. But also, my aforementioned profound luck arose in tandem. Not always, certainly not, but when recounting my most influential outcomes, luck has certainly been a grandiose facilitator. This “luck” has been called blessing or fortune by loved ones and in reality, I consider it to be a boost from the universe.

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After a decade + (My recovery is still very much in progress) but after withstanding & achieving a prolific amount, I now feel confident in exclaiming a truth that I’ve been confident about lifelong & is particularly relevant in this circumstance: Love heals. Love (in part – but grander than all other parts) has initiated my 2nd life.

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I’ve been the extremely fortunate to be the recipient of love from individuals like my Parents, my Mentor, and friends: Chris, Lela, Jasper (to name only a few who have most grandly served me) as well as my newest friend, who lived in SanFrancisco & just a couple days ago, traveled home to Bozeman, Montana: Rob.

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My recovery has now been 10 & 1/2 years and in it I’ve needed, and received, assistance from countless individuals. As a result, my profoundly impressive recovery has been far from an individual effort, it has certainly been a collective one.

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At the risk of being knowingly redundant: THANK YOU!!

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Individuals in my life have have made this healing experience tolerable (moments in the last few years have certainly been joyful) & possible!

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\n", "excerpt": "

My psychologist told me that contentedness would eventually resurface for me. Not that it reappears for all survivors, certainly not, but that it would for me. She said this once we had worked together every week for a couple years & she had learned more of me: my priorities, goals, desires for the future, fears […]

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52768499 }, "date": "2023-03-11T13:33:49-08:00", "modified": "2024-07-28T16:02:22-07:00", "title": "Balance & Perseverance", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2023/03/11/balance-perseverance/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-2fj", "content": "\n
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Balance can be used to describe many different things: having & maintaining physical balance, maintaining a balanced life, having balanced relationships: friendship or romantic, work/life balance…Currently I’m speaking primarily of the 1st example of balance on this list: physical balance. For those of you that are routine readers of my blog, this should not be at all surprising.

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I have been advised, by my specialty yoga physical therapist in Seattle, that keeping my eyes focused on a particular spot, will help greatly to maintain my physical balance. That was a needed reminder for me (my memory of the couple years prior to attending the Sanctuary & incurring my TBI ((largely, my time living in SF, during which I practiced yoga routinely)) is absent). Visual and resultantly mental focus, only keeps my lifted leg up for a second longer, presently, before it touches down, as a result of necessity: to keep my balance. But shoot, a couple seconds is enough time before transitioning to another pose in my yoga flow. That’s enough, for now! I do look forward to my staying power lasting longer with practice, as it did a couple years ago, when I was practicing yoga every morning. For now, it’s wonderful, as its superior to my past capabilities.

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Are you witnessing my hard-won acceptance of my present capabilities?! Taking a moment to acknowledge & with time accept, my current abilities, is a constructive way to promote further attainment.

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My specialty psychiatrist as well as all of my doctors, from many divers fields, attest that my recovery is far advanced: beyond the vast majority of other survivors with Severe TBIs (those with the same severity as mine, is the only just comparison). I still, however, encounter frustrating trials, routinely, whenever I challenge myself. I challenge myself often, as that’s needed to reclaim my skills! In truth, it’s just me comparing myself to the my previous self. But shoot! My previous self is just the basis I wish to begin-again from and certainly not the final destination. Beginning there again, alongside the new skills that I gained throughout my recovery, will be an entirely alternative beginning to what would have been, had I not incurred my TBI.

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Yes, my journey of healing/life (one & the same, as recovery from TBIs ((for survivors who continually use their brains – alike I)) has recently been attested, by research & specialty doctors, to be lifelong). This truth equates to my healing being extended (theoretically, not actually. My awareness of this truth, has simply heightened).

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Resultantly, my maturation had to begin again, after incurring my Severe TBI (having to relearn & practice, in order to re-instill skills). This tremendously taxing, necessarily repetitive addition to the story of my life, has however, also offered me an opportunity to take my writing to the next level. I am composing a memoir of my recovery that will serve so many survivors. This too, is a tremendous motivator of mine: Service.

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There are famous athletes, who’ve incurred TBIs while practicing their sport, who’ve increased public awareness, but I have unique support to offer – well articulated (& so accessible) empathetic emotional support & there are never too many sources of support! Especially when the population of survivors is grandiose & presently on the rise. I expect that an intimate story of how a “normal person” with middle-upper class means, who’s suffered a TBI & rehabilitated effectively, as well as how I did so, will offer survivors both emotional & practical support in order that they can recover to the best of their abilities as well.

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Recovery is frustrating but that frustration is simultaneously motivating. Frustration is a powerful motivator, if the frustration is directed appropriately…no? The aforementioned challenges occur when doing things that once were commonplace for me (before incurring my Severe TBI, they were easy-peasy ((no brainers :))). Hence the immense frustration that results for me now, when encountering these trials!

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I will now loop back to the particular trial being addressed in this post: balance, which necessitates mental focus, as this is needed to employ physical focus. (Hence the advice of my specialized yoga physical therapist, to focus on one particular spot ((to promote physical focus))). My frustration arises, as a result of balance being second nature previously (I’ve been a yogi for many, many years). I always needed to focus on a particular spot, and then I could keep my lifted foot raised for a while (a couple minutes at least, currently), which is long enough to complete the yoga pose at hand & then move on to the next pose in the series.

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I’ve certainly noticed, that I’m disillusioned easily (due to an unfulfilled expectation of myself, founded on past abilities). Therefore, at times I don’t complete the yoga practice I began. I know better, but my immense frustration overwhelms this knowledge and convinces my body to give up. I imagine that others can relate to this – frustration overwhelming knowledge, which results in stopping 1/2 way through, or even before then. I know that this isn’t helpful in the slightest. After-all, practice makes better. But knowledge and action don’t always go hand in hand…

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My mother has made an astute point: I’m not used to failure. If something didn’t come easily to me, as most skills I tried did previously, after first, or secondarily (if necessary) attempting it, I’d think: well clearly, I’m not meant to do this & resultantly stop. Since there was still an abundance on my plate, I was never left wanting.

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Hence this recovery process being SO unnerving. It’s full of try, try, try again, regarding many things that I WANT to (and will) do again, that I was once fully capable of. My present inability is briefly disconcerting, but no longer lastingly discouraging as I’ve begun employing some of the aforementioned & employed practices of self-acceptance. I’m still committed to persevering, as I have been for the vast majority of my recovery, as it continues to serve me!

\n", "excerpt": "

Balance can be used to describe many different things: having & maintaining physical balance, maintaining a balanced life, having balanced relationships: friendship or romantic, work/life balance…Currently I’m speaking primarily of the 1st example of balance on this list: physical balance. For those of you that are routine readers of my blog, this should not be […]

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Thank you OpenLearn for this image
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Quite a few people in our society are neurodivergent presently, either through acquired medical conditions (like me), inherited medical conditions or individuals who’s medical diagnosis isn’t yet defined. I, newly (relatively) entered this group and have been shocked by the prevalence of individuals within it, largely because they remain unacknowledged by our greater society. They are shunned. Perhaps not in a knowing capacity, but because they appear “abnormal” either physically or behaviorally. The truth now, however, is that there truly is no “normal”.

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Since entering this group and getting my bearings: getting used to this new reality of mine (which has taken many, many years), I feel called to befriend & show sympathy for other nuerodivergent Individuals. I know how hard and lonely it is!

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I was entirely unaware of the reality that there were so many within this group, until becoming apart of it => typical, No?

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Haven’t we (as a society) progressed, from considering individuals inferior, solely due to their perceived difference from us? We have, in numerous veins, but clearly not all.

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I had certainly naively hoped we had, until I was confronted with many sidelong looks (much too long to be categorized as glances) when I was relearning to walk, from passers by (many of whom looked fearful & that’s a response I’d NEVER encountered before!) People made way for me, which I appreciated, but also called their kids to their side and hid them from view (again a sign of fear of an abnormality). It took me many, many years, to relearn to walk (as it does children). My mental memory of doing so previously, was largely obliterated. Finally, once I was done falling multiple times a day, I instead solely fell on rare occasion. Now, I only fall when confronted by an unforeseen obstacle or when traversing a path that necessitates maintaining heightened balance.

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I have now befriended 2 incredibly kind, neurodivergent men, who have both Asperger and schizophrenia. They have both entirely altered my paradigms, though I’m very aware that each individual (which is often not recognized) with a diagnosis is entirely unique.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Quite a few people in our society are neurodivergent presently, either through acquired medical conditions (like me), inherited medical conditions or individuals who’s medical diagnosis isn’t yet defined. I, newly (relatively) entered this group and have been shocked by the prevalence of individuals within it, largely because they remain unacknowledged by our greater society. They […]

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How many posts must I write about the dedication to patience necessitated by my Severe TBI recovery as well as survivors natural lack there of (myself included)!? Well…the many posts dedicated to this subject, pale in comparison to the plethora of times I’ve become frustrated due to my present loss->lack of patience, coupled with my overwhelming need of it now! This makes me feel helpless – a feeling I despise (I’m guessing I’m far from alone in this sentiment). The impatience initiated by my severe traumatic brain injury (I distinguish this specific severity of my injury ((as is present on all of my medical records))) due to the reality that the specific name my injury, illuminates how it contrasts *severely* from mild or even moderate TBIs.)

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After-all, I’m a freelance writer! Nothing about this career comes quickly. Drafting, editing (once every few paragraphs or, in truth, perhaps even within a paragraph ((as I’m doing now)))…the implementation of editing, which depends upon the pace of my flow, and always has (pre & post TBI). Whenever I pause for a drink of water, to go to the bathroom, to grab a coffee…). Whenever my mind is imbued a fresh perspective & I have a few minutes away from my screen, I’m enabled to edit once again, until the present piece is complete. Unit published, each piece is up for edits. I’m sure y’all may relate to this via documents that you’ve created, accept this what I spend each day doing & I love it! I do still…but impatience gets the better of me…often.

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My patience, in the past was prolific (relatively: compared to others my age) & with drafting, particularly. I transferred this patience to other aspects of life, somewhat, sometimes…I’d never have claim to be any where near as patient as buddhist monks (I make this comparison, as moks do all mindfully, which, resultantly, takes much longer. Mindful walking ((should, for the vast majority of individuals)) never be practiced if you’d like to get where your going quickly).

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In fact, if u review old blog posts of mine, you’ll see what I mean. The subjects too are very compact. They don’t have many supplementary commentaries/evidence which my posts do now, as well as my posts pre-TBI did before.

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My mentor, Lilian Cheung, the author of Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life alongside the venerated monk Thich Nhat Hanh, has been practicing Zen Buddhism for many, many years. She’s also spent quite a bit of time with Buddhist Monks in Plum Village (Thay: Thich Nhat Han’s home), practicing mindfulness. She practices personally within many her daily tasks too. As a result, she is, in fact, able to pair speed & mindfulness. This skill is very unique, however.

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Patience is a primary aspect of my job and always has been. In fact, this career appealed to me, in part, because I used to have no impediment with post/article/story construction’s necessitated longevity. I want everything I write to convey precisely what I mean. Therefore I edit, revise, & proof-read again.

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How much can you say on the same subject? A surprising amount considering the grand role it’s played, is still playing and will play for years to come in my life (confirms my psychiatrist) Reclaiming abilities seems to be a never ending struggle ( & my specialty psychiatrist claims that yes, in fact, it is lifelong) and as a result, independence is re-enabled eventually, albeit painfully slowly.

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As I articulated, substantiated in the post linked to above, independence has been a dedication of mine lifelong, Writing about a subject related to my-own struggle, currently, acts as therapy for me -> expression = a common understanding of my hurdle. This enables me to feel less lonely in my recovery. Otherwise, friends are as supportive as they can be but…it’s riotously hard for anyone to understand it much at all because they can’t empathize to any degree.

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Presently, however, my patience has gotten much better (relative to my past recovery). It still necessitates consistent refocusing, BUT I’m once again able to compose amongst many speaking strangers. I was completely unable to do that previously (for years) amidst this recovery process. This recovery is a process undoubtedly a process that’s *incredibly* (it’s so incredibly intricate!). Specifically, when referring to the speaking strangers, I’m speaking of composing in cafes.

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How many posts must I write about the dedication to patience necessitated by my Severe TBI recovery as well as survivors natural lack there of (myself included)!? Well…the many posts dedicated to this subject, pale in comparison to the plethora of times I’ve become frustrated due to my present loss->lack of patience, coupled with my […]

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Nueroplasticity is my, as well as other Traumatic Brain Injury survivor’s, best friend. As a result of nueroplasticity (a relatively new discovery) being now known, scientists have learned that we can in-fact resurrect hidden knowledge that formerly appeared lost. This is wonderful news, as my critical Traumatic Brain Injury necessitates the building of new neural pathways to reach the information which formerly accessed alternatively. This reality is shared by of some moderate, all Severe and all other critical TBI survivors.

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The difference in the grandeur of recovery due to the severity of Traumatic Brain Injury incurred, not only lay in how strongly we accept this massive challenge and work to relearn EVERYTHING. Largely too, the difference lies in how all-encompassing our recovery is. As I’ve mentioned repeatedly, I was incredibly fortunate to have a devoted personal care team, which included 2 professional teachers (I love knowledge and resultantly those that facilitate retrieving it)! I was raised bias, what with my mom & primary love being a 4th grade teacher, the predominance of my life. My care team enabled my recovery largely for the first 1.5 years (while I lived w/ my parents) & my needs descended in grandeur with time.

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Again, astounding patience is needed, which is nearly impossible to come by in early recovery (science & resultantly doctors attest). Thank goodness for the ample external help I had & have!

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The national library of medicine aserts that “TBI population studies revealed that the prevalence of TBIs in adults over 18 was 8.5%… In 2010, 2.5 million emergency department visits were associated with TBI”. It goes on to state that as of 2010 TBI was related to 30% of mortalities.

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With the proliferation of US residents who use of cars (the primary cause of suffering a TBI) as transportation, the % of Americans with TBIs has inevitably grown substantially. Henceforth, this is a mighty substantial national problem, as well as one for the grander populous of the developed world.

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The tough part it, is that primary previous friends of ours (survivors) encounter us solely (because they flee after the resultant drama amidst our initial 10 year healing phase). If a survivor has great friends as I do/did, they’re primarily on it! In these first 10 years, we’re amidst all-encompassing healing (relearning to live) and henceforth have the attitude and abilities of a child + immense irritability (can you imagine!). I haven’t yet reached my 10 years (which is solely the 1st stage of healing, amidst this life-long healing process). The vast majority of my friends have fallen off.

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Nueroplasticity is my, as well as other Traumatic Brain Injury survivor’s, best friend. As a result of nueroplasticity (a relatively new discovery) being now known, scientists have learned that we can in-fact resurrect hidden knowledge that formerly appeared lost. This is wonderful news, as my critical Traumatic Brain Injury necessitates the building of new neural […]

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It’s become clear to me that the title of my injury, is misunderstood by some to be the core name of my injury (brain injury) + an attempt at aggrandizement – “severe”. When in fact, a severe brain injury is precisely the name of the deadly injury I incurred. “Severe Brain Injury” is present on all of my medical records and it’s how my many doctors, including neurosurgeons, refer to the catastrophe I incurred.

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The regenesis that I’m going through now, is still in progress, as relearning to live in full takes forever (that’s not entirely accurate, of course. That’s an example of my over-exaggeration ((simultaneously, an emotional release & accurate depiction of my feelings!)) of climbing out of this sinkhole for nearly a decade).

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Consider the 28 years of schooling (K-college graduation from Seattle U) as well as the work ethic I’ve developed since 15, not to mention the vast amount of learning I obtained, simply as a result of living! And I did live in full: I satisfied my desires by living where I wanted, befriending those that I throughly enjoyed & could learn from as well as developing a career that I adore: writing!

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The woman that did, very recently (last week?), reveal her personal ignorance & prejudice to me, was a woman whom I was communicating with on craigslist, about subletting her home in SanLosObispo.

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The uninformed assume (at least the aforementioned 1 did) that I’ve added some extra drama to my injury, to make it sound more catastrophic than it is. My injury’s name, which is present on 200+ (very likely more…again, my lack-luster memory is not to be relied upon for recalling specifics) pages of my medical records and my MANY doctors (from 3 hospitals) continue to solely use, is Severe Traumatic Brain Injury. The distinction of the severity of TBI is vastly important as the symptoms & resulting difficulties contrast hugely!! She took my utterance of this diagnosis to be me playing victim. Hell no.

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I have, in an abundance over the past 9 1/2 years, necessitated substantial help but still never intentionally provoked sympathy by playing victim. I’ve thanked helpers profusely (which is only appropriate, I feel)! At the forefront I was learning basics anew. How to walk, talk, chew…I’m truly talking basics. So, ample help help was necessitated, and I was & am supremely grateful for those who informed me, assisted me & stood alongside me. The proclamation that I “am” grateful, refers to the now slight help that I’m well-aware I still need. A perfect example: 2 nights ago, I was dining with my grate friend and ally in life, Chris, who discreetly moved my wine & water glass away from the edge of the table, as a result of my depth perception still not being great, combined with the reality that until very recently (& perhaps still. It’s hard to say) I’d push things I’d ordered (unintentionally, obviously) off the table! What a mess a nearly full spilled glass of wine would make…

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My stay at the sanctuary, (where this TBI took place, just before my exit, while running an errand, as a part of my work-trade, and driving to do so) certainly aggrandized my reverence for helpers & my appreciation of all that they do. After-all, the sanctuary was dedicated to cultivating mindfulness: witnessing all that is, clearly. Appreciation has certainly blossomed profusely as a result.

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Though those that question my actions, are still prolific, I’m learning to push their inaccurate judgements aside. Ample experience simply strengthens my resolve to protect my happiness above all else! My contentment/happiness is MIGHTY fragile currently, so although I still deeply care for others happiness, mine takes priority, as it should for every person!

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s become clear to me that the title of my injury, is misunderstood by some to be the core name of my injury (brain injury) + an attempt at aggrandizement – “severe”. When in fact, a severe brain injury is precisely the name of the deadly injury I incurred. “Severe Brain Injury” is present on […]

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"modified": "2024-07-10T18:36:14-07:00", "title": "Joy Accompanying this Recovery Saga: New Sources of Love Arising", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2022/08/30/unbeatable-joy-accompanying-this-recovery-saga-new-sources-of-love-arising/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-2dH", "content": "\n
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Thank goodness! While very nearly all in my life changed, some love remained consistent. Certainly not all, but this alteration in the amount of love given to me, only made me appreciate the love I receive presently, all the more. As a result of the stark juxtaposition between the aforementioned friends that have bailed vs. friends (a few) & family members/family friends (nearly all) that’ve stayed by my side, my appreciation of their love, support & kindness has grown exponentially. This is an excellent example of scarcity inciting appreciation.

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To exemplify this, I’ve been extremely fortunate to welcome 2 new profound loves into my life in the last many years. They are both family members: My dad (Tese)’s wife: Emily, as well as my previously estranged sister: Zoe. They’ve both have generously come to my side consistently & have offered, undoubtedly, invaluable love of my present self. They have both offered assistance, when need be, as well as a commitment to our future together.

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There were certainly quite a few years after I incurred my TBI, in which I wasn’t feeling the love at all, due to a whole host of reasons. Therefore, I didn’t feel capable of exuding love either. Of course the tremendous loss of nearly all of my capabilities, was certainly an impediment to my happiness. My offering of love was resultantly extremely hampered as well. Pre-TBI I was in love with love. The love I received previously too, was proof of the symbiotic tendency of both my close friends & I to offer others love. It is questionable, of course, which came first -> the chicken or the egg. After-all, love inspires love! So, my altered expression of love, was a dramatic change for me, as well as my friends.

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It was hard for my friends to know that this change was impermanent as I was entirely incapable of explaining it to them. I was too mired in my own loss, to consider the potential reaction of loved ones, to my actions. This was a change too, as pre-TBI I was mindfully growing my self-reflection, self-awareness, and thoughtfulness towards others.

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Love is the center of my universe. This has been my truth lifelong. Love provokes actions of mine like nothing else. It’d be mighty hard…near impossible, to find an individual who knows me well, that doesn’t validate this truth. I couldn’t be happier that love has returned to me now!

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\n", "excerpt": "

Thank goodness! While very nearly all in my life changed, some love remained consistent. Certainly not all, but this alteration in the amount of love given to me, only made me appreciate the love I receive presently, all the more. As a result of the stark juxtaposition between the aforementioned friends that have bailed vs. […]

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"modified": "2022-09-21T19:57:00-07:00", "title": "Beauty & Magic of Stones", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2022/08/23/beauty-magic-of-stones/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-2dz", "content": "\n
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I had the pleasure of meeting Kristin a few days ago, who’s a new barista at 1 of my regular cafes = work-spots. (Where I compose, edit & at times publicize these posts). Kristin complimented the stone I was wearing and asked what the stone, specifically was. I answered that although it visibly appears to be citrine, I know not of this assumption’s validity, having purchased it at a street market, when I resided in SanFrancisco. I find it beautiful & so, knowing the correct name of the stone, is of far less importance to me.

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In response to my sharing, Kristin proceeded to show me her personal, plethora of stones, which she collected from the back. It was diverse & magnificent! She then gifted one of them to me!! (The image above depicts it). I associate this generosity of hers, to a stranger, with our common love of stones. Not solely, of course, a natural inclination to be generous is also paramount. I think it’s safe to assume that our mutual love of stones, though, was a catalyst. Whatever the reason, I find generosity to be a reverent human characteristic.

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My love of stones was further fostered when I resided in SanFrancisco. Hence, my choice to purchase the aforementioned stone. Soon after purchasing, I complimented it with a chain. As a result of my adoration, I wanted a want to keep it close to me, often! Making it into a necklace transformed it from being an inanimate object, into a necklace. This pairing enables it to travels with me as I traverse Seattle, Bellingham & Portland (presently) as well as in the past: SanFrancisco, Montreal, Costa Rica, Fontainebleau, France and Seattle (my home) then too as well.

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I had the pleasure of meeting Kristin a few days ago, who’s a new barista at 1 of my regular cafes = work-spots. (Where I compose, edit & at times publicize these posts). Kristin complimented the stone I was wearing and asked what the stone, specifically was. I answered that although it visibly appears to […]

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Tapas, is the yogic ethical principal of discipline. Tapas are among a subset of the yoga sutras, known as the Niyamas. The Sutras & Niyamas are believed to be composed and compiled by the ancient Indian sage, Patanjali. A number of other yogic works are believed to be written by Patanjali as well.

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The Niyama Tapas is succinctly defined as both endurance and/or acceptance. I understand diligence to mean working for what you want! Conversely, Tapas also refers to an acceptance of what is, and not trying to change it grandly.

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To take a risk of this grandeur (or of any amount, in all honesty) is completely out of character for me. I’m well aware that some people consistently crave risky behaviors. Respect! I however, lifelong, have been largely risk averse.

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Offering to run an errand, which necessitated driving, sans any driving experience (due to routine travel and residing in big cities) in order to gain cell service, was an attempt to facilitate furthering my stay at the Sanctuary. My choice to drive equates to a lack of tapas (acceptance of my inability to drive). This combination resulted in my incurrence of a critical TBI. Making this decision, sans tapas, is the closest I’ve come to uncovering an understanding of my rationality at that time. Considering I have no recollection of the year on either side of my injury, an educated guess is necessary.

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As previous posts suggest, I’ve been diligently digging for an explanation to the entirely life altering decision I made on the day I obtained my critical TBI, but in truth, as I stated previously, I think it was desire supplanting rationality. During that drive, while running an errand for the mindfulness Sanctuary I was attending, I totaled the car I was driving. Driving far from the Sanctuary was the only way to gain cell reception & therefore communicate with those outside the Sanctuary. This was a necessary precursor = asking my parents to transfer funds (they alone I trust enough, to offer my banking passwords) from my savings to my checking to facilitating my elongated stay.

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My lack of tapas (accepting true knowledge), also informs my understanding of making this uncharacteristic decision of mine. Sure, many have simply equated this choice to being young (considering the life span of Washingtonians is now 80.2, 2 nearly 27 ((my age at the time)) is still considered young). I’ve heard and read that a lack of rationality, is particularly common for millennials (my generation) as well.

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We’ve (generally) been coddled by our parents lifelong. They made many of our decisions for us when we were young. Therefore, young adults (myself & my close-in-age comrades) are inexperienced in making rational decisions, particularly when juxtaposed with strong desires!

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Perhaps that’s why young adults are among the largest # of people to incur TBIs? To be clear: I am in NO way saying that this was my or anyone else’s parents doing! That’d equal passing the buck in a totally unjustified way. Not to mention the reality that their attentiveness serves me & us astronomically and has lifelong.

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I am incredibly grateful for all of my parent’s lifelong support & particularly in this instance.

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I do realize that I, unfortunately, have brought prolific hardship not only on myself but on them as well, as they remain attentive, amidst this loooong recovery saga. I am & will continue to be, incredibly thankful to them, lifelong, for how well they raised me initially, as well as for their present devotion. They’ve made numerous sacrifices, to help me reclaim happiness, and all in their golden years! They’re helping me recover & reclaim joy (which is tremendously difficult for ALL critical TBI survivors, as deep depression comes alongside this horrific injury) while in their retirement.

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Tese and Mom: you are outstanding parents.

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Tapas, is the yogic ethical principal of discipline. Tapas are among a subset of the yoga sutras, known as the Niyamas. The Sutras & Niyamas are believed to be composed and compiled by the ancient Indian sage, Patanjali. A number of other yogic works are believed to be written by Patanjali as well. The Niyama […]

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"site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/8499/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/8499/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 8355, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2022-06-15T13:17:12-07:00", "modified": "2025-03-04T18:58:13-08:00", "title": "My Mangled Muladhara (root) Chakra", "URL": 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Thank you to ShantiSpace for this beautiful image
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Considering that the seatbelt broke my pelvis in numerous places, my muladhara chakra (the root chakra) was undoubtedly astronomically affected. Either of the averse consequences that were relayed to my parents and I in the hospital and confirmed by my psychologist, would’ve been much more dire, however. The 2 probable alternative consequences: 1) I could’ve been ejected from the car & very likely fallen to my death 2) I could’ve smashed my brain into the light pole at full velocity, which would’ve undoubtedly led to my end as well.

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Seatbelts = life savers. This has been proclaimed by MANY experts, and now I can speak to the undeniable validity of this statement, substantiated by personal experience.

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Mula (the prefix of muladhara) means root in Sanskrit. The root chakra exists at the base of one’s spine. Just as roots offer plants an avenue to penetrate the earth in order to build stability and obtain sustenance, our root chakra acts as our foundation. Our root chakra also connects us to all else that is in existence, some of which, does produce sustenance for us, although usually not physical sustenance. For the vast majority of humans, socialite sustains us, as socialite is a primary need of ours. Socialite is the way in which we foster community, which equates to us feeling supported. The muladhara chakra is associated with the pelvis.

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It’s impossible for those unaffected to relate to having to relearn EVERYTHING and live feeling misunderstood for years (some survivors forever: I do hope my telling of my experience will lessen this sense of misunderstood otherness, as my writings has the capacity to illuminate those unaffected)!

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As previously stated above, trees’ roots keep them grounded, their evenly dispersed branches promote balance and their solid trunks attests to the reality that is true of all life forms: balance & a strong core promote stability. Animals & humans, uniquely, have the ability to alter their stance or route in real time. This is handy for reacting to unforeseen obstacles, at a moments notice.

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I’m a proud born and bred (residing in Seattle for slightly over 3 decades ((dispersed by frequent travel and a brief relocation to SanFrancisco))) Seattleite. I represent, the former Seattleite, in large part (much has changed now, resulting from the prolific addition of those that have relocated here). I haven’t yet established the practice of camping AT ALL however, although my desire to do so has recently begun emerging. I have forever loved being in nature though.

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The root chakra is also associated with smell, as well as taste (inevitably, as 1 informs the other). Interestingly enough, the loss of these capabilities (taste & smell) are also identified as a symptom of incurring a TBI, of any severity: mild, moderate or severe. Medically, the this loss of these senses is called anosmia.

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The solidity offered by the muladhara chakra simultaneously supports solidity of spirit. When referring to solidity of spirit, I specifically mean knowing yourself well. This enables seeking activities that serve you. It’s been mighty difficult to identify what exactly is disabling my motivation, but investigating this chakra further (for instance), certainly informs my understanding. All of my neurologists attest too to a lack of motivation being a primary side effect of a TBI, let alone a critical 1. Specifically, in my case, I personally consider the demolishment of my pelvis (the root chakra), very telling.

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My symptoms have been & are (As has been true with my loss of taste & smell) far lesser pronounced than most recoveries who’ve obtained a Severe or critical Traumatic Brain Injury. My dad (who is a revered home inspector that always promotes smoke alarms ((such an inexpensive & easily obtained life-saving attribute for a home)! Dad stocks his car with smoke alarms, offering them to new homeowners himself. He was initially, before my retained capability of recognizing taste & smell, had became clear, concerned (and rightly so) that the smell of smoke wouldn’t stir me & therefore 3prompt my evacuation quickly enough!

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My well being is due to a fine conglomeration of factors: I was in fantastic mental & physical health when ramming the left side of my brain against the roadside light pole at freeway velocity. Why? The accident happened very near the end of my month-long stay at the mindfulness & yoga retreat (where attendees practiced 3 meditation sits a day, & 2 asana practices every day as well). I was benefited substantially too, by the men in the car, that was driving directly behind me, who called emergency just before my collision, due to my clearly out-of-control driving (multiple spins). Quick medical attention, was the primary step, in saving my life. Timeliness is imperative to survivor’s survival.

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There are a vast number of other ideal circumstances, that have aided in my substantial recovery too. I spoke to my specialty psychologist, a few hours ago, who spoke in agreement, to the reality that it’s impossible to pinpoint precisely what has contributed to my unusually impressive recovery from a Severe TBI.

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I do hope that my sharing enables the unaware to understand why survivors act the way they do. If not understood, I ask far onlookers to accept that the survivor is dealing with unfathomable odds. Resultantly, onlookers will help as best they can, as opposed to judging unknowingly.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Considering that the seatbelt broke my pelvis in numerous places, my muladhara chakra (the root chakra) was undoubtedly astronomically affected. Either of the averse consequences that were relayed to my parents and I in the hospital and confirmed by my psychologist, would’ve been much more dire, however. The 2 probable alternative consequences: 1) I could’ve […]

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Beautiful Ashland from afar
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Ashland’s petite size (population: 21,056) & more sun (198 days of full sun per year) where as my home, Seattle, where I reside currently, is far too big for me now & only offers 152 days of full sun. A slight increase in sunny days, may not seem like much to those who experience them frequently, but it staves off my newly developed depression! Ashland may be perfect for me now. (Heat doesn’t propel me & instead causes my stagnation, genetically) so its moderate climate (aside from the summers in Ashland = too hot? To be seen…But there’s only 1 way to truly find out! I’ve visited there twice, so now living there for a bit, will be the ultimate test.

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My adoration of big cities has flown (at least for the time being). I’ve now learned not to presuppose that the vast majority of my life will be consistent with what I’m experiencing presently, or with what was once true. Life can change entirely in a moment (as it did with me, nearly 9 years ago) when I incurred my Severe TBI.

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Resultantly, my inclinations have altered grandly too. I’m aware that the grand time that’s passed within this lengthy recovery (nearly 9 years now) ensures change as well. After-all, I’ve been recovering for nearly a decade! All of my neurologists now say (recent research has illuminated) that this recovery will transpire over the rest of my lifetime. Their statement now agrees with what my dad, Tese, has always said, from my incurrence. I have now personally witnessed over many years, that this is surely the case!

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And thank goodness! I would hate to be stuck where I am now! I now see the impatience of our culture, and even more so, of my age group (young adults) in-particular. It takes a LONG time, for magnificent things to manifest! If you don’t employ patience, you’ll miss the resulting wonder.

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I refuse. Well I don’t really have a choice…essentially, the choice is to live or die, but I’ve already been through my suicidal phase (which all recipients of Severe TBIs battle), which I find heartbreaking, as I know (1st hand) how unbelievably taxing & wretchedly miserable this recovery can be…for many, many years.

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But! for all of my life, and presently too, I’ve known that the quality of my life is of the utmost importance. Hence discovering multiple places (traveling – extremely minimally & on an incredibly stringent budget!) to find an ideal environment for me now. It seems that Ashland may be that place. Setting is a large component of my happiness.

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Ashland lies between Seattle and SF (much closer to SF => ideal weather for me). Ashland is also an artists town = the vast majority of residents enjoy art of all kinds and many are, simultaneously, passionate about creating their own art, just as I am & will be when living there. This reality equates to an abundance of artistic beauty (of all kinds!), which I adore, as it delights & inspires me. As you can see from the image atop of this post, Ashland is stunningly naturally beautiful.

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The people of Ashland too, are very kind & laid back. I’ve visited twice & each time have met multiple, incredibly helpful & giving strangers.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Ashland’s petite size (population: 21,056) & more sun (198 days of full sun per year) where as my home, Seattle, where I reside currently, is far too big for me now & only offers 152 days of full sun. A slight increase in sunny days, may not seem like much to those who experience them […]

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My Dad (Tese) & my 2nd Mom (his wife, Emily, who’s cared for me diligently during my whole recovery thus far) gifted me a glorious adventure to the Yoga Forest in Guatemala, to practice yoga with other yoginis.

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The yoga forest is located in the hills (as was the Sanctuary, where I incurred my severe TBI, while running an errand ((driving))). Instead of being in the hills of Northern California, as the Sanctuary was, the Yoga Forest is in the tropical, forested hills of Guatemala. It’s owned by a fellow attendee at the Sanctuary, Jaya, and his beautiful & talented wife. (I’ve never met her, but the talent & beauty of character are made clear, given the gorgeous community she’s created). The yoga forest lies on the banks of beautiful Lake Amatitlán. I was made aware of this in tandem with, at the retreat center that was recommended, by my thoughtful friend Zoe, whom I connected with, alongside Jaya, at the Yoga Sanctuary.

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I regret, slightly, that I didn’t swim while there. Granted, we were busied with other completely fulfilling practices: yoga & meditation! (I didn’t even think of it until unpacking my unused swimsuit)…

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Not only was the setting gorgeous, attendees were enabled to fully enjoy: the majority of us attendees were housed in cabins (like the structure pictured above, sans the extensive windows) that are situated loosely around the common eating area. And the food was delicious! They employ locals that cook scrumptious local cuisine. I’m gluten intolerant (hello painful stomach cramping & gas!) and they catered to my needs beautifully. Every morning I got fresh made (the day before, I’m guessing) and warmed on the grill, tortillas. These were not like any tortillas I’ve tasted in America – they were scrumptious, purple & far more hearty than any I’d experienced at home.

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Despite being in an environment which was gorgeous, and had so many offerings that appealed, my energy to take part in them, was still nearly nill. This confirmed (what I already highly suspected to be true) that my lack of motivation has little to do with a lack of desire! Having my own room was luxurious, yet without seeing my dad & his wife Emily readying for yoga or meditation, I was unprovoked by their contagiously active energy, to get a move on.

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My dad witnessed the truth of this, when I asked him 1 day (I was learning that I needed an external spur!) to stop by my cabin before the morning course to fetch me. (I wasn’t going to miss another opportunity to engage) and thank goodness he did! I had an impromptu wake-up call by a chatter of birds & sunlight streaming into my cabin, an hour before I had planned to awake. I sat in bed to enjoy the sights of a newly dawning day amidst delightful bird chatter, but then drifted off unaware, back to sleep! Thank goodness Tese was there to wake me in time to engage in a meditation class.

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The Yoga Forest was so beautiful and had so many offerings but my Severe TBI equates to having an extremely small amount of energy to do much of anything. And This Was Yoga: My Love!! This trip proved that even when all of my desires are met, motivation is still severely lacking. The initial get up & go is missing at the forefront AND my back-stock of energy to engage, has simultaneously, run dry.

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My specialty psychiatrist reports that this will be the case from here on out. My unique trial now is to figure how to manage my finite amount of energy. I choose to consider my lesser energy to be a puzzle (figure out how to work with it: perhaps expend less energy while doing routine things?) not a blockade.

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This stance is needed in each aspect of this recovery: How to construct a fulfilling & beautiful life, alongside my new constraints.

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My Dad (Tese) & my 2nd Mom (his wife, Emily, who’s cared for me diligently during my whole recovery thus far) gifted me a glorious adventure to the Yoga Forest in Guatemala, to practice yoga with other yoginis. The yoga forest is located in the hills (as was the Sanctuary, where I incurred my severe […]

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Birds songs lifted me into a 1/2 sleep 1/2 wake state, which prompted a waking dream/memory, from the time of my life I have no remembrance of.

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Where could a memory of gaining consciousness amidst melodies composed of tweets arise from afterall? The mindfulness Sanctuary. Attendees slept in yurts amidst rolling hills, where I’m sure there were ample birds which we could hear well. Given that auditory interference was minimal, as we were far from cities of any size, my reasoning is sound.

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Substantiation lies in the reality that for 10 years (my entire adult life, prior to incurring the critical TBI) I was infatuated with cities and therefore solely inhibited them. Resultantly, I greatly suspect that I rarely heard bird songs (particularly because, during those years, I predominantly lived on Capitol Hill (where Seattle University, the college I attended, lies). Once graduating I stayed because I adored that neighborhood, pre-gentrification, that is. Birdsongs aren’t audible there in the slightest. What is much more likely to be audible, are the sound of bums rifling through trash cans in search of food…

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Further confirmation that the memory of enjoying bird songs upon awaking was offered to me by my shrouded memories of the Sanctuary: The annoyance and resulting confusion, my barely conscious self felt, as I simultaneously heard the traffic below. Considering we were in the Northern Californian hills when at the Sanctuary, and conversely, for the 10 years before that, I was a city dweller, my still largely asleep mind thought: where am I?!? The birdsongs made me feel very at ease, as this felt familiar: remembrance of a peaceful past. The traffic felt familiar as well, but it conversely threatened to disrupt the previously promised peacefulness!

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This traffic interference is due to the reality that I’m inhabiting Seattle once again. This memory arising for me, sparked my longing once again (this longing hasn’t largely disapated, it’s simply been overlayed by current experiences) to return to my adult home of Northern California.

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That being said, currently, I am greatly looking forward to Tese, Emily & my trip to Guatemala soon! We’ll attend the yoga forest in Guatemala. 1 of the attendees from the Sanctuary, which I attended 9 years ago, where I incurred my critical TBI while driving, will be there as well. That’ll certainly be a treat!

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Birds songs lifted me into a 1/2 sleep 1/2 wake state, which prompted a waking dream/memory, from the time of my life I have no remembrance of. Where could a memory of gaining consciousness amidst melodies composed of tweets arise from afterall? The mindfulness Sanctuary. Attendees slept in yurts amidst rolling hills, where I’m sure […]

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Fantom memories of mine seem to arise when I’m in a half wake half sleep state. They appear to be dreams, except that the content is so familiar…I’m called to investigate further. I usually don’t remember my dreams, I never have lifelong, but this 1/2 wake 1/2 sleep time seems to be the catalyst for my memory-dreams retrieval.

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The memory of mine that arose this time (just as before, in a semi wakeful dream) was composed of me walking amidst stretches of sand, which it’s safe to assume was Golden Gardens Beach, as it’s the only beach in Seattle, that I’m familiar with which offers long stretches of sand. It’s been a favorite beach of mine in Seattle for many years (a favorite of mine for bonfires that is).

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In the memory, I was traversing a stretch of sand, while gleefully & joyously expressing gratitude for the beautiful things that were transpiring in my life at that time. I resided in SF & had intended to return there after the Sanctuary (that’s why I’d sublet my room in SF & had only taken a leave of absence from my waitressing job). I was thanking the moon for the bountiful goodness & seeming boundlessness that had transpired recently in my life. The moon is a goddess of mine & as a result, this is not an uncommon practice of mine, particularly when I feel so thankful! Therefore, the memory that arose a few days ago, was further validated by the existence of my personal practice.

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The gratitude I was expressing to the moon, arose from the reality that I had been working at a casual fine ding restaurant for a year+: Delfina (I’m aware that the combination of casual and fine dining sounds counter-intuitive, but that was & is in-fact the case). The prices on the menu confirm Delfina’s stature, particularly the prices for bottles of wine. Our clientele practiced plentiful business meetings there, as it had & has fine food + a diverse & exquisite wine selection.

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As a result of having 1 shift of waitressing a week, I was enabled to pay for my SF basics (rent, bus pass, membership at the co-working space I wrote from, groceries). I utilized the $ I made writing, to fill my “slush fund” with which I had fun with the wondrous people I befriended there! Granted, all was done on a mighty slight budget.

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Existing on a minute budget, which I’ve practiced my whole life, when surrounded by comrades, practicing the same (due to the exorbitant cost of living in SF), doesn’t feel lacking in the slightest! Appreciation & enjoyment of all that life has to offer, has been a priority & practice of mine lifelong. I was so very joyful while living there. This I feel certain of.

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I was SO joyous to hear my dear friend Mandy, from Seattle, confirm our celebration at Golden Gardens, shortly before I left for the Sanctuary. This solidified that the truth that my waking dream was, in fact, largely influenced by a shrouded memory of mine. Lost memories of mine, beginning to resurface & fall into place, from the 2 months proceeding the yoga camp is enlivening.

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Fantom memories of mine seem to arise when I’m in a half wake half sleep state. They appear to be dreams, except that the content is so familiar…I’m called to investigate further. I usually don’t remember my dreams, I never have lifelong, but this 1/2 wake 1/2 sleep time seems to be the catalyst for […]

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I delineate the alternative rational that my TBI is in-fact categorized as critical (brink of death), due to personally experiencing a counselor who’s in my writing group from Bellingham, that bucked against my claimed severity, due to my # on the GCS. A quote from my psychiatrist: a specialty brain trauma MD, who worked alongside neurologists, in a hospital in Seattle for years, was appropriate & I didn’t hesitate to share it with her & the other writers in my writing group that witnessed her disbelief.

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In her quote, my psychiatrist explained the professional reason that my TBI is classified as critical, which articulated the aforementioned reality: I had a variety of injuries, that, when incurred simultaneously & with the extreme severity that they were = it’s remarkable that I didn’t pass. AKA: I messed myself up REAL good! Well the car & the light pole did, technically…

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The hell: the capabilities (all) that I’ve needed to regain, in there entirety, in the recent past (8.5 years ago – present) in order to live a full, independent, adult life (I feel incredibly fortunate to have this opportunity still! My reality could’ve been very different) is unbelievable to most. Other survivors & I deserve to recognized for the immense fortitude & continued perseverance that this seemingly endless recovery necessitates.

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Nothing aggravates a survivor more than the self-claimed grandeur of their TBI being questioned. This overarching statement comes knowingly, due to me personally unintentionally offending a fellow survivor within my early recovery: The fellow survivor was jubilant as a result of massaging her scars consistently & for long enough, that they dissipated completely.

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She didn’t offer me a reminder of this backstory & just showed me excitedly her lack of scars & clearly assumed that I’d remember her prior stated commitment, that she’d never have them surgically removed, when in fact my memory back then was awful ((far worse than now)))and this truth didn’t arise in my memory until many days later. I therefore asked her, innocently, if she’d had them surgically removed (as mine were far from gone). She responded very angrily & abruptly to my naive misassumptions/question: No! I didn’t have them surgically removed!!

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At the time I didn’t understand why she took such offense. In my mind, at that time, she simply could’ve just responded with the reality. What was the big deal?

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Now, years later, resulting from the offense I took from my claimed severity of TBI being discounted, I’m offered a full perspective (both as the offender & as the offended). Our situations are different, but I do see a commonality: Our tremendous healing efforts being grandly discounted by another, which I believe, is what angered us both.

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Now, after receiving similarly false presumptions by others (there have been a few) & the perceived resulting dismissal of the tremendous work I’ve expended recovering, I’m enabled to understand how she felt (shoe on the other foot). The reality that I’ve lost an overwhelming # of friendships, as my psychiatrist foresaw (through experience, she knows that this reality is fairly unanimous amongst survivors). I’ve now altered my feelings from sorrow to opportunity, necessarily so.

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Hope lies in my deep desire for a new home, with sun & fresh faces to base friendships on my present self. I’m not giving up on the present though! The true, old friends that I still have here in Seattle certainly deserve my attention & undoubtedly spending time with them will fuel my future too.

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Sun is crucial for me now, to combat my lifelong depression, which has resulted from my TBI. (Hence my desired move south). I’ve begun to make a couple new friends here in Seattle, but the reality that people are fairly insular here (rarely strike up conversations w/ strangers), the aforementioned lack of sun, the priciness & largess of this city now, is very stifling for me.

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Onward & up! The need to pick myself up & dust myself off, once again. That’s essential for goodness sake & it’s of the utmost importance that I keep my chin up while doing so! Good thing my motivation to address these numerous new challenges is continuing even after 8 & 1/2 years of recovery. Bellingham was a 1.5 year (brief, when considered in the context of my 8.5 year recovery thus far) break.

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The good ol’ saying is quite appropriate here & now: “no rest for the weary.” Dictionary.com defines this as: “You must keep persevering no matter how tired or overworked you are.”

\n", "excerpt": "

I delineate the alternative rational that my TBI is in-fact categorized as critical (brink of death), due to personally experiencing a counselor who’s in my writing group from Bellingham, that bucked against my claimed severity, due to my # on the GCS. A quote from my psychiatrist: a specialty brain trauma MD, who worked alongside […]

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I know that due to the title of this, some may be inclined to think: well ok, that’s unspectacular. This proclamation is nothing new…but for me, it is. My critical Traumatic Brain Injury has altered my personal preference & there’s a personally late-onset medical reason for this: severe depression, an inevitable side-effect that my critical Traumatic Brain Injury has inspired.

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This only amplifies my want/need (it does feel imperative now) for sun. I believe that this truth is the reason for my alteration in preferences as well. I want to be happier! A fierce deterrence to unhappiness lies within me now.

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A lack of light (often known as seasonal depression) is a trial for many worldwide & apparently, I’m now one of them…

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Incurring a critical Traumatic Brain Injury, inevitably, vanquished any & all peace within. Where did my natural contentment go?! I once had a well of happiness at my disposal, which necessitated slight external prompting. For the last 8.7 years, I’ve been desperately seeking an external source to promote my happiness and supplement my once-held internal source. Location I can control (within reason) & so I sought my ideal residence in hopes. Moving routinely, although immensely disquieting for my parents, was my mode for enabling this quest.

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As a result of my Severe TBI, a lack of light (well known as seasonal depression) which is a trial for many, is now applicable to me as well…

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My psychiatrist tells me that depression is nearly universal amongst survivors with moderate – severe TBIs. Many survivors of Severe TBIs are depressed from the incurrence of their brain injury on out…for the rest of their lives.

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That reality alone, in no way placates me, however. Just as overwhelming commonalities for the majority of people, never have. The reality that a vast number of moderate-severe TBI survivors, like me, live the rest of their lives depressed, is extremely sorrowful but I refuse be one of them.

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New neurological pathways of mine must be built, to reach the same happiness points within my brain. (I know there’s a neurological term for these “points”…but it’s not presenting itself in my brain presently & patience is far from an exemplary attribute of mine now ((which is true for all of Severe TBI survivors))). My patience must be re-located in order to find new pathways to contentment! The old pathways that used to lead me to finding contentment, have been obliterated by my Severe TBI.

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Uniquely (for a Severe TBI survivor) & joyously (for yours truly) this injury continually motivates me to take action in order to reunite myself with contentment. I have a hunch that my stubbornness (an attribute of mine lifelong. My parents can attest) in and of itself, lessens the depression that my Severe TBI has bestowed upon me. Taking action to better your circumstances, in order to re-evoke happiness, is after-all, the opposite of being depressed. Depression results in inaction.

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The reality that the shroud blocking my happiness from accessibility for many, many years (8), has lifted a bit for me now, promotes me to seek more contentedness! Hooray!! This caters to my lifelong natural devotion: live life to it’s fullest

\n", "excerpt": "

I know that due to the title of this, some may be inclined to think: well ok, that’s unspectacular. This proclamation is nothing new…but for me, it is. My critical Traumatic Brain Injury has altered my personal preference & there’s a personally late-onset medical reason for this: severe depression, an inevitable side-effect that my critical […]

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Still

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This looong recovery confirms the immense benefits that patience offers. My lack of patience 8 & 1/2 years ago: Driving to get cell phone service in order to enjoy more time at the Sanctuary, despite not having driven in 10 years (due to inhabiting cities) has had catastrophic effects: Severe TBI, multiple pulverized ribs, numerous broken bones including my pelvis, a loss of many of my friends and massive amounts of general tumult! As a result, mental healing has been & is (far less so, presently) still needed.

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This recovery not only necessitates ample patience with myself, in many, many ways, but similarly demands everlasting patience with those I encounter. Generous forgiveness & love dissemination (as I soooo appreciate it & as a result, I assume that others will too) is necessary. And yes, forgiveness (of both parties) continues to be needed. Being an outlier is noooo fun (to put it mildly), as many alternative & resultantly judged/belittled parties have stated, including the disabled!

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Despite the immense & varied challenges, this life-long injury is also the basis for this blog… A glimmer of the truth that my psychiatrist shared: the benefit which will result from this catastrophe, finally reveals itself! I will share my truth to serve a marginalized population (Severe TBI survivors) that hasn’t received adequate awareness before. It’s about time I have see a sneak peaked this benefit resulting from my Severe TBI! My whole life was transformed on that fateful day (that I got into my accident) 8.5 years ago & as a result, my life has taken a strikingly different maturation route (from before my accident, as well as from many of my comrades). I am finally beginning to accept this new route, however (still beginning to accept. All in time – So Much Time!!) which results in me being overjoyed.

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I have no doubt that the tremendous love I’ve received thus far (and am currently receiving, from new comrades ((because they’re new, they haven’t been burned out by this lengthy recovery))) has served me incredibly grandly (as my past thank you posts reveal). My once steadfast friends, that have now grown weary of interacting, have begun falling off…c’est la vie. It seems my friends just wish for me to be the same and don’t practice patience as I necessarily must. I’m reminded of another truth that my psychiatrist told me of long ago – You’ll need to make nearly all new friends, as old friends very likely won’t stick around. An overwhelming number of survivors have encountered this, if not all…(I’m cautious of claiming absolutes, without certainty). So, despite a loss of my previous friends, I know there are many people that can relate. And therefore, I don’t feel so alone.

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I recently moved into transitional housing. It’s month to month (only a 3 month lease is required to move in – which was my incentive – I need more sun than Seattle offers!) in a fantastic neighborhood in Seattle: Ravenna. It’s just a short jaunt to Lake Washington. Thankfully, I’m not living amidst college students – the UW students live a few blocks south of our apartment complex. College students are wonderful – full of energy and drive! I know not to blindly count-out a swath of people (as I’ve been the victim of misassumptions currently, based on the tittle of my disability) but college students are in a vastly different time of life than I.

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Despite this new environment, patience is still absolutely necessary and I expect will be for quite some time. See what I mean by seemingly never ending recovery?!

\n", "excerpt": "

Still This looong recovery confirms the immense benefits that patience offers. My lack of patience 8 & 1/2 years ago: Driving to get cell phone service in order to enjoy more time at the Sanctuary, despite not having driven in 10 years (due to inhabiting cities) has had catastrophic effects: Severe TBI, multiple pulverized ribs, […]

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Determined independence has lifelong, been an adamant attribute of mine.

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In fact, my parents have a saying, which they’ve repeated numerous times in my life: “Sandals in the snow” in reference to an action of mine, I took as a 4 year old, that was facilitated by independent determination & a lack of rationale. They now use this comparison too, in reference to the catastrophic car-accident which resulted in my critical TBI. (Once, of course, we all had gained acceptance of what life had hurled my way).

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Sandals in the snow refers to me exercising my right for independent decision making, based solely upon desire, when I was 4 (because what do the vast majority of young and resultantly uninformed petite tots do? Follow their desire!). I responded, to my mom, (who’s mighty stubborn as well, ((genetic?:)) & in this case, rightly so) instructing me not to wear my sandals (which were new! I received them as a Christmas gift & therefore wanted to wear them, immediately!!) in the newly fallen snow.

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My dad, Tese, was & is aware that experience offers the most valuable lessons & therefore enabled my pursuit of enacting my desire. He escorted me out of our home, to walk amongst the freshly fallen snow, in my spiffy new sandals. He knew (through observing my Mom & my many knock-down drag outs) that ordering me to do anything or to not do it, has never, lifelong, been a successful tactic for altering my decisions -> actions. Tese obviously knew that saying no to me, is precisely the way to promote me enacting the prohibited action…

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Sure enough, despite to my Mom’s attempt to constrain me, I marched right out of the house, into the snow, wearing my novelty sandals. (Kids & pretty new toys…need I say more)? Tese was right behind me, ready to sweep me off of my feet, when tears began rolling down my face & my blubbering began. Dad’s are the best 😊

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There has never before been (not even close!!) a Sandals in the snow incident in adulthood, that has been anywhere near life-threatening.

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As I grew older, (24 years to be precise), I grew far more knowledgeable (maturing tends to have that effect), particularly of actions I wanted to pursue. (I find it righteously fun to figure the details of enacting something that brings me joy!) & so often I’d do just that. The ample research necessitated by my free-lance writing career: writing for & about different clients, on varied subjects, has equipped me with the skill of practicing quick & useful online research, which enables fact conglomeration in order to find and state a truth.

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Representing clients at a discount/price that works for their business (if obviously to me, their work contributes to the greater good) whom I revere the work of, serves me greatly. Working for $ is a necessary, albeit deprioritized, to make ends meet. Consequently, money also enables the pursuit of my priorities.

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My commitment to enacting personal desires never wavered as I grew older though my personal desires have differed with age. At the forefront of my current personal desires: spending time with friends, exploring the world (I love to travel!) and yoga. I really enjoy my work as well. My work combines 2 great passions of mine, which were also my major & minor in college: communication & nonprofit leadership (working for the greater good).

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At the Sanctuary, I thought that running a quick errand, after not having driven much…(often getting rides to high-school from friends or neighbors that adored driving) would be a-ok?! I hadn’t driven at all for the many years pre-accident due to inhabiting a few big cities, where public transit is far more reasonable than driving & therefore parking ((nearly impossible!))) unless regular life activities necessitated a car, which mine did not. Determination prompted by desire was the motivation to take my drive, undoubtedly.

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Sandals in the snow clearly reared it’s unfortunate head in this instance. Propellant motivation was given by the reality that once I reached my assigned destination, in which I was to deliver the parcel given, I’d gain cell phone service. This would facilitate my return to the Sanctuary (yoga & mindfulness retreat) for another bout of work-trade. Simultaneously, I’d experience that blissful environment (the Sanctuary) further.

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Once I gained cell service, which wasn’t present at the Sanctuary and was a drive out, where the errand was located, I planned to coordinate with my roommates in SF & family to extend my work-stay. I wished to ask my SF roommates if my sub-letter wished to stay longer or if they had any individuals in mind, who may want to stay in my room for the rest of my stay at the sanctuary. Simultaneously, I wished to ask my parents too if they would transfer $ from my savings to my checking, (they have access to my accounts) in order that I could compensate the Sanctuary for my elongated stay.

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My plan was, to go to the music festival that my SF friends and I had already planned to travel to, and then return to the yoga camp for a couple more months.

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I was fervently done with city living & wanted to pursue living amongst nature, in a much smaller & therefore more intimate (relations amongst residents) environment. My lack of lack of consideration of the practical, closely resembles the lack of rationale I employed when my “sandals in the snow” action took place. I absolutely could have avoided this entirely life-changing and life-threatening catastrophe, by choosing not to drive that day, but accidents are titled as such, because they’re entirely unexpected & unforeseen.

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Don Miguel Ruiz speaks to my rationale (irrational, in reality) for sandals in the snow in this quote:

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“We rebel because we are defending our freedom”.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Determined independence has lifelong, been an adamant attribute of mine. In fact, my parents have a saying, which they’ve repeated numerous times in my life: “Sandals in the snow” in reference to an action of mine, I took as a 4 year old, that was facilitated by independent determination & a lack of rationale. They […]

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\"Couple
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I felt a gaping internal hole, as a result of abruptly being disconnected from the physical, mental & spiritual teachings of yoga, as a result of my car accident & the resulting Critical Traumatic Brain Injury. Brain InjuMy supreme lack of memory (especially of the time directly before the accident) concealed all of my memories of the Sanctuary (mindfulness retreat) directly pre-accident, initially. Most predominantly, the points I learned at the Sanctuary (the severe TBI I incurred, makes this truth inevitable) still aren’t “known” to me. Though now, I’m happily learning ethical principals of yoga once again!

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The Sanctuary retreat was far more devoted to facilitating the practice of introspection than the physical practice of yoga postures. The teachings we grappled with & discussed were fundamentally articulated in the Bhagavad Gita, but also have been expanded upon historically & are continuing to be presently as well. I’m overjoyed that this is becoming more commonly accepted & practiced- as mindfulness teachings are helpful for everyone!

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Some memories of mine are being called forth now, when evoked by familiar things/practices (though I have no recollection as to why they’re familiar, which is in itself, a sign that my familiarity is from the Sanctuary!) that I observe/come in contact with. Some resurfacing memories are why I have stopped referring to the Sanctuary as “the yoga camp” and have begun referring to it far more correctly, as a retreat.

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I filled my initial emptiness, in part, with the generous help and knowing of a past client of mine (Robin Rothenberg) in my home city of Seattle. Robin’s a family friend and respected yoga therapist to boot! Practicing with her (being reminded of posture’s intricacies) and witnessing the physical knowledge I still hold, has been incredibly enabling.

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Presently, being apart of the online community: The Yoga Church, run by a student & now colleague of Robin Rothenberg’s, of Essential Yoga therapy: Summer Kushman, provides me with a resource for the ethical teachings of yoga. The yoga church also provides many recorded physical yoga practices, as well as a beautiful community of sharing practitioners. Robin Rothenberg was my initial physical yoga teacher amidst my recovery in Seattle). Summer, has & is complimenting my physical practice with the aforementioned mental & emotional lessons that I’ve been craving! A belief in the miraculous mystery of life is held and deeply revered by all participants.

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Similarly to the Sanctuary, I get to meet with other participants (via zoom) to discuss & expand upon the points offered within texts we are reading (featuring the Bhagavad Gita). The Yoga Church fulfills my cognitive & spiritual desires that were left un-finished when I incurred my Severe TBI, and resultantly, left the Sanctuary.

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\n", "excerpt": "

I felt a gaping internal hole, as a result of abruptly being disconnected from the physical, mental & spiritual teachings of yoga, as a result of my car accident & the resulting Critical Traumatic Brain Injury. Brain InjuMy supreme lack of memory (especially of the time directly before the accident) concealed all of my memories […]

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\"\"
At my mom’s, where I’m staying presently, just after publishing this post!
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Finally (after 8.5 years of recovery from my Severe TBI) I’m enabled to, as a result of identifying my brain’s consistent desire to alter activities, allow my attention to flit between productive tasks routinely. Fulfilling my mind’s desire to visit a variety of focal points, allows me to decide what these various focal points will be, ahead of time (and fill up my backpack accordingly). This enables me to lessen my distraction by unforeseen, unproductive activities that will obscure my focus. I have learned that in order to fulfill whatever my most pressing task is for the day, I must choose multiple tasks “on my front burner” & bring the necessary components with me to my workplace (overwhelmingly, a cafe).

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Today my attention is split between coloring (a pleasurable way of improving my dexterity), composing this post as well as editing other post drafts.

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Discipline, presently, and for the last 8 years (since incurring my Severe TBI), has not easily been obtained. As with most else, I’m told by my doctors & psychologist that this is entirely expected. Though I must admit, that my discipline compared to that of other survivors that incurred TBIs of my same severity, they report, is in fact, of vastly greater depth and here’s how (in part): Identification of work-arounds!

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Workarounds, like coloring in coloring books, furthers my desired skill (dexterity improvement), while accomplishing a routine desire of mine: creating beauty! Coloring (staying inside the lines – a hardship, since the minute muscles of my hands are still re-learning how to function), consistently betters my handwriting. This minor triumph will (I can now claim confidently, due to telling experiences) eventually lead to the accomplishment of my grander goal: Reclaiming my lifelong, beautiful, (in my opinion:) handwriting in full.

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I can once-again stay working from a cafe for many hours, as I used to, by facilitating work on multiple activities of mine, within the same setting. Essentially, I must bring all of the tools I need to work on multiple projects, in-order to accomplish any 1 in totality. I further many projects’ completion, while simultaneously accomplishing the primary one. This alteration in my method, is a small price to pay for achievement!

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Identifying & utilizing unique neurological pathways, as was identified by my psychiatrist, is the mode by which I’m enabled to, presently, accomplish completion. It’s mighty fortunate that I’ve regarded creativity fondly, lifelong, as this recovery necessitates it! Identifying & utilizing alternative ways to accomplish routine tasks, demands premier creativity. In tandem, tremendous patience is needed, albeit less-so continually, due to routinely exercising my noggin!

\n", "excerpt": "

Finally (after 8.5 years of recovery from my Severe TBI) I’m enabled to, as a result of identifying my brain’s consistent desire to alter activities, allow my attention to flit between productive tasks routinely. Fulfilling my mind’s desire to visit a variety of focal points, allows me to decide what these various focal points will […]

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"2026-05-07T11:45:52-07:00", "title": "Incurring My Critical TBI = Outlier Amongst Lifelong Fortune", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2021/09/27/severe-tbi-outlier-amongst-lifelong-fortune/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-232", "content": "\n
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Thank you for the image Lifewire
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As a result of incurring my critical TBI, I experienced the largest contrast to the lifelong fortune I have experienced. A saying that I was reminded, by my dad, that I had a tendency to express redundantly when I was 6 years old & experiencing distress, which is quite applicable to this situation: “This is NOT my life!!” (I do recognize that I was a dramatic tot). Undeniably in this situation, however, a comment of this grandeur is very nearly an understatement. Nothing in my life, within my early recovery (many years), was recognizable to me. Still, while recovery is still in progress, little is. Freedom & choice were the crux of my life previously.

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My healing experience has & continues to seem unimaginably long. My specialty psychologist has stated that this belief is unanimous for survivors that have incurred moderate-to severe, et alone critical TBIs. But amongst this extensive healing process, my body has affirmed my lifelong belief: life, as well as the human body (the mechanism with which we interact w/ life) are MIRACULOUS.

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Despite the lack of expectation by my doctors (mental & physical) upon my release from the 3rd & final hospital I attended, my memories (even of SanFrancisco: the city I inhabited for 1.5 years, directly prior to incurring my TBI), are now returning! Overwhelmingly, it’s believed (as a result of ample evidence: testimonials) that the majority of memory reclamations place in the first 5 years of rehabilitation.

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Now, however, after 8.2 years of recovery, the memories of SF are straggling in. I suppose the brand new evidence doctor’s have recently acquired, only affirms my dad’s belief, that memories can return lifelong. My forever-belief that Tese knows best on most things, (it used to be all, when I was a young child, but ladies, many of us know how this grand trust in our dad’s omnipotence, matures with time) has proven to be true, once again.

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Memories are so very personal & emotionally ridden. Despite the claim of my doctors’ that I continue to accomplish a nearly unparalleled recovery. The age at which I incurred my critical TBI, was one of pinnacle maturation for me. My life was mid-transition & was raucously & abruptly interrupted when my auto accident took place and I incurred my TBI.

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Memories of my life have been overwhelmingly gorgeous. My knowing is in part made possible by my lifelong infatuation with observation, but that is combined with the phenomenal luck I’ve experienced, which I certainly attribute my miraculous recovery to. My adoration of observation, only confirms my love of mindfulness. My Mom, was instrumental, particularly when I was young, in propelling my fortune (I, unknowingly, too played a key role, however) and I only furthered this trend as I grew and independence ensued. I’ve held high expectations lifelong. Anything less than good, without the potential for great and I’m vastly unimpressed. Why pursue it further?

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This high expectation of myself, as well as of external things & people I hold close, has, assumably, propelled all of my accomplishments, including, undoubtedly, my TBI recovery.

\n", "excerpt": "

As a result of incurring my critical TBI, I experienced the largest contrast to the lifelong fortune I have experienced. A saying that I was reminded, by my dad, that I had a tendency to express redundantly when I was 6 years old & experiencing distress, which is quite applicable to this situation: “This is […]

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Path that guides my 2 mile walk from my mom’s home to “the center”
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I’m in between residences in Bellingham now, due to my old home being remodeled and the current resident living in my new home, having not yet vacated. Given my current lack of income & minute savings – I’ve been saving as much of my award as possible, but despite its relative grandeur, is still extremely slight. Resultantly, my mom has, very kindly, welcomed me back into our home on Mercer Island, for 3 months.

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Despite my initial reluctance to return home – I’m sure that other adults, who’ve lived independently for many years & need to return to their parents’ home, for any reason, can very likely relate – it’s proving to be a good way-station. Quickly, upon my return to Mercer Island, the beauty of “the island” – as if there’s only 1?! But that’s how we (native residents) refer to it – grew on me. I spent K-12 there, but during that time I had far less to compare the island to. My parents both love to travel – no wonder my persistent adoration of exploration exists!

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As a grade schooler however, I loved galavanting in the seemingly endless greenery surrounding our apartment. As a middle-schooler this setting was perfect. As a high schooler, I considered the island very confining, but, come college, I was overjoyed to relocate to the very near (15-20 minute drive) city of Seattle.

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Uniquely now, I’m able to view Mercer Island without a concern of being confined. Time of life is a HUGE factor, but I also know I’ll relocate to my new home in Bellingham, in just short of 1 month. Fom there, who knows…

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Natural beauty abounds on this petite island (12.9 miles). Most streets are tree lined & there are prolific, large parks. The North end of the island (the first to be inhabited, as it’s where the ferry used-to land, before the I-90 bridge came to be) and where I’ve always lived, has far more natural beauty than the south end. The south end of Mercer Island (MI ((as locals refer to it))) has been largely filled with newish homes & gentrified. It was established later, so this makes sense.

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The north end also has the benefit of being a brief walk away from what we referred to, when I was in middle & high school, as “the center” (despite it’s location being entirely on the far north end of the island). I believe this area is now referred to as “downtown Mercer Island” due to the conglomerate of a few businesses. This makes me smile.

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Having lived in numerous cities, states & 1 other country, Mercer Island’s “downtown” only slightly resembles the breadth of downtown Fontainebleau, France, which is also quite petite. Mercer Island’s downtown is where an overwhelming amount of businesses on Mercer Island lie, but the center (I’m committed to my initial terminology) is only comprised of 7 city blocks (I would guess) and the businesses are far from jam packed.

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I am pleased that with an aspect of MIs expansion: additional apartment buildings and resultantly, a few additional businesses have popped-up in the last decade. Another cafe (my work-space) & a new yummy, healthful restaurant, appeal. Both of which I’ve frequented, while staying here. There has also been an expansion of the “type” of residents living here, due to the varied housing costs. This, I LOVE. Increased economic diversity = far more intrigue (for me) & more people that I can relate to, while staying here.

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I’m in between residences in Bellingham now, due to my old home being remodeled and the current resident living in my new home, having not yet vacated. Given my current lack of income & minute savings – I’ve been saving as much of my award as possible, but despite its relative grandeur, is still extremely […]

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My psychiatrist, who in the past I’ve simply referred to as an expert, specifically works with survivors who’ve experienced near-death injuries or illnesses. Predominantly she works with survivors of cancer or severe TBIs. She’s extremely experienced. Years before starting her private practice, she was a psychiatrist at UW medicine. (That’s the hospital I was sent to, once I could be transported with very little fear of my death, from the primary hospital that I was sent to, in Nor Cal, at which they saved my life). Due to my lack of cognition when the firefighters came to my rescue, as well as the obvious demolition of the left (driver’s side), including the left window of the car I was driving, my primary injury was clear to the medics. 

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As the image above elucidates, TBIs that are classified as critical (like mine) from which 80% of patients die, are very few & far between. See that sliver of red? That = severe TBI survivors & critical is a slight subset of that! I’m 1 of the individuals that makeup the .66% of all TBI survivors that incurred a critical Traumatic Brain Injury.

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Most people continue to remain unaware (particularly those unaffected) that the severity of the TBI (how it was incurred & to what extent ((what parts of the brain were damaged as well as to what intensity))) makes all the difference.

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In fact, in my most recent session with my psychiatrist (last month) she shared that new research has validated what Tese (my dad) continues to tell me: Our brains can and do, if we remain cognitively active, continue to progress lifelong. My grandma (Tese’s mom), Gene (a devoted & beloved librarian) validated this truth for me. She continued to read until she became unable, which marked the speedy prelude to her demise. 

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The UW hospital, which I eventually attended, specializes in TBIs + it’s located in my hometown! Sam (my psychiatrist) continues to not only affirm that my TBI was quite severe (very near death) but also that I’m exercising it (EX: this blog. Compiling posts is wonderful stimulus for my brain, in various ways, as I write on various aspects my own TBI). As a result, I’m propelling continuous healing with each post I publish.

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This makes allot of sense to me. When halted from doing what I love to do in life, there’s much less incentive for the body to fight to remain on this plane. As a result, the body acquiesces to non-existence.

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Hooray for reclamation!

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My psychiatrist, who in the past I’ve simply referred to as an expert, specifically works with survivors who’ve experienced near-death injuries or illnesses. Predominantly she works with survivors of cancer or severe TBIs. She’s extremely experienced. Years before starting her private practice, she was a psychiatrist at UW medicine. (That’s the hospital I was sent […]

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“One-third of people (Covid survivors) show such a profound degree of cognitive impairment that performance on neuropsychological testing is comparable to those with moderate traumatic brain injury” – Harvard Medical School

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When first reading this truth, I was extremely alarmed. I’m personally well aware of the commitment and vigilance necessary to heal from a Traumatic Brain Injury. I am speaking knowingly, however, from my personal experience, after incurring a severe TBI. In fact, there are very few of us Severe TBI survivors, that are reclaiming and furthering our skill sets. It requires, what feels like super-human strength of will & patience to persevere.

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I am in no way saying that survivors of Covid have an easy recovery, however. Absolutely not. Like all other injuries to the brain, the results and the recovery are entirely unique to each individual. With more time, we will witness just how Covid19 survivors reclaim & further their lives.

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“In daily life, such cognitive effects on memory, attention, and executive function can lead to difficulties managing medications, managing finances, comprehending written materials, and even carrying on conversations with friends and family…

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Sometimes the neurological manifestations can be devastating and can even lead to death” – New York Times

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This all rings true for me. Upon admittance to the first hospital, my parents were warned by my docs. that I could likely perish. Once I was taken off of life support (28 days later), my parents were then warned that l may retain the trials I had in the hospital (synonymous with the trials likely for Covid19 survivors, listed above) lifelong. My perseverance has, and does continue to fight back! resultantly, making this foreseen possibility entirely untrue.

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Let’s hope the same is true for *some* Covid19 survivors, as it has been true for *some* Severe TBI survivors. Covid19 survivors, I believe in your strength. From 1 survivor of a near death experience to aonther, persistence and alterations to how you practice tasks, may serve you, as it has & does me. I’ll never disregard what my psychiatrist advises: practice, practice, practice

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An example of an alteration that I’m practicing at this moment: I’m typing normally (with the pads of my fingers) with my left hand and assisting by placing either the tips or the front of my nails on the appropriate keys with my right hand (the hand that was paralyzed & still doesn’t follow my brains instructions precisely). That’s the only capability available to me, currently. When there’s a will, there’s a way!

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I can finally believe (through personal proof) that in time, the pads of my right hand’s fingers will press upon the keys!

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“One-third of people (Covid survivors) show such a profound degree of cognitive impairment that performance on neuropsychological testing is comparable to those with moderate traumatic brain injury” – Harvard Medical School When first reading this truth, I was extremely alarmed. I’m personally well aware of the commitment and vigilance necessary to heal from a Traumatic […]

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Anyone who incurred a critical TBI has nearly a total loss of recall of the couple years AT LEAST on either side of the injury. Similarly, they have impaired vision, balance and are tasked with relearning basically everything. Given these monstrous tasks, I’ve undoubtedly found recovery to be devastating. Mine, however, due to the timing of my life being transformative, had an extremely profound effect. Specifically, the timing of life I’m referencing, is late 26 years old (a month & a week before I turned 27). This was the time of my life in which I was mentally & spiritually transitioning from the raucously fun & social experiences I had in SF, to a much more independent past-time. Counteractively, there’s certainly an astronomical benefit to the accident transpiring at this time of life = the younger you are, the more nueroplasticity exists within your brain!

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Essentially, I was embracing adulthood. Returning to live with my parents, infrequently, (post my inhabitation with them for the first 1.5 years of recovery) for the last 8 years (in between inhabiting different cities & states), has felt very unnatural & unideal for us all. I feel many can relate to this trial, as the down-turn in our economy recently necessitated that some adults return to their parent’s homes.

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Before incurring my TBI, I received some wondrous emotional support from my mom & Tese (my dad & best friend) per usual, for me. I lived in a handful of global cities (a few months in each) alongside my wondrous partner at that time, Chris. I then moved to SF independently. The time I lived in San Francisco was 3- 4.5 years after my college graduation from Seattle University.

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I had wished to solitarily practice my art (freelance writing) while living in San Francisco. Yet, very early on, it became obviously impossible to enjoy myself (still on a crazy budget) while relying solely upon the minimal means that writing offered. Even with a fantastically generous mentor (my first client) as well as a revolving set of others (all who’s missions I believed in ((which encouraged my choice to be a freelancer: chose all of my clients!))) this truth prevailed. Due to my belief in their missions, as well as my knowledge that, like me, they didn’t prioritize money and therefore didn’t make an abundance, I chose not to charge the cost that were respectful of their trade.

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Pre-TBI, my reasonable rent, transport, and the minimal health expenses that my then healthy-self demanded (vitamins, women’s needs and the occasional physical) were all my necessary health expenditures. The only additions were extremely restricted groceries and having fun. Very few ways to meet new, likeminded people or engage in fun external pastimes with them. These prolific restrictions & the constant stress provoked by the constant concern of living within my minimal means, equaled a source of unnecessary, ever-present stress.

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The aforementioned life decisions (re-sieving waitressing employment) was made because they meant that I had complete say over my actions. The only way that I was able to live out my desires in SanFrancisco, honestly, was the addition of obtaining a fine dining waitressing job. I did so upon a fantastic suggestion of my mom (amongst the emotional support I previously noted). I’d waitressed for 7 years in Seattle, to support myself, before moving to the astoundingly expensive (even then!) city of SanFrancisco so taking it back up was within my experiential knowledge.

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Even when I began waitressing, I did so only 1 4 hour shift a week. After all, that’s all the money I needed! It was fine dining. I consistently surpassed guest’s expectations (this was expected) and was tipped accordingly. The minimal amount I chose to waitress, emphasizes the reality that my priorities never altered grandly. Just as they haven’t, even now! I realize that my choice to make & save very little money while living in SF, meant that I was unable to save any money after incurring my numerous injuries, which certainly would have served me in my current circumstance. Still, I don’t regret this. My underlying priorities haven’t changed, although I am certainly encouraged now, to obtain a bit more savings…to prepare adequately for the unexpected.

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I have always prioritized having a healthy spirit above most else. For me to retain a healthy spirit, relaxation & enjoinment with friends are necessary (aren’t they for nearly everyone?!). Prioritization of that has never been a question of mine. Working nearly solely and having very little time for enjoyment has never been an option that I considered. This is undoubtedly a privilege. I absolutely recognize that!

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To incur this life threatening injuries, which demands extensive, prolific & nearly complete recovery, amidst this transformative time, was nothing short of devastating. I will say, that currently, I’m again identifying what I must reclaim, in order to further my whole-self happiness. Now, finally, after 8. 2 years of recovery, my trials can be altered to include elongated (many hours – a day) of overwhelming enjoyment once again! This is where a vision board comes in! This is a pleasurable (necessitating no handwriting, which = ample frustration for me now) & productive activity to begin this quest.

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Anyone who incurred a critical TBI has nearly a total loss of recall of the couple years AT LEAST on either side of the injury. Similarly, they have impaired vision, balance and are tasked with relearning basically everything. Given these monstrous tasks, I’ve undoubtedly found recovery to be devastating. Mine, however, due to the timing […]

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When faced with seemingly insurmountable trials = do you cry or do you laugh? For many (8) years, I redundantly, instinctively, chose to laugh. It’s clear to me, considering this reaction of mine, retrospectively, that this choice of mine was overwhelmingly unconscious. After-all, I hadn’t developed much self-awareness at the time of my early recovery (during the first 4 years, in which I fell consistently, not constantly, but close to). I’d erupt with immense laughter, in response to falling. Now, however, as my trials have graduated to those that are more timely, they hit “closer to home” and resultantly, are far less easily dismissed. The choice to laugh, necessitates more intentionality now but I have learned and continue to, when I employ laughter in response to a misstep of mine, it always bodes well.

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A bit into my early recovery (1.5-3 years) I had enough awareness (my awareness at that time, was nearly solely of myself) to know, that any 28-30 (that’s when the vast majority of my falling took place) year old falling, repeatedly, sans obvious rationale, looked ridiculous. I found it hilarious! It mattered not that I was the one falling. An adult has a lot farther to fall than a toddler newly learning to walk (and we, myself included, find their tumbles adorable). As a result of my age and corresponding size (I may be petite, but I’m vastly larger than a 2 year old!) my spills were far more dramatic.

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My laughter made onlookers far more inclined to help. Consider, would you be more moved to assist someone who laughs in response to their failure or an obviously saddened or frustrated person? Although this wasn’t a rationale of mine at the time, (external people/things were so very far from my mind. I was quite literally putting 1 foot in front of the other) this reaction served me tremendously. It too served those around me – hooray! My reaction & resulting output of energy was joyful and contrasted largely from sorrow or frusteration.

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Compared to the majority of Severe or critical traumatic brain injury survivors, who are dependent on mechanical walking devices lifelong, my psychiatrist’s sharing that my recovery is exceptional, continues to be proven undeniably valid.

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Now that I’m able (through ample experience) to appeciate each hurdle that I surmount (always in retrospect) it’s necessary that I continue to acknowledge them, attests my case worker. Acknowledgement of my successes has & will continue to enable my furthered perseverance (my case worker attests).

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Tank you, audience, ever so much, for choosing to traverse this seemingly unending recovery journey with me.

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When faced with seemingly insurmountable trials = do you cry or do you laugh? For many (8) years, I redundantly, instinctively, chose to laugh. It’s clear to me, considering this reaction of mine, retrospectively, that this choice of mine was overwhelmingly unconscious. After-all, I hadn’t developed much self-awareness at the time of my early recovery […]

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I’ve progressed from saying things that’re percieved to be rude, to offering, often misunderstood, facial expressions, entirely unintentionally. A step up? Less blatant? Truly, perhaps, just a sideways step…Facial expressions are understood by many (myself included, formerly) to convey what it is that a person truly believes, at their core.

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The facial expressions I solicited in the very recent past as well as currently (to a far lesser degree) now (thank goodness!). As a result of the severe TBI I incurred, are uniquely, solely based on the immediate visual impression I get, at that precise moment. Again, my memory was retched & is slowly-bettering now, but is still faaar from perfect. There exists, at the moment of eacacting a facial expression, no consideration of a person’s character, which has always (and still does) predominantly influence my opinion of them and my desire to integrate them into my life.

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Add in personal biases (that we all have & I’m no exception) and the reality that I exist sans the majority of my filters = my facial expressions are often interpreted as offensive. My initial reaction to others, based solely upon visuality, and is fleeting (as is extremely similar to many others). My facial expression doesn’t have time to adjust, when moments pass, and I am able to recall the quality of their character (which I consider and have always considered, far more telling, of the quality of a person)!

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My facial expressions in reaction to individuals have been the most troublesome, as you can likely imagine. Facial expressions of mine, provoked solely by visual perception, with no deeper knowledge of their person being called to mind, are extremely lesser informed, at best. Who they are to me, what their life circumstances are…remain unconsidered. Resulting, at times, in expressions of mine being grandly mis-perceived by those I’m interacting with. At times, my expressions are perceived offensively despite that not being my intended thought or sentiment at all! If someone offered that face to me, sans an all-encompassing mental injury & the knowing I have now of the symptoms of such, I’d certainly take offense! So I can certainly relate. This doesn’t however, relieve the sting as well as the feeling of being misunderstood.

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I, myself, was flabbergasted by this action of mine. Prior to my injury, I would never knowingly have offered any negativity (and resultantly never did!) to an innocent person, particularly not a friend (someone I hold in high regard).

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Once I’ve offered an unfounded facial expression, what can be done? I apologize (but of course!) & then explain why. Symptoms, like this, are yet ANOTHER outcome of my severe TBI, that are widely misunderstood. My specialty psychiatrist has confirmed the truth of this symptom for al survivors and resultantly her regular experience of counseling clients through these mighty uncomfortable situations and the negative responses from those who see/hear of them.

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Having extremely limited self-awareness doesn’t help my management of these expressions in the slightest. Late onset awareness of unfounded facial expressions (e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g progresses far more delayed for me now, including self-awareness) = tremendous difficulty making new friends in my new home. But again, as my psychiatrist continually encourages me to do (and I’m so thankful of it!): consider the positives. I have acquired golden, accepting friends in my new home, which will join my old friends, that’ve stuck with me (they know my spirit well & know this attribute is so opposite from my usual, sweet tempered, accepting self). The patient, accepting old friends of mine remain. This symptom will just continue to promote my acquisition & retention of awesome friends that continually accept my new-self as it evolves. It also promotes riding myself of those who don’t act in that vein, new & old.

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This is a symptom which has existed for my entire recovery thus far. There was no awareness of it, for the first couple years as the people I was surrounded by, were solely family members and 2 friends, who visited briefly. My parents became very learned about my conditions (reading, inquiring with professionals & witnessing symptoms of mine, first hand). Now, however, I’ve become more extraverted, relocated & am meeting new people. It’s still a challenge but bettering all the time, as a result of my self-awareness aggrandizing, as well as locating more supportive individuals.

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Great thing is, as I’ve said in past blogs, this only further thickens my naturally thick skin & calls to my side, more individuals that are glorious!

\n", "excerpt": "

I’ve progressed from saying things that’re percieved to be rude, to offering, often misunderstood, facial expressions, entirely unintentionally. A step up? Less blatant? Truly, perhaps, just a sideways step…Facial expressions are understood by many (myself included, formerly) to convey what it is that a person truly believes, at their core. The facial expressions I solicited […]

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Ableism is defined as “the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are superior” by Mirriam Webster

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Examples of Ableism that Access Living offers:

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Never before incurring my severe TBI, had I experienced prejudice of any kind. I feel very fortunate for this truth. Once I became disabled, however, I’ve incurred prejudice, routinely.

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Admittedly, survivors are known for becoming fixated on subjects. I do recognize that this is true of me & presently ableism is my fixation. My fixation is certainly aggrandized by the knowledge that I’m uniquely able to speak to this (through abundant personal experience). This truth in combination w/ the reality that I have an applicable skill (writing), with which to communicate this unarticulated (by a survivor of a severe brain injury) prejudice, only aggrandizes my desire to do so!

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Within each stage of recovery, I’ve experienced all 4 of the prejudices articulated above, in different veins, without legitimate basis.

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My hope is to increase awareness, as many uninformed individuals ask any of the aforementioned questions out of curiosity, without realizing that these questions are, in fact, an act of prejudice. These questions are quite offensive to survivors. An overwhelming number of survivors attest to this reality.

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A re-articulation of a personal example: A former housemate of mine, whom I previously identified as making me aware that ableism exists, finalized her predjudice tutorial by inflicting the prejudice she had described to me, on me. She felt pacified, because when she told me that a nurse (like her) could be fired for enacting prejudice on a survivor, I reacted by professing my obvious love for her son (who she told me her job largely financially supports) & stating that I’d never take that recourse.

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This was before she solicited prejudice to me. This statement of mine, pacified her & called forth her verbal abuse of & to me. I fact checked (occupational hazard) her statement about a nurse being let go for enacting abuse on a survivor with my specialty psychologist, who told me that the abuser, was, per usual, full of shit.

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Much more enticing for me to keep quiet, is the truth that currently her son’s primary caregiver, is his father. It’s safe to assume that her loosing her job, or being demoted, would necessitate them switching roles. Because I adore her son & the quality of his character is clearly largely due to his dad (her partner) being his primary caregiver. It wouldn’t be at all fair to damage his quality of life, due to her exemplified, ableist character.

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Ableism is defined as “the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are superior” by Mirriam Webster Examples of Ableism that Access Living offers: Never before incurring my severe TBI, had I experienced prejudice of any kind. I feel very fortunate for this truth. Once I […]

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Thank you Dr. Cheung, my mentor, for advising that I focus on what I have, rather than what I don’t. She continually promotes the health of my spirit. Gratitude, studies have shown, uplifts our souls/spirits (1 in the same, from my perspective). I’ve certainly illustrated for readers of my profound & prolific losses, as well as the resulting sorrows which were experienced & still are, to a far lesser degree, as a result of incurring my Severe TBI.

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My present mental hardships, as I’ve relayed specifically, in past blogs, are consistently lessening with time. Pre TBI, I only experienced a minutia of difficulties, infrequently. As a result, the extreme initial severity of them, were shocking and devastating to me. Perspective as well as mindfulness have granted me acceptance of what is & gratitude of my fortunate circumstances, both pre-TBI & post.

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My mental hardships have been relatively fleeting (a few years vs. lifelong) as opposed to the truth for the vast majority of survivors that incurred Severe TBIs. For instance: The all-encompassing depression I had for years, began lifting grandly a year & a half ago. Like all else, it continues to lift in bits, with time. Similarly fortunately, I haven’t experience any trouble with my vision or my auditory functions, as many survivors do.

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I was & am engulfed by profound goodness, LOVE of all varieties: people, opportunities, environments…This is what I focused on, pre TBI. Hence my lifelong adoration and practice of mindful living. The more aware I am of the beauty within life, the more joyful I’m enabled to be!

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Before incurring this Severe TBI, I was used to nearly solely focusing on the abundance available to me: where opportunities for growth lay, in order that I could seize them! I’d long ago accepted what I didn’t have. I rarely allowed my happiness to dwindle as a result, in any long-standing way.

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The loved ones in my life (of many varieties) are assisting me currently in reclaiming the profound love of life I previously held.

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None of my losses are ever-present (aside from 3 ribs & a spleen = all of which are unnecessary to live a healthful & joyful life, currently). That truth is what I need to keep in mind, in order to change my attitude & strengthen my motivation (still!). It’ll no longer serve me to morn. Instead I must continue to revel in the joy that ever-is in life.

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I am monstrously thankful that my quality of character remains. Though my actions in the last few years, have infrequently, given a very different impression to some of my loved ones. I will state, yet again, that I’m ridiculously fortunate, to know the beautiful souls that I do.

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My psychiatrist tells me that the vast majority of survivors of moderate, Severe or Critical TBIs experience a tremendous loss of friends. *some* of my friends and I have built imperishable love. Now provenly so! Despite needed clarifications (thank goodness that’s a forte of mine) and ample understanding, we remain loyal to each-other. That’s, without a doubt, enabling my reclamation of a quality life.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Thank you Dr. Cheung, my mentor, for advising that I focus on what I have, rather than what I don’t. She continually promotes the health of my spirit. Gratitude, studies have shown, uplifts our souls/spirits (1 in the same, from my perspective). I’ve certainly illustrated for readers of my profound & prolific losses, as well […]

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"URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2021/07/30/results-of-damaging-my-prefrontal-cortex/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1ZA", "content": "\n
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My head was hit on my front left side, deadly hard. (40 miles an hour)? That’s a guess, as I was on a freeway & after a few spins, my car certainly lost a fair amount of speed). My car & head (due to the roadside pole’s placement) was impaled, which resulted in my loss of consciousness. The left side of my frontal lobe was damaged (the ample blood my Mom & my 2nd mom, Emily, washed out of my hair, whilst I lay comatose, offers conclusive evidence). They utilized towels, drenched in the bathroom sink & trash bags, to discard of the blood filled towels. The prefrontal cortex lies at the very front of the brain, just behind the forehead & t’is where executive function lies. As a result of clobbering it, a large part of my executive function was damaged severely.

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In my first 5 years of my recovery, it was obvious (to others, as I hadn’t yet regained much self-awareness) that I lacked prefrontal cortex functions. Memory in one such function. Memory is still a hardship of mine, but far less so all the time. Initiating organizing & carrying out activities are aspects of executive function, which I initially was lacking entirely.

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“They (the frontal lobes) are particularly vulnerable to traumatic brain injury, due to their location at the front of the brain and their large size.” – headway.org.uk

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Mood disturbances are also the result of a damaged prefrontal cortex. They were ample mood disturbances in the first few years of my recovery (which long-time friends can attest – thank you for sticking with me!) & some at seemingly random at times. Thankfully, good friends know that this isn’t part of an alteration to my character.

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Both memories & faculties are slowly returning now. largely they’re one & the same. For instance: Initially, I couldn’t remember how to pick up a fork! Not to mention, my inability to use my right (dominant) hand for anything. My right side was entirely paralyzed for the first couple years & then regaining my capabilities continues to come very slowly with time (still in progress!).

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Many of my short term memories, especially, were obliterated by the Severe TBI I incurred. All memories were absent, initially, aside from those of my childhood & since I incurred the TBI when I was 27, that equated to all of my memories of adulthood and of even high school, as well.

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“A prominent account of prefrontal cortex (PFC) function is that single neurons within the PFC maintain representations of task-relevant stimuli in working memory” – US National Institute of Health

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All of the memories that I obtained as an adult, were mute, initially. But now my memories of the last 20 years (SF, travel, college…) are slowly straggling in! As my specialty psychiatrist has told me, in response to my continuous griping about the longevity of my recuperation > your recovery is entirely unique to you and continues to delight & surprise medical experts. Routine check-ins with my neurologists affirm this.

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It’s incredibly unfortunate & infuriating (at times) that my critical TBI is responsible for demolishing my patience in conjunction with this recovery, which is SO damn long & full!

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\n", "excerpt": "

My head was hit on my front left side, deadly hard. (40 miles an hour)? That’s a guess, as I was on a freeway & after a few spins, my car certainly lost a fair amount of speed). My car & head (due to the roadside pole’s placement) was impaled, which resulted in my loss […]

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After spending a couple months at my aunt & uncle’s beautiful home in Santa Rosa, California, with my parent’s as well as my “2nd mom”: my dad’s wife (titled by my mom, and rightly so) we all went home to Seattle. The choices for survivors of critical Traumatic Brain Injuries is either to live with your parents for however long is necessary before you can live independently – for most survivors with critical TBIs, this is lifelong, or to be sent to a nursing home. The choice my parents made in this instance, of housing me, was necessary for retaining my spirit of independence.

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Thank goodness! Thank you Mom & Tese!!

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Shortly after my Mom & I returned to her home, where I grew up, my best friend from high-school surprised me with her presence. She relocated to NY after we graduated from high-school to go to an arts college, fell in love with NY and as a result has built a life there. She has the means visit me in Seattle, but regardless, her time & presence is an expense in & of itself that is highly valued. I was so glad she came!

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My friend M has never been a caregiver. In fact her mom has sent me, to NY to act as a caregiver for her in the distant past. She fulfills a vastly different, wonderful role as a friend, however: She’s great fun! She has spontaneous ideas – like going to the arboretum to frolic and explore after our Mexican lunch…

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Resultantly, after lunch, we did in fact go to the arboretum. The arboretum has completely uneven terrain. When attempting to cross a stream, atop a log, I fell and resultantly water engulfed me. Once I arose, we returned to her car promptly, to go back to my mom’s home.

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My mom asked my friend upon our return to her home & Mom seeing that I was drenched, if I had hit my head in the fall (critical!). Since M’s answer to Mom was honestly no, my mom was put at ease. Due to the result initiated by a choice of M’s (thoughtlessly initiating walking in Seattle’s arboretum = uneven terrain), and my resulting fall, M has, since then, been very distant. M assumes (I presume) that my state hasn’t changed since that incident, when in fact it has, drastically.

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That was only the first time of many, which I’ve narrated in past blogs, in which I’ve encountered a grand lack of support amidst this healing process. Just as my specialty psychologist informed me (7 years ago), survivors get to see who their true friends are, as a result of recovering from this deadly catastrophe. Tese (my lifelong caregiver) too reiterated his personal experience with this, amidst his recovery from Leukemia.

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\n", "excerpt": "

After spending a couple months at my aunt & uncle’s beautiful home in Santa Rosa, California, with my parent’s as well as my “2nd mom”: my dad’s wife (titled by my mom, and rightly so) we all went home to Seattle. The choices for survivors of critical Traumatic Brain Injuries is either to live with […]

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\"\"
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Be in the here & now. That is what my mentor, Dr. Lilian Cheung and Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh ((the venerated monk))) who co-authored Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life), taught me to practice.

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At the Sanctuary mindfulness retreat too, alongside yoga & meditation, attendees practiced mindfulness consistently, via embedding it into our actions, meditating, practicing yoga mindfully & growing and preparing our own vegetarian food. We ate that food mindfully as well.

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I practiced mindfulness prolifically, while living in sanFrancisco & writing for the Savor website too. Clearly, I had ample interest in practicing mindfulness before incurring the critical TBI. A pinnacle example of my interest is offered my attendance of the mindfulness Sanctuary (at which we practiced mindfulness consistently. The Sanctuary is where I was when my horrific car accident took place). My critical TBI & working with the resulting profuse injuries (relearning = re-wire my brain to work around broken has necessitated paying intense & singular attention.

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When I was forced to relearn all, due to having a complete lack of memory of how to do anything…my full attention was & is still (although certainly less-so now. Thank goodness!) needed. Imagine boping from 1 thing to another, (which my TBI promotes) and not remembering (also a symptom of my critical TBI) why exactly you relocated yourself to this other room…I imagine you may be able to relate: You relocate to another room to obtain something, but once there, completely misplace the memory of what it was you were seeking. Sound familiar? This example is very common and therefore easily shrugged off BUT imagine this happening to you multiple times a day, each day & forgetting necessary possessions when traveling (this drives my comrades & parents bonkers!). This forgetfulness at times provokes me relocating to the store, but low-and-behold, once there, at times I forget what it was I intended to buy! This has been my life for the last 8 years…Frustration mounts & mounts!

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This is where mindfulness enters (stage right:) to save my spirit, remind me to forgive myself and ALWAYS remain present & joyfully patient. Though the end of my recovery, remains unforeseen, progression continues to lessen my trials substantially. Say it with me: presence, Joyfulness, patience! Not easily done consistently (especially the joyful part) but needed!

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Be in the here & now. That is what my mentor, Dr. Lilian Cheung and Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh ((the venerated monk))) who co-authored Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life), taught me to practice. At the Sanctuary mindfulness retreat too, alongside yoga & meditation, attendees practiced mindfulness consistently, via embedding it into our actions, meditating, practicing […]

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\"\"
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I requested a sharing of hardships that other survivors have experienced amidst their recovery, in a TBI Facebook support group. (TBI Facebook groups are such an invaluable healing agent, for many reasons, but for the following reason in particular): The overwhelming answer to my hardship question, was loneliness.

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I can certainly relate to this. When my scars were far more obvious, as well as my mental hardships (which are in no way gone, but I have now learned how to deal with most of them). I became so used to a lack of being approached by people my age, (which is quite opposite from my reality before).

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Although I intended to promptly return to SF after leaving the Sanctuary, due to my very near-death experience, my plans where blown to oblivion. After the final hospital, I was sent to live with my parents, in Seattle, to be cared for. The adjustment to living back in Washington was unwanted & is presently, less than ideal.

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People’s general demeanor in Seattle (the city is the only place I care to live, due to diversity, open minds & fellow artists!) is quite reserved & solitary here, certainly compared to California (which is where I live in mind) 😊

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Previous ancient friends of mine in Seattle dropped off (before even seeing or spending time with me), due to lacking acceptance/fear (I assume). There were other friends of mine that became angry with/hurt by me too, due to my symptoms of mine. Most of the friendships that once appeared to be lost, due to misunderstanding symptoms of mine for a change of my character, I have now reclaimed – yay! My ability to explain (as I am now) facilitated that understanding in part: the perceived insults were in fact symptomatic. (True dat!) I absolutely credit my friends, overwhelmingly, for listening to & resultantly returning to me.

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This is very uncommon for the majority of survivors. (I’ve learned from my experienced psychiatrist, whose been with me my entire recovery. As well as other survivors too, whose loneliness, I previously referenced). More confirmation of what I already knew to be true: The majority of my friends (the close ones) are incredibly sympathetic rockstars!!

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I tried living in the city of Bellingham too (another northwest city) with even less luck! That’s where I received the unjust prejudice from a housemate. Washington seems to no longer suit me: Living back in Washington only accentuates disconnection from others. (Residents here aren’t particularly outgoing). Lucky for me, I relish solitary time & am well versed in entertaining myself. I’m an only child, who grew up in Seattle, after-all. I can deal for now…

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No doubt the vitamin D, which sun emits in California, is in part responsible for Californians’ sunny disposition. Having a sunny disposition only propagates greater joyfulness in a variety of areas of life. And now, due to living in SF (only for 1.5 years!) I fervently desire greater socialite & sun in my life, once again.

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.

\n", "excerpt": "

I requested a sharing of hardships that other survivors have experienced amidst their recovery, in a TBI Facebook support group. (TBI Facebook groups are such an invaluable healing agent, for many reasons, but for the following reason in particular): The overwhelming answer to my hardship question, was loneliness. I can certainly relate to this. When […]

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My redundant fleeting attention & myopic awareness that I’ve become accustom to, is funny (from a 3rd person perspective) and yet, from a 1st person perspective, it’s infuriating!

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Just as the professionals have unendingly advised me, I’m now thankfully witnessing my symptoms lessen. I’m advised too, that my symptoms will continue to lessen for years to come. Some may eventually even go away entirely, as many have already.

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In the best of times, when I misplace something, I step back & laugh. In the worst of times, I berate myself: Wow, what I was searching for was right in front of me. After thoroughly searching my entire place, for instance, I kneeled, looked below the table that I was previously sitting at (composing content) & there it was.

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Not to mention, that as a result of my Severe TBI too, my attention now is naturally called to flit, from 1 subject to another. This tendency of mine, directly contradicts my previous practice. I am a writer ( 5.5 years post graduation from Seattle University & pre TBI incurrence) that could sit for a many hours and work sans distraction, even in a co-working space, at which I was surrounded by friends.

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It was uncommon that I’d routinely/consistently misplace ideas & objects of mine pre TBI vs. now -> far more so. My staying power is far better than it was (aside from the days that I forget to preemptively refill my mental clarity perscription, like today & I was therefore without the med which helps me focus). Oops! I can usually, presently, compose for multiple hours!! This is a huge improvement to the vastly diminished attention span that I held for the first decade amidst my recovery.

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There’s always a positive to counteract the negative, thankfully & now I can find it! Granted now finding it neccesitates searching, whereas before, it used to arise naturally. ++ My brain is now reclaiming its capacity to catalog ideas! I’m not saying that I presently catalog anywhere near all ideas. Certainly not (as is obvious?).

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Above I offered a silly example of ridiculous physical searching, that happens consistently. I’m presently working to apply my formerly described reaction to misplaced ideas too. Mentally misplaced things is far more angering, however, as retaining ideas once was my strong suit! Betterment of this mental faculty requires greatly more intentionality.

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Once I find the physical object that I was searching for, I often self-consider it silly, as I exemplified formerly. Yet, re-acquiring ideas is far more frustrating because very often, there are no visual cues to spur recollection, making reigniting ideas much tougher! Pre-TBI, I lived largely in my brain. Therefore, ideas held mentally were retained far more easily (as more attention was directed toward them). Once gone, the idea presently will likely remain adrift, to be reclaimed at a future time…or never. Of course, misplacing ideas was true for me previously, as it is for most, but not anywhere NEAR to this extent!

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Excitement!: Pre TBI I found enjoyment in the process of discovery – even my embedded vocabulary (discovery vs. figure out) imbues positivity. Upon discovery of what I was searching for, I’d often chuckle. I’m currently nearing reclamation (obviously, I’m not yet there yet). My natural light-hearted humor for alleviating my minor trials has re-erupted as well.

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All of my doctors (whom I presently check-in with, every so often) and my mental doc (psychiatrist) who I currently check in with once a month, encourage me to remain patient. I don’t doubt the validity of their claims anymore, that my recovery will continue to unfold for years to come, as I repeatedly whiteness the validity of their claims!

\n", "excerpt": "

My redundant fleeting attention & myopic awareness that I’ve become accustom to, is funny (from a 3rd person perspective) and yet, from a 1st person perspective, it’s infuriating! Just as the professionals have unendingly advised me, I’m now thankfully witnessing my symptoms lessen. I’m advised too, that my symptoms will continue to lessen for years […]

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\"This
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A prior housemate of mine, which I’ve referenced before, solicited unwarranted mental & verbal abuse to me, in an attempt (obviously) to get me down. But recently I’ve realized, that she in fact offered me 3 current (in the last few months) examples, of the abundance of prejudice that I’ve experienced & resultantly endured within my recovery. The prejudice she solicited & still solicits to me was precisely on point for what many recoveries of brain injuries experience: loneliness. Her abuse was mental, and based on my percieved lack of comrades here in Bellingham.

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Due to the grand majority’s misunderstanding of our (survivors) symptoms, sans further knowledge, some on lookers decide symptoms of ours are in fact new attributes of our person.

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I’ve recently been acquiring quotes from other survivors, to offer readers greater context within my memoir. Loneliness is undoubtedly the sorrow I hear of most from fellow survivors.

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So, survivors -> We are not alone in our loneliness!!

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It certainly doesn’t help that this recovery takes soooo long! 10 years, solely for the 1st stage of recovery & in June, I’ll reach 8. I can totally see how it’d be o-so tempting to think: it’s been 8 years, and she still forgets things?! Sure…she’s recovering… Little does this hypothetical person know, that I’ve accomplished SO much reclamation in the last 8 years and VERY slowly but surely, I’m forgetting less & less.

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Something I find particularly amusing: this former housemate of mine, who is the nurse, that has redundantly solicited prejudice to me now, in the past proclaimed that my recovery is miraculous & was the person who originally informed me of the known & documented prejudice of disabled people! I’d certainly experienced and therefore been aware of the wretched feeling it offered, but didn’t yet have a label for it. This abuse began months ago, but has continued (indirectly) via my new next door neighbor (who is a friend of hers) until the present.

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Thank you Nurse, for personally offering me not 1, but 3 current examples, which round out the previous definition you gave me of prejudice & drive it home. Every story needs a pessimist dragging the optimist down!

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\n", "excerpt": "

A prior housemate of mine, which I’ve referenced before, solicited unwarranted mental & verbal abuse to me, in an attempt (obviously) to get me down. But recently I’ve realized, that she in fact offered me 3 current (in the last few months) examples, of the abundance of prejudice that I’ve experienced & resultantly endured within […]

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My Severe TBI did away with the vast majority of my memories, lifelong, which was devastating. This consequently also meant, however, that this injury freed me from any long held fear, anger or resentment, that I’d accumulated in my subconscious, lifelong (Vrittis).

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“Vritti refers to the thoughts that surface in the mind, often described as a whirlpool..”. – Yogapedia

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Realizing & owning this, is a way for me to embrace the “silver lining” of this life-capsizing trauma. In all honesty though, my lifelong practice of mindfulness via ample observation & quietude, as well as my 10+ years practicing formal mindful living, allowed me to live largely free of vrittis. My severe TBI, unquestionably, cleared my conscious entirely, ridding me of any hangers on (preconceived notions: vrittis).

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I’m now reading a book (The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali) that harkens back to lessons learned while at the Sanctuary (spiritual center).

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Previously, I have referred to the sanctuary as both the yoga camp & the yoga farm. We did practice yoga twice a day, every day, as well as grew & then cooked our own food, but those activities were far from all encompassing. My complete lack of memory of my attendance, propelled my over-simplification.

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“Memories create impressions in the mind that later come to the surface, either when we want them or sometimes when we don’t want them..so these are the 5 kinds of Vrittis.” –The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

\n", "excerpt": "

My Severe TBI did away with the vast majority of my memories, lifelong, which was devastating. This consequently also meant, however, that this injury freed me from any long held fear, anger or resentment, that I’d accumulated in my subconscious, lifelong (Vrittis). “Vritti refers to the thoughts that surface in the mind, often described as […]

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As if predestined, I was gifted a blessed 28 days of substantially heightened mental peace, directly proceeding incurring my critical Traumatic Brain Injury. My aggrandized peace was enabled by my attendance of the mindfulness Sanctuary in the hills near Nevada city, California. The natural peacefulness that I had felt for the many months before, while residing in SanFrancisco, was intensified greatly while there. Just before my attendance of the Sanctuary, I resided in SanFrancisco. My inhabitance there was split in 2. The first 1/2 (or few months) was dedicated to exploring the city amidst fellow new-comers & the 2nd 1/2 of my stay (likely the last year) was spent hangin’ with my primary roommate, her partner and wondrous friends of theirs who became friends of mine too.

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While attending the Sanctuary, we enacted multiple daily meditations, studies of the Bhagavad Gita and partook in two led yoga sessions per day. Attendees enacted whole living practices (largely influenced by the yogic tradition), which were incorporated consistently. The people who chose to attend, were extremely joyful & grateful to be there.

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I incurred my critical Traumatic Brain Injury just 2 or 3 days before I had originally planned to exit the yoga Sanctuary, while running an errand as a part of my work-trade. The commute demanded by enacting this errand, offered me cell phone reception with which I intended to call my parents and ask for the transference of funds from my savings to my checking, as they uniquely have access, in order that I could compensate the Sanctuary for an elongated stay. I had been attending the Sanctuary for just short of 1 month prior to the car accident taking place.

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The Sanctuary was much more dedicated to teaching yogic theory, than to practicing a physical flow. The Sanctuary was centered upon enacting other mindfulness practices as well. My good friend Zoe (whom I met while there) reminded me of this truth a few years after I was released from the 3rd of 3 hospitals, when Tese & I visited the Sanctuary. Attendees practiced physical yoga twice a day, 3 daily meditations and a few hours, 5 days a week, of study as well. As a result of these practices, the Sanctuary offered me both supreme physical & mental health. I will forever be incredibly grateful for this peaceful prelude. I was devoid of all joy for the first few years of my recovery. Daily life was difficult beyond belief, & consistently so! Now, however, in the last couple of months, after 7.5 years of healing (despite immense external attempts of others to dampen my spirit – STILL) I have reclaimed my joy.

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My critical Traumatic Brain Injury was the most worrisome, as the doctors knew not if I would survive as a result. The TBI was far from my only injury, as my entire left side (where my car collided with the light pole) was completely mangled. My pelvis too was broken (in multiple places) due to my seat belt.

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Amongst my hospitalization, I was supremely peaceful however. I thanked all of the nurses that cared for me diligently, whenever the opportunity arose. I had no fear of passing. In fact, I told my mom that if it was time for me to leave this life, so it was.

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I’ve experienced ample love offered to me by the universe. This has necessitated plenty of personal work to ensure that my gifts were directed appropriately & came to fruition, of course. As the saying goes, and I’m no exception, nothing comes for free.

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What has also been largely noted: good people attract good people! I’ve never consistently fraternized with less than. Again, luck is the foundation, but wise decision making substantiates my gift of luck.

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Pre TBI, I wasn’t reliant upon external acceptance or validation and was joyous most of the time regardless. Hearing wonderful compliments, specifically from my friend Nup (whom I just spoke with) as well as many other friends, doctors, nurses, advisors & my parents certainly help to lift my spirit. External help is so appreciated to escape my current doldrum.

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\n", "excerpt": "

As if predestined, I was gifted a blessed 28 days of substantially heightened mental peace, directly proceeding incurring my critical Traumatic Brain Injury. My aggrandized peace was enabled by my attendance of the mindfulness Sanctuary in the hills near Nevada city, California. The natural peacefulness that I had felt for the many months before, while […]

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Like all else in this recovery so far, I was incredibly fortunate within this hardship. I was sitting down, at my dad’s home, for each seizure. Tese (dad) is the perfect person for me to be alongside when anything catastrophic happens (certainly, including seizures). In this case, as in all situations, he remained calm and made sure that I did the same, which is vital when reacting to a person seizing, after ensuring that the individual is sitting ((immobile)) and not lying down ((potential airway obstruction)). Remaining calm & encouraging them to do the same is necessary, as provoked panic wouldn’t have helped me (or anyone else) in the slightest.

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I had 3 seizures in my first few years of recovery, which officially medically categorizes me as epileptic. My parents were not at all shocked, and relayed this sentiment to me. I was unaware that this was an expected potential symptom of TBIs (due to my refusal for the first 8 years, to educate myself).

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I have a logically supported positive outlook for the future, in this vein. Not only does the likelihood of seizures decrease with time of recovery, but “each year, around 48 in every 100,000 Americans develop the condition”: epilepsy. As a result, there is ample incentive for new treatments to be developed. According to Medical News Today “Michael O. Poulter, Ph.D. of the University of Western Ontario in Canada, and colleagues believe they may have moved a step closer to fulfilling this need.

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He knew that they were occurring because my speech became slurred and non-sensible. I, however, was completely unaware that they had transpired, because most seizures ensure a lack of awareness, which was the case for me. I simply came-to exhausted.

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Apparently, we were warned before leaving the hospital, by my doctors, of the likelihood that I’d experience seizures. My specialty TBI psychiatrist was not at all shocked when I shared that they transpired either. Again, this symptom is expected for recoveries of moderate to severe TBIs.

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I’ve been told by professionals that another will likely not happen, due to the length of my successful recovery thus far (8 years). This is a trend that is true for *most*. Each individual survivor is entirely unique however.

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It’s extremely lucky that I have largely regained the peacefulness I’ve imbued lifelong. For the first 5 years, I was seriously concerned that it wouldn’t ever resurface. But, just as my psychiatrist has redundantly stated, all in time.

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Due to largely resurrecting my peacefulness, I don’t worry about potential seizures taking place. I figure -> what’s the point?! Worrying about them will not decrease the probability that they’ll occur, in fact needless stress, it’s believed by doctors & scientists alike, may increase the likelihood that I’ll experience another.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Like all else in this recovery so far, I was incredibly fortunate within this hardship. I was sitting down, at my dad’s home, for each seizure. Tese (dad) is the perfect person for me to be alongside when anything catastrophic happens (certainly, including seizures). In this case, as in all situations, he remained calm and […]

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Overwhelmingly, I’ve refrained from making this apart of my story. After-all, I’m telling my audience of my recovery from a Severe TBI. There is very little need, aside from a clarifying release, to give any credence to immature attempts at belittling me.

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Who, when committed to bettering their own lives, would try to lessen the joy I find in my, already difficulty riddled one? Let alone take pleasure in doing so? That I cannot relate to. I, personally, have only always found pleasure in being surrounded by others that are joyful as well! I find great validity in the truth that Tese (my best friend & care giver) has always repeated: smiles are contagious.

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Despite others’ repetitive attempts to do so, over the last few years, it has been proven: nothing can dampen my spirit.

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I have many friends that have supported me, as I’ve sought to uplift my spirit. They have helped & are helping me tremendously still. There were some old & new friends of mine in Seattle, upon my initial recovery, that were and are wonderful. Here in my new residence as well, I’ve acquired golden friends. Those are the only ones I keep (very hopefully, the majority of you can relate), as those are the only people that better my life.

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I have learned, repeatedly, that strength, self motivation & perseverance are beyond necessary for successfully reclaiming a full life. I’ve developed my life anew, with new constrictions, a few times before. Granted, this blockade is all encompassing. My imbedded fierceness is certainly being called upon! I now feel able to employ it. I’m determined to foster a beautiful life once again.

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My friends consciously & consistently choose to act in ways that support my spirit’s revival which is tremendously helpful.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Overwhelmingly, I’ve refrained from making this apart of my story. After-all, I’m telling my audience of my recovery from a Severe TBI. There is very little need, aside from a clarifying release, to give any credence to immature attempts at belittling me. Who, when committed to bettering their own lives, would try to lessen the […]

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\"\"
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In this blog I have, thus far (as you may have noticed), focused largely on my initial recovery. The subject of my posts, as a result, have primarily been regarding past events. Writing of my initial recovery has been very therapeutic for me, as inceptive recovery was a tremendously sorrowful & all-encompassing past-time. Explaining it, has been a way for me to defuse it.

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I will now write largely of my present experiences. When appropriate, I’ll amend past posts to include realizations which have resulted from comparing past to present capabilities/activities of mine. This will elucidate my healing progress further.

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Given that the details of memories I obtained during my time residing in SF, are only recently resurfacing, inevitably, I’ll regress to recounting them, on occasion. That is, when I recall relevant or exciting (that I suspect will be interesting to my audience) subjects, I will relay them to you.

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I’ll reach 8 of the 10 years suspected by my doctors to be my initial stage of recovery on July 1 of this year. My psychiatrist of 7 1/2 years (always gotta wait for the specialist! She’s in high demand & rightly so. Im overjoyed to have waited.) last we spoke, restated that which she’s told me before, after I asked her of the expected return of memories, by survivors.

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“You’re inventing your own new-norm now”.

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I must concede, that my recovery has proven & continues to prove, this statement of hers to be true. Achievements within my recovery continue to be anomalies (I am doing far more advanced & independent things than any of my medical professionals expected).

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For instance: Right now, I’m able to read multiple books at a time (as I used to) without getting the plots or characters of the books confused. This reclamation is such a relief to me!! I was feeling so very lonely until recently. Previously, I attributed this largely to the reality that I was torn from my close friends in SanFrancisco.

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This was true, in part, but I’ve now begun to revel in the time I spend solitarily once again & reclaim the joy I’ve always found in it. As a result, I can choose how I’d like to spend my time! Many of the things, that I choose & have chosen all of my life to do, are in fact solitary activities (like constructing these blog posts), which makes me sublimely happy.

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Here’s to the present & future!

\n", "excerpt": "

In this blog I have, thus far (as you may have noticed), focused largely on my initial recovery. The subject of my posts, as a result, have primarily been regarding past events. Writing of my initial recovery has been very therapeutic for me, as inceptive recovery was a tremendously sorrowful & all-encompassing past-time. Explaining it, […]

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Is honesty always the best policy?

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For years, after being released from my final hospital, I elicited visually obvious (facial expressions) statements and spoke blatantly, sans filtration, all of the time, with everyone.

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My MDs warned my parents that this’d take place. After-all, filters are built over time, when we mentally process our experiences. We then learn valuable lessons from each expression. All of my experiences, after arising from my coma, were seemingly new, due to my complete lack of memory. I had 0 memory of lessons learned in the previous 29 years. That was the precipice of learning all, anew.

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This is an incredibly personal disability!

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I want to thank, profusely, all of my friends & family who were confronted with this unabashed Olivia and reacted kindly. That was the vast majority! I love my people!!

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Just one old friend is lastingly offended. I understand why & will forever be sorry.

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To the couple of my new fleeting Bellingham associates, that have consequently vindictively overreacted while refusing to respect that I am a severely disabled individual: your loss. I have no interest in befriending obviously unsympathetic & unkind individuals. So, we’re in agreement!

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Very thankfully, (it’s about time!) I can once again choose, to what degree & when honesty is appropriate.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Is honesty always the best policy? For years, after being released from my final hospital, I elicited visually obvious (facial expressions) statements and spoke blatantly, sans filtration, all of the time, with everyone. My MDs warned my parents that this’d take place. After-all, filters are built over time, when we mentally process our experiences. We […]

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\"Smell
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I subconsciously dismissed this recommendation at first, which was easily done. After-all, this advise directly contradicts our current societal norm. This norm has been engrained in me (as I assume it has been in most Americans, if not all global citizens): Accomplish the most that can possibly be done!

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A friend of mine, whom I befriended post TBI, while recovering in Seattle, consistently (Initially in person, and most recently over the phone) reminds me to slow down.

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I’m reminded of the great value in slowing down which was instilled in me by my practice of yoga (yoga in total: which is far more than a physical practice, solely). My mindfulness practice too, substantiates this reality. Granted, in many ways, they support one another.

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Now, while living in Bellingham WA, I am reminded too by Kija (the friend who lives in a different city than I ((as the vast majority of my old friends do now)), who gave me these instructions originally, to slow down & does still.

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I value this reminder greatly. A consistent reminder, is needed. It’s awfully easy to get caught up in the present madness of go, go, go!

\n", "excerpt": "

I subconsciously dismissed this recommendation at first, which was easily done. After-all, this advise directly contradicts our current societal norm. This norm has been engrained in me (as I assume it has been in most Americans, if not all global citizens): Accomplish the most that can possibly be done! A friend of mine, whom I […]

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\"\"
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(image courtesy of industryweek.com)

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This is a profound challenge & the pinnacle achievement of my life. I can’t even fathom an experience, which I could live through (I very nearly didn’t recover my life from this!) that’d be more challenging or complete.

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*I have now learned that it’s incredibly helpful to be patient with myself*. The asterisks (reminders) are absolutely necessary for me to add, in order to punctuate this statement & therefore help myself remember it. Even though, damn it’s hard!

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I will say, I’m beginning to appreciate the estimated lengthy timeline of recovery, as I’m guessing it’s very accurate for regaining the quality of skills, which I hold dear. The reality that my doctors foresaw this lengthy recovery, substantiates the overwhelming recovery necessitated by survivors who incurred a moderate, Severe or critical Traumatic Brain Injury.

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This incredibly slow healing is the most demotivating experience I’ve ever had and I’ve welcomed trials lifelong! Trials that resulted in a consequential benefit of course…This reality makes schooling (largely schooling myself, with the expert guidance of my mom, dad, Emily & my psychiatrist, to work with my newly abbreviated skill-set) necessary. Initially, my skills were extremely limited & now, nearly 8 years later, I still have substantially lessoned abilities (albeit certainly fewer now). Adaptations were & are still necessitated. Good thing that hard work (as I’ve shared in a blog post, previously) has always been motivating for me. In this circumstance, uniquely, my motivation certainly took a few year hiatus, but now it has returned. Yay!!!

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My energy is uniquely, at a premium now. Dedication to writing pieces (or truly producing quality things of any sort) requires that I expend much more energy. The majority of things take me much longer than they did in my pre-TBI life. Very little can be accomplished thoughtlessly now. As a result, ample effort of mine is called for, and far more time with which to consider each aspect of an action, is needed.

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Consider: having to consciously brush your teeth and hair, not to mention, check the weather for each day, in order to dress appropriately. Memory serves us far more than I previously thought! I’ve now become used to taking these actions, so they’re no longer as frustrating, but inevitably still a bit so, as they necessitate more time & awareness than I’m used to expending.

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Consider: having to consciously brush your teeth and hair, not to mention, check the weather each day, in order to dress appropriately. Memory serves us far more than I previously could‘ve fathomed! I’ve now become used to taking the aforementioned actions, so they’re no longer as frustrating, but inevitably. still a bit so, as they necessitate more time & awareness than I’m used to expending.

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I stated previously, that TBIs did not = permanent/long term effects. I had lost site of the truth that the normalcy for the vast majority of moderate to severe TBI Survivors is quite different from mine. My recovery has been quite rare, in swiftness, as well as in breadth. (It feels insane to me to say swiftness, as in June of this year, I’ll reach 8 years of recovery). My statement “having no lasting effects”, was based solely on my personal recovery thus far. It’s generally not true. My blessed recovery provoked soliciting an overarching falsity to my audience. I in noway want to diminish the prolific trials that TBI recovery requires.

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My recovery process, as I’ve previously shared, continues to be unbelievably challenging & astoundingly lengthy, to me. I’ve never gotten used to it (I have in large part, in order to persevere, but far from fully, largely due to my own obstinance). I’m used to (after diligent work) being able to figure out a way to surpass or demolish any hurdle I’ve encountered, unscathed. I feel my relentless annoyance (to say the least) proves that, at least, my spirit is alive & well.

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Considering this wholly life altering experience positively: It’s a nonstop lesson in mindfulness!

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(image courtesy of industryweek.com) This is a profound challenge & the pinnacle achievement of my life. I can’t even fathom an experience, which I could live through (I very nearly didn’t recover my life from this!) that’d be more challenging or complete. *I have now learned that it’s incredibly helpful to be patient with myself*. […]

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This is a phrase that my mom, a revered school teacher, will recognize as quite familiar, as she has repeatedly told me this lifelong. And it’s always proven to be true! I realized too that this phrase helps my mind calm. I can always think much more clearly, with a mind unburdened of strife (as is true of most ppl). If I take the time to pull apart the unsound choice I made/action I took, to discover why it ran amuck, I’ll very-likely learn something new. At the very least, I’ll never repeat that mistake!

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Only now, when faced with the all-encompassing recovery from a Severe TBI, which necessitates relearning everything, literally, the indisputable truth inherent in this statement shines. I’ve FINALLY now (after 7. 8 years) begun to reclaim memories from times of my life that I wasn’t able to before and I was advised by my doctors, might never return! Hell ya.

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It’s kinda fun, now that I’ve (with many years of recovery under my belt) progressed to a stage in which I don’t get as frustrated as I once did. As a result, I’m enabled to revel in the re-discovering of the many glorious moments I’ve had thus far in life.

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When things do go completely wrong (as is sometimes the truth -for everyone!) I’ve learned to either accept it and take appropriate recourse, or strategically & intelligently fight! (As they say, practice makes perfect:).

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This is undoubtedly the greatest trial I’ve faced, but I’ve returned to my lifelong motto (there’s often a needed bout of sadness or anger), but then…: Bring it on! (Whatever the trial is).

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Only now am I beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel! 🥰

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\n", "excerpt": "

This is a phrase that my mom, a revered school teacher, will recognize as quite familiar, as she has repeatedly told me this lifelong. And it’s always proven to be true! I realized too that this phrase helps my mind calm. I can always think much more clearly, with a mind unburdened of strife (as […]

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During the first few years of my recovery, the loss of my adoration for life, was profound & felt cataclysmic. It felt as if my life, which had previously abounded with possibilities, had instantly been entirely shuttered.

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Due to a sublime combination of wondrous circumstances (an absolute gift), stupendous support + guidance from my fantastic parents and devoted work of mine, life was mine for the taking. Once I decided to do something, I’d go all in & I’d achieve whatever it was I desired (within reason, of course). Please don’t mistake this for me saying that all was easy for me – absolutely not. But little did I know, pre-TBI, what grueling truly felt like. I hadn’t a clue.

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Caveat: Everyday wasn’t sublime and full of motivation. I would never claim to be superhuman! Everyone has bad days, when they’re in a foul mood and a consequential lack of motivation ensues. This was, very luckily, an anomaly of mine pre-TBI.

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The immense depression that resulted from the severe TBI I incurred, felt instantaneous & could not be personally remedied. This is irrefutable as it was foreseen to take place, by all of my doctors. In the 3rd & last hospital of mine, the doctors sat my caretakers (Mom, Tese & Emily) down and forewarned them that this’d take place.

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Once I moved from my final hospital to my mom’s house, I realized that perceptively, abruptly (in truth, it was post 9 months of existing in 3 hospitals) all of my opportunities seemed to be extinguished.

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My doctors weren’t lying!!

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I am THRILLED to say, that I have now (after 7.5 years) largely reclaimed my motivation.

\n", "excerpt": "

During the first few years of my recovery, the loss of my adoration for life, was profound & felt cataclysmic. It felt as if my life, which had previously abounded with possibilities, had instantly been entirely shuttered. Due to a sublime combination of wondrous circumstances (an absolute gift), stupendous support + guidance from my fantastic […]

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"site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/7089/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/7089/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 7107, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2021-02-10T11:46:06-08:00", "modified": "2021-04-01T14:28:18-07:00", "title": "Emotionally Mending My Sacral Chakra", "URL": 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Svadhishtha in Sanskrit, otherwise known as the sacral chakra, is associated with the pelvis. My seatbelt demolished my pelvis (broke in numerous places, as is stated in my previous post ((2 posts ago))), hence the necessity for me to re-learn to walk. It’s the is the second primary chakra, as is recognized by yogic spirituality. This chakra is said to be blocked by fear, especially the fear of death.

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Telling anecdote from my recovery: While on life support, I clearly experienced no fear of death: I said to my mom “if it’s time to go, so it is.’’ As you may imagine, this statement, did not pacify my mom all. Her only child dying before her?!

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Opening this chakra can boost creativity, manifested desire and confidence.

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The saying “time heals all wounds”, although I do recognize to be a wild oversimplification, continues to be true, in my case. I believe an alteration (I’m always inclined to edit:) to this statement is needed though: time, adaptation, perseverance & positivity in combination, heal all wounds. Adaptation is a fundament necessity of being human, 1 that I’m now extremely versed in. Perviously, adaptation was a choice (an abundance of relocating ((facilitated, in large part, by my generous boyfriend Chris, at that time.)))

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I know (through personal experience) that recognizing peace within personally necessitated adaptations (EX: the obvious proclivity of some strangers ((certainly not all)) to recognize my trials & help) is a golden key that continues to remind me that positivity exists all around me.

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Attending the sanctuary (where we officially meditated twice a day and studied the Bhagavad Gita routinely) directly before incurring my prolific injuries, influenced me to adopt a deep state of acceptance and have no fear of death, while on life support. The sanctuary helped to deepen my devotion to Buddhism, and as zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh, says:

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“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness” -Thich Nhat Hanh

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I’ve been reminded (via experience) that positivity abounds externally. (You simply need to put yourself in positive environments & chose to surround yourself with positive people). Through these means, I’ve reclaimed my social ability to do so.

\n", "excerpt": "

Svadhishtha in Sanskrit, otherwise known as the sacral chakra, is associated with the pelvis. My seatbelt demolished my pelvis (broke in numerous places, as is stated in my previous post ((2 posts ago))), hence the necessity for me to re-learn to walk. It’s the is the second primary chakra, as is recognized by yogic spirituality. […]

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Until very recently, I was mourning my loss of internal motivation, which I attributed to being a result of my TBI. Now, 7 & 1/2 years since incurring my TBI, Ive begun to regain it. Considering that my fundamental (1st stage) healing was estimated to take 10 years by my doctors (both physical & mental), my recovery is considered superb & early. I find this interesting…to say the least.

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I initially thought my lack of motivation was solely the result of my TBI, only to find proof that it’s been a consistent struggle of mine. I will say (to rightfully excuse myself in part:) that I’ve very rarely met an artist that didn’t have trouble finding motivation…

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Proof of my aforementioned lack of motivation: I recently found this journal entry, that was clearly written before incurring my severe TBI (do to the legible handwriting). This note expressing the exact same trouble! Seeing this, was simply a snap back to the reality that my hardship of feeling unmotivated is nothing new…

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A pre-TBI journal entry of mine
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Though I’m narrating this as if I’m in school, it is abstract. I believe, that in reality, this journal was written during the time that I was living in SanFrancisco. I had well completed all schooling.

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It’s hard to be positive though, considering.

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I noticed upon reclaiming all of my things, (my thoughtful SF roommates sent my things to me in Seattle, where I was staying with my parents, for the 1st 1.5 years of my recovery). I certainly have a tendency to start journals (not just a tendency, but in truth, a redundancy, considering that this was the case with every one I found!) sans completing them. I begin filling a journal, only to quickly become enchanted with the beauty of another I’d found and therefore begin writing in that one! It’s hardly surprising that journals greatly appeal to me, given my chosen occupation + the beauty of them is enrapturing! Nor is it at-all surprising to me that I have a hard time completing 1 in full (I’ve never, knowingly, claimed commitment to be a natural strong-suit of mine).

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The above image is also proof of my lifelong struggle with spelling, which my mom had to assure the nurse in the hospital, who gave me a cognitive exam before discharging me, was nothing new.

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Ah well, I’ve never been motivated to perfect the structural aspects of writing. I love ideas & the beauty of story construction. The technical points of writing, I’m much less motivated to practice.

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Now, however, reclaiming to hand-write is necessary! I’m devoted, as it emotionally serves me greatly. I am confident that spell check & editors will always remain, however, so my consistent spelling difficulty will remain rubbish, (extremely questionable at best). Dedication to refurbishing my artistry, (and anything else, I find great pleasure in) will remain.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Until very recently, I was mourning my loss of internal motivation, which I attributed to being a result of my TBI. Now, 7 & 1/2 years since incurring my TBI, Ive begun to regain it. Considering that my fundamental (1st stage) healing was estimated to take 10 years by my doctors (both physical & mental), […]

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Thank you Yogaalive.net
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Santosha is 1 of the primary Niyamas within the Yoga Sutrās (a classic yogic text). The Sutrās are thought to be 1 among many of Sage Patanjali’s Sanskrit works.

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How this relates to my life now specifically: I’m really enjoying the beautiful people & and abundant gorgeous nature in Bellingham.

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This doesn’t, however, make me complacent. I’ve become used to and therefore want, the sun that I embraced & grew used to in SanFrancisco.

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As a result, I’m thoroughly enjoying Bellingham currently, knowing that I will, very likely, move back to California in a few months when my lease here ends. I know that happiness doesn’t await me there, but I do knowingly believe (through past experience), that sunshine lifts my mood (& energy level) to a height that I’d never experienced while living in the PNW. My energy erupts as a result = I’m far more productive.

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I am extremely fortunate to have largely been imbued with a positive lens, out of which to view things, lifelong. It has been a gargantuan & palpable loss, to live without, for a few years (early recovery). I undeniably knew of this loss, although I was unable to articulate it well in the first bit (4 yeas). (Yes, 4 years is a bit given the extensive length of my expected recovery timeline). After-all, I wasn’t able to articulate much well in early recovery, certainly not intangible sentiments, like feelings…

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I was, pre-injury, quite adept at verbalizing felt emotions, (many long-standing friends of mine can & have attested). This temporary inability of mine was so frustrating! But truly, what aspect of recovery from a severe brain injury hasn’t been?

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I am blessed with an incredibly wise dad/best friend, who intuitively understood the crux of my proclamation in the first few years of my recovery. My attempt to explain how my reception of life had altered drastically: “I’m no longer in love with life!!” It may have been a tad more dramatic than that…(In fact, I’m fairly sure it was). Very fortunately, he understood what a profound emotional loss this (my intense love of life) was for me.

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Amidst recovery my experience has been & will be for an unforeseeable time (according to my psychiatrists) extremely taxing. Prolific aspects of my existence are consistently far more difficult & much more physically taxing. I am relieved, however, to be consistently told by experts, that I’ll get there eventually.

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My brain was overrun by the necessity of re-learning all previously. I had no energy to expend on explanatory & precise articulation. That was superfluous to me at that time. Being unable to articulate this all-consuming melancholy, only added to my deep depression. (Articulation & I have been reliably simpatico life-long). I was so sorrowful & resultantly pissed with all of life!

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Tese understood the grandeur of the loss I felt. There was a great disparity between my profound love of life before incurring my TBI & the completely juxtaposed feeling I had amidst my early recovery.

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Svadhishtha in Sanskrit, otherwise known as the sacral chakra, is associated with the pelvis. My seatbelt demolished my pelvis (broke in numerous places – hence the neccesity for me to re-learn to walk). It is the second primary chakra, as is recognized by yogic spirituality. This chakra is said to be blocked by fear, especially the fear of death. Opening this chakra can boost creativity, manifested desire and confidence.

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I know (through practicing mindfulness) that recognizing peace within, including necessary adaptations (EX: the obvious proclivity of some strangers ((certainly not all)) to recognize my trials & help) is a golden key that continues to remind me that positivity exists all around me.

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Attending the sanctuary (where we officially meditated twice a day and studied the Bhagavad Gita routinely) directly before incurring my prolific injuries, influenced me to adopt a deep state of acceptance. The sanctuary helped to deepen my devotion to Buddhism, and as zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh, says:

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“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness”

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Being reminded that positivity abounds externally (when you put yourself in positive environments & chose to surround yourself with positive people), allows me to dismiss untrue attacks on my character. (Yes, that too, I redundantly experience). Less so with time, but the degradation continues to persist albeit to a far lesser level now.

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The awesome thing is, that NOW (as my psychiatrist foresaw) I can laugh off unwarranted jabs. When they’re based solely on opinion and no evidence, criticisms are extremely laughable to me.

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Only on 1 well-deserved occasion, has my laugh been intentionally audible 🙂

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\n", "excerpt": "

Santosha is 1 of the primary Niyamas within the Yoga Sutrās (a classic yogic text). The Sutrās are thought to be 1 among many of Sage Patanjali’s Sanskrit works. How this relates to my life now specifically: I’m really enjoying the beautiful people & and abundant gorgeous nature in Bellingham. This doesn’t, however, make me […]

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"https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2021/01/03/doctors-nurses-in-the-neurology-unit-glued-to-a-football-game/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1Q0", "content": "\n
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My dad recounted this story to me recently and I found it hilarious, so I thought I’d share it with you, for your enjoyment:

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Doctors & nurses, that work in the neurology unit of California Pacific Medical Center, chose to watch men ram their heads into each other: football. These are doctors who are revered in their field, whichdedicated to healing individuals that have incurred brain trauma

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I find that a tad hypocritical…to say the least, but they are American humans, whose work, intellect & care I GREATLY revere and appreciate. Who am I to second guess the way in which they clear their minds? It obviously doesn’t interfere with their stupendous ability to heal & very likely, serves them. Everyone’s performance improves when they’re given a respite.

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All of the Mds that I’ve spoken with, once they learn the details of my TBI, vouch for that truth undoubtedly.

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Tese (my dad) as well as his stupendously dedicated partner, Emily, who both remember the hospital (unlike I) recounted everyone in the waiting room’s fixation on the super bowl. Doctors, nurses & survivors of brain trauma (that weren’t confined to their beds: largely aneurism survivors) alike, were all fixated. This = burly men intentionally smashing their whole bodies, most predominantly, their heads, into each other, in the nuero unit waiting room.

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A very relevant anecdote: the football game was between Seattle (where I grew up) & SanFrancisco (the city I was inhabiting when I incurred my severe brain injury).

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I know not who won. Neither Tese, Emily nor Mom can recall either. Neither Tese or my Mom, have ever been football junkies, not to mention that they were all in a severely heightened emotional state!

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My Mom refused to even watch the game & understandably so! Her only child was on the brink of death because her brain (certainly unintentionally!) was bashed in by a light pole. These built men were *choosing* to ram their heads into other built men…

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I did look it up, in order to offer a closing to this post. Seattle & SanFrancisco had 2 games in 2013 (The year I was in & released from CPMC ((the 3rd of the 3 hospitals I attended))). Both teams won 1 of the 2 games.

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Ah well, I suppose we have to live on unknowing.

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\n", "excerpt": "

My dad recounted this story to me recently and I found it hilarious, so I thought I’d share it with you, for your enjoyment: Doctors & nurses, that work in the neurology unit of California Pacific Medical Center, chose to watch men ram their heads into each other: football. These are doctors who are revered […]

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For the majority of my life, I have reveled in a largely solitary passing of time. I always had a handful of close friends that I adored, but for me, a few was & is enough. We were all of the same sentiment: seeing each-other every few days or every few weeks (regularity, of course, depends on mine + my other friend’s preferences) was & is quite satisfactory.

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My time living in SanFrancisco was rare as it was naturally exceptionally social. I met so many people whom I found immensely interesting & fun, as well as endeavors & observations (so much public art!) to thoroughly enjoy together. Not to mention, that the best friends I made there initially, I met at my co-working space. Inevitably, as a result, I saw them many days a week while working, and then very often, after work as well.

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Solitude was nearly non-existent. We regularly slept at each other’s houses, to pay for 1 cab home (battling the immense SF living expenses ((Even then – nearly 9 years ago))). There were ample & divers new arrivals (people & activities) to enjoy consistently.

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As a result, my sociality blossomed. How could it not!? The tenants in 2 of the 3 rooms of our apartment changed while I lived there (1 & 1/2 years). I befriended 4 amazing women as a result of my habitat alone. Once I departed, all 3 rooms’ tenants within our mission district apartment had altered, in 1.75 years. How incredibly SanFranciscan.

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My time living in SF was inevitably cut short by my incurrence of the severe TBI, which for the initial three years of my recovery, I deeply mourned. Now, however, in retrospect (20/20) I’ve realized that it was in-fact perfect timing for me to re-locate. SF friends have told me, that before leaving for the yoga camp, I was already planning to relocate (much closer to SF. I love the people I met there!) Likely, I would’ve relocated to the east bay = Oakland.

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Inevitably, (all it takes is time!) the culture of the bay has grandly changed. As a result, very nearly all of my friends have relocated. The constant evolution of SF was so exciting to be in the middle of, while I was living there! Enjoying ample activity, was extremely appropriate for the substantial amount of energy I embodied at that time (26 – 27.5 years old). Now, given the catastrophic injuries I’ve endured, the lengthy recovery process that I continue to persistently pursue and my final departure from fine dining waitressing = me enjoying living in SF, is no longer possible in the near future.

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I am a bit disheartened, as living in SF is MUCH more expensive now & as a result the city has begun (from my perspective) to resemble the wealthy suburb I grew up in/on = Mercer Island (which has never accurately represented my families means, my personal means, or my parents’ priorities).They passed their priorities down to me. I now proudly & fondly retain them.

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Mercer Island (MI as islanders refer to it) was a phenomenal place to grow up (thank you Tese & Mom!)= incredibly safe & fantastic schooling. As I grew older, I became aware of, and bothered by, the grand disparity between me & my classmates means. I’m extremely used to being unknowingly lumped in with this affluent community now. The result is a bit of bitterness, as I detest being misunderstood but I must say, that the knowledge gained in the lucrative MI school system, has served me grandly & I expect will life long.

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As a clan (family) we’ve all found far more fulfillment in loving what we do, rather than making ample $ doing it & our callings aren’t lucrative. Once experiencing loving what I do, (like my parents) I am not, nor do I ever expect to be, propelled by $. Needless to say, I’m certainly not rollin in the doe now! Social security is wonderful for funding the basics and I’m mighty grateful for it, but it’s far from generous. As a result, I am endlessly great full for the support I recieve from loved ones.

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Needless to say, once being released from the final hospital I inhabited (after being sent to 3 hospitals, for nearly a year) I was then was sent to stay with my nurturing aunt, uncle & cousins at their home in Santa Rosa, CA (close to CPMC, my final hopital) and then to live in my parent’s homes.

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Now, I’m considering moving to Birch Bay or Blaine to finish composing my memoir. I intend to return to silence, for however long it takes!

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\n", "excerpt": "

For the majority of my life, I have reveled in a largely solitary passing of time. I always had a handful of close friends that I adored, but for me, a few was & is enough. We were all of the same sentiment: seeing each-other every few days or every few weeks (regularity, of course, […]

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\"\"
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Both my body & spirit have proven to bend & not break. My doctors (both mental & physical), mentor, friends & family attest to this reality, as they’ve witnessed it in real time. I in no way did this alone. My friends & family have helped me, substantially, for many years and still are.

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The plethora of other physical injuries that I simultaneously incurred, alongside my TBI, have offered undeniable proof of my physical strength. This gleefully surprised me the most.

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No doubt this physical strength was reenforced by my month-long stay at the mindfulness Sanctuary, where I incurred my critical Traumatic Brain Injury. When offering to run an errand for the retreat, as apart of my work-trade, my horrendous car accident ensued. Running said errand, and driving in order to do so, was fulfilling my work-trade agreement, but the impetus to run said errand, was gaining cell phone service (we had none at the Sanctuary) in order to request the transference of funds from my savings to my checking, in order that I could attend the Sanctuary for another month. I anticipated too, telling my parents and SF roommates that I wanted to move out of the populous city of SF.

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My mental strength has been tested, astronomically, upon recovery from my critical TBI, far more than ever before. After-all, our brain tells every other part of our bodies what to do! The truth that I’m a fiercely independent writer, who, per usual (for writers), resides largely in my mind, ensures that the purely mental trials were devastating in & of themselves. The addition of my multitude of physical challenges, which necessitated help, for many years, felt soooo depressing & impossible to overcome initially.

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For the 1.5 years that I lived in SF, fine-dining waitressing enabled the grand satisfaction of practicing my artistry while simultaneously facilitating my prolific enjoyment of SF (extremely cheaply, of course). The phenomenal friends whom I met in that crazy expensive (EVEN 9.5 years ago!) city made working 1/2 time (1/4 waitressing, 1/4 writing) perfect. To have 1/2 of your life, devoted to enjoying yourself = fantastic. When enjoying a bottle or 2 of wine with great friends, at 1 of your apartments = perfect.

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Mid 20s seems like an ideal time of life.

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In direct contrast ->

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Living an active life with a critical TBI = extremely uncommon. There were many months where I thought: Fuck this. I worried that my deep love of life had vanished forever & that my life was now predestined to be horrid. As a result, I was entirely unmotivated & stagnant (deeply mourning my previously consistent joy).

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My reclamation of overarching happiness after 7.5 years of recovery, is a phenomenal relief to me & considered early by experts, given the extent of my injuries. In fact, amidst the slight subset of critical Traumatic Brain Injury survivors never reclaim happiness. My reclamation is part & parcel of my spirit arising once again!

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Writing this blog now: sharing my experiences of recovery with all of you, feels perfect. Just as it should be.

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Thank you very much for being here with me.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Both my body & spirit have proven to bend & not break. My doctors (both mental & physical), mentor, friends & family attest to this reality, as they’ve witnessed it in real time. I in no way did this alone. My friends & family have helped me, substantially, for many years and still are. The […]

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"site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/7012/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/7012/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 7011, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2020-09-19T16:33:03-07:00", "modified": "2026-03-04T18:15:48-08:00", "title": "Resurrecting the Enabling Freedom I Felt In SanFrancisco", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2020/09/19/resurrecting-the-enabling-freedom-i-felt-in-sanfrancisco/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1P5", "content": "\n

For many years after incurring my critical TBI, I was unsure how to proceed, as this disability felt unfathomable to me. So many of my basic skills were gone! The multiple losses that have resulted from my accident, which were quite profound (all-encompassing), were devastating. It broke me in totality: Physically, mentally & spiritually.

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Backstory: I lived in SF for a year and a 1/2 directly prior to attending the Sanctuary’s mindfulness retreat at which I incurred my critical Traumatic Brain Injury. I participated in a work trade with the mindfulness Sanctuary (getting involved on the ground floor has proven to be personally invaluable, redundantly. 1 such example, results from being a RA in college). I’m all about deals as well as being intimately involved in whatever it is I’m partaking in. Practicing a work-trade serves that purpose well.

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The work-trade is the means by which I knew of the need for an attendee drop something off at a differing location for the Sanctuary. The catalyst was a deep desire of mine to gain cell phone service (of which we had none at the Sanctuary ((promoting mindfulness))), in order to talk with my roommates in SF & my parents. I foresaw Big Life Changes, which included relocation. Low & behold, I didn’t have to GO anywhere (simply attempt to…) to find BIG changes. They found me! (Not at all the ones I desired, however).

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While living in SF, I waitressed at a fine-dining restaurant in SanFrancisco (in order to live well ((still on an incredibly stringent budget)) in that extremely expensive city). I only had to work 3 nights a week at Delfina to afford necessities & routine slight splurges, admittedly. Writing, as is well known, even with my multiple clients, only funded enjoyment of the opportunities which abound in San Francisco. Waitressing was my main source of income while there = rent, bus pass, membership with the co-working space that I wrote from…

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The 1 writing client I retained consistently while in SF, was Dr. Lilian Cheung. Lilian Cheung is the co-author of Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life alongside Thich Nhat Hanh. I managed the book’s web presence. I composed weekly blogs for the book’s associated website. I too opened, offered content for & monitored Savor’s social media accounts daily. I took-on other writing client’s work as well while living in SF. From the beginning of my residence, the cost of living in SF in 2013, compared to other US cities, came in as #3 in the US (the most expensive being NY). Now, SF is even more expensive to live in than NY! Currently, “New York, New York is 30.5% cheaper than San Francisco, California” – Best Places to live While living in SF, I waitressed 3 nights a week and had my days free to write & explore. A couple evenings a week, I’d galavant with friends in the city!

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Lucrative waitressing enabled me to pick & choose clients whose subject mattered appealed to me personally = I revered & thoroughly enjoyed. Mindfulness, yoga & related start-up products (yoga mats, for instance). Resultantly, life was fulfilling in many ways. Now, once again, I feel this encouragement & for-site of future possibilities, bubbling back up! Undoubtedly my mentor, Lilian Cheung as well as my parents & certain friends of mine, have enabled this reoccurrence.

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I thank them profusely!!

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\n", "excerpt": "

For many years after incurring my critical TBI, I was unsure how to proceed, as this disability felt unfathomable to me. So many of my basic skills were gone! The multiple losses that have resulted from my accident, which were quite profound (all-encompassing), were devastating. It broke me in totality: Physically, mentally & spiritually. Backstory: […]

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For the initial 5 years post incurring my severe TBI, I compared myself not to others with the same disability of a similar severity. Rather, to how easily & fluidly I used to accomplish things, pre injury. This is only natural for humans, I feel. But, like all other components of this recovery, my timeline to reach greater ability & acceptance is unexpectedly looong be me, even though my recovery is considered phenomenally quick by expert professionals!

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Ruins of forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, where know thyself was once said to be inscribed
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The grand gap in my abilities, between then & now, was maddening initially. As is commonly known, with redundant unsuccessful attempts comes ample frustration, which only slowed me further. Consequently, I would then allow myself to become disillusioned….

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I’ve always been devoted to assessing other’s individually, sans overshadowing assumptions, why then have I forsaken accurate, unbiassed, judgement of my own current self?! It’s only natural for me personally, and, so I hear, for a wide swath of other humans, to hold themselves to a higher caliber than we do other’s.

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I have now come to cradle the Ancient Greek aphorism “know thyself” fondly and with that, my patience continues to expand. If I expect others to asses me individually & put aside commonly accepted stereotypes of severe TBI survivors, the majority of which don’t truly apply to me, than I must personally employ this differentiation 1st!

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Currently, and for the past few years (in varying degrees), increasing productivity has been my aim. To find a gigantic amount of blog drafts, only partially composed, in my WordPress account, is quite telling of my lacking attention span (which is a pervasive symptom of survivors that have incurred any severity of TBI). I have 90ish drafts in my account and I first began to draft this post a few days ago…undoubtedly there are more now. Nor did I have the patience (yet another symptom of this all-encompassing disability) to diligently keep track of the # of drafts counted, when cataloging the amount. So…the given # is likely lesser than reality.

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Ah well, specifics are minutia, compared to this general sharing of my personal reality.

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“It is not uncommon for a person with a TBI to only be able to pay attention for a few minutes at a time. This can occur with any level of severity of a TBI – mild, moderate, severe” not to mention critical, which is often uncategorized as such a slight few of us survive (20% of the minutia who obtain them

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-CEMM (a training resource ((I’m guessing for medics…?)) developed by the Air Force Surgeon General)

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This quote re-affirms what every specialist of mine (physical MDs as well as psychiatric MDs) have stated: my recovery is unprecedented: I’ve now been adding to & editing this post for 30 minutes. My guess is, once completed, I will have spent 1 hour.

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Indeed, multiple revisions were needed, over 2 days. Yep…completion takes me much, much longer now.

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For the initial 5 years post incurring my severe TBI, I compared myself not to others with the same disability of a similar severity. Rather, to how easily & fluidly I used to accomplish things, pre injury. This is only natural for humans, I feel. But, like all other components of this recovery, my timeline […]

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My insomnia is reoccurring (it happens a couple times a week, within the time-periods in which it does happen) and yet my stints of insomnia are unforeseeable. I’m unable to even deduce, upon reflection, a common external or internal cause.

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I heard of a synonymous experience from an external source as well: a woman who works at the cafe I frequent. (I write these blogs, on occasion, from there.) Her insomnia is unpredictable too.

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Experiencing insomnia repeatedly, inspired me to research, in order to source ways to alleviate it. (Practicing research professionally, in order to offer readers knowledgeable potential solutions, is a wondrous habit I’ve adopted, to solve my personal queries as well). While doing said research, I came across the map above & was surprised to learn of the abundance of those who experience regular insomnia in America.

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I refuse to accept insomnia as an unavoidable symptom. I’ll continue observing & enacting trials, to learn how to avoid it. (Just as my physical doctors as well as mental doctors I work with have enthusiastically advised).

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I’ve achieved redundant success surmounting other seemingly unsurpassable obstacles, this is simply yet another trial amid this grueling, unbelievably long & complex reclamation life. But because it’s a reclamation of my life, it’s well worth it! I lose motivation (which is also a symptom of this injury, certainly when incurred to the severity which I did), but only temporarily.

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The most difficult personal truth, within this hardship, is that I cannot reclaim sleep, once I’ve arisen. Despite my best efforts (lying in bed with my eyes closed, for many, many hours ((until my alarm sounds))), I’m still unable to reclaim rest.

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In reality, I’ve become well aware that there is nothing which can be considered normal or astonishing about any individual’s recovery from this jury. Having exactly synonymous symptoms, with another survivor, is extremely rare.

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Since everyone’s symptoms are unique = there is nothing that can even be identified as “normal” or conversely “unusual”.

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This statistic reported by the National Center for Biotechnology Information about recovery from TBIs is quite telling:

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“The survival rate after a TBI, severe enough to cause deep coma and low Glasgow Coma Scale (GCS) scores, is generally poor, even in young adults. Studies show a very high overall mortality, ranging between 76% and 89%”

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– https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4704482/

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I was in a Glasgow Scale Coma 4 (the scale ranges from 3-15) for 28 days. My survival was unexpected, to say the least.

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\n", "excerpt": "

My insomnia is reoccurring (it happens a couple times a week, within the time-periods in which it does happen) and yet my stints of insomnia are unforeseeable. I’m unable to even deduce, upon reflection, a common external or internal cause. I heard of a synonymous experience from an external source as well: a woman who […]

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"site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/6984/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/6984/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 6952, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2020-08-23T18:53:58-07:00", "modified": "2021-07-12T20:09:46-07:00", "title": "Re-trainig My (right) Writing Hand", "URL": 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For the past many (8) years, I’ve been trudging through the taxing, draining & sorrowful trial of regaining the basic abilities of my right (dominant) hand. Because the left side of my brain struck the light pole (unintentionally of course! It was propelled to do so by a car crash), which induced my severe TBI, the entire right side of my body, initially, was numb. (The opposite side of the body, to where the brain was struck, sustains the most nerve damage.)

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My right hand, an amalgamation of many tiny muscles (30 in each hand), was among the last of my appendages to regain mobility. Little steps have progressed from there: Holding a pencil wasn’t at all possible for the first many years. I’d drop it (or fling it in reality!) My right hand flew round, dropping anything I attempted to hold, as if in protestation, anytime I tried to direct it with my brain.

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I have found that the lengthy timeline for reclaiming my hand-writing, as was proposed to me by my doctors, to be undoubtedly true. I’m overjoyed that I haven’t let this pleasure inducing (in the past and will eventually be again!) activity of mine go, as a result of the ample hardship it’s offered me for the last 8 years. Again, I didn’t stay committed alone. My mom (an English teacher) nudged me along when need be.

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For the first many years, I was battling ataxia (random muscle spasms). Now, my fingers no longer twitch haphazardly, but they’re still in need of consistent messages from my brain. Those messages weren’t at all transmitted previously, and still aren’t present largely enough. Steps though…

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Handwriting necessitates redundant & abundant practice. I cannot hand write for fun presently. Just Aaaaaaaa Bbbbbbb…And only now that I’ve begun to reclaim my basic motor skills (Ex: holding a pencil ((I’m just now beginning to be able to write with a normal size pencil, instead of an oversized, therapeutic one))) am I able to even do that. I can now foresee more advanced future achievements = Words?!

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My handwriting is naturally extra swirly & decorative. Handwriting is the visual aspect of my art, after-all. This style is solely for my own pleasure, as the written work I share with audiences is always typed. Written compositions of mine = journals, reminders to myself & written notes or cards to loved ones, expressing my adoration.

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I’m greatly looking forward to my future hand written compositions and am once again confident that they’ll come to pass.

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\n", "excerpt": "

For the past many (8) years, I’ve been trudging through the taxing, draining & sorrowful trial of regaining the basic abilities of my right (dominant) hand. Because the left side of my brain struck the light pole (unintentionally of course! It was propelled to do so by a car crash), which induced my severe TBI, […]

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Until about 6 months ago, I was entirely unable to be aware of others’ needs or desires. The necessity of relearning all, demanded myopic self-focus. After all, how could I possibly right any of my abundant hardships, without first realizing & then working at bettering them? This capability is slowly returning now, but because all is returning slowly, sympathy is still needed.

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My attention, similarly, could & can (lesser so currently) not be be split. Attention was necessarily nearly relegated to myself, in order to further my own progression. This is a well-documented and therefore known (by professionals) hardship of TBI survivors.

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Initially, I was concerned, as I previously never fancied myself an overwhelmingly selfish person (and very thankfully, neither did friends & family). Will I stand up and speak my mind when I feel an injustice is being done to myself OR anyone in my vicinity/among those I’m close to? Hell yes! Naturally (when I’m in optimum mental, physical & spiritual health, which pre-TBI, I was) I’m all for a healthy mix of advocating for what u want and/or deserve & helping others to get what they want & deserve as well.

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I’ve always been devoted to fairness & equality: show what you are and others will be enabled to act according to their own preferences. I was worried at the forefront of this recovery that I’d permanently changed.

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I’ve certainly disregarded others wants & needs, accidentally, due to this severe brain injury, but never intentionally and never knowingly. My kindness has remained, despite my awareness being temporarily relegated to self-serving.

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A housemate of mine, who is a nurse, spoke to this stalled retrieval of empathy, as did multiple specializing psychiatrists of mine previously as being expected of TBI survivors. Since they’re all aware of the AMPLE time it takes to regain cognitive skills, they’re enabled to accept that in time it will change & not take my selfish actions personally. They understand that I’m retrieving empathy now & according to them, it’s not in fact late at all. But, as with all else, early.

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Though the compliments of my recovery from those that are knowledgeable of TBIs, abound, these people are very few compared to the overall population. The vast majority of our populous are not educated of this injury. The Impatience (which is abounds) of others is not helpful in the slightest, albeit understandable.

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I bid adieu to a friend of mine who recognized our inability to currently co-exist peacefully. She addressed this lovingly & with respect (knowingly) which only increased love of & respect for her.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Until about 6 months ago, I was entirely unable to be aware of others’ needs or desires. The necessity of relearning all, demanded myopic self-focus. After all, how could I possibly right any of my abundant hardships, without first realizing & then working at bettering them? This capability is slowly returning now, but because all […]

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"replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/6935/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/6935/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 6881, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2020-07-29T18:42:02-07:00", "modified": "2020-07-30T12:11:31-07:00", "title": "Appreciation", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2020/07/29/appreciation/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1MZ", "content": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n\n

Happiness is a choice

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One that once came naturally

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Now obtaining it requires conscious choice

\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Today I was enabled to do so

\n\n\n\n

By a neighbor whom I ran into

\n\n\n\n

He offered me an example of his method

\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

His practice is to find 1 thing

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Each & every day

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That inspires personal joy

\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

I find this custom ideal

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As it fosters identification & appreciation

\n\n\n\n

Today I appreciate the blooming Black-eyed Susans

\n", "excerpt": "

Happiness is a choice One that once came naturally Now obtaining it requires conscious choice Today I was enabled to do so By a neighbor whom I ran into He offered me an example of his method His practice is to find 1 thing Each & every day That inspires personal joy I find this […]

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"replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/6881/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/6881/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 6849, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2020-07-22T13:30:40-07:00", "modified": "2025-08-04T12:12:16-07:00", "title": "The Value of Physical Memory", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2020/07/22/the-value-of-physical-memory/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1Mt", "content": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n\n

The vast majority of my mental memories were completely absent for the first 7.5 years of my recovery, as a result of my critical TBI. Therefore, I didn’t believe, even slightly, that any memories of mine would resurface. Surprisingly & very thankfully, I was wrong!

\n\n\n\n

I acquired undoubtable proof, years ago, that my physical memories were still present. They’re far less effected by my Traumatic Brain Injury than my mental recollections (which is only sensible). I have my esteemed yoga therapist & past client of mine from Seattle, who first made me aware of this, to thank!

\n\n\n\n

I was extremely saddened initially as a result of being unable to remember any yoga poses and certainly not sequences. My grand fondness of yoga remains, which my many years of weekly practice (or multiple practices a week, when my work schedule allowed) in SF. Then multiple opportunities to practice per day, (formally or informally – we were a bunch of yogis, after all!) for 1 month at the yoga retreat. Yet, once I began moving, with an extremely knowledgeable yoga therapist present: Robin Rothenberg, to guide me through the necessary adaptations, my basic recall of yoga returned, as she said it likely would!

\n\n\n\n

Currently, my motivation to practice routinely, independently, for any substantial length is severely dampened. It’s not as though physical limitations prohibit me from practicing nor does a lack of interest! My lack of attention and motivation does. I lose interest after 15 minutes or so or am not compelled to do the 5 minute setup prior to beginning.

\n\n\n\n

An advisor of mine, 2 days ago, gave me an extremely rational plan for altering my practice routine. Her advice: instead of solely practicing when awaking, if I’m not at all inclined to, practice whenever I’m called to! This is a far more enticing than forgoing yoga altogether, when I’m not inclined to practice first thing in the morning, which is strongly advised due to having an empty stomach at that time. Though this is certainly still ideal, I’m only driven to do so a few times per week. It’s also far more enticing than my usual: employing self chastisement. All is a building process now. Allowing myself time to regain motivation & practice as much as I’m inclined to presently, will be most effective for large-scale practice reformation. After all, motivation has thus far been, and still is, my most lacking capability currently. Practicing when I’m inclined, will incentivize adoption of my desired daily practice routine. I’m confident (and this confidence was supported by multiple counselors of mine) that daily practice will ensue, eventually.

\n\n\n\n

The adoption of prolific patience continues to be a neccesary struggle for me amidst this extensive recovery!

\n\n\n\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

The vast majority of my mental memories were completely absent for the first 7.5 years of my recovery, as a result of my critical TBI. Therefore, I didn’t believe, even slightly, that any memories of mine would resurface. Surprisingly & very thankfully, I was wrong! I acquired undoubtable proof, years ago, that my physical memories […]

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Finishing Seattle U, where I majored in strategic communications, is where my writing journey truly began.Upon entering college, I had no idea what I wanted to do! Directly after graduating, I began freelance writing to compose various content for my mentor, Dr. Lilian Cheung (a lecturer at Harvard). Her website: www.savorthebook.com is where most of my work resides. This website compliments the book she co-authored with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh.

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Ever since, I’ve written for numerous businesses/organizations on a variety of topics. I previously loved writing on differing external topics, as before I began copywriting about a client’s product or organization, learning of their organization’s subject matter was necessary. How else could I speak intelligently of it? I adore learning, although the current abundance of re-learning necessitated by this severe TBI is redundant. Therefore, it doesn’t feel like I’m progressing at all, and resultantly is SO frustrating! Relearning information is no where near as satisfying as acquiring information anew.

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The ample & varied (multiple clients) experience that I garnered, over the many years, has offered me honed as well as practiced communication skills. I most clearly communicate via writing. This is why I’m inclined to utilize my art/skill to inform people universally, about the reality of this largely misunderstood injury: a severe TBI.

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I’ve been technology challenged, life long (I’m left brain dominant – still). Therefore, I know not how to alter the information present on the “about me” page of my website. in order to accurately represent myself. The information present there now, is largely incomplete. An overwhelming number of links, are for startups and therefore, due to either closing or selling to companies in other countries, they no longer represent my work. I’ve forever, due to TONS of experience with this tech struggle, sought help to accomplish these types of endeavors, from tech. savvy friends.

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In time, but until I accomplish this alteration, there is this post :).

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Impatience is a universal symptom, noted by MDs, for survivors of moderate to severe TBIs. I understand why, this healing is so sluggish! Still, I’m trying to retain my patience by channeling the energy inspired by this all-encompassing recovery (which is so damn slow!) into motivation to revamp my writing career.

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Finishing Seattle U, where I majored in strategic communications, is where my writing journey truly began.Upon entering college, I had no idea what I wanted to do! Directly after graduating, I began freelance writing to compose various content for my mentor, Dr. Lilian Cheung (a lecturer at Harvard). Her website: http://www.savorthebook.com is where most of […]

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I’m compelled to bring this to my audience’s attention, as this particular type of prejudice tends to be over-looked. Especially when a person’s injury is invisible, albeit all-encompassing, like mine. The reality that I’ve repeatedly been the recipient of prejudice, maddens me but also offers me the unique opportunity to speak to it, first hand.

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I’d like to state, initially, that this post in no way excuses acting with any type of prejudice, ever. Every prejudice is completely unfounded & wrong. Other prejudices have been given greater visibility lately, which I commend. This particular prejudice deserves increased awareness as well, which I have the opportunity to facilitate.

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According to Miriam Webster, predudice is defined as: “an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics.”

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The aforementioned definition speaks to the naive prejudice of others assessing my person, but it also speaks to the presumed characteristics that “everyone who has a brain injury” has. This presumption is innately flawed, as everyone with a brain injury is completely unique. After-all, everyone’s brain is entirely individualistic, as well as their particular type of brain injury (there are many).

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When I had trouble walking and my gait was visually tremendously askew, I experienced ample prejudice. Some were incredibly kind, (helping me cross a crosswalk in time). Conversely, others looked away, avoiding eye contact. It was clear to me that their dedication to avoiding awareness of my disability, was spurred by irrational fear. Fear of anyone that doesn’t look and/or act like them, seems to be a thread in our society, as a recent, horrific & completely unjustified event displays.

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Now my life has become bigger & as well as more pleasure-filled. It’s only sensible that my motivation has been evoked by personal progression. This progression has been spurred by my successful reclamation of skills.

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I must say, that doing anything, let alone something new, didn’t appeal to me in the slightest, up until now.

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It has taken 8 years for me to desire talking of this. Rationale: this critical TBI had already consumed very nearly all of my life. I was repulsed (truly, of that intensity) by the idea of choosing to practice my art: freedom of expression, to describe my recovery, explicitly. In so doing, I would devote my art to my critical TBI, specifically the majority of all related symptoms. This disability would then consume my life, nearly entirely.

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Comrades at the mindfulness Sanctuary (which took place directly before my accident) confirm that this trend was already developing prior to the accident. My draw toward nature, growing my own food & existing in community, is in part, why I chose to attend that specific retreat. It was much more about fostering mindful wholeness, awareness & wellbeing, than practicing the physical postures of yoga, that, specifically was only 1 aspect.

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My desires have altered (as has been confirmed would very likely take place, ((resulting from my severe TBI)) by multiple phycologists of mine).

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But now (7 years post incurring my severe TBI, astoundingly early given the extreme severity of my TBI ((according to doctors, from all 3 hospitals I attended))) my reality has finally begun to expand. My abilities are now much closer to matching my desires.

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My devotion to justice (for myself as well as all other disabled individuals) now overwhelms my distaste for enveloping my brain injury with all else in my life.

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m compelled to bring this to my audience’s attention, as this particular type of prejudice tends to be over-looked. Especially when a person’s injury is invisible, albeit all-encompassing, like mine. The reality that I’ve repeatedly been the recipient of prejudice, maddens me but also offers me the unique opportunity to speak to it, first hand. […]

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"edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 6828, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2020-07-06T14:34:53-07:00", "modified": "2020-07-06T22:33:05-07:00", "title": "Grossly Misunderstood", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2020/07/06/grossly-misunderstood/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1M8", "content": "\n

By the majority

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Who choose to make

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Inherently false assumptions

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Due to their total lack of awareness

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*And yet*

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They continue to choose to

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Remain unaware

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Of their own naïveté

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As it’s far easier to place blame

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*On the brain injured party*

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Than to consider reflectively

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Personal biases

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Motivations

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And tendencies

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*After all*

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Everyone knows

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I’m mentally handicapped

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It’s only sensible

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My opinions are faulty…

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(For another poem of mine, consider: Goodnight Sky)

\n", "excerpt": "

By the majority Who choose to make Inherently false assumptions Due to their total lack of awareness *And yet* They continue to choose to Remain unaware Of their own naïveté As it’s far easier to place blame *On the brain injured party* Than to consider reflectively Personal biases Motivations And tendencies *After all* Everyone knows […]

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\"\"
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The first few years (It’s documented as 2, but for me, it was 5, given the extreme severity of my brain injury) was indeed when the most basic relearning existed. Tasks considered basic include walking short distances, talking, serving myself food, tracking amidst brief conversations…(and so much more). Now, nearly 7 years after departure from my final hospital, I am working to reclaim much more mentally complex tasks. Namely, the focus of mine currently, is dedicated to hand writing.

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Recently, I was briefly discouraged as some one in my life, who works in the medical industry, stated that total progression is complete after 5 years, for every survivor, myself included. I surpassed this mark 2 years ago. I was told by my neurologists, upon exiting my final hospital, however, that the bulk of my personal healing was to be expected in the first 10 years after my release, though not nearly all. My shoddy memory, prevented me from promptly accessing this information, which I originally gleaned 7 years ago.

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With time, I was able to put this woman’s stated beliefs into perspective and I’m now compelled to offer my audience full & valid information. Besides informative for my readers, personally, everyone wants to be known for who they are & I’m no acceptation! I have a relatively new (compared to the whole of my existence thus far) blockade in front of me, that encourages others to judge me based on general assumptions, while not considering my being, as an individual or the continued progress which is inherent in this recovery.

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I recently read this reiteration of my doctors’ original stance:

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“The vast majority of recovery after traumatic brain injury takes place in the two years after injury;… In some patients further improvement is seen even as late as 5-10 years after injury.” – National Institute of Health

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I did accomplish the fundamentals, within this time frame, so much so that I only lived with my parent’s for 1.5 years (remarkably slight, comparatively). The 2 following years I received advice as well as rides to therapy…That was nearly 9.5 years ago & I’ve been living & recovering (independence has progressed with time) for the aforementioned, 9.5 years nearly.

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The National Institute of Health’s statement doesn’t put an end-date on full recovery, because there isn’t one.

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————-

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Recent addition:

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Now, after nearly 12 years of recovery – I am presently & will be for the rest of life, recovering further! I’m presently progressing in aspects that are more apparent to me, as the regained skills emulate those of my life directly pre-TBI. The fundamentals were necessary but accomplishment felt a bit hollow: I should know extremely well how to accomplish this! I’d initially gained these skills as a tot (walking talking, serving myself food)…

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I’ll reiterate, recent research done of survivors 20 & 30 years out from their traumatic brain injury incurrence, illuminates that skills progress lifelong, as long as a survivor continues to utilize their brain. This stance was verified by my specialized neurological case worker long ago. This study reiterates this, long after her statement. This study & the resulting knowledge, however, is relatively recent. She already knew of this truth, do to observing survivors intimately for many years.

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—————

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Last weekend, for instance, my dad & his lovely partner whom I went on a few day boat trip with, re-affirmed my current & continual progression (citing evidence backed by present examples ((the only type of evidence which I consider valid, in any circumstance))) that supports NationalInstitute of Public Health’s stance.

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Neighbors in Bellingham & friends of mine, the world over, have noted my current (after nearly 7 years have passed, since my release) progression as well – in a variety of arenas. Last night I spoke with my good friend Bea. (who I became close friends w/ 8 years ago, in SF, that currently resides in & is newly a citizen of Switzerland!) She articulated that my continued progression is clear to her, solely through comparisons of my writings from different months and years.

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It’s nearly impossible to offer a generally expected time-frame of recovery, for all survivors of TBIs. Brains are the most complex aspects of the human body & spirit. The brain of each individual is remarkably unique. Brain injuries too come in a wide variety of severities, as well as forms (varying parts of the brain, & therefore skills, impacted).

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Yet another example of each individual’s uniqueness.

\n", "excerpt": "

The first few years (It’s documented as 2, but for me, it was 5, given the extreme severity of my brain injury) was indeed when the most basic relearning existed. Tasks considered basic include walking short distances, talking, serving myself food, tracking amidst brief conversations…(and so much more). Now, nearly 7 years after departure from […]

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"https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2020/06/15/goodnight-sky/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1Lm", "content": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n\n

Streams of rain cascade down

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forming a water curtain in front of me

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Commingling palms

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backing delicate pink flowers

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*support me*

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A train scoots by below

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Its horn sounds

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A crescendo of toots

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succinct and then elongated

\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

*I absorb my surroundings*

\n\n\n\n

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The once golden sky

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speckled with downy clouds

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now emits a blue camouflage

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baby blue, navy & nearly black

\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

*I love my font porch*

\n", "excerpt": "

Streams of rain cascade down forming a water curtain in front of me Commingling palms backing delicate pink flowers *support me* A train scoots by below Its horn sounds A crescendo of toots succinct and then elongated *I absorb my surroundings* The once golden sky speckled with downy clouds now emits a blue camouflage baby […]

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\"\"
\n\n\n\n

It’s quite well known (amongst professionals who specialize in Traumatic Brain Injuries) that survivors, of any great severity of TBI, lack fore-site.

\n\n\n\n

For instance: I begin cooking, when I’m hungry! A severe brain injury sets a survivor waaaay back, in, essentially, everything. Beginning to cook when I’m hungry, simulates immaturity. I must re-realize the obvious reality that it takes time to prepare food: foresight.

\n\n\n\n

When living in SanFrancisco (my previously chosen residence) I was content beginning my day by eating toast (at times with peanut butter ((When I craved a bit more protein))) & a hard boiled egg for breakfast…among a few other choices that required very little preparation. I had many things to do, places to be & people to see! Time was a precious commodity which felt scarce. I greatly preferred engaging in the ample available activity!

\n\n\n\n

Currently I enjoy food preparation, substantially more, have far more time on my hands and am craving things be made in a way that specifically appeals to me. To actualize this, I need to make my own food! I still have allot of learning to do, no doubt, but the desire exists.

\n\n\n\n

This, however, is true of so many things…Where is my motivation to enact these desires of mine!?

\n\n\n\n

Oh right, it was robbed of me, (along with the vast majority of all else!) when my head & therefore brain smashed into a light pole at free-way speeds.

\n\n\n\n

But I’m still present & desire is the first step (Tese has done amazingly at helping me value this necessary, initial step). We’ll see how long it takes to move to the 2nd step. All is a crap-shoot. Everyone’s brain is entirely individualistic (This reality makes life so beautiful!), so, even professionals can’t foresee how long moving from 1 step to the next will take.

\n\n\n\n

But hey – it’s progression. That fulfills me, FINALLY, in & of itself. Not completely of course, but it’s a vital step in this seemingly never-ending healing journey!

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s quite well known (amongst professionals who specialize in Traumatic Brain Injuries) that survivors, of any great severity of TBI, lack fore-site. For instance: I begin cooking, when I’m hungry! A severe brain injury sets a survivor waaaay back, in, essentially, everything. Beginning to cook when I’m hungry, simulates immaturity. I must re-realize the obvious […]

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I recognized my Bellingham psychiatrist’s initial covert astonishment upon first our first meeting. I believe her surprise would be far from obvious to the common man, but as a result of my many years of seeing psychiatrists, I’ve become versed in their extremely slight & yet (if you know what subtleties to be aware of) telling reactions. It was safe to assume that her surprise was provoked by my physical appearance alone. That was the only information that she’d garnered from me, at that time, after all.

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Once we become better acquainted, as this was our first appointment, I inquired of the reason for her surprise that I had previously observed. I voiced my quandary & she answered that after reading my file, she was surprised to see me walking sans external support: a wheelchair, walker, cane…

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This response did in fact confirm my suspicion. Due to my learning of other survivors’ realities, I’ve become aware that mobility independence, is very uncommon for the living survivors that incurred my severity of injury.

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The file of mine that she read contains 90ish pages of notes from doctors & nurses in just the first of 3 hospitals I attended (in which I stayed during my 3 months of my hospitalization saga). It outlines the 28 day duration of my coma & simultaneous my month on life support. The truth of my many broken bones (largely, in my left arm & leg – where my car struck the roadside pole) are articulated. My removed spleen, my 3 broken ribs & ruptured pelvis, are outlined in that file as well.

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My ruptured pelvis was a result of my seat belt’s impact, and thank goodness for it! The seat belt undoubtedly saved my life, just as it’s designed to do. I learned later from Tese (dad) that the doctors and nurses in my hospitals were particularly attentive to me, due to the reality that I’d taken this necessary precaution to protect myself, once I’d chosen to drive.

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Not choosing to drive, would’ve prevented this entire catastrophe from taking place, but…overconfidence spurred by overwhelming desire, is something that none of those close to me (family of friends) were surprised by…

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My parents are a grand reason for my sustained mobility: After they witnessed the nurses regularly visiting to message my legs, my parents asked them why. The nurses then explained that the aim of the messages were to encourage circulation & prevent muscle atrophy. After acquiring this knowledge, my parents (being the wonderful, proactive & caring parents they are!) took on the practice of messaging my legs very often. Tese, my dad, in particular, spearheaded this campaign.

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Once I awoke from my coma, my mom & Tese also took me on routine walks, which progressed to me doing so independently. I was over-joyed to hear from my mom (who tells it like it is) that despite my inevitable lethargy, and the fact that I had to re-learn to walk entirely, amidst readopt ing everything else in life, I put up no fight. I was very compliant, which solely takes place if I agree with the task being assigned. I knew I had to work, work, work, to get my life back! Walking is certainly essential to that. Because independence has lifelong, been a prominent core attribute of mine, despite little cognition I simply knew that regaining mobility was an absolutely necessity.

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My motivation: being mobile, as is clear to those that know me well, I consider to be among the most valuable of my skill sets, but who doesn’t believe this!? This is only sensible considering the reality that I am HUGELY in love with freedom & independence. For me, freedom reigns supreme. Walking, in my experience, has enabled this.

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My psychologist too plays an essential role in helping me safe-guard my freedom: my mental freedom!

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\n", "excerpt": "

I recognized my Bellingham psychiatrist’s initial covert astonishment upon first our first meeting. I believe her surprise would be far from obvious to the common man, but as a result of my many years of seeing psychiatrists, I’ve become versed in their extremely slight & yet (if you know what subtleties to be aware of) […]

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Neighbors work to uplift each other’s spirits in New Rochelle, New York. Photo curtesy of CNBC
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In order to halt the spread of the Global Corona Virus pandemic, preventative measures are advised by individual public officials, as well as the CDC itself.

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I was reminded that I’m not alone in feeling lonely today, as a result of speaking with my local barista. I was drawn to him, as a result of his coffee house offering coffee & baked goods to customers, via an outdoor window: genius!

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It’s such a joy to bask in the sun, enjoying an iced late (my personal preference :), despite the tremendous abnormality inherent in our lives currently. This evokes remembrance that life’s simple pleasure are still available to us & haven’t lost their touch!

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People worldwide are finding ways of sharing joy, in spite of this isolating trial. The creative ways that individuals are facilitating connection, while maintaining a safe distance from one another, is a beautiful reminder of peoples’ natural call to congregate, as well as humans’ ingenuity.

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Friends lift our spirits! Their presence is essential to our mental well-being.

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In Italy, for instance, I’ve read on CNN, that neighbors are joining in song together, through windows, as well as when standing on their verandas.

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Noted by BBC: In Cornwall, UK, Becky Wass created the below postcard to distribute to her elderly neighbors:

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& I can speak knowingly to my neighbors’ coming together here in Bellingham to raise each-other’s spirits. Living in a socially active neighborhood is wonderful – always – but particularly in this time of mandated social isolation.

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It’s quite common to see a neighbor in passing (everyone walks here!) and therefore be able to say hello and briefly check in with them (from across the street) = ask of their current endeavors & prospective excitements.

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Amongst good people, joy can always be enabled!

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\n", "excerpt": "

In order to halt the spread of the Global Corona Virus pandemic, preventative measures are advised by individual public officials, as well as the CDC itself. I was reminded that I’m not alone in feeling lonely today, as a result of speaking with my local barista. I was drawn to him, as a result of […]

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"URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2020/03/07/impractical-impatience-spurred-by-desire/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1Ih", "content": "

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I have been long awaiting an understanding of what this catastrophic car accident, which resulted in my severe brain injury, numerous broken bones, 3 broken ribs & removed spleen, has taught me. It’s only sensible, in my opinion, for there to be a lesson embedded in this all-encompassing & unchosen massive life-change, which has resulted in numerous profound hardships.

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I’ve mentally played with many different possibilities, which include=

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1. Do I think myself infallible (incapable of getting in a grand car accident?)

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Answer = Certainly not. I’m (and always have been) well aware that I’m a lack-luster driver + it’d been many years since I’d driven (intentionally) as I was never fond of driving & well attuned to my lack of ability. When I did choose to drive in the past, I did so only to accomplish a specific goal.

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No joy riding. Well not as a driver… I love to be a joyriding passenger (many of my high school friends can attest)! I adore day dreaming, Jamming to good tunes, intaking scenery…

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Funny enough, my dad (who taught me to drive, when I was 15) shared with me, a few years ago, that his main concerns when teaching me, were how slowly I’d naturally chosen to drive (To enjoy the sights!) & how uncomfortable I was making quick alterations. When you’re driving at 30-60 MPH -> what decision isn’t made quickly by necessity!?

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2. Do I consider myself unbreakable?

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This question necessitated more consideration…after all, I’d never (pre accident & wow ->> that reality, has now changed exponentially) suffered a broken, or even a sprained bone. This, however, was do to me exercising ample caution (I’ve always been very averse to physical risk-taking). Refraining from taking risks was & is also facilitated by my lack of interest in danger. (I find no thrills in putting myself at risk, as I’m aware some do).

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Hmmm

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After mulling over numerous considerations, the answer finally came upon me, as a -> Duh!

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Impatient desire superseding practicality

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The yoga camp had made me fiercely aware of my desire to ditch my historical fascination with big cities (which was confirmed by a woman I befriended, Zoe, @ the yoga camp when I spoke with her, amidst my recovery. I wanted to experience much more peace & wellness (which was exemplified by the yoga camp ((The Sanctuary)) itself).

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Not surprisingly (para mi), the Sanctuary accentuated my desire to move out of SanFrancisco. My impatience to do so, overtook practicality. I clearly was positive that I wanted an extreme life change.

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To that end, I offered to run an errand for the Sanctuary, to a nearby facility, in order that I gain cell reception (the yoga camp didn’t have any – we were in a fairly uninhabited region in the NorCal hills) to articulate my desire to relocate to my parents & SF roommates.

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Yep – I absolutely believe it. It’s a trend of mine: If I believe that my end-goal will serve me GRANDLY, taking a “little” risk to reach it, is acceptable. Aka: the end justifies the means. Unfortunately, I was blinded by my desire, and therefore enormously mis-judged the magnitude of the risk I was taking.

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What I perceived to be a “little” risk, was, in reality, a very nearly deadly risk.

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Obviously, dire repercussions of this risk came to pass.

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A week spot which instigates my impatience, is extremely strong desire.

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Whoops…

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(There couldn’t be a grander understatement to describe my ridiculous decision to drive.)

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But, I’m finally here (residing in a smaller city), having achieved the desired life-alteration that fueled my choice to drive.

\n", "excerpt": "

I have been long awaiting an understanding of what this catastrophic car accident, which resulted in my severe brain injury, numerous broken bones, 3 broken ribs & removed spleen, has taught me. It’s only sensible, in my opinion, for there to be a lesson embedded in this all-encompassing & unchosen massive life-change, which has resulted […]

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When I awoke from my 28 day coma in the first of 3 hospitals that I attended, I asked the same questions about myself repeatedly. In medical jargon, this temporary disorder is called perseveration. This is an expected symptom that results after awakening from a coma, after incurring a severe TBI.

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I regained consciousnesses once awakening, but I also had extremely slight recollection of anything (about myself!) lifelong.

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For me, specifically, I had no memory of my many recent years. The closer to the accident, the less I remembered (quite common). I could & can remember well my young childhood, sans complimentary content offered by others, that’d give rise to personal memories. This is only true from roughly 7th grade down.

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As a result, when I woke, my questions abounded. They were made even more prolific, (I assume) by the reality that I’ve forever been very curious, as well as compelled to satisfy my curiosity! (This is a strong propellant for me to pursue my career of researching various topics and then sharing the findings w/ my readers). I’m also quite versed in and therefore expectant of, operating from a place of deep self awareness. As a result, I very strongly wanted to be re-aquatinted with myself!

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Perseveration lies in the reality that after receiving an answer to my questions, I’d ask them again, because I clearly didn’t remember the answer that I’d recently received or even that I’d asked the question previously…

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2 questions that I perseverated on, grandly, were: how old I was at the time & what amount of schooling I’d completed. I’m speaking of not remembering fundamentals about myself.

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Specifically or me, even though my parents had already confirmed that I had in fact gotten my bachelor’s degree & was 27 (at the time). Minutes later, I wouldn’t remember that they’d already answered these questions & my intense curiosity motivated me to ask them again!

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I find the school question particularly humorous, given its relevancy to my grandest injury (psssh – many broken bones are nothing compared to a severe brain injury. The bones heel in a short amount of time, whereas a brain injury takes muuuuch longer). Even in the best of circumstances (like mine) I’m still recovering now, after 6.5 years… I knew nothing yet of what grandest specific injury I had incurred when when I repeatedly asked theses questions. I could see my broken bones, but I don’t have eyes on my arm (for instance) to see my broken brain… then I would be able to see my 1/2 shaved head at least.

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Even the actions that I previously considered non-mentally based, in time I came to realize do in-fact rely upon a learned sequence of actions. The brain is the source of our being. Of course I was already acutely aware of this, so I thought…until I was reminded of just how acute the actions are that our brains inform = the building blocks of all.

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Locating (have to find ’em first!) & revisiting my learned skills requires remembering previously attained & practiced habits. Consider the intricacies inherent in walking: balance, rolling from heel to toe, constantly being aware of your environment, so as not to collide, fall….

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Now my forgetfulness has very thankfully subsided, in comparison to what it was. It’s far from totally gone however.

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Celebrating the little steps, is necessary, as a bunch little steps combined = grand achievements! Celebrations certainly help spur my symptom of lackluster motivation.

\n", "excerpt": "

When I awoke from my 28 day coma in the first of 3 hospitals that I attended, I asked the same questions about myself repeatedly. In medical jargon, this temporary disorder is called perseveration. This is an expected symptom that results after awakening from a coma, after incurring a severe TBI. I regained consciousnesses once […]

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"name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2020-02-14T17:36:34-07:00", "modified": "2025-08-27T15:19:41-07:00", "title": "I’m In Love with Life Once Again!", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2020/02/14/im-in-love-with-life-once-again/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1J2", "content": "

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This Valentine’s Day, in particular, is special for me, as I’m falling in love with my life once again.

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6 years of inevitable depression is a gift (says my phycologists, in comparison to others who’ve suffered my same severity of brain injury). But shucks – 6 years of being profoundly sorrowful!? This reality has been particularly jarring for me, as it’s SO very unlike my norm. You may imagine, this has caused me a load of misery.

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True – no one can be in love with life every day – but my previous infatuation with life’s grandeur, only made this loss more apparent. My devotion, and cultivation of awareness, which in the past has offered me profound joy, has for the last many years, made my unhappiness quite self-apparent.

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Now that the chemicals in my brain are beginning to right themselves my optimism, consequently, has been spurred to return!

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I’m standing in the sun again (specifically: bright clarity, clarified by crisp coolness > personal preference). You can see evidence of this preference of mine, displayed by my choice of current residence, as well as past many residences.

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My initial psychiatrist assured me that this attitude would eventually reach me, at the beginning of my recovery, which offered me great hope, when internal hope was unattainable. My impatience to reclaim my joy, however, was STRONG and therefore I was quite impatient.

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My previous home, San Francisco (city of love) only accentuated this admiration of mine for life & love. I had unhappiness there, naturally, but very minimally & infrequently. This change -> from SF to all of the prolific hardships that’ve been embedded within this recovery (many of which I’ve articulated in this blog) was incredibly extreme = inexplicably tough stuff (even for a professional writer, like me!) I’m overjoyed that love is now returning to me.

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Happy Valentines Day & love to you all!

\n", "excerpt": "

This Valentine’s Day, in particular, is special for me, as I’m falling in love with my life once again. 6 years of inevitable depression is a gift (says my phycologists, in comparison to others who’ve suffered my same severity of brain injury). But shucks – 6 years of being profoundly sorrowful!? This reality has been […]

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A bit delayed, as is all currently.

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Earlier this week, my dad sent me the photo below, of a note composed (by & for me) to act as a reminder to myself consistently, of what I know to be important for me. Therefore the noted practices below articulate what I wish to pursue/prioritize.

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This was clearly composed before I attended the yoga camp, where the car accident that resulted in my severe brain injury took place. The proof: my artistic handwriting is present (which, as a result of my severe brain injury, has temporarily ((for many years)) been missing.)

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All the doctors of mine (both mental & physical), redundantly attest to the reality that I will be capable of reclaiming my handwriting style. This was hard to believe, UNTIL, just a few months ago, my brain & body began communicating with each-other once again! Yep… (Albeit their communication is still far from adept.) As a result, I’m now able to practice, fueled by motivation, as I’ve begun to see a hint of my handwriting return!

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AND

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I’m over-joyed that I can still sing! As I previously noted, I was pacified by my voice teacher long ago, whom I worked with for many years previously & is very experienced personally as a singer & as a vocal coach. (So, I’m quite confident that she knows her stuff). She told me that the beauty of my vocal styling can, like writing, be reclaimed (despite the necessary re-tuning and regaining of my vocal chords’ stability). I have begun to witness this for myself!! I don’t doubt that this too will take a looong time, considering that many rubber tubes existed in my esophagus for nearly a month = tracheotomy ((the machine that deposited nutrients into my stomach, while I was in my coma)).

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I feel for my upstairs neighbors, who must hear me practicing (as the tile in my bathroom reverberates the sound back to me ((so I can hear myself clearly & act accordingly)). As a result, the bathroom has always been my at-home practice space))). I know that they can hear me sing the same song badly & repeatedly, as I can hear George, their adorable little boy, when exclaiming (& only from my bathroom!)

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Because singing is by necessity naturally projected (as their son’s proclamations are), I’m certain that they can hear me practicing.

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A small price to pay for the inevitable rebirth of a songstress :)…

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If any of my upstairs roommates are perhaps reading this, just know, that only with ample practice, will it get better! Only then will you witness my beautiful (as has been stated by professionals-not perfect – lets be real!) vocals.

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Given that a monstrous road-block has been placed (truly, I unknowing placed it ((driven to make an absurd decision by my lust for relocation))), in the middle of my own life path, I’m working constantly currently (very slowly, inevitably!) to overcome it when possible and to adapt to it, when not.

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These goals will likely be ever-present.

\n", "excerpt": "

A bit delayed, as is all currently. Earlier this week, my dad sent me the photo below, of a note composed (by & for me) to act as a reminder to myself consistently, of what I know to be important for me. Therefore the noted practices below articulate what I wish to pursue/prioritize. This was […]

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I went to a local play a few of nights ago entitled “Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons”. It was a satire on communication. I was compelled to attend as a result of this topic’s relevancy to my prevailing struggle currently, of clear communication.

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Embracing light-hearted humor about this subject, appealed to me greatly. Humor is the most effective tool that I’ve found, for quelling my unhappiness & frustration. My unhappiness was long ago initiated by an abundance of unchosen alterations to my life and is now perpetuated by the wonky chemicals existing in my brain. What’s the opposite of crying? LAUGHING! (Another spontaneous & overtaking form of self-expression that conveys emotion).

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What made the experience of intaking this play, even better, was my fantastic luck of sitting at the “Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons” show, next to a neurologist! He (and neurologists in general + specialty mental doctors: physiologists, who I’ve worked with for the last 4? ((Again my memory is severely hampered – so, that’s a guess)) years, are among the very few people in this world that understand the grandeur/complexity of my extensive struggles, as well as the seemingly endless timeline of recovery.

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Shortly after making my way to my chosen seat, while simultaneously excusing myself for being uncoordinated & then asking to rest my cup of soup (I asked for my soup to be placed in a to-go cup, per usual, to ensure that it make the voyage to my seat safely) on the arm rest of the aforementioned neighbors’ chair. He then inquired about the reason for my disabilities, and shared that he was a neurologist. I openly shared, per usual  (accept now I knew that it’d be accepted) with him of the reality that I received a severe brain injury. He knowingly asked me if it resulted from a car crash, (which I had learned previously, is the overwhelming cause, for the majority of survivors currently, who incur TBIs). He next asked if I was in a coma, and I answered earnestly that yes, I was & for the first 26 days amidst my 3 and 1/2 week long coma, I was on life support.

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I then elaborated by adding that I experienced the coma in the 1st of the 3 hospitals that I was sent to and that my hospital stays in total = 9 months.

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As a result, I’ve been granted social security for life (with routine check-ups, to ensure that I’m still unable to have an external job ((as is true of all social security recipients. It was more frequently early after being released from my final hospital, but considering the severity (((as my neighbor, the doctor, seconded))) the SS expects that it’ll be lifelong. His response was “Well of course.” This response seconded what all of my physical doctors and both of my phycologists have told me, that I am doing remarkably well and have been incredibly lucky.

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I’ll modify his statement slightly. Luck certainly played a prevailing role = The car behind me witnessing my crash (on a largely uninhabited road), my rockstar immune system – from eating off of my floor & my body’s perseverance.

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But my parents’ amazingly loving & consistent helpfulness, the unfailing support of my friends & my greater family & (last but certainly not least) the doctors’ ability to keep me alive. This is being surrounded by amazing people. I don’t believe it’s fair (or accurate) to attribute this entirely to luck. More accurately, I feel blessed.

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Due to his receptiveness, I was compelled to elaborate on how uncomfortable this reality has been for me socially. This is currently my grandest struggle. From 1 struggle to the next, increasing in complexity, my life gets more enjoyable & familiar to me.

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Feeling compelled to maintain my open self and therefore share about my life with him, I elaborated: “Sharing of my reality, makes others feel mighty uncomfortable.” The response he offered me, was explanatory “People are very fearful of this reality of yours. That is why they don’t wish to hear or talk of it.”

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I realize too, that because my severe brain injury resulted from a car crash, my story hits quite close to home for most others. Driving has become common-place in developed areas worldwide. Many people drive multiple times a day. My experience’s relevancy to others’ lives, is not only why this topic is uncomfortable for many to hear of, but also is why the occurrence of brain injuries, for every demographic, is on the rise.

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From the CDC:

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The understanding response of my neighbor at the play, was mighty pacifying to me & in direct contrast with the judgemental looks that I receive from a few of my neighbors. They, obviously to me, consider me lazy. (If I explained more in-depth, of their looks & facial expressions that lead me to this knowledge, you’d understand why it’s obvious to me).

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Because I choose not to offer their judgmental naiveté any power, as that would only add distress to my already taxing life, I won’t waste my time explaining it any further (and because I nearly instantaneously, after full consideration of the validity v. Invalidity, flush uneducated & therefore unwarranted negativity from my brain. So…I honestly don’t remember many details that I have to share with you).

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This is mighty hard for me to stomach, as I’ve never been lazy, lifelong. Recovery from this debilitating injury, is absolutely the hardest that I’ve ever worked. I’ve had to work harder, than most people can even fathom.

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Doctors of all types (multiple neurologists, my psychiatrists ((1 that I worked with in Seattle, as well as 1 that I currently work with here in Bellingham)) & an energy healer, unquestioningly say that the way to recoup a severely damaged brain is to keep it active. So, this blog is a means by which I’m doing so. What’s more, they’ve all attested to the need for me to stay motivated (for me, and for most, this requires positivity about the future as well as having a purpose).

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This is me staying motivated. 1 blog per month seams to be my consistent rhythm now, in the best of months.

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It just so happens, that it makes me very happy to write & to do so by sharing of my recovery with you all, is even more satisfying. Facilitating understanding about this trauma, with the general populous, is quite needed to enable the happiness of all survivors. As a result, this joyful exercise of mine, makes me even happier, as it offers the capability to my readers, of bettering the lives of any survivor that you may encounter in the future (even if solely through sympathizing).

\n", "excerpt": "

I went to a local play a few of nights ago entitled “Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons”. It was a satire on communication. I was compelled to attend as a result of this topic’s relevancy to my prevailing struggle currently, of clear communication. Embracing light-hearted humor about this subject, appealed to me greatly. Humor is […]

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"https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2019-09-11T14:46:15-07:00", "modified": "2026-01-01T12:43:04-08:00", "title": "A Gift Of My Recovery", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2019/09/11/a-gift-from-my-recovery/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1FK", "content": "

\n

After 6 years of struggle, that was mired in seemingly seemingly endless loss, I’m in a physical place that I’m overjoyed to be in. I’m surrounded by open people that I’m fascinated with. Endless exploration (which I’m mighty fond of) abounds all around me. This reality drew me here, particularly.

\n

Seattle has become far too overwhelming for me -> way too much stimulus. Stimulus affects survivor’s grandly – much more than it did pre-TBI & resultantly avoidance of it is a priority for the vast majority.

\n

Years ago, and for many years until I was 26 (when this catastrophe occurred) a couple days a week, I only went home to change (if I didn’t have extra clothes already packed away in my back pack). But now, I’m far more contented being at home or in my neighborhood – writing from home or from cafes, wether in this capacity, or in personal notes, running errands, going for walks etc.

\n

It’s extremely wise of the US government, never to expect me to work again, lifelong. It is mighty taxing though, to live in total = rent, groceries, transport, toiletries…(I allocate 2 meals out for myself per month) whilst existing on a little less than $1,000 per month. Without my mom’s substantial help, I wouldn’t be able to live in a city – big or small as cities are the only setting that I wish to live in, as all can be reached on foot.

\n

Bellingham, WA (which offers interurban walking trails – right in the middle of the city), also values as well as honors art and it’s certainly less expensively than Seattle to enjoy. (Take a look @ the advertisement above, for proof of this reality.)

\n

Bellingham feels like a grand step forward for me. This lies in direct contrast to my many years of overwhelming work (true stuff – no need to overdramatize) that was necessarily devoted (& therefore nearly consumed my life) to reclaiming skills that I had gained long ago, but then lost.

\n

Re-learning didn’t feel like moving forward -at large- at all! It was certainly necessary – a step that enabled moving forward (combatting the immense regression that resulted from my severe brain injury). But, it wasn’t particularly, or at all, (in truth) fulfilling. Just ridiculously frustrating. (Which was made obvious to others, through our interactions).

\n

I was reminded by my dad of the realization, that I embraced while living at the rugged Sanctuary/”yoga farm” = to desert my big city fascination & explore somewhere with a more personable culture.

\n

I’m extremely happy to report, that I’ve found it…or 1 of them at least :). This city has been an incredibly wise decision for me to relocate to.

\n

The residents of Bellingham (young & old!) nearly always smile at me when we pass each-other on the sidewalk as well as say hello, before moseying along. I’ve never encountered someone spanging (asking for your spare change – and often intimating that they’re entitled). This, in particular. is so very different from Capitol Hill, Seattle.

\n

Not to mention that the bus drivers here are incredibly hospitable (& unnecessarily so)! One driver deviated from his route, to drop me at a stop that was just steps from my end location. (He was enabled to do so because I was the solitary passenger left on the bus. ((There weren’t many to begin with))). Bellingham doesn’t have the same parking insufficiency that Seattle does & so most residents drive.

\n

Passengers nearly always express thanks to the driver of the bus for the transportation, each time they disembark the bus! This was so surprising for me to hear, that I certainly payed attention.

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This move is a massive step, in what I now know, intuitively, is the right direction for me.

\n", "excerpt": "

After 6 years of struggle, that was mired in seemingly seemingly endless loss, I’m in a physical place that I’m overjoyed to be in. I’m surrounded by open people that I’m fascinated with. Endless exploration (which I’m mighty fond of) abounds all around me. This reality drew me here, particularly. Seattle has become far too […]

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"oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2019-07-10T13:11:38-08:00", "modified": "2021-02-08T20:44:28-08:00", "title": "R.E.S.P.E.C.T.", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2019/07/10/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1EP", "content": "

Inspired by my Mom’s beautiful accompaniment to my hospital stay, the initial words that I uttered after awaking from the coma/”3 & 1/2 week nap“ that my severe brain injury provoked, were whispered (as all words were, then) lyrics from Aretha Franklin’s Respect song.

\n

Neither my mom, who witnessed this spontaneous utterance of mine, nor I, when told of it years later, knew why these words, in-particular, came to and from me then. I’ve known the lyrics to this song for years, but why it was timely was unclear….

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UNTIL I spoke with my friend (A yoga teacher from the camp, whom I met there & we hit it off). She offered me a memory of hers: I had shared with her of me rockin’ out to that exact tune, while cleaning the yoga camp’s temple, just before borrowing the camp’s communal car to run errands for the camp. This was a result of the owner’s and my work-trade agreement. I’ve been on a budget lifelong (though not nearly to the grand extent that living largely on SS necessitates.) I offered to run the errand to satisfy the work-trade agreement we had made & in tandem with gaining cell phone coverage, to contact my parents & SF roommates. As a result of running this errand, which necessitated driving, I unintentionally (obviously) totaled the car & in so doing incurred the severe TBI.

\n

I chose to sing this song at the time, as I wanted to elicit respect indirectly from the owner, who was clearly harboring ill-will toward me, despite not knowing me well at all. She was offering me passive-aggressive disrespect via sending evil looks my way, consistently. This “style” only acts to aggrandize my distaste for any individual whom employs it. I do have a guess as to her rational. My suspected rational of hers (or anyone, for that matter) is unforgivable as it has nothing to do with the quality of my character.

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The aforementioned woman’s boudoir lay directly above the temple I was cleaning. Noise caries…

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Memories which are strongly associated with emotion, are among the easiest to retrieve.

\n", "excerpt": "

Inspired by my Mom’s beautiful accompaniment to my hospital stay, the initial words that I uttered after awaking from the coma/”3 & 1/2 week nap“ that my severe brain injury provoked, were whispered (as all words were, then) lyrics from Aretha Franklin’s Respect song. Neither my mom, who witnessed this spontaneous utterance of mine, nor […]

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I feel very privileged to have attended Seattle Repertory Theatre’s production of Nina Simone, Four Women. I whiteness the phenomenal songstress (as well as actress), Nina Simone, in action.

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It was not a traditional musical, nor was it a biography, but rather, a play centering on the rights & struggles of African American females, which pulled content from Simone’s personal experiences & featured her music.

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Uniquely, this show broaches 2 human rights injustices, simultaneously. The double whammy of suppression that Nina herself (as well as her character) experienced being an African American woman, is discussed amongst the characters.

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The play is set directly after the murders of children, in their church (and the church is the setting of the play), which Nina Simone’s song Mississippi Goddamn describes.

\n", "excerpt": "

I feel very privileged to have attended Seattle Repertory Theatre’s production of Nina Simone, Four Women. I whiteness the phenomenal songstress (as well as actress), Nina Simone, in action. It was not a traditional musical, nor was it a biography, but rather, a play centering on the rights & struggles of African American females, which […]

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"capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 6360, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2019-02-05T08:15:47-08:00", "modified": "2020-08-04T23:29:03-07:00", "title": "Unprovoked Flying", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2019/02/05/unprovoked-flying/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1EA", "content": "

The vast majority of my falling is behind me. Thank goodness! For a long while (3 years) after re-learning to walk, I fell multiple times a day. I, therefore, had many blue bruises, covering my very white legs.

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So attractive.

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I was reminded of my prolific past topples, a couple of weeks ago, when I (seemingly for no reason ((per usual))), lost my balance & ended up unintentionally flying, to plaster my back against a wall in my living room. I don’t have nearly enough padding (particularly on my back) to make this meeting painless.

\n

Inevitably, it hurt, but nothing unbearable (my judgement of “bearable” has expanded considerably over the last few years of my recovery, as all is relative.) So, after a pause, I went on with my day. Because I abruptly met the wall, when falling/flying,  I was kept from ever fully toppling. I was, therefore, led to believe that there was no lasting evidence of my loss of balance and my resulting union with the wall.

\n

A few hours later, however, while wearing a backless dress, out with my friend, when running a hand down my back, he exclaimed “What happened to you?!”

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So… apparently, there was tactile evidence, which made my slam apparent. I replied by sheepishly explaining my flying incident to him…

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His awareness made me curious, if there was, in fact, visible evidence, to match the tactile, that he had felt & so, when I got home, I investigated my mid-back in the mirror. There was a visually obvious reason it hurt!

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I had broken the skin around 3 of the vertebrae on my spine, which had met the wall and resulted in the coagulated blood that my friend  had felt. ‘Twas my body’s natural healing practice.

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This incident could be viewed as regression, by a harsh & unknowledgeable critic, unaware of the immense progress I’ve made, but I’ve learned how incredibly unfair & demotivating that judgement would be. I therefore, consciously choose, to consider this, as an oppportunity to appreciate the great balance progress that I’ve made (which was accentuated by the surprise elicited by this fall).

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My balance now, compared to my balance of 3 years ago, is remarkably steady/reliable. After all, only when considering my current capabilities, in comparison to what they recently were, am I able to accurately measure personal progress.

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Progress of all levels must be celebrated, in order to foster more!

\n", "excerpt": "

The vast majority of my falling is behind me. Thank goodness! For a long while (3 years) after re-learning to walk, I fell multiple times a day. I, therefore, had many blue bruises, covering my very white legs. So attractive. I was reminded of my prolific past topples, a couple of weeks ago, when I […]

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\"500_F_126695705_HYjoYfxXCjTzmlfBX82Oug6O0ec8noHv.jpg\"

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I learned about 10 years ago, that the interaction inherent in customer service, beautifully balances my solitary career of free-lance writing, I adore social interaction, as well as helping others to obtain what it is that they want. Particularly, I find customer’s satisfaction extremely rewarding. Providing customers with knowledge about the products that we offer, in order that they’re enabled to make an appropriate selection, satisfies both parties.

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Alternatively, my free-lance writing, which offers articles designed to inform or explain, necessitates entirely solitary composition. Words being directed at me, while I’m composing a piece, means that the 2 communications can easily be confused.

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Imagine: I’m writing a piece about healthy eating, when a friend re-focuses me briefly, to talk of potential plans for this evening. My piece then may read as such: “add the leeks & dancing to your roux…

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A lack of interaction, propels singular focus & as a result, the creation of beautiful & thoughtful written art = a full piece.

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So, these 2 professions (customer service & free-lance writing) serve 2 of my alternative desires & talents. As fairly universally follows suit, that which I love, I’m good at!

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I had to let go of my socializing cash-cow = waitressing, as it’s no longer practical for me to successfully complete the fundamental tasks of this job. Consider a survivor, who had to re-learn to walk, and fell a few times a day, obtaining a job that necessitates balance and fast-walking…Even in my imagination, that combination is disastrous.

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But, ideally, when 1 door closes & another opens.

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And it did!

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No doubt that my prescription for medical marijuana, acted as a sign, of what new service job awaited me. Good thing that I was aware enough of the variety of employment that I need in my life to feel fulfilled, to heed this sign.

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Working at a marijuana dispensary, and particularly working on the medical marijuana side, offers me the opportunity to learn more extensively of marijuana’s many & varied alleviation & empowering (if used appropriately & in moderation) properties.

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I’m enabled to serve customers well in this position, as a result of the research I conduct.

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1 of the owners, when hiring me, shared that the reason he took notice of my application, in particular, was due to my past few jobs that I noted on there, being service oriented. He desires to transformation the medical side of our shop, to resemble a lounge, that features customer service.

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So I leave you now, to gladly conduct the aforementioned research.

\n", "excerpt": "

I learned about 10 years ago, that the interaction inherent in customer service, beautifully balances my solitary career of free-lance writing, I adore social interaction, as well as helping others to obtain what it is that they want. Particularly, I find customer’s satisfaction extremely rewarding. Providing customers with knowledge about the products that we offer, […]

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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The grand, consistent & personal support that I’m receiving from my family & friends is unparalleled, certainly, but there is something invaluable about receiving spontaneous, unassuming support from strangers.

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My Lyft driver today, once I told him why he was driving me to counseling, replied that he had 2 close friends from his home, that had received brain injuries also. Though I didn’t clarify that mine was an extremely severe brain injury, and it didn’t  sound like his friends’ were (and the percentage of living patients that experience a severe TBI, is very), I still received encouragement & validation from him. Most astutely, he pointed to how very long & tedious recovery from a brain injury is.

\n

Although my struggles gradually (extremely gradually) lessen over time, due to a lot of hard work, my hardships are still substantial. I am pleased to experience (& therefore relay), the support that’s been offered to me by strangers, particularly when they see me attempting and falling short (clearly in need of assistance).

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Wether the hardship at hand, is writing my name to sign in, remembering a host’s name at my co-working space, or carying my food & coffee to a table at a cafe, spontaneous support in any circumstance, is very uplifting. It reminds me, that while yes, I am a unique individual (adamantly so), I exist within a largely loving & caring community: the best of humanity.

\n

Another slight, but poignant example of an absolute stranger uplifting me, happened a few days ago, when I was walking in my neighborhood. A young man, said “up high” as we were crossing paths in a crosswalk, while simultaneously extending his hand toward the sky. I attempted to high-five him & upon failing to meet his palm, immediately tried to meet it once again. My second attempt was a success, but even more satisfying than the success itsellf, was his resulting exclamation:  “determined!”

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This proclamation was & is undoubtedly true of me.

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This injury has jumbled a whole lot, but 1 thing that’s well secured within me (still!) & has served me mighty well, in all things, but in this ridiculously tedious healing journey especially, is my determination.

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This determination, is supported by a multitude of external sources (like the aforementioned) and I’m awfully happy & thankful that it is!!

\n", "excerpt": "

The grand, consistent & personal support that I’m receiving from my family & friends is unparalleled, certainly, but there is something invaluable about receiving spontaneous, unassuming support from strangers. My Lyft driver today, once I told him why he was driving me to counseling, replied that he had 2 close friends from his home, that had […]

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\"0\"

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I came across some sheet music yesterday, which unlocked memories of the choir that I had participated in, during my last yearish, living in San Francisco! Recovering this memory, feels monumental, as I have been waiting for YEARS for a memory from my “lost years” (the years I have almost no recollection of – the 2 years proceeding the car-accident & the 2 years post accident) to resurface.

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I am able to recall the choir director. She was dynamic during our practices. (As is true of every past choir director that I’ve had, ((& there have been a few))). It’s sensible, considering that they direct singers via grand physical gestures, in order that all choir members are able to see what to do & can, therefore, act accordingly. Choir directors visually emphasize, the enunciation of certain words or letters within words (Ps & Ss ((for instance))) & use their hands to signal an increase or decrease in volume.

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I also remembered a friend that I had made in our petite choir! I can visualize her face & now the tricky part…remembering her name (that never was a strong suit of mine & now it’s virtually impossible)! :/

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General characteristics of the setting in which we practiced, continue to arise within my mind.

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Of course, music would initiate the retrieval of my lost memories! Music has been such a grand gift in my life, in so many ways = enabling expression, creating beauty with like-minded comrades, and now, memory retrieval! I am extremely happy & not at all surprised!!

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I continue to be consistently reminded by doctors, my counselor & my dad alike, that memory recovery is a very-possible occurrence for survivors of traumatic brain injuries. As a result, I’ve been waiting & wishing (as memory retrieval in no way certain, just possible) that recall will happen for me. And, finally (in slow-mo – as has been the case with every aspect within this lengthy recovery process), I have retrieved a memory!!

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(my glee is not adequately conveyed by !!)

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As time has gone on, more subtle attributes of that memory are revealed to me. The act of recalling a memory from the blank time, which, up until now, have been unavailable for me to access, is extremely fulfilling & it’s grand that the memory being revealed is so joyous in and of itself!

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Shucks. Music. U get me every time

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This act of remembering, provokes hope too, that more memories will come back to me from my veiled past, as a result of experiencing memory triggers (like the sheet music).

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Brain injury recovery, is a unique process for each & every survivor, so there truly is no norm to base expectations on. This is healing of the brain after-all! What could be more personal?

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Unlike many other injuries, you truly can’t foresee what the future of your recovery will entail.

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This can (and certainly has) driven me bonkers.

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It IS wondrous though, to discover a glimmer of gold (a reclaimed, joyous, memory) amidst all of this recovery rubble.

\n", "excerpt": "

I came across some sheet music yesterday, which unlocked memories of the choir that I had participated in, during my last yearish, living in San Francisco! Recovering this memory, feels monumental, as I have been waiting for YEARS for a memory from my “lost years” (the years I have almost no recollection of – the […]

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"oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2018-08-24T10:00:25-07:00", "modified": "2025-01-08T14:56:48-08:00", "title": "Misinterpreted Forgetfulness", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2018/08/24/misinterpreted-forgetfulness/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1AN", "content": "

\"don-t-forget-1434063\"

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When I forget to be somewhere, and friends are expecting my presence, I’m perceived as selfish/flighty/forgetful when I don’t arrive. (I know this, because I’ve been told as much). The anger that they communicate, is very reasonable, under normal circumstances, (in which we both parties have entirely functioning capacities), but my current mental capabilities, are far from normal.

\n

As I’ve identified previously, a wide variety of symptoms have befallen me, as a result of my critical traumatic brain injury. Consistent among these symptoms, is my substantial memory deficit: this inability is to be faulted for my missed engagements.

\n

My new found & temporary (yay!) lack of follow through, is particularly upsetting for long-standing friends of mine, as it doesn’t ring true for who they knew me to be, previously = I have no history of acting in this unreliable vein.

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The stark contrast between my past & present actions, is why I had hoped (apparently, naively) that it’d be clear that my “forgetfulness” is in fact a symptom of my brain injury, particularly to close friends of mine. This new ditching action, which is still inconsistent (thank goodness!) is entirely unintentional.

\n

This hope, sadly, has not proven to be the case for all of my friends.

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Very simply, my perceived flakiness is still entirely due to my inability to log memories due to my brain injury.

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Ge this -> my recovery timeline has been identified as mighty speedy, ((according to my doctors!)) for recovery from a brain injury, particularly of the magnitude that mine is.

\n

Some friends of mine are understanding, certainly, and this results in my admiration of & respect for them. Most fundamentally, their trust in the goodness of my character, despite extreme odds and MANY enacted alterations, leads me to revere them.

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Pacification: I work with a licensed professional, (w/ a PHD in phycology + many years of experience counseling those who’ve endured life-threatening trials ((that’s her specialty))) whose expertise is in assessing personality. She’s confirmed that although some changes (altered capabilities, a change in priorities & preferences), are inevitable for all survivors, they needn’t be permanent, negative and certainly not all-encompassing.

\n

I’ve become ok with the alteration of my friends. After-all, I have no choice! I will say too though, that alongside my altered interests & priorities, inevitably comes an alteration in friendships, as has been true lifelong. All individuals change with time & as a result, my friendships too change with time = c’est la vie.

\n

To learn that most survivors, experience an entire loss of friendships, ensures that I take it much less personally.I have kept a few! (The expression of joy, from an external perspective, which tends to be where my mind goes now)…is realistic, albeit mighty depressing.

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I am not ok, however, with being blamed severely (let alone, consistently) for actions of mine, that aren’t intentional or even substantial. All things considered, these slight infractions are not deserving of the aggressive chastisement that I’ve received.

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An old friend of mine, recently, angrily questioned the validity of my severely impaired memory “claim”= truth, because we spoke the night before we (2 friends of mine & I) had planned to meet, and I was unable to attend, due to double booking (with work = non-negotiable).

\n

I’m called to better understand this friend’s rash reaction and I can only speculate that the lack of others’ believability of my forgetfulness, is very likely due to the extreme difficulty that most people have, with accepting a rationality that they haven’t encountered personally, and that’s cause isn’t visually obvious.

\n

But shoot, in my opinion, what is the most fundamental aspect of a true friendship?

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Trust.

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If I say I forgot, trust that I did in fact forget!

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

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"replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/6125/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/6125/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 6187, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2018-07-31T09:15:33-07:00", "modified": "2025-03-04T12:47:22-08:00", "title": "My Love of Life", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2018/07/31/love-of-life/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1BN", "content": "

During my 3 week “long nap” as Tese, my dad, refers to my coma, all of my attention was directed inward, in order to tend to my extensive list of injuries (the most complex, by far, being my brain injury, but not solely by any means), without external distractions.

\n

It’s clear to me, that during my long nap, in tandem with the doctors’ tremendous help, tending to my many physical injuries, my spirit was asked, wether it was time to say goodbye to this existence, or not.

\n

Because my spirit exclaimed – I’m not nearly done here! There’s allot that I still want to do!

\n

(I’ve been remarkably stubborn, life-long)

\n

I began my very-nearly 5 years of recovery (thus far). It has been very full, immensely tedious & extremely difficult…

\n

I’m still here & I’m gaining more capability each & every day!

\n

Even though moments have found me feeling that I’m at my wits end, I am always called back to & pacified by, my ever-present love of life.

\n", "excerpt": "

During my 3 week “long nap” as Tese, my dad, refers to my coma, all of my attention was directed inward, in order to tend to my extensive list of injuries (the most complex, by far, being my brain injury, but not solely by any means), without external distractions. It’s clear to me, that during […]

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I’m forever mourn the bay (SanFrancisco) that I experienced, in which I know, intuitively, that I felt at home & at peace + my sociality bloomed! I have (as of late) began to internally celebrate how happy & contented I felt there. This celebration of my experiences in the bay, certainly took time for me to access, and still, must be a consciously chosen mind-state, which lies in direct juxtaposition to intensely missing all that SanFrancisco embodied.

\n

But, I feel, since I was able to promote this circumstance, from the ground up, (seriously! I knew no-one well, and had only a couple friends of friends), that I can (& have already begun to) cultivate this same fulfilling & genuine community where-ever I reside.

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m forever mourn the bay (SanFrancisco) that I experienced, in which I know, intuitively, that I felt at home & at peace + my sociality bloomed! I have (as of late) began to internally celebrate how happy & contented I felt there. This celebration of my experiences in the bay, certainly took time for me to […]

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"https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2018-07-28T12:14:29-07:00", "modified": "2018-07-27T18:36:34-07:00", "title": "Friend Evolution", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2018/07/28/friend-evolution/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1BR", "content": "

I heard, from my TBI knowledge source (my counselor, who only counsels clients who’ve had near-death experiences), that the survivors she counsels (particularly those with brain-injuries) almost always loose some old friends. I feel extremely thankful for this knowledge, as when I started losing friends (2), I was pacified in knowing that this is a commonality for the vast majority of those who’ve experienced deadly brain injuries.

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I’m also pacified by the 3 new comrades I’ve made very recently, and in such unexpected places & circumstances! (My Lyft driver, outside a 7-eleven, inside a coffee shop). That last 1 is a bit more typical for me, as I spend a fair amount of time in coffee shops.  (They’re my work-place. ((I largely compose these blog posts in coffee shops.)))

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It’s clear to me, that this friend-change, is in fact, an evolution (growth, advancement, development), rather than a devolution (surrender, moving to a lower level).

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This is comforting & affirming to me, as no one is proud of devolving, including me!

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I think that my newly gained friends, must appreciate my current self, (otherwise, what was their impetus for exchanging digits with me! ((and yes, I’ve confirmed, that it wasn’t based on attraction)) as opposed to dwelling on my past, very care-giving self.

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I have way too much on my plate, to actively care for others. I will always be, as it’s simply fundamental to my being, caring. But I am only able to act selflessly a slight amount, which is far less, than my previous norm.

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I’m so very appreciative of my consistent friends, who are evolving with me. I find this beautiful.

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Honestly, I don’t really see my changes as very massive. But, to each their own.

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Ya know, c’est la vie (that’s life), honestly. Friendships come and go, and this particular change of self, is simply the current provocation.

\n", "excerpt": "

I heard, from my TBI knowledge source (my counselor, who only counsels clients who’ve had near-death experiences), that the survivors she counsels (particularly those with brain-injuries) almost always loose some old friends. I feel extremely thankful for this knowledge, as when I started losing friends (2), I was pacified in knowing that this is a […]

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At my accident site, once I was assessed & intubated (initially by the firetruck’s medic & then, upon their arrival, by the EMTs, ((assumedly))) I was flown immediately to Sutter Roseville Hospital. Sutter is an esteemed hospital, that’s particularly well-known for their excellence in treating patients with traumatic brain injuries. The life-threatening injury I had incurred, due to the setting – a freeway (car accidents are responsible for an overwhelming percentage of TBIs incurred) was 1 telling indicator. My unresponsiveness & the mutilated car I was in, with the driver-side window bashed in was another, which only substantiated their knowing. Not to mention, that the medics were initially offered a strong suspicion, of the state they would find me in, by the explanation given by the inhabitants within the car following me who had called 911. The police were made aware, of my car’s many spins (my car was clearly, out of control) over the phone.

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Great thing: my body knew best, how to heal itself (for a few moments, until medical help, necessarily, arrived) & thank goodness! My body intuitively shut off all external intake & output, to focus entirely on staying alive. For patient’s with life-threatening injuries (including many TBI patients) they are put into medically induced comas.

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Once medical personal arrived, I was enabled to breathe via a ventilator at the car accident site, before I was airlifted to Sutter Roseville Hospital. I was on life support during my flight there as well as during my 28 day coma & my stay on life-support only continued from there…

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Once I awoke from my coma, I was transferred to Fairfield Hospital in Marin, while remaining on life support. In Fairfield, I began reclaiming the fundamental aspects of living. The nurses at Fairfield began waning me off of the many aspects of life support. 1 of said aspects, was initiating my practice of independent breathing: Initiating my practice of independent breathing with “wind sprints”. They disconnected me from the ventilator for a few seconds, enabling me to breathe independently for a few minutes, before replacing my ventilator. Nurses then readied me for my trachea tube’s removal.

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Specifically, they began leading me through swallowing exercises (imagine – having to relearn to swallow! I had to relearn every conscious aspect of consumption after-all). Next I began to be served foods that were easy to consume & digest (like jello) and thick liquids (like smoothies). Thinner liquids (like water!) are harder to drink. Even now, after all this time, I’ve been known to spew coffee (the same consistency as water) although infrequently, thankfully! I’ve ruined shirts and freaked out fellow café goers, but thank goodness, I’ve never doused anyone else!

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Fairfield was, in large part, the hospital in which I continued to arise from my coma (awaking from a coma is in no way instantaneous, its gradual, unlike films depict). I regained (in part) the practice of sustaining myself as well as disposing of the food I consumed. No more hospital issued diapers for O! (The readers who know me personally, can likely imagine how ginormous the 1 size fits all, hospital provided diapers, were on me)! I have Tese, my dad, to thank profusely for this. Talk about a messy & smelly job!

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Simultaneously, my mom & aunt were working tirelessly to get me on Medical insurance (due to the scam insurance I was sold in San Francisco, which was only applicable to injuries that took place in the city (47 miles!), which the Sanctuary is certainly not). My mom & dad were also visiting subacute rehab centers, where I would be transferred once they deemed me ready. Whilst doing so, they employed my aunt & my step mom to be in the Fairfield alongside me, as the nurses there were not attentive there. To receive things I needed, someone had to ask (which I was not at all capable of – I was barely conscious)! They both did me incredibly well.

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My parents had many qualms with this hospital, which I will elaborate on, in another post.

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In CPMC, after I gradually awoke from my 3 & 1/2 week coma, I had to re-learn to eat, walk, talk & nearly all else, as life-long memories were inaccessible initially, not solely recently acquired ones.

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As a result, my mom was correcting my horrific eating style in the hospital (which I have no doubt was solely about shoveling as much food as possible into my mouth). After all, I was fed through a tube, which deposited only essential nutrients directly into my stomach, for nearly a month (whilst in a comma)!

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I was 98 pounds (30lbs of weight lost) upon exiting the hospitals. I naturally, have no weight to loose!

\n

My absence of manners was upsetting to her, (she’s my mom, after-all) & none of us had any idea of what to expect, as a result of this brand-new & extremely traumatic experience.

\n

A doctor walked past, saw me shoveling food into my mouth independently (as opposed to being fed by another) & the doctor was overjoyed. He exclaimed, that that action was “excellent!”

\n

Nothing like a medical professional’s ecstatic approval, to get your mom off of your case.

\n

And then, of course, there was the disposal of food…

\n

For a few days after awaking from the coma, I was given a diaper. (Standard protocol for people recovering from an injury that disables their food disposal abilities). A few days after I was given the diaper, I refused to wear it. I was an adult after-all, not an infant, I needed to use a toilette!! My dad, Tese, assisted me incredibly, by being a guide that advised me, in practicing this desired action (going to the bathroom), until I could complete excretion (in medical language, they refer to the inability empty your bladder or bowels: incontinence) & defecation independently,

\n

The application of this skill, was ridiculously fast too, (according to the physicians present), for the recovery of a patient who had nearly perished, as a result of a severe traumatic brain injury.

\n

Granted – who can deny (even if only imaginarily considered) that a 27 year old, relearning to use a toilette, would be very tough to stomach! (pun intended)

\n

Another miraculous thing: I have never experienced pain. I’ve attempted to understand the rationale for this, but have found none. This truth is very uncommon for people with my injury, let alone, with my extreme severity of injury. The doctors, who have ample knowledge of & experience with traumatic brain injuries, have no rationale for this reality, either. I will say though, that every single brain injury is widely different (for an extensive number of reasons) and therefore neither my doctors, nor anyone on my vast support team, can pinpoint why.

\n

Even now, years after my release, I have a lessened feeling of, as well as delayed reaction to, pain. I considered this a positive initially, but upon further thought & input from my support team, this too has the potential to be disastrous. Pain offers us information: don’t take that action anymore, it hurts! or find a different physical way to accomplish the same goal, which doesn’t hurt.

\n

Still, almost 5 years later, I live with no physical pain resulting from the accident. I guess the pain of my tailbone hitting the ground (strategically) many times a day, when I was relearning to walk, is a tangential result of my injury, but I have never experienced any internal pain resulting from my Severe TBI, my many broken bones, etc.

\n

There is however, abundant mental anguish (which has finally lessened now, after a decade+, but only in part, if I’m honest). The immense loss & frustration issued by my inability to do MOST of the things that I used to fill my day with, which once brought me joy & fulfillment, is still ever present.

\n

My parents & I, had to learn & are still learning A LOT, as that is & was absolutely necessary, in order to propel my healing. I must travel seemingly indirect routs, to achieve the previously easily sourced outcomes. My psychiatrist has explained, that this is because the mental pathways, which I once mentally traveled, have been demolished, never to be reclaimed.

\n

All of the steps in this recovery process were & still are, brand new to us all. Usually, newness excites me! That’s just how I am. ThisThis newness, however, is in no way exciting.

\n", "excerpt": "

At my accident site, once I was assessed & intubated (initially by the firetruck’s medic & then, upon their arrival, by the EMTs, ((assumedly))) I was flown immediately to Sutter Roseville Hospital. Sutter is an esteemed hospital, that’s particularly well-known for their excellence in treating patients with traumatic brain injuries. The life-threatening injury I had […]

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"", "orientation": "0", "keywords": [] }, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/media/6176", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/media/6176/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "parent": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5689" } } } }, "attachment_count": 1, "metadata": [ { "id": "8288", "key": "geo_public", "value": "0" }, { "id": "4229", "key": "_wpas_done_17991870", "value": "1" }, { "id": "8289", "key": "_wpas_skip_publicize_21385415", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5689", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5689/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5689/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5689/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 6129, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2018-06-06T09:00:04-07:00", "modified": "2018-06-05T15:31:01-07:00", "title": "No Show :/", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2018/06/06/no-show/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1AR", "content": "

I can certainly see how this lingering symptom, would seem outrageously rude, as if I value my time more than other’s. This provoked assumption, is, very truly, far from the reality.

\n

The trouble lies, entirely, with my faulty memory.

\n

I have identified, my need to employ external memory devices (and therefore, more reliable) temporarily, until my memory reclaims it’s natural effectiveness. I have begun attempting to put all of the plans I make, on my digital calendar. My phone cannot be relied on 100% of the time, however, as sometimes I forget to input the plans I make initially!

\n

There’s always a catch.

\n

I require ample forgiveness from my comrades, (and am soooo thanful for the forgiveness consistently granted to me!) who encounter the resulting effects of my inability to capture plans within my memory.

\n

Self-forgiveness is needed too, for forgetting plans that I’ve made. This is particularly emotionally taxing, as the people I’m unintentionally ditching are my friends!!

\n

There’s a sweet-spot between remembering & beating myself up.

\n

Perhaps I’ve identified an impermanent aid, in the digital calendar, until my memory naturally fully returns. I’m thinking that memory games, which will exercise the memory “muscle” could be helpful as well.

\n

They certainly couldn’t hurt, but I do remember (Haza! – celebrating the retrieval of a memory is key!) the truth that my counselor (who specializes in treating those with brain injuries, as well as others who’ve encountered near-death experiences) continues to remind me: all (including memory) healing requires ample time.

\n

This is certainly not a sprint. Adjustment to living  a brain injury is a marathon.

\n", "excerpt": "

I can certainly see how this lingering symptom, would seem outrageously rude, as if I value my time more than other’s. This provoked assumption, is, very truly, far from the reality. The trouble lies, entirely, with my faulty memory. I have identified, my need to employ external memory devices (and therefore, more reliable) temporarily, until […]

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Considering the many symptoms that can result from a TBI, (especially 1 as severe as mine), including death, that haven’t befallen me, being compelled to converse needlessly, is relatively minor. That doesn’t mean that it’s particularly attractive however…especially to the like-minded friends of mine, that are used to the previous, relatively quiet, me. Naturally (when not recovering), I’m much more interested in ingesting information than disseminating it.

\n

In the past, I was a thoughtful, minimalist conversationalist. If my opinion was unique & necessary, you best believe, I voiced it. When not, I’d wait to be compelled by the subject at hand, to take part in a conversation.

\n

Shyness has never befallen me. My mom has shared, however, that when I was young, many parents of my playmates in class, percieved me as such. She kindly corrected them & I’m glad she did! I never want to be known as anything other than I am.

\n

Essentially, I want to reclaim my quietude. I’m not particularly fond of others being exposed (particularly those that weren’t exposed to me previously) to the newly boisterous Olivia.

\n

I must say, the stereotype for writers is true, at least it is for me (writers tend to be introverts). Prior to incurring my severe TBI, I was much too preoccupied with my mental considerations to be compelled to discuss many subjects aloud. I was contentedly preoccupied with reabsorbing, digesting & mentally grappling with information.

\n

My brain likes to & is used to, being active.

\n

Granted, in the past, my thoughts were internally provoked. Now, without my usual regularity of internal dialog, I find myself inviting much more external stimulus, via conversation.

\n

A substantial downside, that I’ve noticed, is that my lack of implementing manners  = I often now commandeer the spotlight of a conversation.

\n

Yikes. Rude = not allowing an equal amount of others’ input to balance my own.

\n

This supports fostering a narrow view of life, that is solely provided by me. This spurs a new characteristic of mine, that I refuse to embrace: seeming close-mindedness.

\n

As my dad says: The first step to changing an action of ours, that we’re not fond of, is acknowledging it.

\n

So…I’m on my way.

\n

###

\n

I’m happy to report, that it’s been about 1 month since I composed the initial part of this post, and I am in-fact talking much less needlessly & per my past usual, enjoying thinking much more.

\n

I’m therefore, much more comfortable “in my own skin”, as I feel I’m on my way back to my previous & beloved, by all (including me!) norm.

\n

Just as my counselor advised me in the past, skills of mine haven’t been lost, they’re simply relocated & need to be re-found.

\n

The seemingly-endless internal scavenger hunt continues. Much more triumph has been noted now though, which is, undoubtedly, motivating.

\n", "excerpt": "

Considering the many symptoms that can result from a TBI, (especially 1 as severe as mine), including death, that haven’t befallen me, being compelled to converse needlessly, is relatively minor. That doesn’t mean that it’s particularly attractive however…especially to the like-minded friends of mine, that are used to the previous, relatively quiet, me. Naturally (when […]

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When the sun comes out in Seattle, the vast majority of Seattleites, utilize this opportunity to do the out-door activities that have teased us all winter.

\n

Many relocated here, largely, due to the accesability & prolific beauty of the natural resources available to residents (many opportunities aren’t far away or hard to access!)

\n

Many natives,  but those too, who have earned the status of “true Seattleites”, are certainly much more brave than most, because they are undeniably committed to their favored activities, depite the rain & cold inherent here.

\n

My dad, for instance, loves the cold as it reminds him of skiing (a beloved, long Standing  hobby of his).

\n

When it’s warm & sunny (spring & summer – but much more largely spring here in Seattle) a much larger amount of residents flock to the outdoors, to exercise their favorite outdoor activity amidst warmth & sunlight.

\n

There is a sense of freedom, when enjoying time outdoors, particularly when being cloistered inside for what can begin to feel like FOREVER (6 moths of predominant darkness will do that).

\n

I’m inside writing in a cafe currently, as this activity (writing), facilitates my much needed break from the beauteous sun. I’m genetically 1/2 European, and 1/2 Irish. My genetics don’t, therefore, lend to ,e enjoying warmth, or the UVs embedded in sun rays, for any extended amount of time.

\n

My love of the sun, ranks far above the practicality of avoiding a sun burn.

\n\n\n

\n", "excerpt": "

When the sun comes out in Seattle, the vast majority of Seattleites, utilize this opportunity to do the out-door activities that have teased us all winter. Many relocated here, largely, due to the accesability & prolific beauty of the natural resources available to residents (many opportunities aren’t far away or hard to access!) Many natives,  but […]

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The vast majority of my falling has past. Thank goodness! For a long while (3 years) after re-learning to walk, during which I fell multiple times a day, I had many blue bruises, covering my very white legs.

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So attractive.

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I was reminded of my prolific past topples, a few days ago, when I (seemingly for no reason ((per usual))),  lost my balance, & ended up unintentionally flying, to plaster my back against a wall in my bedroom. I don’t have nearly enough padding (particularly on my back) to make this meeting painless. Inevitably, it hurt, but nothing unbearable (my judgement of “bearable” has expanded considerably over the last few years of falling. All is relative.) So, after a pause, I went on with my day.

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Because I abruptly met the wall, & was kept from ever falling to my knees. I was led to believe, that there was no lasting evidence of my loss of balance and my resulting run-in with the wall.

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A few hours later, however, I was wearing a backless dress, out with my boyfriend, when he ran a hand down my back & exclamed “What happened to you?!” So… apparently there was tactile evidence, which made my slam apparent. I replied by sheepishly explaining my flying incident to him.

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I was curious if there was visible evidence, to match the tactile & so, when I got home, I investigated my mid-back in the mirror. There was an obvious reason it hurt! I had broken the skin around 3 of the vertebrae on my spine, which had resulted in the coagulated blood. This was the evidence felt by my boyfriend -> my body’s natural healing practice.

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This incident could be viewed as regression, by a harsh & unknowledgeable critic, but I’ve learned how incredibly unfair & demotivating that judgement would be.  I chose to consider this then, an oppportunity to appreciate the great balance progress I’ve made.

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My balance now, compared to my balance of 3 years ago, is remarkably steady/reliable.

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After all, considering my current capabilities, in comparison to what they recently were, is the only accurate way that I can measure personal progress.

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Progress of all levels must be celebrated, in order to foster more!

\n", "excerpt": "

The vast majority of my falling has past. Thank goodness! For a long while (3 years) after re-learning to walk, during which I fell multiple times a day, I had many blue bruises, covering my very white legs. So attractive. I was reminded of my prolific past topples, a few days ago, when I (seemingly […]

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About a week ago, I rid myself of the mane that I’d acquired during 1/2 of my recovery journey thus far (about 2 years).

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I had my hair cut into the Olivia famous pixie (famous only to insinuate, massively repetetive).

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It was sad to see the golden tips capping my strands go, as these were the result of a trip that my mom & I took to Hawaii, which I remember fondly.  Golden tips finished the brown (my natural hair color, sans the sun’s influence), which symbolized the massive amount of re-learning work that I’ve accomplished recently.

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So, I came to accept that, in order to move forward and embrace opportunities for new adventures (my love, forever), I thought it wisest to (and therefore wanted to) let the evidence of the strides I’d made over the past 2.5 years go.

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I was tired of my long locks always blockin* my view anyway! Removing them was simply practicality put into practice.

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To make this hair-riddance all the sweeter, I had decided (pre appointment) to donate my cut hair to an individual who wanted locks & weren’t able (due to a medical hardship) to produce their own. This is a wonderful example of 1 person’s trash, being another person’s treasure.

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When I told my hairstylist of my donation desire, he recommended an organization, which called to me more than any I’d heard of previously, that offers hair to children who are suffering from cancer.

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Therefore, my 13” of strong (never blow-dried or died) hair, was given to serve someone who desired it. I simultaneously lightened my load, opened my visual perspective and offered my discarded locks to a young person, who’s confidence they would bolster.

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Success!

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\n", "excerpt": "

About a week ago, I rid myself of the mane that I’d acquired during 1/2 of my recovery journey thus far (about 2 years). I had my hair cut into the Olivia famous pixie (famous only to insinuate, massively repetetive). It was sad to see the golden tips capping my strands go, as these were […]

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"oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2018-04-23T11:00:02-07:00", "modified": "2020-05-30T18:41:26-07:00", "title": "Vent", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/vent/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-vent", "content": "

It’s been 4 1/2 years since I incurred my brain injury.

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Far faster than the re-mastery of my skills, (walking, speaking, carrying things steadily and handwriting) came the memory of how things should be done, or, better stated, is how I used to do them.

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This exhausting work, sans equatable results, incites massive impatience. I know precisely how easy these things once were to complete, but the current actuality (in which my muscles refuse to listen to the direction of my brain), isn’t nearly as successful. This is very disheartening (not to mention, rediculously tiring!)

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But, I won’t give up. The saying -> “try, try again” is especially applicable to me now.

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My current hardships are in fact MUCH less severe than they once were (hence the lingering exhaustion.) But it’s impossible to retain this motivational perspective all of the time.

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Handwriting is among the most frustrating now, nearly to the point of abandon.

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NEARLY

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Motivating memoroies, which are continuolously offered to me, primarily by Tese, encourage perseverance through my tedious, discouraging & sorrowful, reclamation.

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This positivity is essential.

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To aid the consistency of my motiivation, I must continuously remember, that I’ve progressed significantly already, to reach my current state.

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Internal motivation is essential now, but also, medically recognized as incredibly difficult to foster, with a brain injury.

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Internal motivation is in-fact supported by external perception however (especially of individuals well versed in recovery). They have been in disbelief about the extensiveness of my recovery.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s been 4 1/2 years since I incurred my brain injury. Far faster than the re-mastery of my skills, (walking, speaking, carrying things steadily and handwriting) came the memory of how things should be done, or, better stated, is how I used to do them. This exhausting work, sans equatable results, incites massive impatience. I know […]

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For the initial many years (4), after being released from the hospital, I could not hand-write legibly at all. As a result, I became unmotivated to try.

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At first I was, but as the profound loss of my unique physical art form, coupled with the doubt that I could ever reclaim it, settled in, my motivation weighed. Particularly when the years of practice, didn’t result in much progression.

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I thought that perhaps this skill (the physical beauty inherent in my hand-writing art) had permenantly abandoned me, as a result of my Severe brain injury.

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I was mighty frustrated, in part, because I didn’t understand why the muscles within my right (writing) hand, weren’t listening to my brain’s direction.

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My counselor (as she’s reliably adept at doing) greatly pacified me, by sharing (in response to the outrage I expressed, instigated by my right hand’s disobedience) that handwriting is an incredibly difficult skill for all survivors to reclaim, as so many muscles must act in coordination, after intaking and interpreting instruction from the brain.

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She also encouraged me to keep practicing, as like all else, repetition, as well as healing time, was & is necessary for the reclamation of hand-writing.

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Essentially = I should not give up hope.

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And, sure enough, I now, can see my handwriting returning, with the loops and swirls it’s always possessed!

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My natural handwriting isn’t incredibly legible, (as you may have inferred & if you’ve ever received a card from me, you know this to be undoubtedly true), but it is my physical art form.  It’s really not intended for the intricacies of the statement to be understood. Rather, for the feeling with which I wrote it to be ingested.

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After all, typing, is the how I facilitate cognitive clarity.

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Each form of presenting words, has its own purpose, and I am now enabled to practice both forms successfully once again!

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As is the final sentiment of many of my blogs = further practice is needed.

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Now, however, I’ve re-claimed my fuel for hand-writing practice!

\n", "excerpt": "

For the initial many years (4), after being released from the hospital, I could not hand-write legibly at all. As a result, I became unmotivated to try. At first I was, but as the profound loss of my unique physical art form, coupled with the doubt that I could ever reclaim it, settled in, my […]

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“We all desire to find our tribe, a community of those that feel comfortable to us and nurture our journey.” -Daily OM

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This blog is about exactly that. I, FINALLY (after 4.5 years since returning to Seattle), feel that I’m accumulating a tribe in my current residential location once again.

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I was reminded too (by a friend that I made in SF – Jessie!), that my current tribe, needn’t  be local. What with our  advanced technology, we’re enabled to communicate with friends & family the world over AND even visualize goods (or evidence of activities) that they’re experiencing.

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Being moved, by neccesity, from SF to my parent’s houses on Mercer Island (10 mins from Seattle, by car), WA for 1.5 years, post hospital, + my brief jaunt to live with a thief in Portland (a roomate whom sourced via Craigslist), waylayed finding my current tribe, a long bit.

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Now that SanFrancisco has gotten ridiculously expensive, all of my previous tribe members, who I had once lived there with, have moved away. (Some friends have moved to other cities in California, but the 2 friends that I am closest with, have moved to other countries.)

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Do to SKYPE, telecommunication and ample time, I finally feel socially fed & content.

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\n", "excerpt": "

“We all desire to find our tribe, a community of those that feel comfortable to us and nurture our journey.” -Daily OM This blog is about exactly that. I, FINALLY (after 4.5 years since returning to Seattle), feel that I’m accumulating a tribe in my current residential location once again. I was reminded too (by a […]

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\"FC65D4E5-EDAE-47C0-8578-EDF09D0C1DC3\"

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(Delfina in SanFrancisco = the last restaurant I worked at)

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Patience with myself, is the most difficult attribute for me to foster (forever, but due to my current critical Traumatic Brain Injury struggles, this lacking skill ((patience)) is front & center). In order for patience to once-again occur naturally within me, practice employing patience, is neccesary. My grandest patience practice now:  doing physical tasks that used to be “second nature” & are now incredibly difficult.

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But, I’ve learned that, I must forge on!

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For instance: I no longer own cramic pates, or glass cups. I only own plastic plates & “glasses” now.

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Rationale:

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Cleaning up dropped food, or spilled beverages, (which happens consistently) AND metal as well as glass table-settings, necessitates ample food/drink clean-up & invites self-harm. (Being uncoordinated, is extra worrisome when cleaning-up broken dishes, that were previously ((before my plastic utensils were employed)) sharp!!)))

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At least now, it’s just the food that’s wasted :/.  Not ceramic/glass plates & glasses that must be cleaned up, discarded & then replaced. Ample bandaids are no longer needed!

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This trial is particularly repulsive to me. Here’s why: I used to be able to manage 2 plates on 1 hand/arm while simultaneously holding 1 plate with the other hand, and navigating a full restaurant dining room! I’d do so skillfully (avoiding unforeseen obsticles) AND then serve guests their food gracefully.

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After-all, skill-full carrying, as well as artful presentation, is part of what a waitress is payed for, as well as being vigilantly attentive and a good conversationalist = great tips! Currently, I can hold just 1 plate in 1 hand & even then, I must be extra-thoughtful, or I often manage to drop it. Ah well, as my implementation of plastic place-settings suggest, all in time.

\n", "excerpt": "

(Delfina in SanFrancisco = the last restaurant I worked at) Patience with myself, is the most difficult attribute for me to foster (forever, but due to my current critical Traumatic Brain Injury struggles, this lacking skill ((patience)) is front & center). In order for patience to once-again occur naturally within me, practice employing patience, is […]

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"oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2018-01-21T13:54:16-08:00", "modified": "2018-01-21T14:10:48-08:00", "title": "TBI Spectrum & the Return of Positivity", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2018/01/21/tbi-spectrum-the-return-of-positivity/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1yx", "content": "

There is a very wide spectrum of brain injuries (from a concussion to life support, followed by a 3 week coma ((like me.)))

\n

The severity of a brain injury, as well as which part of the brain was predominantly impacted, means the struggles & the recovery timeline, inevitably, vary substantially for each individual.

\n

The hardships, that 1 individual with a brain injury is experiencing, or how they feel as a result of their hardships/losses (depressed, disoriented, unsure…not a ton of positive emotions…not any at all, honestly, for the first few years) vary greatly.

\n

I understand how many survivors may (eventually…after many, many, years, and ALOT of work) celebrate that they have a fresh start and feel very prepared, as a result of bracing for and adapting as a result of, the extreme hardships they’ve endured & having “recovered” (the definition of recovery is also extremely different, for each survivor) they feel well prepared, to withstand any unforeseen difficulties.

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I can only accurately speak personally, & after 4 1/2 years, I am now beginning to see a glimmer of this. This glimmer has lasted for a while, which I DON’T mind at all. Positivity, (which the term glimmer implies) is always welcome (but particularly now, after experiencing substantial hardships.)

\n

I do have a fresh start, but also many new challenges & limitations.

\n

To be fully honest, I had a great life,  which I’d composed very intentionally, to fulfill my needs & desires, before I suffered the brain injury.

\n

I’m so very joyful & thankful that positivity has returned, to grace my existence, once again.

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

There is a very wide spectrum of brain injuries (from a concussion to life support, followed by a 3 week coma ((like me.))) The severity of a brain injury, as well as which part of the brain was predominantly impacted, means the struggles & the recovery timeline, inevitably, vary substantially for each individual. The hardships, that […]

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My therapist , who used to be an on-site phycologist, at Swedish hospital, and therefore is very versed in doctor jargon, offered to translate my hospital notes for me.

\n

We began with notes from the first of the 3 hospitals that I attended (California Pacific Medical Center) which I was airlifted to, directly from the car accident site.

\n

Because CPMC was the hospital that I was intentionally initially sent to (due to the hospital’s reputation for excellence, as well as their prolific experience, treating brain injuries) I figured that delving into the records from there, would illuminate the physical hardships that I had incured.

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To me, the hospital notes read like they were composed in a different language (and I’m fairly sure that this is a universal experience for those who have no MD knowledge). I’m quite alright with not understanding the intricacies of what they mean = needlessly emotionally painful.

\n

I just want to know the crux (in large part, in order to share them with you): what injuries I incurred, how my coma was classified on the Glasco Coma Scale…(the doctor’s way of communicating w/ each-other, of a coma’s severity.)

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I, still, miraculously have experienced no pain (the doctors have no conjecture as to why), and I’m a-ok with that.

\n

Since my expertise is the sharing of information, here is the extensive list of my injuries, translated from “doctorese” into comprehensible English & pared down, so that this list is no longer extensive = much more appealing to read.

\n

###

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I was in a Glasco Coma Scale 4 (the Glasco Coma Scale ranges from 1-12, 1 being the most severe  ((3-1 = that patient is in a vegetative state.))

\n

Was intubated (given air) in the field & then (once I was in the Coma)

\n

I Had all-around & extensive pelvic fractures

\n

Had fractures in 2 ribs

\n

Had bruising in my lungs

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Had a femur (thigh) fracture

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Had a humerus (the funny bone -> nothing funny about injuring this bone!) fracture

\n

lacerated (sliced) bladder

\n

lacerated spleen

\n

I love that this is an isolated incident & therefore necessitates little worry or pro-longed concern. (Just anything that neccesitating balance!)

\n

So, forethought, as always, is necessitated, BUT much more imparetively now, (particularly when navigating).

\n

Recovery is certainly extensive enough, and year after year, feels never-ending.

\n

I’m continually reminded, however, by professionals, that it’s not.

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

My therapist , who used to be an on-site phycologist, at Swedish hospital, and therefore is very versed in doctor jargon, offered to translate my hospital notes for me. We began with notes from the first of the 3 hospitals that I attended (California Pacific Medical Center) which I was airlifted to, directly from the […]

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\"IMG_0005\"

\n

Seattle, very thoughtfully, is a city dedicated to quality of life.

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Quality of life, necessitates a solid foundation, which supports all else. 1 of these foundational elements, and truly, among the most basic, is delicious & nutritious food.

\n

To this end, Seattle’s SNAP (supplemental nutritional assistance program) will not only convert the amount (of your choice) of $ on your snap card, to tokens, which are accepted by vendors at the farmer’s market, but the government will also match any amount you choose to convert.

\n

For instance: today I converted $10 from my snap card, into farmer’s market tokens, & therefore, I received $20 worth of farmers market tokens.

\n

And, an extra + for me today, (as I only brought my backpack to carry all of the goods that I purchased at the farmer’s market, the many blocks home). The tokens that I procured today, will remain valid until the beginning of next year (so, 1 & 1/2 months).

\n

Seattle offers subsidized rent, health, bus transport, and food (even “fancy” ((well made, procured & transported)) healthy foods) to disabled survivors that register their disability with the government.

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And for me, there’s joy too, inherent in perusing farmer’s markets, where, as a client, you’re able to talk directly to the vendor, whom also made the food you’re about to consume.

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Unemployment (not simply by choice => to travel) is certainly a new & unexpected  circumstance for me. One that I’m, (at long-last) joyfully fully endeavoring in.

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I must say, that viewing Seattle through this unique lense, makes me incredibly thankful to call this home.

\n", "excerpt": "

Seattle, very thoughtfully, is a city dedicated to quality of life. Quality of life, necessitates a solid foundation, which supports all else. 1 of these foundational elements, and truly, among the most basic, is delicious & nutritious food. To this end, Seattle’s SNAP (supplemental nutritional assistance program) will not only convert the amount (of your […]

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"focal_length": "0", "iso": "0", "shutter_speed": "0", "title": "", "orientation": "0", "keywords": [] }, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/media/5959", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/media/5959/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "parent": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5928" } } } }, "attachment_count": 1, "metadata": [ { "id": "3957", "key": "_wpas_done_17991870", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5928", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5928/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5928/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/5928/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 5670, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15815005, "login": "oflowblog", "email": false, "name": "oflowblog", "first_name": "", "last_name": "", "nice_name": "oflowblog", "URL": "http://dishithere.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/21ddb0b123b2456c31d07b5eb368cc6d76b19b7ff11428588be8b1887b075ce4?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/oflowblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2017-11-01T13:10:16-07:00", "modified": "2017-11-05T18:56:44-08:00", "title": "Blasfamy: Forgetting that I’m An Artist!!", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2017/11/01/blasfamy-forgetting-that-im-an-artist/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-1ts", "content": "

For a long while, after waking from my coma, I thought that creative writing, was relegated to fiction only.

\n

Therefore, in my mind previously, I considered fiction to be the only type of writing, that was an art form. I didn’t validate that the way a writer puts words together, (composing sentence structure) creates art.

\n

Such a fool, Olivia! (Or, perhaps I’m just someone who’s mind was shaken, banged and bruised, severely.)

\n

I was robbing myself of the respect that my craft deserves.

\n

Can you fathom, why I was simultaneously clinically depressed!? Jeez – a lack of purpose, perhaps? No wonder I felt: what’s the point of all this struggle!?

\n

And then, I remembered that I adore identifying & highlighting, the ways in which beauty & practicality coincide. I’m then enabled to appreciate & articulate them both, simultaneously.

\n

And that is the type of writing that I find captivating to read & incredibly motivating to create.

\n

Why?

\n

I love art & I am an artist.

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

For a long while, after waking from my coma, I thought that creative writing, was relegated to fiction only. Therefore, in my mind previously, I considered fiction to be the only type of writing, that was an art form. I didn’t validate that the way a writer puts words together, (composing sentence structure) creates art. […]

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I recently (as well as a few times, previously), encountered blatant judgement of my recovery techniques, from an individual who has no reference to make these judgements. She doesn’t have a brain injury, nor does she know anyone closely who does (I think this is a safe assumption, due to her obvious lack of knowledge about an appropriate recovery timeline or healing techniques.)

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An experience that optimized this naivette, was judgement of me, solicited to me, passive aggressively. (She made a massively condescending comment, while walking away from me, but projected it, so that I could hear her insult clearly, even though she was a parking lot away from me. Because of the distance between us, she offered me no chance to respond. ((I didn’t feel it necessary to project a response.)

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Being robbed of the chance to defend myself, with a rational explanation, which would explain why I did what I did, feels very unfair.

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She considers herself very smart. She’s takes great pride in this. I am quite sure, (due to her intentional, consistent & prolific reminder of her residency, even though she refers to herself, as a doctor ((a bit premature -> don’t we think?))) however, that making a judgement, without first seeking evidence from someone knowledgeable about my condition, is not considered wise by anyone.

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All evidence needed, to make a sound judgement, (in reference to my brain injury) needs to be sought directly from me (the patient in question), as there’s truly no blanket information that applies to all survivors.

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This injury is very individualized.

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If she had chosen to criticized me, directly, however, I would’ve felt respected: that I had been invited to share my rebutal.

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The passive-aggressive communication style, which she employed, informs me of her perceived self-importance.

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If you can’t insult someone directly to their face & offer them a chance to respond, you must not have much confidence in the validity of your argument.

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I did recently have a chance, to put my exasperation into words, and offer them to her, but unfortunately, I was unable to be clear, due to feeling over-whelmed with anger & disaprovol of her chosen communication style.

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Her only saving grace, could have been, if she had admitted, that she had NO idea of the severity of my injury (very severe).

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All of my licensed MDs, as well as my therapist, (so all of the professionals, that are aware of the details of my case), cororoberate to say, that my improvement is phenomenal, as well as the methods that I’m employing are (and have been) useful in facilitating my recovery.

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But instead of gathering data, or admitting her nievete, she choses to judge me, blindly.

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\n", "excerpt": "

I recently (as well as a few times, previously), encountered blatant judgement of my recovery techniques, from an individual who has no reference to make these judgements. She doesn’t have a brain injury, nor does she know anyone closely who does (I think this is a safe assumption, due to her obvious lack of knowledge […]

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It’s a double edge sword. Once I re-learned to walk, talk, eat etc. (which I’m so thankful for!) + a couple of years of practice, my physical injuries became nearly invisible.

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This causes uneducated people, to label me as lazy (which couldn’t be farther from the truth). 1 of these uneducated individuals, expect me to be working, as my accident took place 4 years ago.

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My therapist, (who, I’ve rightly referred to in the past, as my TBI guru. ((she has extensive professional knowledge of TBI, fostered by experience advising people managing recovery from/adaptation inspired by, a TBI.))) absolutely discounts the accusations of any uneducated individuals.

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*Adaptation (as previous referenced) = Often you can’t return to the mental pathways that you once traveled, in order to retrieve information, because the pathways have been irreparably damaged. You, therefore, must mentally forge new pathways.*

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My feeling (supported 100% by my therapist) is that the expectation that I would now be working professionally, is rediculous, especially given the severity of my injury.

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No one with critical TBI recovery experience, would even consider,  let alone expect, my return to work immediately (believe it or not – 4 years is immediately – this is a loooong road!!) or ever, truly, for the vast majority f survivors of my TBI’s severity. The fact, that I’m self-propelled, even, to consistently write in this blog, is shocking given my critical TBI.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s a double edge sword. Once I re-learned to walk, talk, eat etc. (which I’m so thankful for!) + a couple of years of practice, my physical injuries became nearly invisible. This causes uneducated people, to label me as lazy (which couldn’t be farther from the truth). 1 of these uneducated individuals, expect me to […]

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Yes, the “Seattle freeze” is real.

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Traveling the world, living in different countries, as well as living in different states within the United States, has offered me a clear juxtaposition of the attitudes fostered here (Seattle) vs. the attitudes fostered elsewhere in the world.

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I’m fairly sure that the grand amount of time Seattleites spend inside, (in large part, due to prolific rain), contributes amply to the comfortability Seattleites feel with solitude, as well as the resulting misperceptions of non or new Seattleites, about Seattleites being “cold”.

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If you don’t enjoy spending time alone, with a petite group of friends or with your partner, then Seattle’s not likely an appropriate permenant residence choice for you.

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But I’d like to replace “Seattle Freeze” with “Seattle Independence.”

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The largest qualm that I have with the term “Seattle freeze” is that it sounds very negative. Freeze conveys a sense of being impenetrable or unwilling to adjust.

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We all avoid communicating with others when we’re unhappy, preoccupied with mental quandaries, stressed, tired… (this list is understandable), absolutely fair and not dependent upon inhabiting a certain place.

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“Seattle Freeze” or Seattle independence can actually be considered quite positively, as independence allows time for the pursuance of your personal goals & interests.

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Seattle independence may include working, studying, communicating via text as opposed to verbally = emails, text messages or (in my persolonal circumstance) blogs. None of that, would I consider anti-social.

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I will confess, (and those that have been following my recovery story are likely already aware), that I am MUCH more sensetive to negativity now, (just as my sensitivity to all emotions, is markedly higher than ever before).

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I would like to challenge, however, the inherent negativity associated with the phrase “Seattle Freeze”.

\n", "excerpt": "

Yes, the “Seattle freeze” is real. Traveling the world, living in different countries, as well as living in different states within the United States, has offered me a clear juxtaposition of the attitudes fostered here (Seattle) vs. the attitudes fostered elsewhere in the world. I’m fairly sure that the grand amount of time Seattleites spend […]

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I have needed more assistance from public officials, than ever before. I suppose that’s not surprising (severe brain injury = increased assistance needed) and yet, it’s taken me many years to get used to this, as I’ve always been an incredibly successful & independent being. Also very humble 😉

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An experience with grand assistance (although not necessary) was, no doubt, extremely embarrassing:

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The smoke alarm went off in my last apartment in West Seattle, and when I opened my apartment door, to allow the smoke to dissipate, I (uknowingly, well until the smoke alarms went off!) set off the whole building’s smoke alarms, and therefore, evacuated all of the residents.

\n

This entire mini-drama was due to the smoke created while I was cooking! (I burnt a piece of toast: that’s all. I have no toaster, & was, therefore, cooking a piece of bread directly on a (freshly cleaned) burner. I got distracted, looked away, & sent the toast up in flames. ( well, I didn’t see any flames truthfully, but the burnt toast, makes me assume there were some.)

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The rationale for the fire department being called: I lived in a brand new building & the smoke alarms were therefore extremely sensitive. The smoke alarms went off in the whole building! As a result, all of the residents from my building were evacuated. :/

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1 of the firemen, who came to my door, was extremely gentle with my (obviously) shattered ego. When I told both of them both, that nothing was on fire, the cause was simply burnt food, he responded by telling me: “This happens very often. These are a large percentage of the calls we get.”

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That pacified me substantially.

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Since then, I’ve been particularly cognizant of respecting those that help me, in any way.

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The individuals that work at the businesses I frequent (the cafe in which I’m writing this now, which is a regular work spot for me ((I have wifi @ home, but a cafe compliments wifi with social stimulus. Aaaand I love the people that work @ cafe ladro)))

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Today the barista introduced herself, which instigated introductions from her 2 co-workers. It’s lovely to know the people making my vanilla lattes (or, let’s be real, since I have no paid employment), now, this ex-swanky restaurant ex-waitress, is ordering, and has learned to doctor, drip coffee.

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Even more important to my well being => a kind & thoughtful woman, (whom I spoke with on the phone, to clarify my eligibility for food assistance, provided by the government), was exceedingly helpful to me, in part, I believe, as a result of the respect that I rightly showed her.

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People whose jobs is specifically to assist individuals that are incapable of assisting themselves, is very honorable.

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I value this work greatly, as it is extremely selfless & heroic. I attempt to repay them, (not nearly equally – that’s beyond my capability) with respect & acknowledgement of the nobel & substantial part they play in my life.

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\n", "excerpt": "

I have needed more assistance from public officials, than ever before. I suppose that’s not surprising (severe brain injury = increased assistance needed) and yet, it’s taken me many years to get used to this, as I’ve always been an incredibly successful & independent being. Also very humble 😉 An experience with grand assistance (although […]

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1 year on either side of my accident, isn’t held by my memory at all. My entire past, is hazy (aside from the emotional times of my early childhood – which is extremely fortunate, as my early childhood memories are very sweet).

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Once 1 memory is jogged, associated memories come to cognition speedily. Related facts too, come back to me, and associated problem solving is enabled.

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The facts that I’m searching for, were obtained in my past (obviously), but have been shrouded or relocated due to my brain injury.

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The paths that I once used to mentally travel, in order to reach the memories that I’m seeking for reference, were irreparably damaged. So now, new pathways are needed.

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I’m less interested in (& capable of) relaying scientific information, than I am in specifying how these situations made me feel. I’ve always favored the right side of my brain (emotion) & it wasn’t hurt in the accident, but my left side (logic) was.

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Quite a predicament I’m in, but…the good news is, that because the skills that reside in that part of my brain weren’t ever stellar, I’ve mastered some handy workarounds.

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All I need do, is remember those workarounds, which have served me so well!

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They feel quite natural though = intuitive.

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\n", "excerpt": "

1 year on either side of my accident, isn’t held by my memory at all. My entire past, is hazy (aside from the emotional times of my early childhood – which is extremely fortunate, as my early childhood memories are very sweet). Once 1 memory is jogged, associated memories come to cognition speedily. Related facts […]

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Sympathy has become mighty important to & in my existence now. Far more than ever before. Therefore, it’s presence, or lack there of, is much more evident to me now. I have encountered both those whom excel at acting sympathetically, and those who do not.

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I’ve encountered only 1 friend & 2 acquaintances (yay!! This beats the norm for Traumatic Brain Injury survivors, by far) that have acted un-sympathetically to me.

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Regarding the 1 friend: Perhaps our connection (& therefore mutual understanding) has weined to the point of non-recovery, due to the fact that we’ve been separated for a nearly a decade. (After I was released from the hospital, I was sent home with my parents, who live in Washington state), whereas many of my SF friends are now scattered world-wide, due to SF’s rise in prices and culturle shift (constant I assume – otherwise why would it be a constantly evolving place, which a wealth of ppl adore?)

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I’ve recently realized too, that perhaps there is confusion between sympathy & empathy-> (which the ex-friend, whom I’ve previously identified, has a plethora of – confusion that is). This is the crux of our hardship. We have yet to obtain mutual-understanding (which enables sympathy) and I’m not confident that we’ll find it.

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Understanding is everything. If you don’t understand, I suggest that you 1st recognize this & then, ask questions to the individual that you’re upset w/ and accept what they tell you as truth, (within reason, of course) in order to gain a more accurate perspective. To put it simply = remain open.

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After all, who would know better than them, the details of WHY they did, the action that you disagree with.

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Empathy means that you’re able to directly identify (you have experienced it) with the hardships (a brain injury, in this particular instance) of the person whose actions you disagree with.

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Sympathy is harder to foster than empathy, as it requires intentionally remaining open to that which you couldn’t possibly understand & have no personal experience with & faith in the person your questioning’s honesty.

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I do have faith (not positivity -> that would be foolish) that the missing friend in question, will understand that she has no basis, for her presumptions, and has therefore been accepting her own conjectures & cannot , therefore, rightly come to the conclusion that she has accepted as truth.

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perhaps then  she’ll be enabled to truly show me sympathy.

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None of my friends have ever experienced a sever brain injury (thank-goodness) and therefore, they absolutely cannot relate to, and therefore understand, my symptoms. No other injury (even other head injuries) have remotely similar symptoms.

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Some people, however, have tried to mistakenly relate the symptoms they’ve experienced with other head injuries, to mine. The symptoms of a concussion/concussions (for example) are not synonymous (or even similar) with those of a brain injury.

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In actuality, absolutely no other injury has even remotely similar symptoms.

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Similarly, some friends have attempted to understand what I’m going through (Thank you!) via the web, which I highly value, but facts that are available online, about brain injuries in general, often don’t apply to me.

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All brains are unique & therefor a trauma to each individual’s brain, results in recovery symptoms that are very unique as well.

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The over-arching reality that the vast majority of my friends, however, have exercised great sympathy speaks to their quality.

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When considering strangers, whom act sans sympathy, (& there have been a few, but very luckily,  I’ve moved back to Seattle  ((which is largely very sympathetic))) I have much less patience, and none, if the strangers are also rude.

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With friends, however, I have much more patience, as I feel patience is appropriate to practice with loved ones, because I know of their capability to sympathize, as well as their quality & I want to keep them close. (There’s admitedy a selfish component) but I’d hope that (considering that they clearly value me as a person -> we’re friends after-all!!) they’ll reconsider their stance.

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I feel it’s important to state that my personality (priorities and attitude) have not changed. I have confirmation of this, from an external source  (the counselor whom I often refer to as my expert in TBIs) & whom I share everything with. It is possible for some people’s personalities to change with TBIs, but thankfully, mine has not.

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The lack of  knowledgeable understanding of this injury, I presume, is due to people’s lack of comfort asking questions + there are some that refuse to listen. Each decision that I’ve made in the present, correlates fairly exactly, with my previously expressed and lived values.

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It does, however, take me longer to arrive at the same conclusions, that I’ve always have & therefore patience is required on both sides of the isle (me and my friends/ those I come in contact with regularly.)

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I still value independence incredibly, and so, while this experience has made me value community SO much more.

\n", "excerpt": "

Sympathy has become mighty important to & in my existence now. Far more than ever before. Therefore, it’s presence, or lack there of, is much more evident to me now. I have encountered both those whom excel at acting sympathetically, and those who do not. I’ve encountered only 1 friend & 2 acquaintances (yay!! This […]

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I’ve shared of the abuse (the types vary: thieving, lying, uninformed & ((therefore, incorrect)) assumptions) Not to mention the loss of a friend as a result of my disability – partly because those situations are more dramatic/provoking  (which = captivating writing), but largely also because, expression of this mental abuse, acts as therapy for me. I suppose many can relate to this therapy. Expression, wether physical or mental = the opportunity to let bothersome things go. Whether this is represented by practicing yoga, running, traditional therapy, griping with friends, composing a blog piece…, it’s all expression, articulated in different forms.

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Assistance:

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The reality that there was a car behind me, who had witnessed the crash in real-time is rare & incredibly lucky as the crash happened on a fairly uninhabited rode in northern California.  I haven’t yet largely published, however, the vast amount of appreciation I feel for the abundant assistance & support that I continue to receive from loved ones, as well as strangers that become aware of my hardships.

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As a result of my disability – partly because those situations are more dramatic/provoking (which, admittedly = captivating writing), but largely also because, expression of this mental abuse, acts as the aforementioned therapy for me. I suppose many can relate to this therapy, in that expression (even if griping with friends) offers the opportunity to let bothersome things go. Whether this is represented by seeking therapy, griping with friends, or composing a blog piece, it’s all expression, simply articulated in different forms.

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Now is a time to Thank my assistance All-stars.

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(this is in no way all inclusive – this post is long enough already!)

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Both of my parents have done so very much for me, including tricking out the apartment that I’m currently living in. By “tricking out”, I mean -> they ensured that I’m surrounded by familiar things that I love and therefore previously procured (because I find them beautiful). These pieces offer me solace & enjoyment.

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1 of my great & long-term friends from high-school, who just so happens to be a math wiz, and a professional accounting advisor, is largely helping me with my finances.

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2 of my very close friends from SanFrancisc, Bea & Jessie, flew to Seattle to visit me, and show their support.

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Another close friend from high-school, came from where she lives now, New York, to visit me in Seattle.

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My great friend Ali, just moved here from Bend, OR, to live with her boyfriend, (while he attends Seattle U. for graduate school), and I therefore, get the opportunity to reap the bennefits of her presence.

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My recently aquired boyfriend keeps my mind consistantly active, as he’s very bright, extremely curious and interested in subjects, that I myself prefer to ingest the grand summary of, as opposed to the details. He finds the details fascinating. Our opposing interests, provoce me to learn about things, that I would otherwise never investigate. (technology, politics….to name just a couple of the many.)

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My main client, Lilian, who is a professional at Harvard, & specializes in mindfulness, health & wellness She’s offered me incredible health help & professional support (ideas for my work in the future), as well as the most complete understanding of my injury-inducing side effects, that I’ve encountered.).

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The yoga teacher (+ teacher’s teacher), that I know (as I used to compose the content for her newsletter), is offering me private yoga lessons + hooked me up to work with one of her colleagues, who is also offering me private yoga lessons.

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I am wrote this post from my very close friends Carolyn & Chris’s houses.

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Help for me, abounds. I’m very grateful for all the help I receive  & for those who provide it, no matter the context.

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I appreciate emotional support greatly as well. It encourages me to disregard the few that donn’t even attempt to understand, or, at worst, attempt to take advantage of my disabilities.

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I sympathize greatly with those who are enduring this injury, that receive a scant amount of peer support.

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My mom, who is extremely sympathrtic, has specifically wondered aloud  (and has therefore provoked my curiosity too), how many  individuals are homeless as a result of the mental + financial hardships, associated with a brain injury, who don’t have the ample support available to me.

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The support available to me. Is incredibly valuable.

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Thank you.

\n", "excerpt": "

I’ve shared of the abuse (the types vary: thieving, lying, uninformed & ((therefore, incorrect)) assumptions) Not to mention the loss of a friend as a result of my disability – partly because those situations are more dramatic/provoking  (which = captivating writing), but largely also because, expression of this mental abuse, acts as therapy for me. I suppose many can […]

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\"is\"

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I really can’t say why, or specifically when,  but my perspective has gone from woe-is-me, to an appreciation of the endless possibilities available to me now.

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My counselor (who specializes in counseling people that are recovering  from near-death experiences) gave me a preview of this transition, and so I’ve been anxiously awaiting this mental transformation.

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The new possibilities I’m referencing, are not in spite of the brain injury, but because of it.

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There are things that were certainly taken away  from me (balance, memory, speed…) but these skills keep evolving & this injury offers me an excellent story (perfect for a writer) as well as increased empathy.

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To amplify the awesomeness, everything embodies that brand-new shininess.

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Excitement is provoked. 🙂

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\n", "excerpt": "

I really can’t say why, or specifically when,  but my perspective has gone from woe-is-me, to an appreciation of the endless possibilities available to me now. My counselor (who specializes in counseling people that are recovering  from near-death experiences) gave me a preview of this transition, and so I’ve been anxiously awaiting this mental transformation. The […]

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false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2016-10-14T13:17:05-07:00", "modified": "2016-10-16T21:03:43-07:00", "title": "Home", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2016/10/14/seattle-my-home/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-UQ", "content": "

\"is\"

\n

I’m declaring it in print (so…officially ;). This doesn’t mean that I’ll be here indefinitely, however, (I still adore my vagabond ways, which includes moving) but I am ready to accept living here, fully, for as long as feels appropriate. I’m guessing that this change in perspective, will help me connect w/ other people further.

\n

Makes sense -> 1st I had to get comfy w/ myself, & now, I’m prepared to be comfortable interacting with other people.

\n

I’m excited.

\n

A big missing piece of my persona has re-emerged = socialness.

\n

Before I was uncomfortable being around others (and particularly strangers). We had nothing in common that I knew of  (of course I wasn’t aware of our similarities yet. We hadn’t interacted!) This un-comfortability, spawned awkwardness & I let it overtake me.

\n

The difference between this newly developed shyness, and my past comfortability w/ other people, was very strange for me. I didn’t know what to do with this late-onset shyness.

\n

I’m quite happy to be comfortable, here, now. It’s very freeing => less energy to be spent desiring a new habitat, more energy to be expended getting comfy in Seattle again and traveling to visit my friends around the globe.

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m declaring it in print (so…officially ;). This doesn’t mean that I’ll be here indefinitely, however, (I still adore my vagabond ways, which includes moving) but I am ready to accept living here, fully, for as long as feels appropriate. I’m guessing that this change in perspective, will help me connect w/ other people further. Makes sense […]

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"nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2016-09-23T14:49:21-07:00", "modified": "2016-09-23T15:07:54-07:00", "title": "Addressing Forgetfulness Thoughtfully", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2016/09/23/addressing-forgetfulness-thoughtfully/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-Nv", "content": "

\"is\"

\n

I continue to learn things from my veteran TBI friends. They have learned how to address things indirectly yet obviously, so that your question, or misunderstanding, is answered, but you don’t feel condescended to.

\n

I’ve experienced 2 such examples of this lately. 🙂 I am, admittedly, embarrassed to admit these, but…they offer clarification:

\n

The other day, I was meeting a TBI friend, Kate, for a nosh, when I spotted her across the street, at our agreed upon meeting point. I waited patiently for the walk sign to turn in my favor (indicating that it was my turn to cross.) I stood there for quite a while and was perplexed when my turn never seemed to come.

\n

Kate, across the street, pressed her own walk button, sans the need or want to walk, to remind me (indirectly) that in order to inspire my own light to show the cross-walk picture, I needed to press my own button.

\n

The other example: I was consulting with another TBI friend, Brandon, about volunteering with the Washington Brain Injury Alliance.

\n

I requested the phone number to contact them. He replied: it’s the 1 above in the text stream, (as he’d clearly had already provided it to me). I responded, expressing embarrassment, as well as thanking him for his patience, and he responded, “it’s all love.”

\n

Those who know me well, know that I can identify w/ this response well, as love is, essentially, my religion. I believe it’s capable of healing anything & everything internal.

\n", "excerpt": "

I continue to learn things from my veteran TBI friends. They have learned how to address things indirectly yet obviously, so that your question, or misunderstanding, is answered, but you don’t feel condescended to. I’ve experienced 2 such examples of this lately. 🙂 I am, admittedly, embarrassed to admit these, but…they offer clarification: The other day, I was meeting […]

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false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2016-09-05T09:44:07-07:00", "modified": "2016-09-05T09:44:35-07:00", "title": "Reading is the crux of writing", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2016/09/05/reading-is-the-crux-of-writing/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-Gr", "content": "

\"is.jpg\"

\n

It’s remarkably interesting that I forgot this truth: that being a writer (and therefore, having the inclination to write fervently & frequently) demands reading.

\n

Not only does reading support my love of the written word, it also offers me inspiration: what the book or article I’m reading is about, where & when it takes place, the characters & their passions…Due to my lack of reading lately (as a result of memory difficulty. For example, I wonder: “How are the 2 character’s in this scene related to 1 another?” I have not felt inspired to read, & therefore, to write.

\n

It’s absolutely sensible, that a non-writer wouldn’t understand this correlation. For instance: My dad’s been on me about writing more often, but I still haven’t felt compelled. His tagline is: “a writer that doesn’t write?” Now I think that “a writer that doesn’t read?” would be just as appropriate and probably will help facilitate the writing.

\n

Only recently (as a result of my resurgence of reading) did I identify, that a lack of reading, is why I haven’t felt compelled to write.

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s remarkably interesting that I forgot this truth: that being a writer (and therefore, having the inclination to write fervently & frequently) demands reading. Not only does reading support my love of the written word, it also offers me inspiration: what the book or article I’m reading is about, where & when it takes place, the […]

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"nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2016-08-31T20:47:33-07:00", "modified": "2017-09-10T13:14:04-07:00", "title": "Writing Songs", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2016/08/31/writing-songs/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-FF", "content": "

Haza!

\n

I’ve been very curious what my second job will be.  It’d be very unhealthy for me to do 100% client free-lance writing now, after receiving a brain injury. It’s solitary & completely mental. There’s no social or physical aspect. For about 15 years, my second job was hostess -> waitressing, 1/2 of my work-time. This offered a social opportunity/outlet,  flexible (you can often pick up an extra shift if someone now wants a shift that they were previously scheduled for) & a great compliment the writing $ (Many artists take this route) that I procured from my multiple writing clients. I am now incredibly unstable & I forget stuff. These are crucial attributes of  a server & of course there’s the difficulty that I face = My balance is awful. And I never wish to be a hostess again (talk about boredom).

\n

hmmm, I don’t know that songwriting will fulfill my social desire…it’s truly just more free-lance writing… but it’d be fun!!

\n

*This is just a brainstorm, more research is needed. I have no idea how to pursue this avenue.

\n

Not to mention, I imagine it’s not a very stable or prolific means of income.

\n

That’s what’s currently inhabiting my noggin currently.

\n", "excerpt": "

Haza! I’ve been very curious what my second job will be.  It’d be very unhealthy for me to do 100% client free-lance writing now, after receiving a brain injury. It’s solitary & completely mental. There’s no social or physical aspect. For about 15 years, my second job was hostess -> waitressing, 1/2 of my work-time. This […]

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I’ve certainly been warned, by my therapist, who works predominantly with people managing disabilities, that I will likely make many errors. And please believe, that I do. I can still realize frauds fairly instantaneously though, (which is a past talent of mine, I’m glad to have retained) when I experience them (thank goodness.)

\n

I wonder if I invite untruthful others, to solicit falsities to me, due to the fact that I appear much more gullible: my irregular gait, and/or my visible scars, (which I’m still getting used to, not always covering.)

\n

Though everything takes me much longer, I’m constantly improving (due to practice – hence this blog). Others, however, can’t visualize these improvements, as they don’t encounter me frequently enough, to see my sluggish strides.

\n

Therefor, I’ve encountered a thieving roommate in Portland, as well as a massive player, and stranger, who asked me out, outdoors at the Seattle Center.

\n

Good thing, my roommate in Portland, mostly stole pieces of clothing, which I value more than most other items, and so, remember quite well (+ it helps that I am an irregular size and admittedly, choose clothing that’s form fitting.) Therefore, she only attempted to take shirts. And she only took things that appeared valuable (so original) or they were new pieces. So, not much distant memory was required, as these articles, were fresh in my memory, and I’m able to recall much more now.

\n

Before, if ever, (I smelled something fishy about the stranger immediately – he admitted to having a daughter, but mentioned no wife…) I hung out with the player, I got a call from his wife, who said she’d discovered my name + contact info. on her partner’s phone.

\n

Even though there was no reason for her to assume that I was interested in him physically, (there were no messages alluding to this) she shared that she had spoken to many women, who had slept with him. Therefor, understandably, she was concerned.

\n

So, fortunately, I escaped both fraud attempts with minor loses (missing dishes :/ as a result of my former roommate in Portland.)

\n

These attempted insults to my intelligence, have made me wary & motivated, to continually, make improvements.

\n

Regardless if this attempted fraudulence, was due to my injury, it is extra inventive to work hard, as progress will diminish my perceived fragility.

\n", "excerpt": "

I’ve certainly been warned, by my therapist, who works predominantly with people managing disabilities, that I will likely make many errors. And please believe, that I do. I can still realize frauds fairly instantaneously though, (which is a past talent of mine, I’m glad to have retained) when I experience them (thank goodness.) I wonder […]

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I’m in the midst of composing a ballad.

\n

I know what the tune is intended to be, but because I don’t know musical language well, I’m not prepared to give the notes in my head, a letter name. And because  my vocal chords are not at all up to snuff. (having rubber tubes placed down your gullet, enabling  you to breathe, for 2 months, will mess w/ a person’s vocal chords.)

\n

Granted, I’ve been told by my old  vocal teacher, whom I hadn’t seen for years, that the remedy, really is practice –> isn’t that always the case?  But…as my mom will tell you -> practice has never been a pleasure of mine. Where-as, I’ve heard that some performers practice their solos nearly incessantly, practice is repetitious by nature. But I become unamoused quickly. I mostly practiced for the try-outs (but, still, not extensively) and then, once I got the solo, I’d practice some more. I was a lazy singer.

\n

And now… there isn’t even auditory pleasure awaiting me. I’m used to sounding, not bad, and all of the sudden (it still feels like that…after 2 years) I have allot to re-learn… It’s a bit torturous.

\n

My new song, only plays in my mind. Ah well. Here’s the chorus + the 1st verse:

\n

 

\n

I’ve been climbing mountains too long,

\n

too long.

\n

I’ve been climbing mountains for much too long.

\n

 

\n

 

\n

Hoping when I find the peak that you can see me.

\n

Hoping when I find the peak that we can go home.

\n

We can go home.

\n

 

\n

###

\n

Been dipping my feet in the rivers of the valleys

\n

Spent some of my time, trudging through the mud

\n

 

\n

Waiting for the day when I look up

\n

Waiting for the day when I realize I’m free.

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m in the midst of composing a ballad. I know what the tune is intended to be, but because I don’t know musical language well, I’m not prepared to give the notes in my head, a letter name. And because  my vocal chords are not at all up to snuff. (having rubber tubes placed down […]

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\"is\"

\n

I require, much more assistance right now, to accomplish my daily tasks, than I did for any of my previous adult years. This amplified needed assistance is extremely uncomfortable for me. I’ve forever demanded independence (demanded, not requested & this is a wondrous weeding-out process, for everyone in my life.) If my independence doesn’t suit you, that’s fine, it’s better that we both know this up-front, as the future likely holds disagreements between us. I believe my can-do attitude, has fostered my independent sprit. I’m quite attached to independence.

\n

Even though at present (progression is fairly constant, although it seems to move at the rate of molasses – especially when witnessing it, first hand.) I’m more capable than I was, even a week ago, but this tortiously slow pace of progression, is, frankly, –> depressing.

\n

Now I truly understand what the saying “can’t see the forest through the trees” means. The forest is my longer term existence, while the trees are daily tasks, many of which are (as I alluded to previously) ridiculously, and often surprisingly, difficult.

\n

This, forces me to decide between accepting severe depression or laughing at myself. Tough choice ;). A good sense of humor, and the willingness to not take myself so seriously, certainly helps.

\n

A brain injury (forever with me) offers conflicting desires. I feel that I’ve been disconnected from my world for a long-bit & therefore want to re-engage, in a myriad of ways. I have abbreviated energy at my disposal right now though, to do so. This reality necessitates prioritization. Simplicity, as well as prioritizing, supports feeling successful. Accomplishing more complex things, inversely, offers me, a sense of frustration.

\n

I’m all-the-more thankful for, people’s help. Their unprovoked willingness to be helpful, is very appreciated.

\n", "excerpt": "

I require, much more assistance right now, to accomplish my daily tasks, than I did for any of my previous adult years. This amplified needed assistance is extremely uncomfortable for me. I’ve forever demanded independence (demanded, not requested & this is a wondrous weeding-out process, for everyone in my life.) If my independence doesn’t suit […]

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"https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "post_tag": {}, "post_format": {}, "mentions": {} }, "tags": {}, "categories": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "attachments": { "2024": { "ID": 2024, "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/is1.jpg", "guid": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.files.wordpress.com/2016/03/is1.jpg", "date": "2016-03-23T15:23:06-07:00", "post_ID": 1894, "author_ID": 15363784, "file": "is1.jpg", "mime_type": 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false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2016-03-18T10:31:38-07:00", "modified": "2016-03-18T10:58:55-07:00", "title": "Wise Vs. Intilectually Smart", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2016/03/18/wise-vs-intilectually-smart/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-qi", "content": "

\"is\"

\n

I believe that both wisdom and smartness are equally valuable. I have qualms with the observed fact, that in our present society, this equality doesn’t seem to be accepted by all. I think that the 2 different ways of processing I’ve identified, simply have perfected different skill sets (likely through relevant experience).

\n

I find simple truth in the saying: practice makes perfect.

\n

My, personal, definitions:

\n

People that are “smart” gained their knowledge through books, and/or as was relayed to them in a classroom setting. They know more facts, no doubt. There’s ample value in that.

\n

People who are “wise”, gained their knowledge through experience. This real-life experience prepares their knowledge to be more varied and flexible. There is value in this as well.

\n

——-

\n

I consider wise people, to have more advanced social skills, (something that can’t be taught in books) which includes, the willingness to admit when they’re wrong. They recognize the value in this = identifying what can be learned. I think, no doubt, we’re all wrong (illogical) at times.

\n

Wise people are aware, when it’s appropriate to make a certain comment, and who will accept it + how to present it in a way that it will be accepted by the recipient.

\n

In my college study of PR, I learned, that you never gain traction when speaking to “a brick wall” – someone who’s previously decided what they believe & is unwilling to consider alternatives.

\n

PR is very people centric (your goal as a PR ((public relations)) person, is to move/influence people) This aim tends to seem most valuable to me. After all, what makes a bigger change/impact than altering people’s beliefs?

\n

I have witnessed individuals displaying both the wisdom & smartness strong-suits, in tandem. I look up to this ability. But… 🙂 everyone has a preference. It’s like being left or right handed. You can claim ambidexterity (impressive) but, let’s be real, there’s a side you default to/ prefer.

\n

Though I believe I’m well-founded in this observance, if you’ve got a well-founded counter argument –> I welcome it.

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

I believe that both wisdom and smartness are equally valuable. I have qualms with the observed fact, that in our present society, this equality doesn’t seem to be accepted by all. I think that the 2 different ways of processing I’ve identified, simply have perfected different skill sets (likely through relevant experience). I find simple truth […]

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"nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2016-03-02T10:09:45-08:00", "modified": "2016-03-03T13:49:49-08:00", "title": "Mental to Physical", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2016/03/02/mental-to-physical/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-mv", "content": "

\"Atlanta-car-accident-injury-lawyer-300x225\"

http://lawyersatlanta.com/practice-areas/auto-accidents/

\n

t absolutely makes sense: a brain injury => I have much less interest in practicing mental activities (which used to make up 98% of my existence: My work-> I’m a writer. My play -> good writers love to read.) I’m much more interest in practicing physical things (yoga, taking walks…) right now.

\n

The inherent comparison with mental things, is really disheartening. It’s much more interesting/satisfying, to call upon my physical strengths. No doubt, my muscles need strengthening, anyway, as they atrophied when I was in the coma. I was never particularly strong in the physical vein, (& my friends are well aware of this truth 🙂 so, I have a lower level of expectation & therefore, less frustration is created.

\n

Switching from mental interests to physical activities, serves 2 needs/fundamental desires of mine: 1. This alteration in interest, supports my ego. Because I’m better @ physical stuff right now. I still have my inherent need to be strategic though -> I’m small!  I generally, aside from dance, of course, (which feels much more soul inspired) have very few points of comparison in the physical realm. Reading, by drastic contrast, is SO very different. And my ego (which is in desperate need of support right now) cries. Physicality makes me feel productive. I’ve always been a work horse, & so resting, although necessary, feels lazy :/.  Working just feels fulfilling/correct.

\n

Physical actions, which call upon my physical memory, instead of my mental one (which is seriously lacking mobility @ present), are more appealing. My yoga teacher, Robin Rothenberg, explained the difference between physical & mental memory to me recently (which, for me means in the last 2 years ((Vs. a week – as I’m used to “recently” meaning.))

\n

I inquired why I could instinctually move into a pose with ease, when I can’t remember what it’s called. And she answered, quite clearly, that my body remembered it well, and is not relying at all on cognition.

\n

So, my fulfillment has temporarily altered. But….not that much. Notice, please, that I’m  writing a blog about my change in desires 😉

\n", "excerpt": "

t absolutely makes sense: a brain injury => I have much less interest in practicing mental activities (which used to make up 98% of my existence: My work-> I’m a writer. My play -> good writers love to read.) I’m much more interest in practicing physical things (yoga, taking walks…) right now. The inherent comparison […]

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"ID": 1378, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2016-02-21T20:41:15-08:00", "modified": "2016-02-24T18:27:41-08:00", "title": "Extremes", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2016/02/21/irony/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-irony", "content": "

\"is-1\"

\n

Too active,

\n

I’m stressed.

\n

 

\n

Too Calm,

\n

I feel bored.

\n

 

\n

The perfect medium?

\n

Difficult to foster.

\n

 

\n

This disparity is truly where,

\n

drive lies.

\n

 

\n

Make something nearly impossible to achieve?

\n

Parfait.

\n

 

\n

The tougher, the better.

\n

Challenge = adoration.

\n", "excerpt": "

Too active, I’m stressed.   Too Calm, I feel bored.   The perfect medium? Difficult to foster.   This disparity is truly where, drive lies.   Make something nearly impossible to achieve? Parfait.   The tougher, the better. Challenge = adoration.

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\"IMG_1374.jpg\"(this is just before Gasworks park begins)

\n

Of course, my neighbor proves he knows me personally, when I’m walking out of my house, by saying  “Good morning Olivia. What are you up to today?” He asks this question, when in 1 month, I’m moving to Portland. Yesterday I hung with the regular server (whom I’ve enjoyed since we first met ((he rang me up my first time @ that cafe)) & now I can call him a friend). During his break from work. He also let me know that the majority of servers at that cafe, know of my struggle & are impressed with how I’m dealing with it. This makes me feel wonderful. I even began this piece at that cafe. I attended said coffee house, with a man I met through my roommate, Amanda, at our housewarming get-together, months ago.

\n

And, I must say, that becoming a regular in the Wallingford neighborhood (which is where I’ve been living for the past few months & which is gorgeous ((BTW)) (((by the way, for those unfamiliar))) as I’m preparing to exit, is actually fairly typical for me. (I like to claim that this change of environment, fuels my writing inspiration, which is probably true…BUT I think the motivation for moving, predominantly is, that I get bored easily.) A change in location is normal for me, a bit craved. I find, there’s little more comforting & exciting, simultaneously. This unique combination + a new environment, is ideal for me. 

\n

It feels like I’m hitting the jackpot each time I move. I think this is due, in part, to the fact that I always love where I’m moving + have visited. Aside from Paris (where I lived for 1 month) – the city of love. 

\n

Aside from SF, known as the city of love in the U.S., where I also lived for 2 years, (easier to manage, as everything is in English). I adored SF, but am now am moving to Portland in 1 month. (West coast all the way. I love to visit the East coast, but only to visit, and mostly I love the people whom I visit (my impetus for traveling there)) most of all.

\n

I’ve decided that moving may be my DOC (drug of choice.) I choose this comparison, because moving does offer me a high. New stimulus, heightened awareness (in order to assess potential intrigue & dangers of each new situation.)

\n

I’m remorseful at present though, as I adore the Wallingford neighborhood, as well as my uniquely awesome house. It’s like having your own apartment on each floor! (We have 2 floors.) Each is equipped with a bathroom, living room & kitchen! There’s an awesome view from my house too – downtown is situated to the left, (when facing the home ((opposite when standing on the porch)), and Gasworks (my favorite seattle park) sits to the right.

\n

Ah, 😦 c’est la vie. “this is life” Moving is my norm & I choose this French saying because French is among the other languages I’ve learned most recently & most intricately, (still far from fluent) and it’s ideal for expressing acceptance of the inevitability inherent in life.

\n

French is quite comforting.

\n

I feel it’s a stupendous place to finish this post.

\n", "excerpt": "

(this is just before Gasworks park begins) Of course, my neighbor proves he knows me personally, when I’m walking out of my house, by saying  “Good morning Olivia. What are you up to today?” He asks this question, when in 1 month, I’m moving to Portland. Yesterday I hung with the regular server (whom I’ve […]

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false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 1107, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2015-12-14T15:59:33-08:00", "modified": "2015-12-14T21:56:03-08:00", "title": "Curator of personal space", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/12/14/curator-of-personal-space/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-hR", "content": "

\"IMG_2987.JPG\"I guess, truly, everyone is a curator of their own space, by necessity, +, who enjoys being surrounded by unappealing things? No one, that’s who. (Hence the word *unappealing*).

\n

My desire to create optimum surroundings, has though, reached an ultimate high recently. Perhaps because (just guessing) I feel a major loss of control, specifically environmental control. My setting was chosen for me while I was unconscious (coma). It’s not that the result is bad, it’s not bad at all, but it is foreign. I did not choose to move back to Washington. My friend group here hasn’t been tended to in many years.

\n

I’m curious if everyone gets the same level of fulfillment from arranging the things they own. I’d venture to guess: probably not. To me it’s like creating an art piece. I enjoy contrasting colors, so that they represent each-other well. I also enjoy creating environments in which 1 piece, which I already think is gorgeous, is highlighted.

\n

Ah-hah! I figured it out. It’s a life-sized collage. It’s a privilege, I feel, to group & arrange things that  you adore. This enables things that you consider beautiful, in their own right, to group w/ other things you revere, to create a gorgeous & unique combination.

\n", "excerpt": "

I guess, truly, everyone is a curator of their own space, by necessity, +, who enjoys being surrounded by unappealing things? No one, that’s who. (Hence the word *unappealing*). My desire to create optimum surroundings, has though, reached an ultimate high recently. Perhaps because (just guessing) I feel a major loss of control, specifically environmental […]

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"2015-11-25T12:49:53-08:00", "modified": "2017-10-18T22:09:09-07:00", "title": "Brillance", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/11/25/brillance/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-ep", "content": "

It’s a little freaky, I’ve lost all self-modesty. I haven’t largely changed what I communicate. I don’t wish to be immodest. But there’s a little self-cheerleader now. It’s quite handy that this continuous chant, and therefore confidence, of “you’re awesome” is chillin’ w/ me.

\n

It makes me wonder: Is this a natural defense mechanism? I think it must be.  The body & particularly the brain, are so freakin’ wise. I think that perhaps they thought: this shiz is so tough. We could really use some natural endorphins right about now.

\n

Ex:  Now, I’m geeking out to music videos. Wile rocking out – well ya know – not rock really,  but rather -> beats I love. I thought: why not mary my 2 great loves? Writing & music. Extremely luckily, music & writing have a gorgeous love child = a music writer. Well, of course I think that combo is gorgeous ;).

\n

For me awesomeness = music, writing & traveling.

\n

My great friend Mandy recommended I check out this group & I LOVE this music video. Their music even inspires other great beats. I’m listening to a youtube radio station that began w/ a song of theirs, and adoring it.

\n

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s a little freaky, I’ve lost all self-modesty. I haven’t largely changed what I communicate. I don’t wish to be immodest. But there’s a little self-cheerleader now. It’s quite handy that this continuous chant, and therefore confidence, of “you’re awesome” is chillin’ w/ me. It makes me wonder: Is this a natural defense mechanism? I […]

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\"is-2\"

\n

I’ve noticed a distinct difference. To be clear, I’ve always been a bit of a wild child, but I’m more open even than before, which is strange/wonderful. I’m self-conscious about my scars, though, and because I’ve never felt self conscious before, truly (I’m a bit of a hippy, born in the wrong era). I want to openly embrace my scars. This is my body. I’ve been through a traumatic experience and these scars are proof of it (I’m encouraged by my friend Kate, whom thinks this way.) They don’t hurt, they just look unfortunate. It’s quite clear where they fed me food, while I was in the coma. My trache (tracheotomy) – is how the docs offered me oxygen + there are scars on my arm, where the window glass (from the car, in the accident) shattered.

\n

I am sorry for the redundancy – if you  read my “scars” piece. (I’m explaining it to those who didn’t) my tracheotomy scars sit @ the base of my throat, considering, that’s how I breathed.

\n

I’m so open and I feel this is a physical way to express it. I’ve even wanted to go to Burning Man for years – the epicenter of bareness.

\n

I now though (2 weeks after beginning this piece) I’ve realized, I’m much more careful. No more talking to strangers (it’s still my love, and so I feel that this break is only temporary – because I genuinely believe that people, in general, are good.) It’s certainly wise to defend yourself, but only practically, any more  than that, is being over-protective

\n", "excerpt": "

I’ve noticed a distinct difference. To be clear, I’ve always been a bit of a wild child, but I’m more open even than before, which is strange/wonderful. I’m self-conscious about my scars, though, and because I’ve never felt self conscious before, truly (I’m a bit of a hippy, born in the wrong era). I want […]

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52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2015-10-30T16:44:30-07:00", "modified": "2015-11-01T23:12:14-08:00", "title": "Catalyst", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/10/30/catalyst/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-catalyst", "content": "

\"is-3\"

\n

I just had an awesome coffee get-together with a man I met at my housewarming party about a week ago. He’s clearly an entrepreneur that values meaning far more than $. I am generally quite pleased w/ our generation, that’s acting in a similar vein. I really wonder, what good is $ without happiness?

\n

It makes sense though, given that we’re a relatively young country, that we value money above meaning. Consider a toddler: What are they most cognitively occupied with?

\n

Answer: their immediate needs, specifically survival.

\n

And what is survival for American’s?

\n

Answer: Essentially solid choices & $.

\n

Either you naturally (+ great parents are quite helpful) have the capability to make solid decisions or not. $ you can gain without extensive personal work (and therefore it’s considered “easier” than personal work.)

\n

But I believe the current generation in America is re-evaluating this priority structure.

\n

I believe the way I’ve presented this story makes it fairly obvious, that I value this maturation greatly.

\n

I’m proud of our country + it’s become clear, why I value europe so much (besides their awesome clothing). They’re simply a more developed culture & therefore, value deepness (feeling) much more. Hence, why they take more time to enjoy meals (savoring each morsel fully) & often make it a priority to eat with long-standing loved ones.

\n

I see beautiful wisdom in this.

\n", "excerpt": "

I just had an awesome coffee get-together with a man I met at my housewarming party about a week ago. He’s clearly an entrepreneur that values meaning far more than $. I am generally quite pleased w/ our generation, that’s acting in a similar vein. I really wonder, what good is $ without happiness? It […]

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"bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2015-10-26T12:09:15-07:00", "modified": "2015-10-29T23:25:36-07:00", "title": "Server vs. Servant", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/10/26/server-vs-servant/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-fw", "content": "

\"is-2\"

\n

I must admit, I’m incredibly bias about this, as I was a server for many years. Though I didn’t encounter this confusion (server vs. servant) prevalently at the restaurant I was at the longest (hence why I stayed so long – this time allocation is unique to restaurant work though, -a long time = > 6 months)

\n

Because your title is server (gender neutral & therefore applies to all – easier than water/waitress when addressing groups). Servers are treated, sometimes (& I must say – at pretentious & down-right rude times) as lesser. Even though, honestly, choosing to be a server really implies nothing – other than that you enjoy being hospitable & can remember things quite well.

\n

I want to be clear, however. The truth is, that this job is lucrative (it’s hard to refute that) but it’s not as though you don’t work for the money you earn – you do! Many hours of serving people (meeting their every demand) + working very close to a kitchen & not being able to eat – (accept a quick snack, whenever you can fit it in). It’s a bit of a taunt – or it would be – if you had time to desire selfish things.

\n

But rudeness is all too common. Example: I’ve heard of guests snapping to get a servers attention. Really? You don’t even bother to use your words? I will say though, that having wonderful, supportive bosses, is very helpful. That way you can feel confident, that whatever a patron claims (whether accurate or over-dramatic), you will be supported.

\n

All this piece hopes to do, is encourage you to be a well-mannered patron.

\n", "excerpt": "

I must admit, I’m incredibly bias about this, as I was a server for many years. Though I didn’t encounter this confusion (server vs. servant) prevalently at the restaurant I was at the longest (hence why I stayed so long – this time allocation is unique to restaurant work though, -a long time = > […]

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A grace test arrives when you least expect it & therefore didn’t think to prepare. I think that’s why this test is so effective. You’re required to make snap-to decisions about your well-being, You have to be incredibly wise (because this is your life!) You’re well-being (in my case) is at steak. I’d be tempted to think: well of course you’re graceful, when you’ve recently (well this is relative & is where my faulty memory comes into play- it’s been 2 years), been in a beautiful place (the yoga farm), learned tp be self sustaining + many of the people you encountered on a daily basis, cultivate graceful priorities. Can you even picture an ungraceful yogi in your mind? I can’t. If they’ve shown that kind of prioritization & dedication to wellness, wholeness, understanding & ease of movement…. Well,.that imbues a certain level of grace.

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Granted, I encountered a devastating situation @ a yoga camp… But, truthfully, I don’t associate the yoga camp with sorrow. I think it’s actually quite beautiful that I was imbued w/ the lessons & physical health (probably the best of my life) provided there, prior to my accident. I’m currently learning the most important lesson of my life, thus far, as a result of something that happened while at the yoga camp. So, what to do now?

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Embrace. Embrace this change, this gargantuan load of learning I’ve received & all the new mental pathways I’m challenged to create, as a result of this alteration to my life-style. If anything, this has brought me closer to my practice. In fact -BRB – asanas are calling my name & my empty mat feels lonely, I can tell, all of this talk of yoga has wonderful repercussions…

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My parents informed me that I thanked everyone while at the hospital. I am truly grateful for their help. The janitors, for instance, who are very seldom thanked wholly enough for their service: I called 1 of them over to my bedside and said thank you…(now I could invent a purposeful continuation of that sentiment for this piece, or I could just choose to be honest.) I’m not sure why, exactly, but this experience is teaching me allot about transparency. I crave it now. I value honestly,  for a selfish reason. When speaking our truth, we have the best chance of getting what we truly desire. If we fool ourselves, how will other people in our lives, know precisely what we really want, deep down?

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I think honesty & acceptance are the biggest facilitators of grace. With these 2 things in place, how can you not enjoy a fulfilling life?

\n", "excerpt": "

A grace test arrives when you least expect it & therefore didn’t think to prepare. I think that’s why this test is so effective. You’re required to make snap-to decisions about your well-being, You have to be incredibly wise (because this is your life!) You’re well-being (in my case) is at steak. I’d be tempted to […]

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\"is\"

From: http://search.tb.ask.com/search/AJimage.jhtml?&searchfor=social&p2=%5EUX%5Emch998%5EYYA%5Eus&n=780c47b0&ptb=65B6BF4B-84A4-4E27-8725-0AEB1B86E151&si=245051_JEM-AD-US-MapsD-Chrome&ss=sub&st=tab&tpr=sbt&imgs=1p&filter=on&imgDetail=true

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It seems I’ve repeatedly made a living off of being social = PR & waitressing.

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They’re both, essentially, capitalizing on socializing. Well let’s be honest = capitalizing on socializing + serving. Waitressing is at least blatant about this – another word for a waitress/water (I suppose it’s also b/c it’s gender neutral) is server.

\n

PR (public relations) is essentially giving the public some order and peace. Hence, why PR professionals are often employed in crisis management. So yes, truly both waitressing & PR work satisfy goals of maintaining or achieving a certain reputation, but also (and most importantly) a goal is maintaining/establishing order.

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It makes sense then that naturally, I’m a social being.

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Interesting enough, socializing has become much less of a priority since my accident. I suppose it’s because there’s so much to do (re-learning) & only so many hours in the day. My priorities are (as I obviously think they should correctly be – they are MY priorities, after-all) re-developing my skills (this blog is an excellent example, as I was invited to go out to breakfast with my roomies ((which I certainly wanted to do – they’re very thoughtful, smart & interesting)) Yet, instead, I chose to stay home & write this piece.)

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I believe that writing a blog, is good for thought development, practicing story construction + developing & offering supportive content.

\n

.

\n", "excerpt": "

It seems I’ve repeatedly made a living off of being social = PR & waitressing. They’re both, essentially, capitalizing on socializing. Well let’s be honest = capitalizing on socializing + serving. Waitressing is at least blatant about this – another word for a waitress/water (I suppose it’s also b/c it’s gender neutral) is server. PR […]

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\"is-1\"

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My voice. I can still talk, but a great love of mine, which has always been the beauty I can create with my vocal chords, is on hiatus. The larynx or the “voice box” which enables singing, is an organ. I’ve learned that when this organ isn’t used for two years, it weakens substantially, as I’m sure you can imagine.

\n

I saw my voice teacher recently (this is relative, it’s been months. But when your memory becomes hazy, time becomes…abstract) who assured me that the organ I adore is still in tact, I just need to practice incessantly, to gain my strength and ease of fluctuation back.

\n

This was undoubtedly comforting. But, this must beckon my soul, to sweetly invite my whole self, to practice singing. No matter how horrid the sound. And, please believe, it does sound monstrously horrid to me. The hardest part? I know how it used to sound. I, Bien sur, despise this difference. The disparity is down-right (I’m just going to call it what it is, although I know this word is a trigger for anyone in a mental health profession) depressing.

\n

I used to sing so sweetly. Now my voice sounds like a jumpy, out-of-tune, unused instrument.

\n", "excerpt": "

My voice. I can still talk, but a great love of mine, which has always been the beauty I can create with my vocal chords, is on hiatus. The larynx or the “voice box” which enables singing, is an organ. I’ve learned that when this organ isn’t used for two years, it weakens substantially, as […]

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\n

Now I understand why (in general) creative folks prefer not to take anti – depressants. I’m 1. It’s been quite a few weeks that I’ve been taking them, so now I feel competent stating my opinion. Sure they help you feel less sad, but likewise, they stifle all emotions. And for a writer… (as well as all other creatives, I assume) emotions = inspiration. Even sadness is useful. Where do you think all the melancholy songs & stories come from? Artists in happy-go-lucky states? And how glad have we been that these pieces existent, when we were down – and- out? They certainly offer a comrade, that really knows about loss & heartbreak.

\n

Sad pieces, offer solace.

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Sad emotions also spur us to create. In order to express these feelings accurately (which, as an artist, accuracy of feeling, is paramount.) Whatever our craft is, it’s usually our most useful means of expression.

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For me, writing is the easiest way (+ I have a plethora of relevant resources to draw from) to convey anything complex. Particularly an emotion, as it’s impossible to not feel anything when experiencing a life-altering incident (and non-emotion seems totally unnatural.) Practicing your craft is a great way to tease an emotion out = understand its origin, & therefore, what it’s related to, in detail.

\n", "excerpt": "

Now I understand why (in general) creative folks prefer not to take anti – depressants. I’m 1. It’s been quite a few weeks that I’ve been taking them, so now I feel competent stating my opinion. Sure they help you feel less sad, but likewise, they stifle all emotions. And for a writer… (as well […]

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Everyone around me – from my roomies to my parents – even my yoga teacher – have volunteered to offer me support.

\n

A very sweet guy at the Essential Baking Company (that makes my fave GF bread) offered me his shift loaf, after observing that I had lots of trouble accessing the change I needed in order to pay. Ounce he looked a bit perplexed by my struggle, I told him why: ataxia…bla bla bla. He said he was very moved by my positive attitude. Then I explained: “Well, you either gotta laugh or cry to release all the built up tension, and I choose to laugh.” When I considered the fact that workers received a free loaf per workday, at first I was surprised, until I considered the trend: when working at restaurants, you receive a free shift meal, every time you work.

\n

Makes sense that they enjoy similar perks.

\n", "excerpt": "

Everyone around me – from my roomies to my parents – even my yoga teacher – have volunteered to offer me support. A very sweet guy at the Essential Baking Company (that makes my fave GF bread) offered me his shift loaf, after observing that I had lots of trouble accessing the change I needed […]

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\"is-1\"

\n

Last night I went to an awesome show w/ my friend Chris. Ratat! It/we were at the showbox SODO. Perfect 🙂

\n

The only thing that was unfortunate = my ID wasn’t in it’s regular spot in my wallet. Therefore, my friend, the Old Fashion, wasn’t invited to join us. (I’ve had enough experiences to know: w/ this face  & no ID – don’t even try, it’s a heavy trend. (It’s fare – they’re just doing their job) Having been a waitress for many years, I know this well & who wants a poor experience to influence a beautiful night like this.

\n", "excerpt": "

Last night I went to an awesome show w/ my friend Chris. Ratat! It/we were at the showbox SODO. Perfect 🙂 The only thing that was unfortunate = my ID wasn’t in it’s regular spot in my wallet. Therefore, my friend, the Old Fashion, wasn’t invited to join us. (I’ve had enough experiences to know: […]

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\"is\"

\n

It’s very funny to me – how much I love red and am uninterested in pink. I mean, I like pink fine, but don’t find it alluring. These colors come from the same base pigment, after-all. But pink seems too girly, to me, too delicate. While red seems more domineering and interesting. My looks already imbue cuteness, no need to assist in that.

\n

Red better projects my personality, I believe that this graphic describes every color positively… But, red’s still my fave. No proof or rationale neccesary. You’ll just have to trust me on this.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s very funny to me – how much I love red and am uninterested in pink. I mean, I like pink fine, but don’t find it alluring. These colors come from the same base pigment, after-all. But pink seems too girly, to me, too delicate. While red seems more domineering and interesting. My looks already […]

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"bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2015-08-29T16:43:49-07:00", "modified": "2015-08-30T17:46:46-07:00", "title": "Choices", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/08/29/choices/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-choices", "content": "
which do you value more-
\n
your wealth or your wellness?
\n
which is more harmful –
\n
to lead or to lose?
\n
\n
The greater is your attachment,
\n
the more benefit is your release.
\n
The more you hoard,
\n
the less is left to enjoy.
\n
\n
Those on the path
\n
to the great Great Integrity
\n
flow without forcing,
\n
leaving no space for disasters.
\n
####
\n
\n
I found this poem, when I opened Toa te Ching randomly. This has become a daily practice of mine. I find this book has very good guidance.
\n
\n
BTW: I’d go as far as to say: raspberries are my favorite fruit. Enjoying them, is a choice I make redundantly.
\n
\n
\"is-2\"
\n", "excerpt": "

which do you value more- your wealth or your wellness? which is more harmful – to lead or to lose? The greater is your attachment, the more benefit is your release. The more you hoard, the less is left to enjoy. Those on the path to the great Great Integrity flow without forcing, leaving no […]

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\"IMG_1368\"

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You know what’s pretty groovy? People are coming out of the woodwork to help me. Being a capable & independent gal before, makes this difference more astounding. (you can ask anyone in my life – I’m fairly stuck on the independence thing. One of the first things I said to my dad, when I was about 2 was: “You’re not the boss of me!”) The other day when walking home from QFC (my main grocery store here, besides TJs, wich I love, but is not very ample or convenient) I was trucking, (only about 4 blocks – usually this would be “ppssssha” – a not think twice commute. There’d be no hesitation. I’ve lived in cities all over the globe for many years & never driven. Maybe that’s why I got into my car accident…just sayin’.) when my neighbor came out of her house, carrying a wheely bag and said: “Would you like this?” I said Yes! Thanking her. She then explained how her friend got it for her after she broke her leg.

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I have to say: This is just a very small example. I’ve been gifted money from a family members & an old boss, complimentary yoga classes – (remember, yoga is a great love of mine.) I hurt myself while running an errand for a yoga camp! Redic. I was gifted lodging and support in Cali. (from my greater family members) – we (my mom & I) actually stayed with the same aunt that originally dropped me off at the yoga camp! 🙂 And don’t let me not forget, my parents – my closest allies & therefore the most capable/accommodating helpers, as they know me best. They ensure I have transport to my appointments when beed be, my mom outfitted my kitchen (in the new home) with lots of red 🙂 – my fave color + they moved in all my stuff! I felt very guilty – so used to being a worker bee (and my dad helped me out by clarifying my role – as he worked in construction for many years. “You’re the stupervisor” he said and I indeed found this title quite appropriate. He clarified and comforted me by saying, “Your real job begins, when you unpack.” + my parents emotional support is unparalleled. Therefore, having a beautiful jar in which to house the physically small gifts, feels very appropriate.

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I’m always 1 to think of things philosophically, so fair warning. But you know what this experience tells me? People are, in general (there’s always a few bad apples), good & kind.These gifts have certainly made me consider how I can give back now. I volunteered amply in college, but given this new & unique experience, I feel I should do good it. (help others)

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You know what’s pretty groovy? People are coming out of the woodwork to help me. Being a capable & independent gal before, makes this difference more astounding. (you can ask anyone in my life – I’m fairly stuck on the independence thing. One of the first things I said to my dad, when I was […]

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Guess how I started this joyous day? Blood -> my favorite thing. I was cutting fruit to put atop my cereal, when the knife missed the fruit & went into my finger. My left ring finger to be exact. Good thing I’m not superstitious… But I did enjoy a spontaneous birthday sonnet from my extremely accommodating doctor, and! (to make it complete) my handsome nurse got me a piece of birthday cake. 🙂

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So all in all, while I expected horror to be the definition of the day, considering how it began, (although far from ideal) it’s been an alright day. But for a birthday…hmmm, I don-no. Certainly far from boring :). I choose to belief, that it was simply the final chapter in the hardest year to date. Not “the first chapter in the rest of my life” or however that

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\"Home-made

Home-made birthday cake

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My reaction to the trauma – as there was an abundance of blood gushing from my hand…ok, to be fair “gushing” is not very accurate. Spurting (good thing I had a paper-towel covering my finger) is a better descriptor. I was angry. It’s a funny thing-> when you’ve been through so much, sadness seems a bit silly. A waste of time, really. If things need to change, then let’s get to work! But anger…it doesn’t make you less efficient…More efficient, even, it could be argued. Luckily, problem solving isn’t necessary, as I’m acutely aware of how anger messes with rational problem solving. Given the prior year’s far from ideal events, for a strong moment, I thought: does this mean things will get even worse? How is that possible?! But since then (as an ever prevailing optimist) I decided “Nah, & I thought I was already @ full capacity, but life wanted to add a couple slices to prove I could handle them.” And seeing how I did handle it, swimmingly, in fact, I think that’s a very good sign.

\n", "excerpt": "

Guess how I started this joyous day? Blood -> my favorite thing. I was cutting fruit to put atop my cereal, when the knife missed the fruit & went into my finger. My left ring finger to be exact. Good thing I’m not superstitious… But I did enjoy a spontaneous birthday sonnet from my extremely […]

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\n

I learned yesterday, some construction terms, as my dad helped me hang pictures in my room, at my new house.

\n

Level, I knew. But plum, I did not. I always learn new things from him. We’re a great team because we have contrasting interests, Hence mine: writing, as well as photos & all kinds of art, really. So creative expression essentially. Hence why I worked in a theatre when in college (studying communications & non-profit leadership) Where as my dad’s interests are more practical – thank goodness for that. How things work, the way they work & why.

\n

From the free dictionary online (my favorite source of definitions now, besides Urban Dictionary)

\n

Plumb:

\n

 In a vertical or perpendicular line.

\n

So, now I feel, quite decorating prepared, with the help of my dad of course – sorry Tese, but you should be fairly used to my reliance. With a mix of beauty & knowledge, how can you go decorating wrong?

\n", "excerpt": "

I learned yesterday, some construction terms, as my dad helped me hang pictures in my room, at my new house. Level, I knew. But plum, I did not. I always learn new things from him. We’re a great team because we have contrasting interests, Hence mine: writing, as well as photos & all kinds of […]

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\"is-1\"

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Now this is a funny thing make an ode to, admittedly. But the truth is, I love doing dishes. Now, like all else, only an appropriate amount. I’m not offering myself as a dishwasher to my roomies 😉 I will do that, but only as a little gift.

\n

My love of doing dishes is for the sensory experience that comes with it. Rushing water + the actual act of soaps & scrubbing is sensorily pleasing. Living at home & with relatives for the past couple of years, I’ve been spoiled with dish-washers. The thing about that is,although it’s very nice, it doesn’t feel quite real. It was a daily reminder that I wasn’t living independently.

\n", "excerpt": "

Now this is a funny thing make an ode to, admittedly. But the truth is, I love doing dishes. Now, like all else, only an appropriate amount. I’m not offering myself as a dishwasher to my roomies 😉 I will do that, but only as a little gift. My love of doing dishes is for […]

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\"imgres\"

\n

This beauty is so deep, it’s remarkable. And please believe, I’ve surrounded myself with gorgeous souls. She’s so giving, (and I already consider myself giving, within reason –  Am I bias? just a tad). But this woman is soooo caring. The other day, we were stuck in traffic, on our way home, and she let 3 cars merge into our lane. 1 was a truck! She said “we’ll get there just as quick” and she was/is right. Giving while in traffic!?! Now that’s impressive.

\n

I’m so thankful to be living with this beautiful soul. She’s been so thoughtful & supportive. I can’t express clearly how joyful I am about sharing a floor in our new home. I’m hoping a bit of her sweetness will rub off on me ;). After-all, we will be spending many hours together.

\n", "excerpt": "

This beauty is so deep, it’s remarkable. And please believe, I’ve surrounded myself with gorgeous souls. She’s so giving, (and I already consider myself giving, within reason –  Am I bias? just a tad). But this woman is soooo caring. The other day, we were stuck in traffic, on our way home, and she let […]

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\"is-2\"

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What I’ve learned is that stillness of the brain, doesn’t always = stillness of the body. And for some, like yours truly, it’s the opposite. Regardless, for the time being, I’ve decided to stay in Seattle. (I am a traveler of the world at heart, an explorer, I refuse to give this up,  but trips are still in my future.) After all, diversity in experience = diversity in expression. Then I have more to write about. But yes, for a time, I will remain here (at large) It is certainly easier being in familiar territory & having my parents close. However, honestly, familiarity isn’t very tempting to me. I get restless quite easily. And this is nothing new, (pre-brain injury I was the same.) Some people crave routine, it makes them feel safe. I crave diversity of experience. This = excitement. That’s where I feel comfiest. Being on the move = home, for me. Routine bores me.

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The funniest thing is: more than most times, (which means allot, as I’m always motivated to travel.) I’m a now craving travel. I want to be on the move. It seems that each trip I take now, incites another. (This reminds me allot of when I graduated college. I was spired to travel for almost a year, all over the states, visiting friends.)

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Traveling just feels good. It = new things to see, getting lost… Sometimes a bit of fear makes me really come alive. And I’ve recognized that in times of uncertainty, I like my physical existence to mirror my mental. If I’m wandering mentally, what better than to wandering physically. Hence, why I felt so inclined to travel after graduating college, and why I feel so inclined now.

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What I’ve learned is that stillness of the brain, doesn’t always = stillness of the body. And for some, like yours truly, it’s the opposite. Regardless, for the time being, I’ve decided to stay in Seattle. (I am a traveler of the world at heart, an explorer, I refuse to give this up,  but trips […]

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\"IMG_1309\" \"IMG_1311\" \"IMG_1307\" The above are current pictures of two of my scars from the motor accident I was in about 2 years ago. The one on my tummy is how the docs fed me while in the coma. The scars on my left arm are from the shattered car window, and the bottom picture is of my scar cream (which reduces their visibility) I also have 1 scar on my throat from the tracheotomy (or for short, you can call it trache – “you” being those with the scar that is ;), a TBI joke (you’ve gotta find ways to cope.) The trache delivers oxygen to a patient while they’re in a coma. Isn’t modern medicine grand?! The other scar (also not pictured) present is on my leg, as I apparently broke my left leg and left arm in the accident. The amazing medical bafflement is that they’re fine now. Sure walking and writing is difficult (my right hand is the toughest – as I’m a right handed writer and all injuries flipflop mentally) so the fact that I broke my right left arm, effects my right mentally + guess how much writing utilizes your noggin? A ton.) But nothing hurts. And the only visible signs besides the difficulties I previously mentioned, are my scars. The scars are easy enough to hide with clothing, but I’ll be honest, as the days get hotter (and way hotter than before – hello global warming) it becomes more difficult. I can only be tricky with clothing for so long. It’s an exhausting way to start your day! And it certainly doesn’t help that when having a TBI (traumatic brain injury) you’re way less patient.

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My good friend Kate (whom I met through another TBI friend – the connector of many – so thoughtful) inspires me to just let loose as she embraces her scars, and says, “anyone can take 1 look at me & know that I’m a survivor.” Exactly, no resistance here.

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I have noticed though that if I visit a restaurant, They take a look at my gait and treat me differently. I have an entirely new understanding of bias.

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 The above are current pictures of two of my scars from the motor accident I was in about 2 years ago. The one on my tummy is how the docs fed me while in the coma. The scars on my left arm are from the shattered car window, and the bottom picture is of my […]

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\"is\"

\n

A good friend of mine had an extremely traumatic TBI experience and, given my trade, I feel it’s my duty to report. She was an absolute victim in the entire occurrence. Most people I’ve met were victims, but this story stood out to me as she wasn’t moving quickly at all. She was walking across the street (in a cross walk) and hit by a driver, who was speeding, drunk and high. She wasn’t doing a thing wrong, simply crossing the street to her car after work, at about 7 pm on October 17th.  To give the driver some credit (not that he deserves any) the crosswalk wasn’t marked & there was no flashing walk light.

\n

After being hit, she flew about 6 feet up in the air, only to come down on the driver’s windshield. She then flew back up &  hit the ground.

\n

Luckily, a cafe next to her work had people eating outside that witnessed the whole thing & called 911. 911 took her to Harborview Hospital & then, in December, she was moved to a nursing home in Puyallup, Washington. In total, she was in a comatose state for 4 months, spent 2 months slowly awakening, and 2 more months preparing to move home.

\n

Ounce home, she went to therapy everyday for a few years. She tried to attend a community college & work, to no avail. In 2009 she learned of a program for people with learning disabilities that allows them to graduate with a degree.

\n

She’s now living alone & is volunteering at the Brain Injury Alliance of Washington. The accident happened just 2 weeks after she turned 20. She is a Libra & loves both rock and reggae + funny movies. After she watches scary movies, she must sleep w/ all her lights on. Goodness knows why ;). She also loves to work out, hang with friends & go to concerts.

\n

She’s amazing. The spirit of life & love.

\n

And a recent personal note from her: “I feel I overcame this because I believe in myself, and never give up!”

\n", "excerpt": "

A good friend of mine had an extremely traumatic TBI experience and, given my trade, I feel it’s my duty to report. She was an absolute victim in the entire occurrence. Most people I’ve met were victims, but this story stood out to me as she wasn’t moving quickly at all. She was walking across […]

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784, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2015-07-05T09:18:24-07:00", "modified": "2015-07-05T09:18:24-07:00", "title": "A kick from within", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/07/05/a-kick-from-within/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-cE", "content": "

A kick from within

\n

A swift jolt

\n

Like a time machine launching

\n

A family with red, green and blue children

\n

Reside on the outside lawn

\n

The stained glass window

\n

From which I peer

\n

Mocks me

\n

Sunlight bounces from every corner

\n

Depriving my eyes of their momentary escape

\n

I long for the joy that radiates

\n

From these strangers oblivious smiles

\n", "excerpt": "

A kick from within A swift jolt Like a time machine launching A family with red, green and blue children Reside on the outside lawn The stained glass window From which I peer Mocks me Sunlight bounces from every corner Depriving my eyes of their momentary escape I long for the joy that radiates From […]

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By Olivia Coleman

\n

\"th\"

\n

Poetry is emotion

\n

it connects with me

\n

therefore

\n

This entire experience

\n

Is showing me

\n

how emotional I am

\n

I am a woman

\n

after-all

\n

but up until now

\n

I considered myself

\n

a bit masculine on the inside

\n

honestly

\n

Because I used to

\n

feel things

\n

fairly lightly

\n

Many times

\n

my partners

\n

felt things more intensely

\n

I now feel things

\n

stronger

\n

than I did

\n

But thankfully

\n

(truly)

\n

I think

\n

That for a woman

\n

I feel quite lightly

\n

still

\n

But I do feel differently now:

\n

I’m more sensitive

\n

than before

\n

My masculine side is injured

\n

He’s hurt

\n

and wants to be re-built

\n

All feels

\n

too loaded

\n

too heavy

\n

I’m not too content

\n

with this new

\n

way of life

\n

It’s bothersome

\n

If this is truly what “being a woman” is all about:

\n

I quit

\n", "excerpt": "

By Olivia Coleman Poetry is emotion it connects with me therefore This entire experience Is showing me how emotional I am I am a woman after-all but up until now I considered myself a bit masculine on the inside honestly Because I used to feel things fairly lightly Many times my partners felt things more […]

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"https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "post_tag": {}, "post_format": {}, "mentions": {} }, "tags": {}, "categories": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "attachments": { "773": { "ID": 773, "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/th1.jpg", "guid": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/th1.jpg", "date": "2015-06-25T23:45:37-07:00", "post_ID": 772, "author_ID": 15363784, "file": "th1.jpg", "mime_type": "image/jpeg", "extension": "jpg", "title": "th", "caption": "", "description": "", "alt": "", "thumbnails": { "thumbnail": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/th1.jpg?w=150", "medium": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/th1.jpg?w=300", "large": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/th1.jpg?w=300", "newspack-article-block-landscape-large": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/th1.jpg?w=300&h=225&crop=1", "newspack-article-block-portrait-large": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/th1.jpg?w=300&h=225&crop=1", "newspack-article-block-square-large": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/th1.jpg?w=300&h=225&crop=1", "newspack-article-block-landscape-medium": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/th1.jpg?w=300&h=225&crop=1", 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"bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2015-06-25T23:12:19-07:00", "modified": "2015-06-25T23:12:19-07:00", "title": "“The laughing heart”", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/06/25/the-laughing-heart/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-cp", "content": "

By Charles Bukowsky

\n

\"Expressive-female-photo-manipulations2\"

\n

Your life is your life
\ndon’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
\nbe on the watch.
\nthere are ways out.
\nthere is a light somewhere.
\nit may not be much light but
\nit beats the darkness.
\nbe on the watch.
\nthe gods will offer you chances.
\nknow them.
\ntake them.
\n\"\"
\nyou can’t beat death but
\nyou can beat death in life, sometimes.
\nand the more often you learn to do it,
\nthe more light there will be.
\nyour life is your life.
\nknow it while you have it.
\nyou are marvelous
\nthe gods wait to delight
\nin you.

\n", "excerpt": "

By Charles Bukowsky Your life is your life don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission. be on the watch. there are ways out. there is a light somewhere. it may not be much light but it beats the darkness. be on the watch. the gods will offer you chances. know them. take them. you […]

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"bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2015-06-25T22:55:55-07:00", "modified": "2024-05-10T19:26:02-07:00", "title": "Sanctuaries", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/06/25/clever/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-clever", "content": "

Ridiculously awesome I think.

\n

\"temp_frontFeature_golf(1)\"

\n

I was wondering if I had any info about the yoga farm I was attending when I got into the car accident. I searched my macbook for “yoga farm” and up popped a doc entitled: Retreat Centers.

\n

This is the 1 I ended up at (I knew because the name sounded familiar.):

\n

Pleasant Valley Sanctuary

\n

My notes :

\n

Awesome- outdoors, near YUBA river 1 week- many months stay

\n

http://www.yogaville.org/programs/living-yoga-training/

\n

Still sounds cool. I know why I chose it 😉

\n", "excerpt": "

Ridiculously awesome I think. I was wondering if I had any info about the yoga farm I was attending when I got into the car accident. I searched my macbook for “yoga farm” and up popped a doc entitled: Retreat Centers. This is the 1 I ended up at (I knew because the name sounded […]

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"2015-06-17T16:43:19-07:00", "modified": "2015-06-17T16:56:53-07:00", "title": "Strides", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/06/17/strides/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-strides", "content": "

\"th\"

\n

It’s very interesting – just shows me how awesome the ol’ noggin is. It feels like each day I become more capable = old memories (both physical & mental) ride back into place. Not many can truly notice this, accept for people who see me daily. With all my travels lately, to keep my spirits high, there is an ever-evolving group of observers & therefore observations are inconsistent.

\n

So really the way to attain feedback is limited. No one to consult w/ about my progress accept yours truly, and I’ve become quite skeptical of my own brain. Although, like I said, less so daily.

\n

It’s truly strange – but I think it makes sense, that now I’m craving knowledge. Having previously graduated from a 4 year college, I’ve been considering attending local community colleges. Mostly I must say, I want to re-learn French, or expand my vocabulary.

\n

Along with knowledge, I’m also craving independence (shocking to anyone who knows me well :)) & am therefore looking @ attaining housing. I think 2 years is certainly long enough to live with my parents. 2 weeks is usually the time-frame I choose. I moved to another state, after-all. I want to pause and address this directly though, for my parents sake. I in no way moved to Cali. because they were in Washington (I went to college here, after all.) California just suits me better, I believe. Not to mention that  SF is the most progressive city I’ve ever been to (and I’ve traveled to many). Plus, I strongly value the acceptance there of differences. I feel it’s part of rejoicing in our humanity. OK I’ll get off my soap box now.

\n

So praise capability! I think that sums it up well :).

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s very interesting – just shows me how awesome the ol’ noggin is. It feels like each day I become more capable = old memories (both physical & mental) ride back into place. Not many can truly notice this, accept for people who see me daily. With all my travels lately, to keep my spirits […]

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"first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2015-06-04T20:38:51-07:00", "modified": "2015-07-31T17:54:31-07:00", "title": "Ethnography", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/06/04/ethnography/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-cc", "content": "

Unsure how to proceed
\nthere must be a lesson here
\nBut goodness knows
\nI can’t figure it out

\n

I realize that this is a creative gift
\nIdeal for a writer & a song bird

\n

Still, I realize this
\nBut can’t yet celebrate it

\n

I think more time must pass

\n

Then perhaps I’ll feel inspired
\nPlenty of emotional experience
\nTo draw from
\nAnd relay

\n", "excerpt": "

Unsure how to proceed there must be a lesson here But goodness knows I can’t figure it out I realize that this is a creative gift Ideal for a writer & a song bird Still, I realize this But can’t yet celebrate it I think more time must pass Then perhaps I’ll feel inspired Plenty […]

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\"static1.squarespace\"

\n

Swanson’s Nursery is my most well known nursery. It’s my mom’s favorite plant shop, and I, until very recently, did not have (or discover:) my green thumb. I learned all that I know about gardening from mom.

\n

My most familiar aspect of Swanson’s store is their “seasons” café. I’ve taken my mom there many mothers’ days.

\n

I purchased a few plants to put in my meditation space, and my dad still has to stick his finger in the pots’ soil to gauge the moisture level & tell me if it needs to be watered. That’s how green I am.

\n

Swanson’s is staying current & utilizes social media to connect with customers. Any gardening question you have, just post it to them via Facebook or twitter to get the answer snappy.

\n

I must say that lately I’ve been quite interested in “natural rehab” but when I’ve googled it, I simply came up with ways to rehab plants… I often wish I could talk to my computer and explain: Yes…grammatically that does make sense, but that’s not at all what I mean, I’m actually quite interested in how to utilize nature to treat my own sense of loss.

\n

Meh, it’s time to employ my 2015 reasoning skills and just search another phrase.

\n

Swanson’s Website: http://www.swansonsnursery.com/ & address: 9701 15th Ave NW, Seattle, WA 98117, United States

\n", "excerpt": "

Swanson’s Nursery is my most well known nursery. It’s my mom’s favorite plant shop, and I, until very recently, did not have (or discover:) my green thumb. I learned all that I know about gardening from mom. My most familiar aspect of Swanson’s store is their “seasons” café. I’ve taken my mom there many mothers’ […]

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\"mandala-23828936\"

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The word mandala is Sanskrit & loosely translates to “circle”.

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A Mandala is a spiritual & ritualistic symbol in Hinduism & Buddhism, It represents the universe. Most Mandala’s have gates that create a circle.

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Mandalas often offer an example of radial balance. They are used to show, as well as create: honor, peace & balance + offer a place to put attention.

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Every mandala has a center point.

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Even the mandala organization is gorgeous: http://www.mandalaproject.org/What/Index.html

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\"HIBISCUS\"

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“The Mandala Project provides a creative visual and experiential demonstration of unity with diversity. Through art, the project brings people together to create something larger than themselves while honoring the uniqueness of the individual and celebrating the benefits and gifts of a collective experience.”

\n", "excerpt": "

The word mandala is Sanskrit & loosely translates to “circle”. A Mandala is a spiritual & ritualistic symbol in Hinduism & Buddhism, It represents the universe. Most Mandala’s have gates that create a circle. Mandalas often offer an example of radial balance. They are used to show, as well as create: honor, peace & balance […]

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\"IMG_1225\"

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I like to equip my meditation space with a pillow to sit on, as well as a soothing candle to decorate & beautiful plants. + I prefer to have this space to be outdoors, if possible. The plants (both near me & potted, as well as plants in the greater garden) offer a natural flavor to this area that I like to obtain & radiate.

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These are the things that make me feel comfortable enough to “zone out “(or in, rather) and close my eyes for a while. I know I’m safe to do so. I now crave a sound, where as previously (pre brain injury) I preferred silence. Now silence invites my giant list of necessary tasks, to reclaim my life, to surface. Instead of thinking of nothing & creating stillness,(& therefore find fulfillment), I think of all the things I must do to re-order my life.

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In order to create a meditation space in your home, locate a place where you feel at ease & are unlikely to be disturbed. Therefore, your worries are minimal.

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Ounce you’ve identified this place, decide what things you’d like to adorn it with.

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As defined by Wikipedia: “The term meditation refers to a broad variety of practices that includes techniques designed to promote relaxation, build internal energy or life force (qi, ki, prana, etc.) and develop compassion,[3] love, patience, generosity and forgiveness. A particularly ambitious form of meditation aims at effortlessly sustained single-pointed concentration[4]meant to enable its practitioner to enjoy an indestructible sense of well-being while engaging in any life activity.”

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Make it your own. After-all, the more time you spend there, the more peace you’ll find.

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Incase you are searching for more inspiration. I found these other meditation spaces, that others have created:

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\"meditation-garden-th\" \"4783889693_a609f5f7be_z\"

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I like to equip my meditation space with a pillow to sit on, as well as a soothing candle to decorate & beautiful plants. + I prefer to have this space to be outdoors, if possible. The plants (both near me & potted, as well as plants in the greater garden) offer a natural flavor […]

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\"FLOW\"

from: http://search.tb.ask.com/search/AJimage.jhtml?&searchfor=flow&p2=%5EUX%5Emch998%5EYYA%5Eus&n=780c47b0&ptb=65B6BF4B-84A4-4E27-8725-0AEB1B86E151&si=245051_JEM-AD-US-MapsD-Chrome&ss=sub&st=tab&tpr=sbt&imgsize=all&safeSearch=on&imgDetail=true

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My comfort: Rolling limp (atop of a water-raft) over lake waves, breathing deep vinyasa breaths, enjoying novels, reading old journals (because I have trouble remembering the details of the 2 years prior to my accident) and drinking wine while riding on trains going almost anywhere. Being a fairly constant & loving traveler, the cultural sight & sound changes are comfortable to me. I get bored being in one place for too long. Being able to expect every part of every day, gets redundant for me. Some people may find this redundancy comforting. Not me. I simply find it boring.

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Must be why I’m always seeking new places to be. Fairly constant change + new languages = utter contentment. Language is beautiful, not to mention entertaining to me. I find it fascinating that different cultures promote different sayings. Must be why I adore traveling outside of the United States so. The variety in language & culture = ta da. 🙂 Never, ever, boring.

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Granted, I like a wee break in between. Notice please how I say “in between”.  I truly don’t think I’ll ever stop traveling. Depending on for how long & how far away from home the stint was, the length of rest will vary.

\n", "excerpt": "

My comfort: Rolling limp (atop of a water-raft) over lake waves, breathing deep vinyasa breaths, enjoying novels, reading old journals (because I have trouble remembering the details of the 2 years prior to my accident) and drinking wine while riding on trains going almost anywhere. Being a fairly constant & loving traveler, the cultural sight […]

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\"words1-300x199\"

\n

It’s hilarious that I was already devoted to communications – my major in college, was after-all,  strategic communications. My job as a freelance writer, which I began practicing amidst my senior year of college, was an application of this degree. Well there’s truly nothing strategic about relearning to communicate amidst recovery! I’m simply communicating amply. I’m not just talking allot (mostly texting really, as the majority of my friends are in different states). I’m using many big words. Therefor, it’s not only an abundance of communicating, it’s complex communicating. I’m told that this is irregular for this mode of communications…but, it’s practice!

\n

yikes. I suppose it’s helpful that I’m realizing it…?

\n

within recovery, I originally thought texting in this vein was just personal, I am a writer after-all. Only to learn that this is a possible side effect of the brain injury and for me it obviously is…At least I can still speak complexly. I guess I should be thankful for that. Being a writer & singer makes this crucial. I realize some may think that this is my way of proving that the linguistic part of my brain wasn’t softened – reasonable. But this is not the case. I do it completely subconsciously. Afterward I’m like: Whoa. I mean being linguistically gifted is one thing, but using verbal complexity in casual conversations is another.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s hilarious that I was already devoted to communications – my major in college, was after-all,  strategic communications. My job as a freelance writer, which I began practicing amidst my senior year of college, was an application of this degree. Well there’s truly nothing strategic about relearning to communicate amidst recovery! I’m simply communicating amply. […]

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\"haiku\"

\n

My mom had me see

\n

That I’m over thinking all

\n

Now, what should I do?

\n", "excerpt": "

My mom had me see That I’m over thinking all Now, what should I do?

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\"slide_2_00228\"

\n

I discovered a new store today. My friend Chris introduced us. They focus on fine vintage clothing as well as vintage jewelry AND to make it even better, it’s  interesting too that it’s missing the u to make the usual, known, guilt. What does it mean then? Nothing?

\n

This quote is from the gilt website (www.giltjewelry.com): “Fueled by her love of ancient and antique adornment, Paula Bixel established Gilt in Portland, Oregon in 1994.”

\n

I encourage you to check out their website, or if you’re in Portland or Seattle, look for their stores in person.

\n
They only have the Portland store present on their website now… I’m thinking I should perhaps recruit them as a client – see if they’d like to add content to their website. (I think it may be likely though, if this is just not a priority for them right now.) – personal pondering
\n", "excerpt": "

I discovered a new store today. My friend Chris introduced us. They focus on fine vintage clothing as well as vintage jewelry AND to make it even better, it’s  interesting too that it’s missing the u to make the usual, known, guilt. What does it mean then? Nothing? This quote is from the gilt website (www.giltjewelry.com): […]

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\"imgres\"

\n

When the docs opened my tummy, looking for internal bleeding (after the accident) due to all the kale I’d consumed days (if not hours) before, at the yoga camp I was attending, they found what I assume looked like green streamers (less festive, of course.)

\n

Now I’m sure I was in great health when @ the yoga camp & therefore the green streamers were simply evidence of this.

\n

It was quite a gift actually, not that the accident happened at all, obviously, but that it happened when it did. I was probably in the best shape of my life, not to mention, I assume I had found peace.

\n

I truly wish I could reclaim this peace now. But sadly, that which came fairly naturally before, now must be a conscious thought process. Psssh, ah well, I’m hoping this is just a decision & not a state of mind. Ooo…I like this. I’ve decided then to make it a decision.

\n

I’ve chosen to be content right now. Will this be hard? Well, certainly. But well worth it too? Definitely.

\n", "excerpt": "

When the docs opened my tummy, looking for internal bleeding (after the accident) due to all the kale I’d consumed days (if not hours) before, at the yoga camp I was attending, they found what I assume looked like green streamers (less festive, of course.) Now I’m sure I was in great health when @ […]

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\"images\"

\n

A plant that grows

\n

In a very unsuitable climate for most plants

\n

Its survival is very Inspiring to me

\n

Growth from wreckage

\n

—————————

\n

In a way

\n

I have experienced my own wreckage

\n

Where my life ounce was

\n

Is now a site of ruin/ immense opportunity

\n

——————————

\n

The Manzanita story

\n

Makes me wonder

\n

What kind of magical reality

\n

Can I now create?

\n

——————————–

\n

My hope is

\n

That something miraculous

\n

Will come from this

\n

I think I’ve endured enough suffering to warrant a gorgeous reward

\n

———————————

\n

The Manzanita is among the most rare plants

\n

It’s the world’s most endangered and restricted plants

\n

In 1987 only 1 plant remained

\n

And was housed in San Francisco

\n", "excerpt": "

A plant that grows In a very unsuitable climate for most plants Its survival is very Inspiring to me Growth from wreckage ————————— In a way I have experienced my own wreckage Where my life ounce was Is now a site of ruin/ immense opportunity —————————— The Manzanita story Makes me wonder What kind of […]

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\"ls\"

\n

Now I’m evaluating everything I think, do & say. It’s a self analysis, really. My addiction to shopping, for instance, is sensible to me: Now I have very different needs (I wear a scarf around my neck, to cover the trachea scars).

\n

I find shopping very nurturing. Beauty surrounds me & I get to wear it! If I really adore it, I can take it home with me.

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Ahhh yes, very nice indeed. I think some of my friends can relate to the brain change while shopping. You’re focusing almost exclusively on beauty & the only problem solving necessary is staying within your budget. It’s quite different from the rest of life, which is mostly analytical. Shopping is a fun, effective & useful motivator.

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Shopping therapy is very different, almost contradictory, to classical therapy. Instead of simply focusing on your problems, you can cover or dismiss them with beauty. I find classical therapy incredibly useful, but I’m often exhausted after. Today was different; I’m guessing it’s because I’ve grown fairly accustomed to therapy. I decided to go on a substantial walk (from Capitol Hill, to downtown Seattle) for a bit of PT + working on my stride. 1 thing I must do is get my groove on. After-all what’s better reinforcement than practicing the desired act itself & common, what isn;t enhanced by a bit of swager

\n", "excerpt": "

Now I’m evaluating everything I think, do & say. It’s a self analysis, really. My addiction to shopping, for instance, is sensible to me: Now I have very different needs (I wear a scarf around my neck, to cover the trachea scars). I find shopping very nurturing. Beauty surrounds me & I get to wear […]

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\"Ask_Me_Anything_(2014)\"

\n

I just had this realization as I was watching “Ask Me Anything”: Even when your life is very hard, someone has it allot worse. The main character in this show (a teen girl) hears her father has just died. And it’s the 1st episode :/ This emotional intensity, sort of signifies what this show will be like.

\n

Thing that’s very difficult (for me @ least) is that the main character is really cute – so even just to briefly watching her struggle and reside in pain, is very hard (hence why I’m writing this now – I needed a break).

\n

Mmmk, going back to the show now.

\n

It’s quite clever too – that’s a semi-rare & wonderful combination.

\n

OK, they weren’t messing around about the intensity. It just came out that her step dad molested the main character when she was young. Yikes. Mmmk certainly not a comedy, noted. Not sure this will become a go-to. But I don’t want to give up now! I’ve committed to one episode at-least.

\n", "excerpt": "

I just had this realization as I was watching “Ask Me Anything”: Even when your life is very hard, someone has it allot worse. The main character in this show (a teen girl) hears her father has just died. And it’s the 1st episode This emotional intensity, sort of signifies what this show will be […]

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\"kanye-west-runaway\"

\n

I love the Kanye West song Run Away (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jg5wkZ-dJXA) & relate to it now more than ever. Well, I’d relate with it more fervently if he had named the song “Return” ooo- that’s a good song name actually. Hmmm…quite useful for a writer/ singer, noted :). There’s a scene in the associated music video, in which the main characters are watching fireworks. I consider this a wonderful symbol of brightness & freedom.

\n

Now I’m sure it’s far more strange for a bird/woman? to be in a human community, so I don’t think drawing a tie between us is very accurate. I do, however, feel strange. I feel that I’m in the wrong place. There’s not nearly enough of my friends here + California is just gorgeous. It feels like home now. Everything I know & expect to see daily is there. I awake each day now and think “OK, I must work as hard as possible (in a vast variety of ways) to go home.”

\n", "excerpt": "

I love the Kanye West song Run Away (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jg5wkZ-dJXA) & relate to it now more than ever. Well, I’d relate with it more fervently if he had named the song “Return” ooo- that’s a good song name actually. Hmmm…quite useful for a writer/ singer, noted :). There’s a scene in the associated music video, in […]

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\"imgres\"

\n

The weather for each day is like a direct reflection of my mood (or vice versa – I don’t consider myself THAT powerful though ;)) The weather here in Seattle is 50 degrees with moderate clouds today, while in SF it’s 58 degrees and sunny. Not incredibly different, but hey, I’m a fan of moderate stuff. Hmmm. How ‘d I decide to move to & live in a progressive, fun, and beautiful city!?! I must say Seattle is all that & a bag of chips (my family is here). But the difference is that the vast majority of my friends are in California. Plus the reality that I’m used to is in SF, as I lived there for the last many years. Having a beautiful life before the accident makes this reality change all the more painful. Now I have been warned that I’m romancing my pre-TBI life a bit much. If I had to learn to pee and eat again, these challenges should be a walk in the park, as they say. But I tend to find emotional challenges to be the most difficult.

\n

You know, having progressed to writing (which is incredibly frustrating, because my hands can’t keep up with my brain & therefore, my brain comes up with ideas that it takes me forever to express on paper). My frustration just paramounts.

\n

It’s become clear, however, that I must find a new way of doing things. I know not yet, what this new way will be. This is a beautiful, albeit torturous, lesson in appreciation & patience. I’m still fighting it now, but my guess is, it’ll get easier when I decide to just roll with it.

\n", "excerpt": "

The weather for each day is like a direct reflection of my mood (or vice versa – I don’t consider myself THAT powerful though ;)) The weather here in Seattle is 50 degrees with moderate clouds today, while in SF it’s 58 degrees and sunny. Not incredibly different, but hey, I’m a fan of moderate […]

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\"clothing4_grande\"

\n

Unfortunately (for him) this young man tried to pick me up @ a bus stop the other day – after telling him about my brain injury (which I quickly learned not to do casually). He proceeded to gab my ear off at the bus stop & then even on the bus, although we weren’t sitting next to, or even across from, each-other (rude). I also noticed him checking out my bum before we boarded the bus (just because I have trouble remembering stuff, doesn’t mean I’m blind.)

\n

I have to say though, that I enjoy the extra shape I’ve gained back there myself. Because I’m fairly constantly hungry now & have had an always high/fast metabolism + am fairly addicted to yoga now – the increased weight goes to nice places.

\n

The 1 thing I’m not crazy about with this weight gain, is that my beautiful clothes (that I have plenty of) no longer fit so well. I’ve decided that yoga pants are my future. Easy, all things considered, as I received this injury while at a yoga camp. I certainly enjoy the ease of this combination.

\n

Ah so: back to my creeper story (because I know you’re fascinated ;)). After we got off the bus, (& yes, he got off @ the Mercer Island stop too – & if you know MI, this is fairly unusual) First I questioned his choice of stops and he then said he was transferring to a bus that would take him to Bellevue (which, if he stayed on the bus we were on, would’ve taken him right  there – very suspicious). He proceeded to ask me for my phone number. When I refused, he asked if it was bc I had a boyfriend, (because, this would be the only reason I would not give him my #). I lied and said yes I did have a boyfriend, because I didn’t care to see him again, let alone go on a date with him and this bit of white lie seemed easier.

\n

Bleh. That’s all I have to say about that encounter.

\n", "excerpt": "

Unfortunately (for him) this young man tried to pick me up @ a bus stop the other day – after telling him about my brain injury (which I quickly learned not to do casually). He proceeded to gab my ear off at the bus stop & then even on the bus, although we weren’t sitting […]

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"2015-03-31T18:08:02-07:00", "modified": "2015-03-31T18:19:08-07:00", "title": "Inxreased Sensitivity", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/03/31/inxreased-sensitivoty/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-a5", "content": "

\"th-1\"

\n

you know, it actually makes sense, now that I consider it thoroughly. My senses took a hiatus & therefore they’re now craving activation. For instance: i feel things more deeply now (hugs feel incredibly nurturing and loving).This intensity is both good and bad. It’s wonderful to experience positive things more deeply, and my community ensures that I have plenty of positivity to experience= (thank you.) But I also experience negative things more profoundly (which sort-of makes me feel like a child). When I truly & deeply mull things over, many times I realize that the thing I felt was an affront to me, really wasn’t about me at all.

\n

This realization makes me feel better but also rather silly. I feel as though I’m growing up all over again, because in many ways, I am. For a short time I felt like a child. Now (eh hum) I think I’m reliving puberty, which means craving independence & friends. 2 things I am severely lacking right now.

\n

Because my mind is seldom still now (something I’m unused to — I got my TBI at a yoga and meditation camp after-all) and very little is more still than meditation – body and mind 🙂 My new therapist gave me a wonderful tool, however, for meditating with an active mind = count she suggested. This keeps the mind active, entertained and gives it something to focus on, while still keeping it still and only thinking of numbers (which, generally, honestly, is kind-of a snooze-fest for me anyways – always has been.)

\n

I have yet to try this counting technique, I’m eager though.

\n", "excerpt": "

you know, it actually makes sense, now that I consider it thoroughly. My senses took a hiatus & therefore they’re now craving activation. For instance: i feel things more deeply now (hugs feel incredibly nurturing and loving).This intensity is both good and bad. It’s wonderful to experience positive things more deeply, and my community ensures […]

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\"2e2_waitress\"

\n

Waitressing was how I supported myself financially while writing -> my passion. AND of course, my favorite past time? Traveling. Oh, and don’t let me forget, living where I wanted. But the way I make it more interesting & much more affordable? – in that order – vintage shops. It’s as if you’re in a museum of clothing: every era and style is represented.

\n

My favorite pace to go on trips? Paris. And where did I chose to set up house in the US? Oh, ya know, San Francisco (one of the most expensive cities in the U.S). Yes, I’ll admit, I’m spoiled. But what do I value above all else? A quality life. To me that means great friends, observing natural beauty, music, and adventure. I worked hard for this though! Granted,  I could’ve naturally had a much, much tougher situation. I’m lucky that I’m blessed with the life I have. But serving was the way I supported myself in totality: body & soul. Working in restaurants was where I encountered the most diversity. I got to know my co-workers well, as you talk a fair bit, when slow.

\n

Waitressing not only makes great money, but it attracts wonderful people. You’re never bored. But guess what? Waitressing = remembering stuff correctly (with guest requesting modifiers.) EX: no cheese please? (I doubt a patron would say please ;), that would be strange. So remembering detailed stuff, wile encountering plenty of other info. You have 8 tables in the windows section, for instance, therefor you get 8 sets (tables) of information with various modifiers (changes). -> Now you truly know why w/ all those details, and info., it’s important to write things down (it’s interesting, as I write that ;), I’m thinking that all of my jobs are reliant upon writing.) And on top of all that memory stuff, you must move quickly. To be & stay in good standing with patrons, co workers as well as management, you must be speedy.

\n

Hmmmm… moving quickly & remembering things… Essentially, my two toughest maneuvers at present. My life has changed substantially. Because I stay with my parent (who live in Seattle,) I’m not around most of my friends (the people I’m used to seeing most days). They’re states away. I hear this injury (I’m guessing, because it’s to the noggin,) is depressing, but these circumstances ensure it. I know tholugh, the harder I work the sooner I’ll get to go home. So, that’s what I’ll do (while maintaining, of course, a sense of humor.)

\n", "excerpt": "

Waitressing was how I supported myself financially while writing -> my passion. AND of course, my favorite past time? Traveling. Oh, and don’t let me forget, living where I wanted. But the way I make it more interesting & much more affordable? – in that order – vintage shops. It’s as if you’re in a […]

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\"coco500-350\"

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I adore coconuts. Most recently, I added coconut flakes to my cranberry, almond & hemp seed trail mix, Yummm. Healthy & satisfying.

\n

# # #

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Coconut meditation:

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The juiciness that comes out of the coconut is sublime. Hard on the outside & yet containing a delicious liquid.This combo + the wonderful drum sound it makes when wrapped on, is a cheerful combination.

\n

You will enjoy the complex flavor that it gifts.

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Appreciation of its beautiful form + the delectable taste it releases, evokes a sublime happiness.

\n

Notice how you feel as you cut into a coconut. What does the smell conjure?

\n

# # #

\n

When I consider a coconut deeply, I can’t decide what food group it belongs to. I have trouble considering it a nut, despite its name. Fruit is my closest guess, as it’s often paired with sweets.  According to the inter-web a coconut is a “drupe” – whatever that is :). The same website (http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/ingredient-focus-coconut-milk) says the coconut can be considered a nut, a seed or a fruit. Hmmm… the lack of clarity persists.

\n

The only foods I can recall the coconut in, are sweet: cakes & pastries. Coconut flakes are a delicious topping as well. They’re great on a menagerie of treats: ice cream, cereal & yogurt, to name a few. Coconut flakes are also a great, sweet addition to trail mix.

\n", "excerpt": "

I adore coconuts. Most recently, I added coconut flakes to my cranberry, almond & hemp seed trail mix, Yummm. Healthy & satisfying. # # # Coconut meditation: The juiciness that comes out of the coconut is sublime. Hard on the outside & yet containing a delicious liquid.This combo + the wonderful drum sound it makes […]

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"https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2015/03/25/yoga-mat/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-9A", "content": "

I relieved a new yoga mat recently (thank you Emily) & I not only love this product, but I also adore the company that made its mission. I’ll let you asses it for yourself:

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____________________________________

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The Natural Fitness Mission:

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We give the yoga and fitness communities thoughtfully designed tools with unparalleled performance and minimal environmental impact.

\n

We like to keep our products simple, functional and environmentally friendly.

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We Plant a Tree for every product we sell and have done so since day one.

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Our inspiration comes from imagination, awesome brands, cool cities, amazing people and art. We add life to our practice with our colors, design and innovation.

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We make sure what we say are truths. Our brand and products constantly evolve as we look to improve what we do.

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We take risks because we don’t want to be like everyone else. We are all individuals, but together we make up Natural Fitness.

\n

_______________________________________

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My mat is green too (my new favorite color) – as my old fave was red, (which I still love & appreciate) but after spending months in the hospital, I tend to be less enthused about.

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Mine looks like this (without the cute boy, of course ;)) And regardless of it’s beauty, it’s quite functional as well. Funny enough (though I guess it’s not funny, having recently lived at a yoga farm for a moth) after breakfast (and yes, I do realize the oddity of this time choice as an empty stomach is usually promoted with yoga.) I decided some stretching was in order, simply, to promote a balanced day.

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I went through an easy series of plank, downward dog, warrior 2 & then (I don’t recall what this is called) but I faced side ways, brought the arm that was pointing forward above my head, and then the arm that was extending back, reached across my tummy.

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\"FPM-a\"Over all, a great way to begin the day. I promote starting your day this way. It encourages balance & alignment (of every kind).

\n", "excerpt": "

I relieved a new yoga mat recently (thank you Emily) & I not only love this product, but I also adore the company that made its mission. I’ll let you asses it for yourself: ____________________________________ The Natural Fitness Mission: We give the yoga and fitness communities thoughtfully designed tools with unparalleled performance and minimal environmental […]

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\"Beautiful

\n

I find it ironic actually, that I received a brain injury while at a yoga camp. I’ve never enjoyed working out. Now drawing this association, (yoga camp = brain injury) isn’t helpful for my activeness. Granted, I think it’s likely self-perpetuated. For me, easily so, It’s disheartening. But because of the abnormality in my walk – slower (I’m truly worried about crossing the cross-walk before it starts counting down!) and that my right side (like all of my body on the right – do to the coma) is substantially slower than my left – it’s visibly noticeable. (I used to be a waitress after all – so I’m quite used to being fast-moving) and therefore this change isn’t just abnormal, to me it’s depressingly so.

\n

The down-ward spiral of my mood is also something I need to address now. Now that the “big tasks” are out of the way – hence awaking from the coma – I can focus on the more nuanced things, like my mood.

\n

Back to exercise  (you can likely tell that this subject isn’t common-place for me to consider) I looove yoga of course, but that doesn’t do it. Sure, it’s generally great for endurance & flexibility, but a normal stride? Unfortunately – I think not. I therefore have decided to join a gym.

\n

:/ – that’s generally my mood about working out. Let alone paying to work out. For me, that’s like paying to be tortured.OK, I have to admit, mood does improve when you’re in good shape. That’s what endorphins are great for, no?

\n

From Web MD: “Endorphins act as analgesics, which means they diminish the perception of pain.”

\n

I’m hoping the pain they’re referring to is mental as well as physical. I would like to experience what’s referred to as “runner’s high”. So, I think working out will be great for me, all-around.

\n", "excerpt": "

I find it ironic actually, that I received a brain injury while at a yoga camp. I’ve never enjoyed working out. Now drawing this association, (yoga camp = brain injury) isn’t helpful for my activeness. Granted, I think it’s likely self-perpetuated. For me, easily so, It’s disheartening. But because of the abnormality in my walk […]

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\"4bbfa8d0e3aeb8dc4763be8dce648284\"

\n

They’re inspirational to me: People who’re going through so much, and yet, chose to make it work for them. This one guy I met, in particular. He’s a gregarious dude, my guess is, he’s always been this way. He brings people together. Just the other day I attended a get-together, in which (6?) people got together & conversed. We united through common struggles/strengths. This made me feel incredibly supported & accepted.They really got it. I needn’t explain a thing, which was relieving.

\n

I was happy too, that we met & resided on a beach. Therefor our moods matched the weather 🙂  (it was a sunny, beautiful day). Since we perched atop a little mound, we had a valuable view of the happenings on the beach.

\n

I’d like to reunite with Golden Gardens as well, as that was Alki beech that I was perviously discussing. I remember going to Golden Gardens often when growing up & even more during my college days when I went to Seattle U.

\n", "excerpt": "

They’re inspirational to me: People who’re going through so much, and yet, chose to make it work for them. This one guy I met, in particular. He’s a gregarious dude, my guess is, he’s always been this way. He brings people together. Just the other day I attended a get-together, in which (6?) people got […]

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\"Acupuncture

Acupuncture therapy – alternative medicine.

\n

I chose to seek out acupuncture after a severe car accident I was in, in which I developed a brain injury. The results of the accident have been numerous, but most recently I’ve been dealing with unsteady handwriting, which is fairly devastating (as I’m a writer) and my speed of movement, as I used to (pre-accident) waitress to supplement my writing income. I received an acupuncturist recommendation from a friend of mine & was encouraged, by my mentor, to pursue the acupuncture avenue.

\n

The reception room was quite acupuncture-esque :). It featured many different tea varieties & smelled of essential oils.

\n

My acupuncturist beckoned me into her room, asked me many relevant questions about my movement and my writing, which put me at ease & gave me great hope that I made the correct choice returning (as this was my second session).

\n

There was low lighting in her room that was quite soothing. I also relaxed into the wordless music that she was playing. I noted too the amber, lit-up, rather tall, salt-rock that she was featuring, as well as her collection of singing bowls. I then focussed on the room’s center-pice, which was a padded table that I was to lay on.

\n

The first time I went, I wore yoga pants, which made for easy access to my leg skin. This time, having forgotten, I had to take off my jeans. Granted, she provided me w/ a blanket I could lay over my waist

\n

Soon after I settled, she began with the acupuncture. It’s funny, as the first time I chose not to look at all, due to my faint fear of needles. This time I chose to look ¾ of the time as I was genuinely feeling more brazen + it’s quite helpful that the needles are thin and short. The procedure actually feels like a message to my tendons. If a needle hits the wrong spot you know instantly as there’s a sharp pain.

\n

Once she places the needles accordingly, she draws her impression of my energy using colored pencils. Each time after my session, I look at her drawing & take a photo of it with my phone. This time the drawing was promising to me, as it was much more clear than the previous one.

\n

Though I don’t feel anything right away, I have great faith that eventually I’ll feel something as it’s worked in the past. The key ingredient here is patience. Ha, this is quite funny for me as I’m taunted by this fairly constantly. It’s become increasingly hard to attain as well as extremely necessary, as always.

\n", "excerpt": "

I chose to seek out acupuncture after a severe car accident I was in, in which I developed a brain injury. The results of the accident have been numerous, but most recently I’ve been dealing with unsteady handwriting, which is fairly devastating (as I’m a writer) and my speed of movement, as I used to […]

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\"url\"

\n

It’s interesting = dusk. The time separating day from night. Beautiful, certainly. But aside from its visual splendor, dusk is a time of mystery. When younger, I considered dusk as a reunion time for my friends and I. A time for us to hang back and compare notes from the day. This involved (of course) plenty of conversing. When younger we compared everything from teachers, to outfits & experiences from the previous weekend. But dusk also implies possibility. I had the feeling anything could happen in this twilight time. I think nature’s colorful backdrop makes everything much more enticing.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s interesting = dusk. The time separating day from night. Beautiful, certainly. But aside from its visual splendor, dusk is a time of mystery. When younger, I considered dusk as a reunion time for my friends and I. A time for us to hang back and compare notes from the day. This involved (of course) […]

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\"th\"

\n

A fun movie I saw last night (and before then, I’d only heard of Lucy used as a slang term for a recreational drug). The film stars the beautiful Scarlett Johansen, as well as the talented Morgan Freeman.

\n

In it, Scarlett is a girl who’s drug (ha- most likely my love of words is probably what excites me about this word’s double meaning:) into a drug-smuggling scheme, where a drug package is inserted into her physically (into her lower abdomen, to be exact) and she is then asked/told to transport it by taking a plane ride. She’s then incentivized by being told that her bosses, turned captors :/ will endow her with a substantial sum of money upon the successful delivery of the drugs.

\n

We also quickly meet Morgan Freeman, a scientist who we see telling other scientists about the brain and what an infinitesimal part of it, we as humans, actually use. I found this reality simply stunning (though it also did seem quite plausible. But the number= very small, only about 10% of the brain do we truly use.) Morgan quickly becomes Lucy’s ally, helping her to understand, as well as cope with, her new-found situation.

\n", "excerpt": "

A fun movie I saw last night (and before then, I’d only heard of Lucy used as a slang term for a recreational drug). The film stars the beautiful Scarlett Johansen, as well as the talented Morgan Freeman. In it, Scarlett is a girl who’s drug (ha- most likely my love of words is probably […]

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\"source:http://search.tb.ask.com/search/AJimage.jhtml?&searchfor=salami&p2=%5EBNH%5Emch998%5ETTAB01%5Eus&n=780d0e1d&ss=sub&st=tab&ptb=2F4CD0A7-FDD2-4DDC-BE25-6E428CAF78E4&tpr=sbt&imgsize=all&safeSearch=on&imgDetail=true\"

\n

It’s quite funny, when I think of my grandma Mac I think of salami, these beautiful xmas tree ornaments she used to give me & playing cards. What’s equally ironic, is that she’s the mom of my birth father, which I have a very limited relationship with. Even when I lived in SF and we were very close, we made limited attempts to spend time together. the only reasonable rational I can think of is that we just knew we didn’t fit. How does that make me feel? Eh — it honestly invokes a shrug. I really don’t have a strong feeling about it. It’s my life-long truth. Sure when I was younger he was great fun… but that’s not enough to make a dad. Even as a youngster, I knew this.

\n

Back to grandma Mac :). I’m quite curious what she’s up to these days. How does she spend her time, what are her passions? I’d love to spend some time with her.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s quite funny, when I think of my grandma Mac I think of salami, these beautiful xmas tree ornaments she used to give me & playing cards. What’s equally ironic, is that she’s the mom of my birth father, which I have a very limited relationship with. Even when I lived in SF and we […]

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\"tree\"

\n

I’m not sure why I always envision trees when I think of pride, but I do. Perhaps it’s because they’re often old – and you know the saying “old & wise”? Those are common prerequisites for developing pride – for smart people at least :). It’s very interesting though (and I’m frightened to admit this, as I know it’s not going to earn me popularity points ;), but while I’m ready & willing to admit it when I make a mistake (as this has become a new regularity) it’s striking how uncommon this is for people. I’m re-realizing – but with increased clarity – how human pride is.

\n

Some people have been wonderful about this – quickly realizing their inconsistency & being happy to correct it. Others however, have been less ready to recognize & ultimately correct their mistakes. The one thing this offers me is greater information. It’s as if they’re showcasing a specific symptom = pride, essentially.

\n

I’m quite curios though, what causes it? Where does this pride originate?

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m not sure why I always envision trees when I think of pride, but I do. Perhaps it’s because they’re often old – and you know the saying “old & wise”? Those are common prerequisites for developing pride – for smart people at least :). It’s very interesting though (and I’m frightened to admit this, […]

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"short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-8K", "content": "

\"166790_513904491984050_695096542_n1\"

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🙂 The thing about the HUB (I leave off the impact part, generally :)) is it feels like a work-home to me. It was my co-working space for the last many years in SF & luckily, while I’m home recovering in Seattle, there’s one here as well. The HUB essentially is a co-working space (perfect for entrepreneurs) to accomplish whatever it is they’re working on. Generally, the HUB is abreast with opportunity & structurally contains a kitchen (with fresh-brewed coffee – key for my very Seattle-like coffee affection) + many tables to set up your lap-top and outlets as well, for any plugs you possess. Generally, for me then, it means writing (or the preparation necessary for writing a good piece) like research, for instance. For this piece, I attempted to figure out what the HUB actually stands for. Given that the H, U & B are capitalized letters, this gives me the impression that it’s an acronym. But for what- I must admit – I’m not sure. To be frank, I don’t think I ever did knew :/, I always just thought of it as my co-working space, in which I could accomplish whatever I wished.

\n

So opportunity, is really what it boils down to.

\n", "excerpt": "

🙂 The thing about the HUB (I leave off the impact part, generally :)) is it feels like a work-home to me. It was my co-working space for the last many years in SF & luckily, while I’m home recovering in Seattle, there’s one here as well. The HUB essentially is a co-working space (perfect […]

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\"well-w-bucket\"

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I must give my friends & family credit now, as I don’t even know how to deal with this effectively (even with all of the symptomatic information) so how would they? If anything, all of the symptomatic information is even more confusing. It certainly doesn’t help that I essentially have a “stranger in a strange land” feeling (PS I’ve never absorbed this book. I think it’s time). I’m unhappy and grossly unfulfilled. It truly is no mystery to me why. Yes I’m “home” but I’m not where I’ve chosen to live for the last many years 😦 and whenever I attempt to speak of this lack of fulfillment with my community here, I’m met with massive resistance- Im basically informed that for success, “I’ve got to straighten up and fly right.” Basically just work my but off 😦 Yeppp I’m already doing that, it doesn’t really feel like a choice at this point.

\n

So apparently, that’s the 1 thing that remains consistent: work…Oh Joy! I’m not unique – although I have noticed some people are… essentially workaholics. That’s cool 🙂 but I prefer balance. Hence, my great love of yoga :). Not sure if that’s a relevant tie, but I’d like it to be, as that would give this whole experience consistency and some deeper level of meaning.

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I must give my friends & family credit now, as I don’t even know how to deal with this effectively (even with all of the symptomatic information) so how would they? If anything, all of the symptomatic information is even more confusing. It certainly doesn’t help that I essentially have a “stranger in a strange […]

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\"Screen

\n

I grew up in a town called Mercer Island, WA & I must say, it’s a wonderful town to grow up in. It’s a suburb of Seattle, so gorgeous. I’m now going to consider it sociologically, which won’t be shocking to any of my friends – ;). I must first reiterate the beauties of Mercer Island, though sociologically… it’s quite bland. Very white & quite wealthy.

\n

So…homogenous in many ways. Lot’s to expect, not a ton of excitement. Just to give you an idea: there’s much more likely to be a soiree celebrating a high school student’s acceptance into Stanford than basically anything else. I expect a soiree celebrating a student’s release from jail basically never happens. I feel like you can count on that.

\n", "excerpt": "

I grew up in a town called Mercer Island, WA & I must say, it’s a wonderful town to grow up in. It’s a suburb of Seattle, so gorgeous. I’m now going to consider it sociologically, which won’t be shocking to any of my friends – ;). I must first reiterate the beauties of Mercer […]

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\"Rianna\"

\n

I’m realizing music videos are our latest form of advanced self expression. And by advanced, I simply mean complex. After all, in a music video, you have a song’s meaning as well as the accompanying video’s theme + all the visuals that come within that.

\n

I’ve enjoyed watching these 2 videos lately: Stay by Rihanna & Big Girls Don’t Cry, performed by Fergie.

\n

Stay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF8BRvqGCNs

\n

Big Girls Don’t Cry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agrXgrAgQ0U

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m realizing music videos are our latest form of advanced self expression. And by advanced, I simply mean complex. After all, in a music video, you have a song’s meaning as well as the accompanying video’s theme + all the visuals that come within that. I’ve enjoyed watching these 2 videos lately: Stay by Rihanna […]

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"https://wp.me/s3zpuP-karma", "content": "

It’s ironically wonderful. Lately I’ve experienced gifts given from many people. I want to thank my yoga teacher, as most recently she donated her time, which I find truly stupendous. This karma is making my road to recovery much sweeter. Each kind act, truly is a gift.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s ironically wonderful. Lately I’ve experienced gifts given from many people. I want to thank my yoga teacher, as most recently she donated her time, which I find truly stupendous. This karma is making my road to recovery much sweeter. Each kind act, truly is a gift.

\n", "slug": "karma", "guid": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/?p=523", "status": "publish", "sticky": false, "password": "", "has_password": false, "parent": false, "type": "post", "discussion": { "comments_open": true, "comment_status": "open", "pings_open": true, "ping_status": "open", "comment_count": 0 }, "likes_enabled": true, "sharing_enabled": true, "like_count": 0, "i_like": false, "is_reblogged": false, "is_following": false, "global_ID": "8f88c75ea78832e8c5642ba2529cf4cb", "featured_image": "", "post_thumbnail": null, "format": "standard", "geo": false, "menu_order": 0, "page_template": "", "publicize_URLs": [], "terms": { "category": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "post_tag": {}, "post_format": {}, "mentions": {} }, "tags": {}, "categories": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "attachments": {}, "attachment_count": 0, "metadata": [ { "id": "1966", "key": "_wpas_mess", "value": "Karma" }, { "id": "1960", "key": "_wpas_skip_facebook", "value": "1" }, { "id": "1961", "key": "_wpas_skip_google_plus", "value": "1" }, { "id": "1963", "key": "_wpas_skip_linkedin", "value": "1" }, { "id": "1965", "key": "_wpas_skip_path", "value": "1" }, { "id": "1964", "key": "_wpas_skip_tumblr", "value": "1" }, { "id": "1962", "key": "_wpas_skip_twitter", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/523", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/523/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/523/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/523/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 519, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-12-24T11:24:13-08:00", "modified": "2014-12-24T11:24:13-08:00", "title": "The Importance of what is not", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/12/24/the-importance-of-what-is-not/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-8n", "content": "

from the Tao Te Ching

\n

We join thirty spokes

\n

to the hub of a wheel

\n

yet it’s the center hole

\n

that drives the chariot.

\n

\n

We shape clay

\n

to birth a vessel

\n

yet it’s the hollow within

\n

that makes it useful

\n

We chisel doors & windows

\n

to construct a room,

\n

yet it’s the inner space

\n

that makes it livable.

\n

\n

Thus do we

\n

create what is

\n

to use

\n

what is not.

\n", "excerpt": "

from the Tao Te Ching We join thirty spokes to the hub of a wheel yet it’s the center hole that drives the chariot. We shape clay to birth a vessel yet it’s the hollow within that makes it useful We chisel doors & windows to construct a room, yet it’s the inner space that […]

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\"s-l1000\"

\n

Seems I’ve joined the many famous writers, as I now too need reading glasses. I think of our eyes as just getting tired from reading so much ;). I’ve decided that glasses are useful accessories and of course, I only purchase ones that I consider beautiful. In which case, this is an official warning to shop owners and my friends alike as it seems I’m on a glasses-buying streak 😉

\n

*Written months after my final hospital discharge

\n", "excerpt": "

Seems I’ve joined the many famous writers, as I now too need reading glasses. I think of our eyes as just getting tired from reading so much ;). I’ve decided that glasses are useful accessories and of course, I only purchase ones that I consider beautiful. In which case, this is an official warning to […]

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"URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/12/23/inspiration-shopping/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-8h", "content": "

\"shopping\"

\n

A friend of mine recently gave me the great idea of shopping with my eyes, instead of my wallet. For a gal who loves clothing, and has fairly consistently been less than affluent, this greatly appeals to me. I get wonderful ideas of things I like & admire, without spending :).

\n", "excerpt": "

A friend of mine recently gave me the great idea of shopping with my eyes, instead of my wallet. For a gal who loves clothing, and has fairly consistently been less than affluent, this greatly appeals to me. I get wonderful ideas of things I like & admire, without spending :).

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"2014-12-14T13:36:52-08:00", "modified": "2014-12-14T13:36:52-08:00", "title": "Weltanschauung", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/12/14/weltanschauung/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-8e", "content": "

\"5439264320_8dc74d9122\"

\n

a noun with German origin. A comprehensive image of the universe and humanity’s relation to it.

\n", "excerpt": "

a noun with German origin. A comprehensive image of the universe and humanity’s relation to it.

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\"alone-not-left-alone\"

\n

I noted that I was an introvert a long time ago. The tricky part is: it’s not extreme. I enjoy socializing quite a bit. But, who doesn’t :). I suppose a real introvert would not. The point at which this became clear, was during my stage fright. I adore singing and was in choirs for many years & from a young age, but something frightening happened when I performed solos. I felt safe when performing around other singers. But when singled out: it was just me (my voice), the stage, a microphone and the audience, everything changed and became much scarier. All the attention then was on me. Something I dreaded.

\n

I find proof of this in my career also. I’m a free-lance writer. As if just being a writer wasn’t solitary enough, I chose to be self employed.

\n", "excerpt": "

I noted that I was an introvert a long time ago. The tricky part is: it’s not extreme. I enjoy socializing quite a bit. But, who doesn’t :). I suppose a real introvert would not. The point at which this became clear, was during my stage fright. I adore singing and was in choirs for […]

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\"20th = Caffe Vita

\n

Being a free-lance writer, coffee shops have become my office. They are where I research & work on articles.The only business act I don’t do in coffee shops, are meetings, as that wouldn’t be appropriate. It works out that I don’t have many meetings :). The only appropriate ones are beginning meetings & closing ones; essentially when a client explains what they’d like and finally when I offer their product & when they offer an assessment.

\n

Plus, coffee shops have easy-access to snacks.

\n", "excerpt": "

 = Caffe Vita Being a free-lance writer, coffee shops have become my office. They are where I research & work on articles.The only business act I don’t do in coffee shops, are meetings, as that wouldn’t be appropriate. It works out that I don’t have many meetings :). The only appropriate ones are beginning meetings […]

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"2014-12-05T15:58:33-08:00", "modified": "2014-12-05T16:10:48-08:00", "title": "Noticing", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/12/05/noticing/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-noticing", "content": "

\"music_notes\"

\n

It’s fascinating: I’m recognizing that I’m attracted to many more things that are considered, in popular opinion, to be “masculine”. Granted, they’re “masculine” things that men enjoy in a lady’s presence. Music, for instance: I’ve been attracted to artists like “Alt J” “Arcade Fire” and “Balthazar”. (I began at the top of my iPod list to get those names- perhaps you noticed that the performers I named started with A & B 😉

\n

I’m curious what effect this will have on my road to recovery. ?

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s fascinating: I’m recognizing that I’m attracted to many more things that are considered, in popular opinion, to be “masculine”. Granted, they’re “masculine” things that men enjoy in a lady’s presence. Music, for instance: I’ve been attracted to artists like “Alt J” “Arcade Fire” and “Balthazar”. (I began at the top of my iPod list […]

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"2014-12-03T19:18:19-08:00", "modified": "2014-12-03T19:27:32-08:00", "title": "Calculated Deception", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/12/03/calculated-deception/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-7X", "content": "

\"Q#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=pQby5-Avahbc2M%253A%3BtELuVKTGH-jgOM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.alan-vincent.com%252F\"

\n

Because I’ve been a free-lance marketer & writer for many years now, I’ve discovered a few tricky (and I must now admit, trickier than I’d like to acknowledge) different accounts I’ve created in the past, so I can view how the content appears to others, after I’ve posted it.

\n

Over the moths after my car accident & resulting brain injury, certain accounts have become haunting phantoms. Their existence becomes more clear, but the way in which I can access the back end of these accounts, only slowly trickles in, usually just behind the realization that the account, itself, exists. This leaves me a) appreciative of how deceptive I’ve learned to be ;).b) befuddled.

\n

But I must acknowledge (because I’m always searching for meaning 😉 that this is teaching me great patience. A brutal, but effective, lesson.

\n

It’s funny actually, I think if I was feeling more light-hearted, I’d laugh. It’s at-least obvious that I’ve successfully made these accounts very tough to access, though I am curious, who would try :). Even the woman that originally created them, can’t easily access them, HA!

\n", "excerpt": "

Because I’ve been a free-lance marketer & writer for many years now, I’ve discovered a few tricky (and I must now admit, trickier than I’d like to acknowledge) different accounts I’ve created in the past, so I can view how the content appears to others, after I’ve posted it. Over the moths after my car […]

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"other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 486, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-11-29T17:59:00-08:00", "modified": "2014-11-29T17:59:00-08:00", "title": "My favorite poem", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/11/29/my-favorite-poem/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-7Q", "content": "

\"th\"

\n

I’m not sure (basically, I can’t remember :P) when or why I memorized & rehearsed this poem, but I did. I know for a fact, because it’s eerily familiar and I feel that we certainly know one another.

\n

THE SECOND COMING

\n

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
\nThe falcon cannot hear the falconer;
\nThings fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
\nMere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
\nThe blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
\nThe ceremony of innocence is drowned;
\nThe best lack all conviction, while the worst
\nAre full of passionate intensity.

\n

Surely some revelation is at hand;
\nSurely the Second Coming is at hand.
\nThe Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
\nWhen a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
\nTroubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
\nA shape with lion body and the head of a man,
\nA gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
\nIs moving its slow thighs, while all about it
\nWind shadows of the indignant desert birds.

\n

The darkness drops again but now I know
\nThat twenty centuries of stony sleep
\nWere vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
\nAnd what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
\nSlouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m not sure (basically, I can’t remember :P) when or why I memorized & rehearsed this poem, but I did. I know for a fact, because it’s eerily familiar and I feel that we certainly know one another. THE SECOND COMING Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things […]

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"image/jpeg", "extension": "jpg", "title": "th", "caption": "", "description": "", "alt": "", "thumbnails": { "thumbnail": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/th.jpg?w=150", "medium": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/th.jpg?w=160", "large": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/th.jpg?w=160", "newspack-article-block-landscape-large": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/th.jpg?w=160&h=120&crop=1", "newspack-article-block-portrait-large": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/th.jpg?w=160&h=120&crop=1", "newspack-article-block-square-large": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/th.jpg?w=160&h=120&crop=1", "newspack-article-block-landscape-medium": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/th.jpg?w=160&h=120&crop=1", "newspack-article-block-portrait-medium": 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\"IMG_0967\"

\n

Thank you Brandon, this is a beautiful reminder.

\n

Helps me re-orient my brain.

\n", "excerpt": "

Thank you Brandon, this is a beautiful reminder. Helps me re-orient my brain.

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"2014-11-16T09:07:16-08:00", "modified": "2014-12-03T19:46:20-08:00", "title": "Transcending", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/11/16/transcending/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-7F", "content": "

From the Tao Te Ching

\n
\"insight.

insight

\n

The Toa that can be told

\n

is not the universal Tao.

\n

The name that can be named

\n

is not the universal name.

\n

In the infancy of the universe,

\n

there were no names.

\n

Naming fragments the mysteries of life

\n

into ten thousand things and their manifestations.

\n

Yet mysteries and manifestations

\n

spring from the same source:

\n

The Great Integrity

\n

which is the mystery within manifestation,

\n

the manifestation within mystery,

\n

the naming of the unnamed,

\n

and the un-naming of the named.

\n

When these interpretations

\n

are in full attendance,

\n

We will pass the gates of naming notions

\n

in our journey toward transcendence.

\n", "excerpt": "

From the Tao Te Ching The Toa that can be told is not the universal Tao. The name that can be named is not the universal name. In the infancy of the universe, there were no names. Naming fragments the mysteries of life into ten thousand things and their manifestations. Yet mysteries and manifestations spring […]

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\"th\"

\n

A wonderful show that “takes place” in a city right in between my 2 homes- Seattle & San Francisco :). I have been to Portland a few times. It’s very fun, not to mention it’s also less expensive, less expensive than San Fran certainly, but being back in Seattle recently has made me think perhaps there too. The show is about a couple and their adventures in Portland.

\n", "excerpt": "

A wonderful show that “takes place” in a city right in between my 2 homes- Seattle & San Francisco :). I have been to Portland a few times. It’s very fun, not to mention it’s also less expensive, less expensive than San Fran certainly, but being back in Seattle recently has made me think perhaps […]

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\"imgres\"

\n

Funny enough the film “Listen To Your Heart” is a film about a couple, the girl of which is deaf. As a writer and a singer, I just can’t imagine. I’m obsessed with words. I love traveling all over the world, but my favorite part, by far, are the languages. I’ve learned Spanish & French, aside from my given language 😉

\n", "excerpt": "

Funny enough the film “Listen To Your Heart” is a film about a couple, the girl of which is deaf. As a writer and a singer, I just can’t imagine. I’m obsessed with words. I love traveling all over the world, but my favorite part, by far, are the languages. I’ve learned Spanish & French, […]

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"https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/11/05/skin-deep/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-7v", "content": "

\"th\"

\n

Transfixed by looks

\n

Obviously very visual

\n

And so am I

\n

But they have little or no filter

\n

Of course content matters, thank goodness

\n

But it takes a back seat, this I can’t relate to

\n

They seem quite simple

\n

Boring to me

\n

That’s the truth

\n

An interesting thing has happened

\n

Since I badly bonked my head

\n

Only my truth – unfiltered, emerges.

\n", "excerpt": "

Transfixed by looks Obviously very visual And so am I But they have little or no filter Of course content matters, thank goodness But it takes a back seat, this I can’t relate to They seem quite simple Boring to me That’s the truth An interesting thing has happened Since I badly bonked my head […]

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"bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-11-04T22:20:06-08:00", "modified": "2014-11-04T22:28:10-08:00", "title": "To be", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/to-be/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-7t", "content": "

To Be

\n

Close your mouth

\n

block off your senses

\n

blunt your sharpness

\n

untie your knots

\n

soften your glare

\n

settle your dust.

\n

This is primal identity.

\n

Consciously, be the Tao.

\n

You can’t be approached or withdrawn from

\n

benefitted or harmed

\n

honored or brought into disgrace.

\n

You give yourself up, willingly.

\n

And so, you endure.

\n", "excerpt": "

To Be Close your mouth block off your senses blunt your sharpness untie your knots soften your glare settle your dust. This is primal identity. Consciously, be the Tao. You can’t be approached or withdrawn from benefitted or harmed honored or brought into disgrace. You give yourself up, willingly. And so, you endure.

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\"scandal\"

\n

I’m taken with a new show: Scandal. Well, it’s not new in the world, but it’s new to me. It’s a bit of a sci-fi thriller as well as a drama. A new-age soap, if you will. My favorite part is the main character (a provocative crime-solver) is named Olivia. The show mainly consists of following her around for the day or rather, simply observing her daily life- adventures, crime-solving endeavors.

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m taken with a new show: Scandal. Well, it’s not new in the world, but it’s new to me. It’s a bit of a sci-fi thriller as well as a drama. A new-age soap, if you will. My favorite part is the main character (a provocative crime-solver) is named Olivia. The show mainly consists of […]

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"https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/11/03/milk/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-milk", "content": "

As a young woman with lactose intolerance, I know a lot about milk, or the appropriate alternatives, of course. There are many, but the most common one, as well as the one I’m least passionate about, is soymilk. I just don’t enjoy the way it tastes; it’s far too thin – similar in consistency to water. I prefer both almond milk and hemp milk. Since almond milk is more common at present, I prefer that one, as it’s simpler to find. You can generally count on it at your local coffee shop. I should be careful claiming that though, as it depends on where you live.

\n

\"Milk\"

\n

In my experience you can generally count on the almond milk substitute. Granted, I learned early-on that milk-based foods were not my friend. Therefore, I found substitutes. Nuts, for instance, are a wonderful snack. I particularly love almonds & find it funny that they’ve actually produced an almond “milk”.

\n

Nutrition Information:

\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
CaloriesCalories from FatSugarsProteinCalcium
Almond Milk3020g01 gram45%
Soy Milk9040g1 gram9 grams4%
Hemp Milk14045g14 grams3 grams50%
Rice Milk13020g12 grams1 gram30%
\n", "excerpt": "

As a young woman with lactose intolerance, I know a lot about milk, or the appropriate alternatives, of course. There are many, but the most common one, as well as the one I’m least passionate about, is soymilk. I just don’t enjoy the way it tastes; it’s far too thin – similar in consistency to […]

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"https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/10/30/motivatin/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-74", "content": "

\"th\"

\n

It’s quite interesting – depression seems to be key in understanding happiness & opportunity. Though I’ve often heard depression is fairly consistent w/ brain injuries, I did not foresee the following joy & impetuous however. Granted, I’m nursing it now for all it’s worth. My hope is, it will stay for years and run the depression right out. After all, there’s not enough room for both and they’re fairly opposite.

\n

Now I will share with you what specifically I’m encouraged to do. I’m much more thankful of my legs! I generally took them & my feet for granted. I mean I’ve always loved to dance, but now, almost every morning, I’m going for a walk around my neighborhood. I’m much more interested in going on hikes (I mean I’m in Seattle after all :). I mean shoot, I have all of the accessories, might as well put them to good use!

\n

Now, having almost nothing to do with my legs and feet, I’m interested in learning more about preparing foods. Loving food so much and having a naturally (gluten + lactose intolerant) restrictive diet, certainly helps provide me the impetuous.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s quite interesting – depression seems to be key in understanding happiness & opportunity. Though I’ve often heard depression is fairly consistent w/ brain injuries, I did not foresee the following joy & impetuous however. Granted, I’m nursing it now for all it’s worth. My hope is, it will stay for years and run the […]

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\"l\"

\n

My go-to way to make extra money (often to travel:) was to waitress. I found it quite intuitive: remember what people ask for & move quickly. Now that’s out: both of those skills are challenging for me at present. One of the  places I worked for a long time, was a scrumptious burger joint in Seattle. (Hence the photo of a burger) Now since my skill-set has changed, I’m questioning: what could I do now? This time my priority is much more specific (I just want to travel home) No fancy Europe outings. Just back to SF 🙂

\n", "excerpt": "

My go-to way to make extra money (often to travel:) was to waitress. I found it quite intuitive: remember what people ask for & move quickly. Now that’s out: both of those skills are challenging for me at present. One of the  places I worked for a long time, was a scrumptious burger joint in […]

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"2014-10-24T19:09:24-07:00", "modified": "2014-11-03T20:59:44-08:00", "title": "Heart Brake", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/10/24/heart-brake/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-6U", "content": "

\"broken-heart\"

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n

 

\n

A young writer took herself to a yoga camp
\n& In-between downward dogs, she got herself a brain injury
\nAnd this right-handed writer hurt the left side of her brain
\nTherefore, the right side of her body received the damage

\n

She’s unsure how to proceed
\nAnd feels very stuck/disabled
\nHaving to rely on basically everyone, tests her patience and her trust
\nShe’s trying desperately to predict what traits she’ll gain out of this

\n

After all, there must be something positive
\nThat’s resulting of all this
\nConsider, going to a yoga camp to gain peace
\nAnd departing with a giant test

\n

Meanwhile, she wants to focus her attention on immediate needs
\nOf course there’s things like tying
\nBut she’s more concerned with writing
\nAs that’s where she finds enjoyment

\n

Therefore, she’s more motivated
\nTo put work into those things that will satisfy her
\nAs she knows the end result
\nWill carry many gifts.

\n", "excerpt": "

                  A young writer took herself to a yoga camp & In-between downward dogs, she got herself a brain injury And this right-handed writer hurt the left side of her brain Therefore, the right side of her body received the damage She’s unsure how to proceed And […]

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"2014-10-23T11:42:52-07:00", "modified": "2014-10-23T11:42:52-07:00", "title": "5 Stages of loss & grief", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/10/23/5-stages-of-loss-grief/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-6S", "content": "

I find it remarkably interesting as I’m certainly experiencing these 5 stages now & I’m mostly stuck on anger 😦 I already knew this was a stage of grief & so I was able to name it. It’s funny though, I’m experiencing 2 simultaneously: which a website I found on the topic says is fairly normal (http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/000617) I’m feeling anger because it’s like: “what’s going on?I t’s as if someone has stolen my life & run a muck with it.” Then there’s sadness because I think “my days don’t look familiar to me at all. Or they look familiar but very old – as if I’ve moved backwards.” Not shockingly,this isn’t fun for me in the slightest.

\n", "excerpt": "

I find it remarkably interesting as I’m certainly experiencing these 5 stages now & I’m mostly stuck on anger 😦 I already knew this was a stage of grief & so I was able to name it. It’s funny though, I’m experiencing 2 simultaneously: which a website I found on the topic says is fairly […]

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\"drowning\"

\n

Anguish, impatience, pain. Witnessing something that used to be easy, become tremendously difficult.

\n

It’s like a personalized torture. And this is the only way. I can think to express it. I adore words so much, that this makes it better. Although since the left side of my brain was hit. The right side of my body pays. For a right handed writer, this is devastating. But typing certainly offers me an outlet. Thank goodness for that. I don’t even want to imagine how I would feel if this opportunity wasn’t available to me.

\n", "excerpt": "

Anguish, impatience, pain. Witnessing something that used to be easy, become tremendously difficult. It’s like a personalized torture. And this is the only way. I can think to express it. I adore words so much, that this makes it better. Although since the left side of my brain was hit. The right side of my body pays. For a right handed writer, […]

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I began with a teacher as my closest friend — my mom :). So I, of course, became used to her knowledge & kindness, well she is my mother after-all ;). But it seems I got quite used to her knowledgable & comfortable presence, as I’ve developed many teacher friendships. It’s wonderful to know that if I have a question, I can simply turn to my friend & ask them. They’ll either give me the answer, find it, or instruct me how to do so.

\n

This leaves me with a sweet, comfy, feeling 🙂

\n

\"teachers\"

\n", "excerpt": "

I began with a teacher as my closest friend — my mom :). So I, of course, became used to her knowledge & kindness, well she is my mother after-all ;). But it seems I got quite used to her knowledgable & comfortable presence, as I’ve developed many teacher friendships. It’s wonderful to know that […]

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\"bookspul\"

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As you likely know, a very positive thing this accident has done, is offer me inspiration. My mentor helped bolster this by letting me know that the story of my accident would make for a wonderful memoir. I thought… heck yes it would :)! A wonderful component of this accident is it’s a beautiful story. Well, certainly not the accident part 🙂 but I’m hoping the end result will be. Granted I’ll need to collect much info  from external sources…seeing as my memory isn’t great. Therefore I’ll need to quiz my parents & friends (no problem) as well as some docs. (this I have much more aversion to). Granted, seeing as it will probably give me more info. for my book 🙂 I probably should.

\n

That certainly motivates me more to ask them questions.

\n", "excerpt": "

As you likely know, a very positive thing this accident has done, is offer me inspiration. My mentor helped bolster this by letting me know that the story of my accident would make for a wonderful memoir. I thought… heck yes it would :)! A wonderful component of this accident is it’s a beautiful story. […]

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\"the-graduate-poster-1o5nepb\"

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One purely fantastic thing about memory loss is re-discovering beautiful movies that were already golden oldies when you first discovered them, such as The Graduate. Not only is the story & the acting gorgeous but the associated song– Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme – by Simon & Garfunkel is beautiful too. I already adored this song before I even saw the film.

\n", "excerpt": "

One purely fantastic thing about memory loss is re-discovering beautiful movies that were already golden oldies when you first discovered them, such as The Graduate. Not only is the story & the acting gorgeous but the associated song– Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme – by Simon & Garfunkel is beautiful too. I already adored this […]

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\"is\"It’s ridiculous. I’d love to understand why, but I do believe the truth is that there is no good reason why. I mean honestly, who would think going to a yoga camp would result in a traumatic brain injury. Ha, no one, that’s who.

\n

Because of the brain injury, I can’t remember much. I was told about going to the yoga camp. Though, I will say, I’m not surprised.  I love yoga. I’m scared now though, of any pose that may compromise my head. So although I never was an obsessed head-stander, I’m certainly am not inclined now.

\n

I am curious though, if I ever got the courage to try. It does seem that given the gusto, it would be fun & potentially quite rewarding.

\n

Seeing as I’ve never been inclined to work out, it’s pretty funny that yoga has had such a profound influence on my life. I mean, I often walked places, seeing as I lived in cities as soon as I was old enough to live on my own. I guess my inclination to get parking tickets assisted in this regularity :/. You would think that was enough of a warning. But no, of course not. I had to get in a substantial car wreck to drive (ha) that lesson home.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s ridiculous. I’d love to understand why, but I do believe the truth is that there is no good reason why. I mean honestly, who would think going to a yoga camp would result in a traumatic brain injury. Ha, no one, that’s who. Because of the brain injury, I can’t remember much. I was […]

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"nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-10-05T09:26:12-07:00", "modified": "2014-10-05T09:29:58-07:00", "title": "Creation", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/creation/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-creation", "content": "

I found a song in my journal – surprise, surprise. It’s funny/ wonderful, because I am a writer and a singer: I’m constantly unsure if my creations are poems or songs. ? I’d love to put music to this though, so for my own benefit – I’ve decided, it’s a song 🙂

\n

Those who know don’t talk

\n

And those who talk don’t know

\n

BREAK

\n

Close your mouth

\n

Block off your senses

\n

Blunt your sharpness

\n

Untie your knots

\n

Soften your glare

\n

Settle your dust

\n

This is primal identity

\n

BREAK

\n

Be the Tao

\n

knowingly

\n

This can’t be approached or withdrawn from

\n

Benefitted or harmed

\n

Honored or brought into disgrace.

\n

It gives itself up, continuously

\n

This is why it endures.

\n", "excerpt": "

I found a song in my journal – surprise, surprise. It’s funny/ wonderful, because I am a writer and a singer: I’m constantly unsure if my creations are poems or songs. ? I’d love to put music to this though, so for my own benefit – I’ve decided, it’s a song 🙂 Those who know […]

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I’m enjoying a show called Californication. It’s both funny & sad, because I observe many commonalities between a main character and I. She’s a teeny-bopper whose parents recently split up and she’s now stating her preference of where to stay.

\n

Another main character (the dad I just mentioned) is a writer. So there’s that, it’s in Cali. & there’s a main character staying with her parents (granted, this is far more appropriate for her age)\"californication-fondo-1\" It’s hard for me not to consider the irony here.

\n", "excerpt": "

I’m enjoying a show called Californication. It’s both funny & sad, because I observe many commonalities between a main character and I. She’s a teeny-bopper whose parents recently split up and she’s now stating her preference of where to stay. Another main character (the dad I just mentioned) is a writer. So there’s that, it’s […]

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I’ve always loved to swim. Growing up on an island helps this 😉 But I will say that as time goes on, I’m not only incredibly glad I can walk – hah duh 🙂 but I’m happy my legs are active for other reasons too. Swimming is the most recent incentive I’ve re-discovered. Not only are you in the gorgeous water, but you also feel weightless.

\n

Therefore, you can explore wherever you’d like. So hopefully, you’re in an area full of wonderful, beauteous places.

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I’ve always loved to swim. Growing up on an island helps this 😉 But I will say that as time goes on, I’m not only incredibly glad I can walk – hah duh 🙂 but I’m happy my legs are active for other reasons too. Swimming is the most recent incentive I’ve re-discovered. Not only […]

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\n\"DSCN2661\"

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*This post was composed 2 months after my 9 month stint in 3 hospitals.

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The other day I discovered 2 journals I had as well as one I’d recently been gifted. As a writer, this was an incredible discovery! In my mind, these beautiful pages are just waiting and ready for my thoughts. Now’s when the pressure begins… what to put in these journals?!? Ehhh, I don’t let this weigh me down what-so-ever. I simply think of it as a tremendous opportunity. As you can see by this photo, I paired these journals with a beautiful plant & put them right on my desk – hopefully providing me  endless inspiration. 🙂

\n", "excerpt": "

*This post was composed 2 months after my 9 month stint in 3 hospitals. The other day I discovered 2 journals I had as well as one I’d recently been gifted. As a writer, this was an incredible discovery! In my mind, these beautiful pages are just waiting and ready for my thoughts. Now’s when […]

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"2014-09-24T13:42:43-07:00", "modified": "2014-09-24T13:49:38-07:00", "title": "Digital Pix", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/09/24/digital-pix/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-5T", "content": "

\"too-many-pics\"

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I have a business idea and I’d love your feedback– whoever you are :). Basically, I’m thinking of taking cherished physical photos and putting them on the computer, so people can access them from wherever they are, whenever they’d like. This would make things like creating a calendar full of pictures you adore much more accessible. I think it’d be wise to first try this out with family and friends. I’m thinking having folders on Instagram would be an accessible spot to store them digitally. The other important thing I can forecast, is privacy, so I will need to delete each folder after I’m done. Anything I’m forgetting? I’m sure there is 😉

\n", "excerpt": "

                      I have a business idea and I’d love your feedback– whoever you are :). Basically, I’m thinking of taking cherished physical photos and putting them on the computer, so people can access them from wherever they are, whenever they’d like. This would make things […]

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\"Golden

Golden Gate Bridge

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It’s funny-> the longer I’m away, the more I want to be there. Granted, seeing as I used to live in SF (one of the priciest cities in the states) I’m currently looking for a new place (still in Cali, of course) and a short commute to SF, as that’s where the majority of my friends reside. My main categories of interest: friends, (duh ;)) cafes, (as that’s where I do the majority of my writing) music and book stores. So, if you by chance, know of any suitable places, please, let me know ;).

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It’s funny-> the longer I’m away, the more I want to be there. Granted, seeing as I used to live in SF (one of the priciest cities in the states) I’m currently looking for a new place (still in Cali, of course) and a short commute to SF, as that’s where the majority of my […]

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"profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-09-18T18:11:20-07:00", "modified": "2014-09-18T22:57:32-07:00", "title": "Blood", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/09/18/blood/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-blood", "content": "

\"47adc5b93ce0c,Blood\"

\n

I’ve always been attracted to the color red and scared of blood. I considered this very strange, until my yoga teacher, Robin, mentioned vrittis. That actually explained quite a bit to me. A website I found on the topic explained this in depth. It said your consciousness (or chitta in yogic terms) is a lake. At the bottom of the lake is your valid self and the waves are the vrittis.

\n

Robin made a good point too: it’s not internal blood I’m attracted to or rebellious of, it’s external blood, like when someone gets hurt.

\n

I first asked my mom if there was any reason for my fear of blood (such as a past experience, perhaps) but she said no. I never broke any bones as a young person either. So naturally (for me) I began to think of my interest/disgust with blood having to do with a past life.

\n", "excerpt": "

I’ve always been attracted to the color red and scared of blood. I considered this very strange, until my yoga teacher, Robin, mentioned vrittis. That actually explained quite a bit to me. A website I found on the topic explained this in depth. It said your consciousness (or chitta in yogic terms) is a lake. […]

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"http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-09-17T11:54:59-07:00", "modified": "2014-09-17T11:54:59-07:00", "title": "Paris", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/09/17/paris/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-paris", "content": "
\"http://www.bien-voyager.com/parenthese-parisienne-avant-un-saut-au-quebec/\"

http://www.bien-voyager.com/parenthese-parisienne-avant-un-saut-au-quebec/

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\"From:http://blog.hmns.org/tag/saving-energy/\"

From:http://blog.hmns.org/tag/saving-energy/

\n

Today I enjoyed a walk around my dad’s neighborhood. It’s strange to me, mostly because I was never a huge worker-outer but I’ve always strolled quite frequently. Now, of course, I appear quite funny, as shockingly I didn’t just begin walking naturally ;). I find this  shocking because, as a child, one of the major mile-stones is walking & you begin learning how when you’re quite young. I guess I must re-learn quite a few things now :(. I know walking is probably just the beginning but MAN is it important. One of my counselors challenged me to walk mindfully. I believe in mindfulness so much I found this very wise, so I tried to notice each step with greater awareness.

\n", "excerpt": "

Today I enjoyed a walk around my dad’s neighborhood. It’s strange to me, mostly because I was never a huge worker-outer but I’ve always strolled quite frequently. Now, of course, I appear quite funny, as shockingly I didn’t just begin walking naturally ;). I find this  shocking because, as a child, one of the major […]

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It’s very fun to go to any farmer’s market and today I have a specific one to discuss. My mom & I went to the Issaquah Farmer’s Market the other day. I was instantly attracted to the gorgeous food and flowers. They had many beautiful bouquets featuring all different colors of the rainbow. Therefore, whatever color is your favorite, you’ll be in good hands.

\n

And you can rest assured that the food will be healthful and exquisite since the people who grew the food, also sell it.

\n

\"DSCN2631\"\"DSCN2625\"

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s very fun to go to any farmer’s market and today I have a specific one to discuss. My mom & I went to the Issaquah Farmer’s Market the other day. I was instantly attracted to the gorgeous food and flowers. They had many beautiful bouquets featuring all different colors of the rainbow. Therefore, whatever […]

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"https://wp.me/s3zpuP-tights", "content": "

It’s funny what you can realize when back at your birth home for an extended period of time, like your obsession with tights ;). Many are black, of course, from working in restaurants for years, but others are all different colors – my favorite being green. Over 20 different pairs I own in fact! Whew! I guess it probably has to do w/ my love of inhabiting cool places – Seattle & SF. \"imagewrap\"

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s funny what you can realize when back at your birth home for an extended period of time, like your obsession with tights ;). Many are black, of course, from working in restaurants for years, but others are all different colors – my favorite being green. Over 20 different pairs I own in fact! Whew! […]

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"https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/09/10/super-moon/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-4Y", "content": "

\"moon\"

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The super moon was yesterday: Sept. 9th 2014. To me it simply looks like a gorgeous moon (of course) but a bit larger than usual. A website I found describes a super moon in the following way: The term “super moon” describes a moon that is closer to Earth than usual. That must be why, then, it appears bigger than usual! It’s just within close proximity to us. The website also says that it’s the 5th super moon of this year & super moons are becoming a more popular idea. They’re beautiful- and I can speak personally to say – they’re fun to watch & be in awe of. I suppose this blog is an excellent example of human’s infatuation with super moons.

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 Here’s the site I found this info on:

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http://www.theepochtimes.com/n3/941472-supermoon-dates-2014-date-and-peak-time-for-last-super-moon-t his-year-and-a-look-at-next-year/

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

The super moon was yesterday: Sept. 9th 2014. To me it simply looks like a gorgeous moon (of course) but a bit larger than usual. A website I found describes a super moon in the following way: The term “super moon” describes a moon that is closer to Earth than usual. That must be why, […]

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\"Picture:

\n

Apparently, due to what this website says: http://grist.org/cities/spared-by-climate-change-the-10-best-cities-to-ride-out-hot-times/ my 2 homes are the best places to live during climate change. Seeing as San Francisco & Seattle are two fairly cool places – does this surprise me? No 🙂 it doesn’t. Particularly because everywhere is getting warmer.

\n

The earth’s temperature will likely increase substantially and therefore rainfall will too. Seattleites tend to be fairly used to large, and fairly constant precipitation, so they may not even notice the change. San Franciscan’s… I’m not sure. I guess because I’m a born Seattleite, a bit of rain doesn’t bother me in the slightest. A rain-storm even calls for a celebratory rain dance 🙂

\n", "excerpt": "

Apparently, due to what this website says: http://grist.org/cities/spared-by-climate-change-the-10-best-cities-to-ride-out-hot-times/ my 2 homes are the best places to live during climate change. Seeing as San Francisco & Seattle are two fairly cool places – does this surprise me? No 🙂 it doesn’t. Particularly because everywhere is getting warmer. The earth’s temperature will likely increase substantially and therefore rainfall […]

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\n

\"magazine-australia\"

\n

Magazines mean relaxation to me. Both looking at the gorgeous photos & reading the associated text makes me feel welcome & known. Not only do the magazines I chose appeal to my sensibilities (obviously) they inform me as well, because they offer substance. For instance, the Vogue issue I’m enjoying now not only discusses fall fashions but it also includes tips for how to do your makeup :). I will say, my love of magazines makes me consider my materialism :/. I must defend myself here though. I only enjoy magazines when I need time to relax. And what’s more appropriate for a writer than consuming information?

\n", "excerpt": "

  Magazines mean relaxation to me. Both looking at the gorgeous photos & reading the associated text makes me feel welcome & known. Not only do the magazines I chose appeal to my sensibilities (obviously) they inform me as well, because they offer substance. For instance, the Vogue issue I’m enjoying now not only discusses […]

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}, { "id": "888", "key": "_wpas_skip_path", "value": "1" }, { "id": "887", "key": "_wpas_skip_tumblr", "value": "1" }, { "id": "885", "key": "_wpas_skip_twitter", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/293", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/293/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/293/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/293/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 288, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-09-03T14:15:58-07:00", "modified": "2014-09-03T16:43:08-07:00", "title": "What my love looks like", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/09/03/what-my-love-looks-like/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-4E", "content": "

Lots of soft and subtle makes strong,

\n

like water and waves.

\n

My love can hold you.

\n

But I won’t be ruled, contained or carried away.

\n

 

\n

The ocean’s strength lies in her vastness,

\n

her flexibility, her open seas.

\n

The moon pulls tides without effort.

\n

The land guides little, just the direction of streams.

\n

 

\n

Water sings a song of knowing,

\n

and wants to be known too.

\n

Meet in the depths of her silence,

\n

and the sun-shimmering pools.

\n

 

\n

When you speak of a drive for commitment I wonder – why?

\n

What will this commitment give us that we don’t already have?

\n

I’m confused by your fixation on it.

\n

And still I’m drawn to your unilateral grounding.

\n

 

\n

My love looks like a desire to be understood and to understand.

\n

What makes you want to fight for me – against my flow?

\n

There are plenty of strong currents in a river to ride.

\n

Why forge upstream?

\n

\"Drop

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

Lots of soft and subtle makes strong, like water and waves. My love can hold you. But I won’t be ruled, contained or carried away.   The ocean’s strength lies in her vastness, her flexibility, her open seas. The moon pulls tides without effort. The land guides little, just the direction of streams.   Water […]

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\n

\"DSCN2624\"

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My dad knows me very well (surprise, surprise:) and therefore got me some new plants for my room to celebrate my birthday. Not only do they offer oxygen, they’re a calming force for me + I find them gorgeous. So who needs more than that?!

\n

I’m very happy to invite this constant companion into my life. I also got a little succulent, which is not in this photo, to reside on my desk. Wonderful inspiration for these posts.

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

  My dad knows me very well (surprise, surprise:) and therefore got me some new plants for my room to celebrate my birthday. Not only do they offer oxygen, they’re a calming force for me + I find them gorgeous. So who needs more than that?! I’m very happy to invite this constant companion into […]

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"2014-08-31T15:24:26-07:00", "modified": "2014-08-31T15:29:49-07:00", "title": "Chocolate", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/chocolate/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-4w", "content": "

Ha! It’s funny because I have such an affinity for chocolate, I feel like that could have been the title for this whole blog. Luckily, lately, I made a delicious treat. Gluten and dairy free- that’s quite a task. OK who am I kidding, I din’t make it, I’m just thoroughly enjoying it. Emily made it, which was very kind of her. You’d think writing about food, having food restrictions and enjoying it so, would encourage me to learn how to make it. Not until lately, have I taken the opportunity to learn more about it & practice more.

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So yes, Emily recently made a delicious concoction that I’m still enjoying. It’s yummy and beautiful. I wouldn’t choose to label it a concoction as that makes it sound scientific. I think creation fits it much more nicely. 

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\"DSCN2597\"

\n", "excerpt": "

Ha! It’s funny because I have such an affinity for chocolate, I feel like that could have been the title for this whole blog. Luckily, lately, I made a delicious treat. Gluten and dairy free- that’s quite a task. OK who am I kidding, I din’t make it, I’m just thoroughly enjoying it. Emily made […]

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Yesterday I enjoyed Victoria BC. While there, I saw a yoga studio right next to where we were eating our breakfast. And since the style of yoga was Iyengar, I got to wondering what the difference was between the yoga I enjoy (I refer to it simply as flow yoga 🙂 but it’s real name is Ashtanga) and Iyengar. So when we got home I looked it up. Iyengar is best known for proper alignment. There are therefore many props used to enforce this alignment like blocks, blankets, bolsters, chairs & straps. It’s funny because as a yoga lover, these props are very familiar to me.

\n

\"th\"

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After looking up a definition for yoga online, I found the following, from wikipedia:

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“Yoga (/ˈjoʊɡə/; Sanskrit: योग, Listen) is a physical, mental, and spiritual practice or discipline that denotes a variety of schools, practices and goals[1] in Hinduism, Buddhism (including Vajrayana and Tibetan Buddhism[2][3][4]) andJainism,[5][6][7][6] the best-known being Hatha yoga and Raja yoga.”

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I love that they classify yoga as a physical, mental & spiritual practice as I am a great believer in this truth. Because I tend to favor mental & spiritual, generally, I believe yoga is predominantly mental & spiritual (but again, I do realize, this is likely personal). Of course, the physical part is a huge benefit. Yogis are very flexible for one. This guy (who was obviously a yogi) that was sitting next to me at a meetup showing the yogananda video, was sitting in such a way – knees bent, pointing in opposing directions  and feet up off the floor – above and below his legs. Basically a twisted criss-cross apple sauce shape. (If you’re a yogi, hopefully you know what I’m referring to, even though I feel I’m doing an inadequate job describing it). I wonder seriously if I ever got up the courage to try a headstand – as I can’t recall. Seeing as I’ve been “gifted” with a brain injury while at a yoga camp this dichotomy would be quite fascinating.\"yoga_4\"

\n", "excerpt": "

Yesterday I enjoyed Victoria BC. While there, I saw a yoga studio right next to where we were eating our breakfast. And since the style of yoga was Iyengar, I got to wondering what the difference was between the yoga I enjoy (I refer to it simply as flow yoga 🙂 but it’s real name […]

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\"7629Victoria-BC-2\"Today was allot of fun. I enjoyed Victoria BC. Lucky me, I got to fly in. My family & I went for breakfast. This gal got to travel to a different country for her b-fast ;).Then, about 12, we flew home to Seattle.

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Just being in Victoria for a few hours made me fall back in love with it. We all know how much I love cities on the coast. Granted, the architecture was also gorgeous. Particularly, of course, this building, showcased on our left. Little did I know Vancouver is named the “California of Canada” for its mild & sunny weather. No wonder I have such a fondness for it :). A few hours was quite enough to offer me a fondness, and encourage me to visit again soon.

\n", "excerpt": "

Today was allot of fun. I enjoyed Victoria BC. Lucky me, I got to fly in. My family & I went for breakfast. This gal got to travel to a different country for her b-fast ;).Then, about 12, we flew home to Seattle. Just being in Victoria for a few hours made me fall back […]

\n", "slug": "victoria-bc", "guid": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/28/victoria-bc/", "status": "publish", "sticky": false, "password": "", "has_password": false, "parent": false, "type": "post", "discussion": { "comments_open": true, "comment_status": "open", "pings_open": true, "ping_status": "open", "comment_count": 0 }, "likes_enabled": true, "sharing_enabled": true, "like_count": 0, "i_like": false, "is_reblogged": false, "is_following": false, "global_ID": "cc52b5910c2e3079895e28ab1662d793", "featured_image": "", "post_thumbnail": null, "format": "standard", "geo": false, "menu_order": 0, "page_template": "", "publicize_URLs": [], "terms": { "category": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "post_tag": {}, "post_format": {}, "mentions": {} }, "tags": {}, "categories": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "attachments": {}, "attachment_count": 0, "metadata": [ { "id": "779", "key": "_wpas_mess", "value": "undefined" }, { "id": "773", "key": "_wpas_skip_facebook", "value": "1" }, { "id": "774", "key": "_wpas_skip_google_plus", "value": "1" }, { "id": "776", "key": "_wpas_skip_linkedin", "value": "1" }, { "id": "778", "key": "_wpas_skip_path", "value": "1" }, { "id": "777", "key": "_wpas_skip_tumblr", "value": "1" }, { "id": "775", "key": "_wpas_skip_twitter", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/275", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/275/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/275/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/275/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 271, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-08-26T22:22:13-07:00", "modified": "2014-08-26T22:22:13-07:00", "title": "Dinner & B-day flowers :)", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/26/dinner-b-day-flowers/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-4n", "content": "

Beautiful, delicious & nutritious – who could ask for more? Certainly not me 🙂 The pasta we enjoyed was a pesto- tomato w/ gluten free penne. And given that I’ve been gluten free for years, by necessity, it tastes normal to me now :).

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\"DSCN2574\"

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\"DSCN2522\"

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\"DSCN2521\"

\n", "excerpt": "

Beautiful, delicious & nutritious – who could ask for more? Certainly not me 🙂 The pasta we enjoyed was a pesto- tomato w/ gluten free penne. And given that I’ve been gluten free for years, by necessity, it tastes normal to me now :).      

\n", "slug": "dinner-b-day-flowers", "guid": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/26/dinner-b-day-flowers/", "status": "publish", "sticky": false, "password": "", "has_password": false, "parent": false, "type": "post", "discussion": { "comments_open": true, "comment_status": "open", "pings_open": true, "ping_status": "open", "comment_count": 0 }, "likes_enabled": true, "sharing_enabled": true, "like_count": 0, "i_like": false, "is_reblogged": false, "is_following": false, "global_ID": "4dd89a849c1fa8cd310023c5517690ac", "featured_image": "", "post_thumbnail": null, "format": "standard", "geo": false, "menu_order": 0, "page_template": "", "publicize_URLs": [], "terms": { "category": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "post_tag": {}, "post_format": {}, "mentions": {} }, "tags": {}, "categories": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "attachments": {}, "attachment_count": 0, "metadata": [ { "id": "756", "key": "_wpas_mess", "value": "undefined" }, { "id": "750", "key": "_wpas_skip_facebook", "value": "1" }, { "id": "751", "key": "_wpas_skip_google_plus", "value": "1" }, { "id": "753", "key": "_wpas_skip_linkedin", "value": "1" }, { "id": "755", "key": "_wpas_skip_path", "value": "1" }, { "id": "754", "key": "_wpas_skip_tumblr", "value": "1" }, { "id": "752", "key": "_wpas_skip_twitter", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/271", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/271/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/271/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/271/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 264, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-08-25T15:01:30-07:00", "modified": "2014-08-25T15:10:17-07:00", "title": "28", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/25/28/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-28", "content": "

\"birthday-cake-popcorn\"

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Yesterday was my birthday, which I was lucky enough to spend with my friends as well as my mentor :)And, lucky me, both times I got to hang out with them over a meal. The first was a breakfast with 1 of my friends and his mom- who, luckily, is also my mentor. 🙂

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Then I got to to enjoy a delicious dinner with another friend of mine 🙂 AND we went to dinner at a restaurant another friend of mine ounce worked at. So although physically she wasn’t there, her presence was unmistakable. And even though I was completely unaware when the waitress asked me if I had any food allergies– which considering my allergies are wheat and dairy, basically does away with cake and ice cream :(, They  then brought me a flowerless chocolate cake :). Therefor, the only thing I needed to avoid was the small scoop of ice-cream on top.

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Therefore my b-day dessert was not only delicious, but healthy as well. Well, as healthy as you can get with a scrumptious dessert :).

\n", "excerpt": "

Yesterday was my birthday, which I was lucky enough to spend with my friends as well as my mentor :)And, lucky me, both times I got to hang out with them over a meal. The first was a breakfast with 1 of my friends and his mom- who, luckily, is also my mentor. 🙂 Then […]

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I always loved this song. Little did I know, I’d love it even more & feel much closer to it in years to come. My favorite part is “living is easy with eyes closed” Ha! I certainly experienced the eyes closed part 😉 but living is easy…hmm I dunno. Things have gotten much more difficult for me. However, I’m ridiculously glad  my eyes opened!!!

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So enjoy this song & below, I have also pasted the lyrics:

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 Strawberry Fields Forever

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Let me take you down


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Cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields


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Nothing is real


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And nothing to get hung about


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Strawberry Fields forever

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Living is easy with eyes closed

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Misunderstanding all you see


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It’s getting hard to be someone

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But it all works out


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It doesn’t matter much to me

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Let me take you down

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Cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields


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Nothing is real

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And nothing to get hung about

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Strawberry Fields forever

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No one I think is in my tree

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I mean it must be high or low


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That is you can’t, you know, tune in

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But it’s all right


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That is I think it’s not too bad

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Let me take you down

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Cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields

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Nothing is real


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And nothing to get hung about


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Strawberry Fields forever

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Always, no sometimes, think it’s me

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But you know I know when it’s a dream

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I think I know I mean a yes

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But it’s all wrong
That is I think I disagree

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Let me take you down


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Cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields


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Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about


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Strawberry Fields forever

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Strawberry Fields forever

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Strawberry Fields Forever

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\"Image

Image from matchstick: http://matchstic.com/blog/2011/02/

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\n", "excerpt": "

I always loved this song. Little did I know, I’d love it even more & feel much closer to it in years to come. My favorite part is “living is easy with eyes closed” Ha! I certainly experienced the eyes closed part 😉 but living is easy…hmm I dunno. Things have gotten much more difficult […]

\n", "slug": "song", "guid": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/17/song/", "status": "publish", "sticky": false, "password": "", "has_password": false, "parent": false, "type": "post", "discussion": { "comments_open": true, "comment_status": "open", "pings_open": true, "ping_status": "open", "comment_count": 0 }, "likes_enabled": true, "sharing_enabled": true, "like_count": 0, "i_like": false, "is_reblogged": false, "is_following": false, "global_ID": "c3ab87117c620bfaaaaba3e78b12d268", "featured_image": "", "post_thumbnail": null, "format": "standard", "geo": false, "menu_order": 0, "page_template": "", "publicize_URLs": [], "terms": { "category": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "post_tag": {}, "post_format": {}, "mentions": {} }, "tags": {}, "categories": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "attachments": {}, "attachment_count": 0, "metadata": [ { "id": "705", "key": "_wpas_mess", "value": "undefined" }, { "id": "699", "key": "_wpas_skip_facebook", "value": "1" }, { "id": "700", "key": "_wpas_skip_google_plus", "value": "1" }, { "id": "702", "key": "_wpas_skip_linkedin", "value": "1" }, { "id": "704", "key": "_wpas_skip_path", "value": "1" }, { "id": "703", "key": "_wpas_skip_tumblr", "value": "1" }, { "id": "701", "key": "_wpas_skip_twitter", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/262", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/262/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/262/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/262/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 258, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-08-17T12:46:14-07:00", "modified": "2014-09-12T10:25:49-07:00", "title": "Bravery", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/17/bravery/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-bravery", "content": "

You know, I never really thought of myself as brave. I still have a very hard time claiming this adjective but when I consider all the things I’ve become accustomed to like traveling, moving and having a very restrictive diet: I think, yes in fact, I am. This experience is certainly proving that to me.

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Even just getting lost & having humor about it, is brave. I remember getting lost in Paris, getting drenched, as it was a summer day and I, of course :), was wearing a petite dress. I wasn’t upset in the slightest; I just thought: “This, of all places, is a beautiful place to get lost.” So that, undoubtedly, made my trip allot better.

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Come to think of it, being a writer and having expensive taste, is brave. Now I’ll be the first to admit that being a writer isn’t even close to being a popper. Having a mom and many friends as teachers (unfortunately, a very under-paid profession) certainly drills this point home. I guess what it does show me is that I believe in everything I do as well as everything I own being of great quality: 🙂

\n", "excerpt": "

You know, I never really thought of myself as brave. I still have a very hard time claiming this adjective but when I consider all the things I’ve become accustomed to like traveling, moving and having a very restrictive diet: I think, yes in fact, I am. This experience is certainly proving that to me. […]

\n", "slug": "bravery", "guid": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/17/bravery/", "status": "publish", "sticky": false, "password": "", "has_password": false, "parent": false, "type": "post", "discussion": { "comments_open": true, "comment_status": "open", "pings_open": true, "ping_status": "open", "comment_count": 0 }, "likes_enabled": true, "sharing_enabled": true, "like_count": 0, "i_like": false, "is_reblogged": false, "is_following": false, "global_ID": "fd7bd2911b78374f91a5a17706979cc3", "featured_image": "", "post_thumbnail": null, "format": "standard", "geo": false, "menu_order": 0, "page_template": "", "publicize_URLs": [], "terms": { "category": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "post_tag": {}, "post_format": {}, "mentions": {} }, "tags": {}, "categories": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "attachments": {}, "attachment_count": 0, "metadata": [ { "id": "963", "key": "geo_public", "value": "0" }, { "id": "687", "key": "_wpas_mess", "value": "undefined" }, { "id": "681", "key": "_wpas_skip_facebook", "value": "1" }, { "id": "682", "key": "_wpas_skip_google_plus", "value": "1" }, { "id": "684", "key": "_wpas_skip_linkedin", "value": "1" }, { "id": "686", "key": "_wpas_skip_path", "value": "1" }, { "id": "685", "key": "_wpas_skip_tumblr", "value": "1" }, { "id": "683", "key": "_wpas_skip_twitter", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/258", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/258/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/258/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/258/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 257, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-08-15T16:57:02-07:00", "modified": "2014-08-15T16:57:02-07:00", "title": "Card", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/15/card/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-card", "content": "

I found this gorgeous card I love :). If you enjoyed my clothing post then I’ll bet you’ll like this too.

\n

\"1937491_10100132870922725_8622537272428835562_n\"

\n", "excerpt": "

I found this gorgeous card I love :). If you enjoyed my clothing post then I’ll bet you’ll like this too.

\n", "slug": "card", "guid": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/15/card/", "status": "publish", "sticky": false, "password": "", "has_password": false, "parent": false, "type": "post", "discussion": { "comments_open": true, "comment_status": "open", "pings_open": true, "ping_status": "open", "comment_count": 1 }, "likes_enabled": true, "sharing_enabled": true, "like_count": 0, "i_like": false, "is_reblogged": false, "is_following": false, "global_ID": "006f76698b7e88eeea7b75b98bf95031", "featured_image": "", "post_thumbnail": null, "format": "standard", "geo": false, "menu_order": 0, "page_template": "", "publicize_URLs": [], "terms": { "category": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "post_tag": {}, "post_format": {}, "mentions": {} }, "tags": {}, "categories": { "Uncategorized": { "ID": 1, "name": "Uncategorized", "slug": "uncategorized", "description": "", "post_count": 286, "parent": 0, "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/categories/slug:uncategorized/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499" } } } }, "attachments": {}, "attachment_count": 0, "metadata": [ { "id": "667", "key": "_wpas_mess", "value": "undefined" }, { "id": "661", "key": "_wpas_skip_facebook", "value": "1" }, { "id": "662", "key": "_wpas_skip_google_plus", "value": "1" }, { "id": "664", "key": "_wpas_skip_linkedin", "value": "1" }, { "id": "666", "key": "_wpas_skip_path", "value": "1" }, { "id": "665", "key": "_wpas_skip_tumblr", "value": "1" }, { "id": "663", "key": "_wpas_skip_twitter", "value": "1" } ], "meta": { "links": { "self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/257", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/257/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499", "replies": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/257/replies/", "likes": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/52768499/posts/257/likes/" } }, "capabilities": { "publish_post": false, "delete_post": false, "edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 253, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-08-15T10:28:32-07:00", "modified": "2026-03-01T23:17:19-08:00", "title": "True Freedom", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/08/15/true-freedom/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-45", "content": "

I found this poem on my computer, just now. I have the distinct feeling it’s undone. But enjoy what I’ve got thus far 🙂

\n

\"070811_1913~01\"

\n

What does freedom mean to you? Will you find it shrouded in BBQ smoke, singed by bottle rockets this Fourth of July?

\n

 

\n

To the founding fathers freedom meant life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. More than a definition this is a call to action.

\n

 

\n

Thich Nhat Hanh–> nirvana = freedom

\n

 

\n

Freedom from wrong perceptions

\n

 

\n

Direct experience with life in the absence of wrong perceptions

\n\n\n

\n", "excerpt": "

I found this poem on my computer, just now. I have the distinct feeling it’s undone. But enjoy what I’ve got thus far 🙂 What does freedom mean to you? Will you find it shrouded in BBQ smoke, singed by bottle rockets this Fourth of July?   To the founding fathers freedom meant life, liberty […]

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Yesterday, my family enjoyed a bit of wine called Coastal, this name made me feel right at home as not only was I born in a city on the coast (Seattle) but then I moved to a coastal city as well (San Francisco). I will say I love Paris too (but come on, who doesn’t 😉 and Paris isn’t even close to the water.

\n

The wine was delicious, just like a coastal view would be, well not delicious, a better way to describe it is beautiful. 🙂

\n

If you’re in the mood for a scrumptious red then I highly recommend this. It’s produced by Trader Joe’s, which I’d thought of previously as a grocery store only (sorry to pigeon-whole you guys) and so (as I think of that store of as inexpensive, this wine fits well with that generalization :). I think it would go very well with a dinner or dessert. I’d choose chocolate for my dessert, of course :). So red wine would match that perfectly.

\n

\"tjscoastalzin2012\"

\n", "excerpt": "

Yesterday, my family enjoyed a bit of wine called Coastal, this name made me feel right at home as not only was I born in a city on the coast (Seattle) but then I moved to a coastal city as well (San Francisco). I will say I love Paris too (but come on, who doesn’t […]

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It’s the name of the latest chapter I read in “Brain on Fire” and also (as many of my friends know) a personal passion of mine.

\n

At the end of this particular chapter I realized why the title of this chapter is “Buddha”. the last stanza goes: “But then I caught site of the small Buddha that Giselle kept on the bathroom counter. It smiled at me. I smiled back. Everything would be alright” It sounds like Giselle is a wonderful interior designer. And in this chapter, that translates to being a life saver- the main character found the Buddha as she was contemplating jumping out of their bathroom window.\"buddha\"

\n

Yikes! I’m very glad the character came across that Buddha figurine. It sounds like that literally could have made the difference between life and death.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s the name of the latest chapter I read in “Brain on Fire” and also (as many of my friends know) a personal passion of mine. At the end of this particular chapter I realized why the title of this chapter is “Buddha”. the last stanza goes: “But then I caught site of the small […]

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It’s funny this book I’m enjoying “Brain on Fire” contains a quote that I adore and feel like I understand well. The author talks about moving home -kicking and screaming- basically her spirit protesting like crazy, but she was going because she knew she had to. 

\n

“Summit, named one of the best places to live in America by Money magazine, is an affluent suburb 20 miles from Manhattan, an affluent haven for WASPS and wall-street bankers who  congregate at the many country clubs within its six square miles.”

\n

It’s funny, although we’re not in New York I feel this same way moving back in with my parents on Mercer Island. It’s in Washington, but is also a safe haven for well to-do people in general, which I never felt that comfy with. I prefer cities and given the opportunity, I moved to a whole different state. I greatly prefer California– which is known as the “golden state” and I’m sure this is because the gold rush featured Cali. or it’s often sunny but I think about it referring to California as a treasure trove. Anything I feel can happen there as long as you believe in it.

\n", "excerpt": "

It’s funny this book I’m enjoying “Brain on Fire” contains a quote that I adore and feel like I understand well. The author talks about moving home -kicking and screaming- basically her spirit protesting like crazy, but she was going because she knew she had to.  “Summit, named one of the best places to live […]

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Never before have I been so appreciative of the people in my life. My yoga therapist recently lent me an excellent book written by a journalist for the Washington Post who had a brain injury– as I’m just beginning this book I’ll tell you more about it as I go :). But I’m very provoked by this piece & the similarities in our stories.We’re even quite similar in age. No I didn’t work for a famous paper. But I am a writer whose had a brain injury and I totally get why she thought “well, this would be an ideal story…if only I could remember all of it.” That’s precisely how I feel! Granted, that’s a huge assumption on my part 🙂 I don’t actually know how she felt, of course.

\n

There will, no doubt, be gigantic gaps in my story, where I will need parents and friends to fill pieces in. So far, she’s begun to tell the story by explaining what she encounters daily at the Washington Post + explaining feeling funny & trying to understand where this sickness came from. She goes through sneezes on the bus thinking “hmmm did I get this sickness from her?” It’s funny to read as an audience member as you think: “That’s not it at all!” Granted, you also completely understand her confusion, especially when going through something remarkably similar.

\n

\"Brain-on-Fire-book-cover-Jan-12-p1211-401x349\"

\n", "excerpt": "

Never before have I been so appreciative of the people in my life. My yoga therapist recently lent me an excellent book written by a journalist for the Washington Post who had a brain injury– as I’m just beginning this book I’ll tell you more about it as I go :). But I’m very provoked […]

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I”m enjoying a movie that’s, funny enough, called LOL because the main character’s name is Lola 🙂 If the name itself was not enough the main characters are also going to one of my favorite cities in the world: Paris, for their spring break.I envy them this experience. Paris is so grand, holding beautiful art, clothing & food

\n

If it weren’t so pricey, I’d move there.

\n

\"Paris\"

Paris

\n", "excerpt": "

I”m enjoying a movie that’s, funny enough, called LOL because the main character’s name is Lola 🙂 If the name itself was not enough the main characters are also going to one of my favorite cities in the world: Paris, for their spring break.I envy them this experience. Paris is so grand, holding beautiful art, […]

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yes, I’m very aware that writing about a silly teeny-bop show will make this post silly and teeny bopperish too. 🙂

\n

Given more time on my hands recently, I’d like to say I’m spending it on more mature, sophisticated things, but let’s be honest: we all need a break. And most of my life these days is spent re-learning (or I prefer to say brushing-up) on tough stuff that will ultimately lead me back to my independence. So in my humble opinion, a break is much deserved.

\n

Watching this show recently made me very happy (and not just because of the charters’ cute clothes, that’s just expected 😉 But by learning the identity of “Gossip Girl” – a website “everyone” in this fictional high school follows, a blog that chronicles the private-ish doings of the students. The person who came forward as “gossip girl” is actually a wrier! He thought the 1 way to get into this crowd may be to write his way way in.

\n

This tickled me, since I’ve never considered writers very cool nor have I (luckily) ever worried much about being cool. Especially not now, I mean shoot! a 27 year old girl worrying about her social status noooo thank you.:). I’d rather spend my time reading, writing, or honestly doing anything else. Yuck, even considering that makes me nauseous.So I guess I do have a big feeling about it = disgust.

\n

Therefore, it was encouraging that a writer (we’ll disregard his taste for now) found an alternative way to pursue his goal & used writing as the foundation for achieving his desired result.

\n

\"GG-facebook\"

\n", "excerpt": "

yes, I’m very aware that writing about a silly teeny-bop show will make this post silly and teeny bopperish too. 🙂 Given more time on my hands recently, I’d like to say I’m spending it on more mature, sophisticated things, but let’s be honest: we all need a break. And most of my life these […]

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“We have allot of books in our house.They are our primary decorative motif- books in piles on the coffee table, framed book covers, books sorted into stacks on every available surface and of corse books on shelves along most walls.”- Books & Islands, Louise Erdrich

\n", "excerpt": "

“We have allot of books in our house.They are our primary decorative motif- books in piles on the coffee table, framed book covers, books sorted into stacks on every available surface and of corse books on shelves along most walls.”- Books & Islands, Louise Erdrich

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Today I feel quite inspired. A friend of mine, who was given quite a tough hand, has made the best of it. She was born with the illness Cystic Fibrosis which is a sickness from birth. This I can’t even imagine, but her wit and tenacity has taken her very far She’s an actress after all ☺\t\t

\n

Recently she sent me a very thoughtful, encouraging note and it made me feel wonderful. So now I’m considering (with hope) how to reconstruct my life. For me this means doing things I enjoy (of course) and moving back to the bay. I’ve decided that I need to save some dough. So, that’s ultimately, my first step. \"398010_10151404169705255_560353401_n\"

\n", "excerpt": "

Today I feel quite inspired. A friend of mine, who was given quite a tough hand, has made the best of it. She was born with the illness Cystic Fibrosis which is a sickness from birth. This I can’t even imagine, but her wit and tenacity has taken her very far She’s an actress after […]

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I was inspired yesterday. I watched as my mother worked and thought: I’d love to do something equally as inspiring ☺. She’s a fashion writer and it was fairly easy to imagine myself doing it because I adore clothing and have plenty of opinions about each piece. Therefore, I particularly enjoyed watching her work. Not only does she need to have opinions about clothing, but, she must know what works best on different body types. That part does seem particularly daunting to me. For sure I could help people with bodies built similar to mine, no problem, but other body-types —whew, good luck. That’s a huge learning curve of mine. Not to mention: the colors they prefer and what shades look good on them. I mean I certainly am aware that my blue eyes look good with other blues as well as orange and red (OK I love red so weather that’s just a favorite of mine or looks particularly good on me ☺ we’ll never know).

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Granted, my feelings about red have certainly changed recently, as it’s also the color of blood, outside of the body at least, which makes me very queasy. Blood has even made me faint before! So in 2 extremely different ways, I have a very strong reaction to red. My recent accident certainly didn’t help this. It only acerbated it. It’s funny – I thought perhaps being around plenty of blood would alleviate my phobia but it didn’t ☹ it actually had the opposite effect. I guess this is the definition of a phobia, after all. But back the topic at hand; it was very fun to watch my mom work today. On one side, there’s the clothing and on the other there’s the writing. The writing takes a different skill set. I presume the fashion one is more of a gut instinct, a feeling and perhaps the writing has more rules—grammatical rules, for instance. Either way, I feel quite inspired.

\n", "excerpt": "

I was inspired yesterday. I watched as my mother worked and thought: I’d love to do something equally as inspiring ☺. She’s a fashion writer and it was fairly easy to imagine myself doing it because I adore clothing and have plenty of opinions about each piece. Therefore, I particularly enjoyed watching her work. Not […]

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Today is yet another grateful day! Today I was hanging out on the beach with my mom and auntie Carolyn. This weekend I’m staying in a house, on the beach in Oregon + not only is the house we’re staying at on the water, we’re very close to Cannon Beach. I feel like the natural feedback from feeling the sand and the waves will be valuable. Plus I grew up on an island; being on the beach feels quite natural.

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I recently got a beautiful book called Books & Islands – appropriate no?!? So I’m very excited to read it and discover what it’s about & I already feel like I know it, as I’m a writer who grew up on an island.

\n", "excerpt": "

Today is yet another grateful day! Today I was hanging out on the beach with my mom and auntie Carolyn. This weekend I’m staying in a house, on the beach in Oregon + not only is the house we’re staying at on the water, we’re very close to Cannon Beach. I feel like the natural […]

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This is an old post- written a few weeks ago.

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I’m still in Cali. and feeling fantastic. Today I’m enjoying a cup of mint tea at my favorite cafe – hmmm I don’t know how to put an accent on the e in cafe, but I’m hoping you’ll know what I mean 🙂 It’s very close to my old apt. and a wonderful place to work — which you probably know by how is writing. Quiet and comfy 🙂 They even have sweets that are gluten free– which of course I love :).

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So yes, I’m enjoying this tea with my dad. He’s very lovingly and patiently not trying to speak with me while I’m writing. Actually, he looks quite engrossed in what he’s reading 🙂 so I guess it all works out perfectly.

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I’m excited to see what this day has in store for us.

\n", "excerpt": "

This is an old post- written a few weeks ago. I’m still in Cali. and feeling fantastic. Today I’m enjoying a cup of mint tea at my favorite cafe – hmmm I don’t know how to put an accent on the e in cafe, but I’m hoping you’ll know what I mean 🙂 It’s very […]

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As you may have noticed from my previous posts—I’m very into clothing.  So it’s perfect that 2 of my good friends are making clothing businesses!

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I tend to love vintage clothing in particular A- because I’m very petite, therefore vintage clothing fits better B- these styles are quite unique. There won’t be any duplicates + the colors in style have changed, of course.

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You must be strategic then about the clothes you buy. Another reason I like vintage clothes is because they’re easier on the pocket book. You must know therefore, what you’re looking for (styles, color, etc.) and how much $ you’d like to spend. Ideally, I think it’s wise to have an ideal spending limit + an ultimate spending limit so you know what your guidelines are.

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Then I’d say, start with your favorite store. Make a mental shopping list and when you discover what you’d like to get you’ll automatically know. This encourages you to do a little “happy dance” before purchasing it.

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 Each time you wear a piece you love—celebrate it. Goodness knows, I do 😉 

\n", "excerpt": "

As you may have noticed from my previous posts—I’m very into clothing.  So it’s perfect that 2 of my good friends are making clothing businesses! I tend to love vintage clothing in particular A- because I’m very petite, therefore vintage clothing fits better B- these styles are quite unique. There won’t be any duplicates + […]

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My friends are starting fashion businesses-which I’ll say I don’t mind AT ALL! I’m quite excited to peruse their collections 🙂 because they both have beautiful taste. And they’re not in competition with each other, which makes my life soooo much easier. 1 is going to design and the other is going to be a personal stylist who lends clothing to clients for however long they choose. I think they can choose anywhere between 1-4 weeks.

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I’m quite impressed not only with what they’re doing but also with their creative thoughts.  I think it’s funny too, since they’re not connected at all—they’re even in different places .One is my friend from HS who now lives in NYC the other is my friend who lives in SF. I met her in SF a couple years ago working with her and her bro on yoga mat bags—one of my other great passions 🙂 So really, I’m just contented, fulfilled with both my love of clothing & yoga. I guess all that’s left is music. I do realize that 1 person meeting all of these marks would be quite challenging!! OK I guess you can add writing in there as well I mean shoot! I’m showing u how much I care about that right now 🙂

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My friends are starting fashion businesses-which I’ll say I don’t mind AT ALL! I’m quite excited to peruse their collections 🙂 because they both have beautiful taste. And they’re not in competition with each other, which makes my life soooo much easier. 1 is going to design and the other is going to be a […]

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I feel very fulfilled today. I’m in Cali, which feels very organic. Yes, I’m quite aware I didn’t grow up in Cali but it feels very natural now, Today was such a treat 🙂 I was able to see my great friend Zoe & seeing her felt like reconnecting. We had great fun at the river- both wading and talking. She even did me a great service by telling me that the day before the accident I was quite worried for my safety. I asked her if I could sleep in her cabin, since I was worried that there were venomous spiders in my cabin. So even though I had the antagonist wrong, I knew something dangerous would happen. And sure enough, it did! It’s a bit ironic because even though I would never recommend this to anyone, I do think it may have brought me enlightenment. I was very prepared too to go through this, just being at the (ha I call it the yoga farm but I’m aware the Sanctuary is the real name 😉 so I was in fantastic shape. We’d been working out everyday + eating no meet and meditating each day. So, both my mind and body were prepared. Appropriate no!!?

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I feel very fulfilled today. I’m in Cali, which feels very organic. Yes, I’m quite aware I didn’t grow up in Cali but it feels very natural now, Today was such a treat 🙂 I was able to see my great friend Zoe & seeing her felt like reconnecting. We had great fun at the […]

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As you may be able to tell, I’ve become pretty obsessed with meaning, of all kinds, now. So today, in that vein, I looked up my Kundali birth chart.

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One thing it said, that I found particularly interesting, was this: If they have an accident, it usually affects the head area

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Ha! How appropriate and accurate for me 🙂

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Here’s the site- I wonder if it will keep my specif info for you. If not you should def find your chart. rest

\n", "excerpt": "

As you may be able to tell, I’ve become pretty obsessed with meaning, of all kinds, now. So today, in that vein, I looked up my Kundali birth chart. One thing it said, that I found particularly interesting, was this: If they have an accident, it usually affects the head area Ha! How appropriate and […]

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Hello 🙂

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Today’s a good day— I can feel it- watch, check in with me tonight and I might be whistling a different tune 😉 But yes, today is a good day — I’m going to go with that 1. After all, I’ve been through enough the past many months, so I have to hope that’s it. Common sense tells us that their’s got to be a reaction to every action, so I’m hoping this reaction is a positive 1. I guess this entire experience is an action…though I find it pretty improbable that you’d go to a yoga retreat and end up with a head injury…very improbable in fact! That seems just about nuts. To me, yoga is about health and peace. Therefore, I’ve decided to carry on that tradition 🙂

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Today I will go to a coffee shop in Capitol Hill (my old neighborhood) and enjoy a cafe and read. Besides writing, reading is my other favorite thing (not too surprising I guess- but also VERY lucky 🙂 I’m sure seeing capitol hill will remind me of SF- after all, I’m already thinking about it! I really miss that place. Don’t get me wrong, I love Seattle, I’m very happy to be here, but SF is my adult home. I mean, I even went to college in Seattle. It’s not as though I graduated from nigh-school and flew the coop.

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But I do love to travel, so even though SF feels like home now, I’ve been all over the place. Europe being my fave- I mean they have beautiful clothing that fit’s me perfectly. See I’m a petite lil girl 🙂 and in Europe, people seem to be smaller, so I feel right at home ;). Not to mention most of their restaurants have outdoor terraces so you can enjoy the sun, trees, and architectural beauty- in Europe this “architectural beauty” is everywhere. People will meet for a meal or cup of coffee/tea and just gab! Any culture that works gossip into their daily repertoire I adore. Yes, I feel quite comfy there. But again, I must go back to SF because it just feels like home. When you can feel at peace and simultaneously inspired in a place, well nothing’s better.

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I’m excited tho to get coffee today. I was never a coffee- aholic but my mom’s being extra careful to ensure I don’t develop any addictions. I (luckily!) don’t feel like I ever had a addictive personality. However, I do see the tendency. After-all, it’s as though everything’s new now. So one 1 hand, this is wonderful, on the other, I do see how things could be extra tantalizing.

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So I think, I need to 1. Enjoy my self and 2. Be safe. Make wise and healthy decisions :). That not only seems wise for right now, but ever.You always want to have fun/enjoy yourself & be safe.

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\n", "excerpt": "

Hello 🙂 Today’s a good day— I can feel it- watch, check in with me tonight and I might be whistling a different tune 😉 But yes, today is a good day — I’m going to go with that 1. After all, I’ve been through enough the past many months, so I have to hope […]

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\n\t\t\n\t\t

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"URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/06/27/roxys-restaurant/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-2Z", "content": "

\"decent-food-good-helpings\"Where: Fremont, Seattle

\n

I must have been here before. A restaurant with delicious dishes & art—perfect for me! They have signs that are quite progressive too, which I love. For instance, there is 1 sign that basically says quick weddings, people of any gender accepted. Meaning that women could marry other women and men could marry other men. I strongly believe this. Of course, according to me: the strongest indicator is love, not gender. I really do believe that gender isn’t important, as long as people love each other they’re meant to be.

\n

OK what really matters in a restaurant, of course, is how good their food is! And coming from an ex-waitress/person w/ food restrictions (no dairy, no gluten which means French food, sadly, is way out) I can tell you their food was delicious 🙂 I avoided the toast (of course) but their potatoes and eggs were more than enough. It was a super satisfying morning for me. It seemed my mom (who was my eating companion) was very pleased too.

\n

I highly recommend it to anyone in the Seattle area who wants some delicious food.

\n

 

\n", "excerpt": "

Where: Fremont, Seattle I must have been here before. A restaurant with delicious dishes & art—perfect for me! They have signs that are quite progressive too, which I love. For instance, there is 1 sign that basically says quick weddings, people of any gender accepted. Meaning that women could marry other women and men could […]

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"2014-06-22T19:39:53-07:00", "modified": "2025-06-16T16:21:42-07:00", "title": "A beautiful poem from a great friend of mine :)", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/06/22/a-beautiful-poem-from-a-great-friend-of-mine/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-2O", "content": "

Olivia is graceful, thoughtful, genuine

\n

Wondrous is her positive spirit.

\n

Send her all your love, for she will heal quickly, and float in the river as she loves to.

\n

She is a child of the universe. As she turns to lock eyes, She’s shining.

\n

Her smile and laughter beams with spectacular love.

\n

Olivia’s words and voice calm.

\n

Her scent is of Rosemary.

\n

She helps you to feel the magic in human beings.

\n

We strive to have the brilliant qualities that are within her.

\n

I hope she knows

\n

how incredible she is

\n

That she remembers how we feel about her.

\n", "excerpt": "

Olivia is graceful, thoughtful, genuine Wondrous is her positive spirit. Send her all your love, for she will heal quickly, and float in the river as she loves to. She is a child of the universe. As she turns to lock eyes, She’s shining. Her smile and laughter beams with spectacular love. Olivia’s words and […]

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Wow I think I’ve opened a public journal, and even though I realize this, I really don’t know how, and I have very little incentive, to change it.

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I have very little to say today, but I felt like I would love to write. Wow, I feel like this sentence is a repeat.If it is, I’m very sorry for the repeat plus unexciting post.

\n

Today I feel excited for the solstice parade and celebrating summer. I love summer, despite my light skin and being from Seattle (one of the rainiest cities in the US) I even moved to SF recently (another rainy city). I guess this climate just makes me feel comfy. It makes it pretty impossible to burn (after-all) and my love of clothes is very supported. You will need more clothes, the colder the climate is. I love having a climate-supported wardrobe 🙂

\n

OK guess that’s it for now. Wish I could say something more exciting but unfortunately I’ve got nothing. 

\n", "excerpt": "

Wow I think I’ve opened a public journal, and even though I realize this, I really don’t know how, and I have very little incentive, to change it. I have very little to say today, but I felt like I would love to write. Wow, I feel like this sentence is a repeat.If it is, […]

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\"Standstill\"Ok I’ll be the first to admit that I’m all over the place—my last post was Thank you and this one is about to be…quite different. You learn a lot (at least I have learned allot) when people in your life believe you can’t remember much. Little do they know, and I would really tell them if I knew exactly how it works, that though I forget allot I can also remember certain things quite well. It’s a big fat mystery (one I wish I could solve).

\n

So yes, some people in particular have chosen to show me their true colors and though I’m a smidge tempted to say: I completely get this, I’m also quite tempted to say: screw it! Because if I don’t stick up for myself, then, who will!?! The unfortunate answer to this question is not one I like—at all. I’m quite stuck as to how to proceed, since I honestly can’t think of a 100% safe and positive way. And I really dislike being at a standstill.

\n", "excerpt": "

Ok I’ll be the first to admit that I’m all over the place—my last post was Thank you and this one is about to be…quite different. You learn a lot (at least I have learned allot) when people in your life believe you can’t remember much. Little do they know, and I would really tell […]

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"edit_post": false }, "other_URLs": {} }, { "ID": 131, "site_ID": 52768499, "author": { "ID": 15363784, "login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2014-06-19T18:18:21-07:00", "modified": "2014-06-19T18:18:21-07:00", "title": "Thank you", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2014/06/19/thank-you/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-27", "content": "

Let me tell you I feel very fortunate. I’m able to appreciate everyone in my life more now, well because of time, but also because of my near-death experience. WOW that is way more dramatic then I’d like to be but honestly it puts everything in great visibility.

\n

I have wonderful parents. They’re seriously awesome and a great blend of being on top of everything and being flexible. I really appreciate all of these things but especially living at home now— at 27.  Both are necessary and make my feel like an adult, which I now feel the need to remind people fairly constantly.

\n

Besides my parents I also LOVE some people I’ve worked with. I feel particularly lucky now in particular as I work with wonderful women. One woman is a health professor at Harvard and it’s been such a gift to work with her, as she understands very well what I’m going through. The other women I’ve worked with before are a yoga teacher and a singer. A singer and a yogi this feels very nurturing for me. As you may be able to imagine: in yoga I’m now quite worried about hitting my head (well I did that once and it hasn’t turned out great at all…) And as far as singing… I always had a quiet voice, almost sing-songy I’m tempted to say :), but now (with the tracheotomy and all I’m almost silent.) Of course I don’t feel silent but that may not be the case :/. So it’s been wonderful to work with these women.

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            And of course my friends are wonderful and have been extremely supportive during this whole thing! Friends in Seattle and even friends from around the world who’ve visited me in Seattle. The other day I went to SF and got to see my friends there too, which of course I’m biased to :). I mean there’s a very clear reason I loved SF so much! I can’t wait to go back to visit, But mostly I can’t wait to move back. I just feel like it really is my home. I have to say: where I end up moving in SF I really don’t care. Perhaps naively, I honestly believe everything will turn out great.

\n", "excerpt": "

Let me tell you I feel very fortunate. I’m able to appreciate everyone in my life more now, well because of time, but also because of my near-death experience. WOW that is way more dramatic then I’d like to be but honestly it puts everything in great visibility. I have wonderful parents. They’re seriously awesome […]

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I looove yoga. I’m not a fan of treadmills or other kinds of work out BUT I think of yoga as very different. As opposed to a style of workout I tend to think of yoga as a way to relax and get more in touch with your feelings. It feels very expressive and artistic too 🙂 The other day I enjoyed a particular practice: I put the palm up, then I brought fingers in one at a time. Then we made sure my toes were raised so I could feel the pads of my feet rooted into the ground. We also, during the session, managed looking different places – so I would turn my head to the right and look to the left    

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That was awesome- I could certainly feel how that was working my right and left brain! So appropriate for anyone, but particularly me right now.

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If you enjoy dancing like me, then you’ll also enjoy yoga, I think.  

\n", "excerpt": "

I looove yoga. I’m not a fan of treadmills or other kinds of work out BUT I think of yoga as very different. As opposed to a style of workout I tend to think of yoga as a way to relax and get more in touch with your feelings. It feels very expressive and artistic […]

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\n

 

\n

OK now I’m kind of obsessed with words. So writing and singing are the end all be all for me. But 2 of my friends are dancers and I love to dance!  Tonight I went to an awesome performance of one of my mom’s friend’s that was so much fun. So this has got me thinking—shoot! Why not dance?  I’ve also thought about being a therapist (inspired by a certain someone 😉 and learning to play the ukulele. I mean what’s more appropriate for a little person than a little guitar!?! I’ve got to say this artist section of my healing journey is pretty awesome. Granted, my parents have had to warn me about choosing things that are expensive. I’m a bit too tempted these days :/ Other than that huge potential pitfall, I think this latest stage of the journey is great. I’m also wondering what language I should learn next. (As I said I’m a huge word fiend) Since I’ve practiced both French and Spanish I’m thinking next it might be fun & useful to learn Chinese. Though I do think this is a lofty goal. It’d probably be wise to practice the languages I’ve already learned first. Yes, unfortunately they’re a bit more difficult for me now as well. But shoot! But nothing can get me down now, so I won’t let this  change that! Yes that’s certainly the stance I’ve chosen. 

\n", "excerpt": "

    OK now I’m kind of obsessed with words. So writing and singing are the end all be all for me. But 2 of my friends are dancers and I love to dance!  Tonight I went to an awesome performance of one of my mom’s friend’s that was so much fun. So this has […]

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\n

Witchy Woman.

\n

 

\n

My friend with green eye shadow and pink pants

\n

 

\n

You are more than my soul listener now

\n

 

\n

You are mother to Arora, goddess of the dawn.

\n

 

\n

You were always mom

\n

 

\n

Brewing tea and cooking frittatas

\n

 

\n

Watching without judgment

\n

 

\n

Sprawling in the grass.

\n

 

\n

 

\n

I know what it feels like

\n

 

\n

to fall into your parachute

\n

 

\n

To find it just below me

\n

 

\n

gentle and sturdy.

\n

 

\n

 

\n

Now your child has arrived.

\n

 

\n

A gifted baby

\n

 

\n

Anointed by sunbeams

\n

 

\n

Awakened by the moon.

\n

 

\n

 

\n

You will see to it

\n

 

\n

This daughter of the universe

\n

 

\n

Knows her gifts

\n

 

\n

Acting exactly as you are.

\n

 

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\n", "excerpt": "

  Witchy Woman.   My friend with green eye shadow and pink pants   You are more than my soul listener now   You are mother to Arora, goddess of the dawn.   You were always mom   Brewing tea and cooking frittatas   Watching without judgment   Sprawling in the grass.     I know what […]

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The peaches are ripe as momma cats ’round here! So we adopted 4 kittens and made a cute -as-can-be peach cobbler to celebrate. The quaker family we relieved of half a tabby litter and the drooping peach trea wiped their brows as we danced off, juice dripping down our forearms, into a sunset of orange, brown and white baby fur.

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Here’s Sola – napping in the greenhouse.

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\"IMG_0658\"

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And here’s the recipe for Naomi’s cute-as-can-be cobbler, which is easy, vegan, gluten free and AAAmazingly delicious. Also – not terribly bad for you.

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Ingredients:

\n

1 cup walnuts
\n1 cup pecans
\n1 cup almond meal
\n3 tablespoons maple syrup
\n1 tablespoon grape seed oil
\n1 cup cashews, soaked for an hour or more in 1/2 cup water
\n2 mejhool dates
\n2 teaspoons vanilla
\nA big bowl full of fresh, skinned & sliced peaches (best when chilled for a few in the fridge)

\n

Process:

\n

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

\n

2. Combine walnuts, pecans, almond meal, grapeseed oil and 2 tablespoons maple syrup in a food processor. Flip the switch for a couple brief spins until all is combined and you still have a few nice chunks in there.

\n

3. Spread your crumble mixture onto a lightly greased baking sheet and pop it in the oven. Set a timer for 10 minutes, then check on it — may need a stir and another round of 10 minutes in the heat to realize that ideal toast.

\n

4. Rinse our your food processor and pour those soaking cashews in alongside the dates, vanilla and 1 tablespoon maple syrup. Blend until smooth and creamy. Taste test to see if a dash of cinnamon or a bit more syrup is to your liking. Refrigerate for 20 minutes.

\n

5. Plop those juicy peaches in your bowl,  let loose a handful of crumble over them and  dollop that delectable cashew cream on top. Sprinkle a few more crumbly bits in finale.

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* Fun fact: According to Ayurvedic medicine, it’s best for digestion to eat dessert first. Can’t argue with age-old wisdom.

\n

\"IMG_0670\"

\n", "excerpt": "

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"login": "bobdylanblog", "email": false, "name": "bobdylanblog", "first_name": "Olivia", "last_name": "Coleman", "nice_name": "bobdylanblog", "URL": "http://bobdylanblog.wordpress.com", "avatar_URL": "https://1.gravatar.com/avatar/ad224793e3ab453a9d1d3d738c426b0921b08b8142e054b0877ddb245f29adfd?s=96&d=identicon&r=G", "profile_URL": "https://gravatar.com/bobdylanblog", "site_ID": 52768499 }, "date": "2013-06-25T01:27:33+00:00", "modified": "2025-06-16T15:02:05-07:00", "title": "A Day in Yogi Land", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/a-day-in-yogi-land/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/p3zpuP-l", "content": "

\"ScreenOn days when my dreams don’t wake me first, an electronic DING! DING! DING! does the job. I rise without resistance (except for mornings after moonlit canyon walks), swallow a vitamin and pull on my rose linen sweater. It smells of ginger, Palo Santo, Burts Bees bug spray and resurrected love.

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I leave my little cabin and step into mom’s black-strap Merrylls, which sit expectantly on the door mat. A stop ‘round back relieves my bladder and offers a chance to admire purple flowers opening under the pink/blue sky.

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I shuffle the short journey to our canopy and practice the Tibetan Rights. This series of 5 stretches originates from monks in the hills of Tibet who often live well past 100. The practice – known as “youthing” – is said to stimulate mental, physical and emotional health by activating the 7 key chakras and the body’s endocrine system.

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Naomi, the sanctuary’s 83 year-old co-director, completes the prescribed 21 sets each morning. I can barely finish 10. It’s a process, she assures me. Am I humbled? Certainly. But Naomi’s not your typical grandma. Spritely and wise she spends her days with a revolving group of young seekers from around the world.

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Fifteen minutes of bridges, bends and leg lifts lend peace to the following hour of meditation. Thoughts still bounce ‘round my brain though – as I move through the 3-tiered process of quieting prescribed by Yogananda: equal count breathing, mantra repetition and ultimately, stillness.

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On a good day I leave the temple feeling clumsily light, heart swelling with gratitude and wonder. I notice new details of the garden: the wood grain of a fence, the slight expression of a statue, as if they’ve just emerged.

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A walk to our outdoor kitchen, an island amidst flowers, fruit, veggies and herbs yields a fist of fennel, rosemary and mint. A few slices of ginger and a squeeze of lemon complete my concoction. I sit across from Zoe as the first streams of sun warm our book-wielding forearms and await the kettle’s fit.

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We share the morning’s discoveries and warm our palms on the porcelain ‘til 7:30 when she leads our community in asanas. We summon father sun to our hilltop canopy with salutations. He complies, warming our expanding hips and brightening our egos with laughter as we topple from dancer pose.

\n

An hour and a half flows swiftly until waves of release are rolling through my body in shivasana. I awaken my fingers and toes with little wriggles and roll left, toward the strengthened sun, strong and hot. Yogananda believes we lie on our left side to receive divine goodness.

\n

I breathe in the warmth, trying not to let breakfast’s foreshadow eclipse this final fetal rest. But the neighbor-gifted nectarines, beds of bursting kale and farm-fresh eggs sink steadily into awareness.  The food here is incredible and the tribe’s knowledge of it inspiring.

\n

\"Screen

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Vegan chocolate mouse, Sweet potato hash, heirloom and avocado salad, banana, walnut, maca smoothies, tomato corn curry, apricot jam, cauliflower mash, pesto filled zucchini boats… (I have to stop now, I’m getting too excited) are among the daily kitchen endeavors. This city, grab tacos on the way girl, is learning a lot.

\n

After the feast, elbows deeps in bubbles, we talk of tasks for the day. Seva (selfless service) looks like weeding, harvesting food, clearing trails and building straw bale huts. Because of my experience on the interweb, I spend some time on the computer too, editing the website, writing blogs and creating facebook content.

\n

We work until 3 or so – with the occasional musical interlude. A couple hours of free time finds me writing, reading, singing alongside our growing percussion section or – if it’s a squelcher – “we go down to the river to pray, learnin’ bout the lord and that good ‘ol way…” (Ever heard that soul-song?) We sing it on our trek to the Yuba, where we dive off rocks and float our faces to the sky.

\n

The duo on dinner duty convenes for a creative pow-wow ‘round 5 while the rest take turns showering with speckled frogs whose hind legs jiggle when they jump. The water is solar heated, the hilltop view luxurious. I scrub my calloused feet with a pumice stone stolen from a trail on a Butte in Bend and remember the hour Ali, Logan, Yoann and I spent soaking in those Oregon hot springs. \"Screen

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Dinner is alive with Zoe’s puns, Patrick’s gourmet sauce and stories of otherworldly adventures. We sit long and savor the wind-down before rising for Satsang – the formal learning chapter of our day. Jamie teaches us of Chakras and we read about Ama, the hugging saint. Often a joyous & inspirational youtube clip caps our session – EX: the 80’s all-star collaboration of We Are the World.

\n

Our clamoring rendition stretches the manzanita lined trail back from Jamie’s cabin. We teeter over lichen covered rocks and dodge sprigs of poison oak to return whence we came – the temple. Jamie usually beats us, (his footsteps the original trail) and by the time I slip my shoes off, the harmonium is breathing sweetly, inspiring our Sanskrit song. I close my eyes and straighten my sway-back, then offer my love to the Big Love. “Thank you,” I say. “This is perfect.”

\n", "excerpt": "

On days when my dreams don’t wake me first, an electronic DING! DING! DING! does the job. I rise without resistance (except for mornings after moonlit canyon walks), swallow a vitamin and pull on my rose linen sweater. It smells of ginger, Palo Santo, Burts Bees bug spray and resurrected love. I leave my little […]

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"modified": "2025-06-18T16:12:36-07:00", "title": "110°", "URL": "https://oliviacolemandotorg.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/110/", "short_URL": "https://wp.me/s3zpuP-110", "content": "

\"apricot\"

\n

What do yogi-hippie-farmers do in 110° heat? We bake gluten free banana-apricot bread in the solar oven of course.

\n

Step 1: Shake the apricot tree ’till the ripe ones drop.

\n

Step 2: Throw the dry stuff in 1 bowl, wet stuff in another (substituting maple syrup for sugar and ghee for butter).

\n

Step 3: Chop those juicy, just fallen, apricots! Nibble a little. Suck down the still-sun-warm juice.

\n

Step 4:  Mash those pungent over-ripe bananas! Delight in the gloppy ooze tubing up between your fingers.

\n

Step 5: Combine everything. It all belongs to the one big-love-loaf of banana-apricot bread. Ommmm

\n

Step 6: Spatula that goodness into a cast-iron skillet

\n

Step 7: Walk yourself past the apple trees and around the dining canopy until you reach the large wood box insulated with foil. Slide that glass-pane top over a foot and set the doughy masterpiece down.

\n

Step 7: Stick your finger in for one last taste and surrender to the sun.

\n

Step 8: Weed the tomato bed, practice your headstand, harvest the green beens, contemplate wise words of a whirling dervish and check back.

\n

Behold – chewy on the outside, fluffy on the inside dessert that doubles as breakfast.

\n

\"banana

\n

This recipe works almost as well in a conventional oven 😉 and will win the hearts of your gluten free friends. Find the full recipe here.

\n", "excerpt": "

What do yogi-hippie-farmers do in 110° heat? We bake gluten free banana-apricot bread in the solar oven of course. Step 1: Shake the apricot tree ’till the ripe ones drop. Step 2: Throw the dry stuff in 1 bowl, wet stuff in another (substituting maple syrup for sugar and ghee for butter). Step 3: Chop those […]

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\"Silence\"

\n

Tonight I begin my first silent retreat. For the next three days I’ll sit, swim, meditate and practice yoga but I won’t talk. I won’t read either – or go online, or listen to music. I’ll limit output and intake to offer my body, mind, spirit an opportunity to cleanse.

\n

I picked up the kitchen copy of Tao Te Ching a few moments ago and found this morsel:

\n

Those who know don’t talk
\nthose who talk don’t know. 

\n

Close your mouth 
\nblock off your senses
\nblunt your sharpness
\nuntie your knots
\nsoften your glare
\nsettle your dust.
\nThis is the primal identity.

\n

Be like the Tao.
\nIt can’t be approached or withdrawn from,
\nbenefitted or harmed, 
\nhonored or brought into disgrace.

\n

It gives itself up continually. 
\nThat is why it endures. 

\n

I offered a dribble of apricot juice to the page, in thanks.

\n", "excerpt": "

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